Playing CatchUp and Workshop Update

Well, there sure was a whirlwind of activity around here for a couple of days!! I am still trying to clear out my Inbox and reply to all the comments. As always happens when you get a sudden explosion of hits on your blog, now my expectations are raised and anything less than 5000 hits is a disappointment. I will adjust back down like I always do. I remember the first time I had a jump like that, I had something like 750 hits in one day, I soon discovered James had found my blog and had spent a whole day reading my blog and he was responsible for about 700 of the hits. LOL

Another time it was something I had reblogged so I really couldn’t get too excited about it but I did get s few more followers out of it and that is always going to increase readership. This time though it was on my own merits which is especially rewarding. I mean there are blogs getting thousands of hits a day on a regular basis, this is just my personal best and that is what I strive for anyway. I am not a competitive person, not with other people. For me, even when I was weight training, or mowing the lawn, I always challenge myself to do better than last time. mow the lawn faster, lift more weight than the last time, I always want to do better, beat my personal best, so every time I raise the bar I try harder to beat myself, I am never good enough in my own mind. I am not sure if that is a good thing, I put a lot of pressure on myself that way.

Anyway, things have slowed down to a manageable pace again and I wanted to bring everyone up to speed. The workshop I keep speaking about, Finding Inner peace and setting healthy boundaries without being plagued with guilt is going to start a week later than planned because of the last few days sidetracking me.  So there is still time to sign up if you are interested.

To join the workshop you just have to use the Donate button and in the explanation put “workshop”, the cost is $30 per month. If you find you only need one month that is all you pay for but if you find it helpful you can sign up for month two. You will receive a weekly email with exercises to work on to increase your self awareness and deal with that tiny voice that keeps telling you that your are not enough, I will walk you step by step through the process I took to reach inner peace no matter what is going on in my life.  I will have a separate passworded forum where I will be live for 2 hours a day to answer questions and where everyone taking the workshop can support each other; which will only be accessible to those people who signed up for the workshop.

I will do up a separate post with more details but you can sign up now if you are so inclined.

I am excited about my upcoming book. I have decided to do a 3 part series of books.

The first one is titled “No Reim’er Reason” and will be a short recap of my story and excerpts from Lady With a Truck, my best posts and answering real questions and the answers I have given on here and Quora.  questions like, “How do I make the narcissist love me?”, “How to I make the narcissist pay for what he has done?” “What is a narcissist?” “Does the narcissist ever apologize?” and many many more.

The second book will be “Reim’er Reason” and that one will be more focused on healing after the narcissist and what victims can do to stay no contact, stop obsessing about the narcissist, stay safe after leaving the narcissist, inner self reflection and steps to take to become healthy and never get sucked in by one again.

And the last will be “More Reim’er Reason” and that will be wrapping it all up with a nice little bow. I am not sure what all it will contain, I was thinking maybe success stories of people who survived and are leading happy lives and their journey of healing and anything I missed in the first two books. Who knows what I will have to share by that time, life is one big lesson and everyday I learn something new.

I am working on some ideas and trying to partner with one of my favorite life coaches about developing a program but I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag just yet, it is all very new and just in the conception stage.

Aside from that, I was busy cleaning for my step brother yesterday; every time anyone in my family moves they hire me to clean their old place, which I really appreciate. I gives me some cash. I got home and was dead tired, went to bed early and was woken up by something walking on the roof of my stateroom, something with claws that clicked on the fiberglass. I did a mental inventory of what windows were open and was briefly relieved that I had closed all the windows because it has been raining lately. Then I heard “it” right at a long narrow window I always leave open for cross ventilation, it is big enough for a rat to slide through.

I banged on the ceiling, all the while trying to wake Stella up, I am “Stella, stella, wake up, stella” and poking and prodding her to no avail. Then there was a loud thud! loud enough that it woke Stella up and she jumped to the foot of the bed and sniffed the air. I said, “Go check Stella, go! what’s out there?” She took one look at me and hid her face in my armpit, pushed her body tight up against mine and went back to sleep.

Great!!

I stared at the bedroom door until I finally dozed off and woke up a few hours later to pelting rain and darkness. I thought I could hear something chewing but it was impossible to know for sure with the rain so loud on the roof. Finally it got light outside and Stella ventured out of the bedroom only to come right back and hide in my armpit again. I climbed out and got my phone, laptop and shoes and coat. (just in case I had to make a run for it) and fell back to sleep. About 9 the rain stopped and my neighbor was out putting tarps on his boat so I went out and mentioned I wasn’t sure if a rat got in the boat or not. The dog food had not been touched which indicated to me there was no rat. He agreed, whew!! he came in and checked out the muddy little foot prints along the open window and agreed with me again that it looked like a raccoon had been reaching in through the window.

I still have yet to venture into the V berth and have just been doing my emails etc.

I wanted to get this post off because we have no power, the winds are unreal and the boats are tossing to and fro, I don’t know when I will have power again so if I have not replied to a comment you have made, bare with me. I am having technical difficulties and the blog will resume asap.

have a great day!! The saga of my life continues!!

SpyWare On Your Cell Phone Is Cheaper and Easier Than You Think

I happened upon this website today while searching for something else and it is damn scary!!

I knew James hacked into my phone a couple of years ago but I could never prove it and I knew a lot people didn’t really believe me. Now I have found the website where you can buy the app. and it only costs $27 and you can hack into anyone’s phone from any distance, any country, and there is no way they can detect it or trace anything back to you.

All you have to do is call their number, they don’t even have to answer and you are hooked up to their phone. Your phone beeps whenever they receive or make a call or text. You have access to all their contacts, photos, text messages, anything they have stored on their phone. PLUS even when they are not using their phone you can turn their phone on and us it as a bugging device to hear all their conversations, if their phone has GPS you can track where they are at all times.

THAT my dear friends is scary!! all for a mere $27 dollars. Here is the website, go have a look for yourself.

http://cell-spy-stealth.com/

Be very careful about what you say, type and store on your cell phone! narcissists/psychopaths are all over this kind of stalking. I don’t mean to scare you but the damage they  can do is immeasurable, take it from someone who knows.

I Am Giddy!! The Blog Broke All Records

After I wrote that letter and Monday came around and it had the desired effect and people were being so nice to me I felt like something shifted. I have had inner peace about how I live my life, but I obviously was still hesitant to stand up for myself and the wounds were fresh enough still from James that my wounds bled when the scab was ripped off.

But Tuesday I woke up with no pains, refreshed, lighter, freer, and more confident and just more at peace. Then the neighbor offered to keep stella if I ever needed extended care for her and I had just been worried about what to do with her the night before. There was nothing earth shattering that happened just little coincidence? karma at work, laws of attraction? who knows but I felt more myself than I have in many years.

One thing that should not be noteworthy but is;

I want to live, I don’t want to die and I care about whether I die or not. I know that sounds depressing or morbid but there was a time not that long ago that I wanted to die in the worst way, then I decided to live but I was not real happy about it and if I was in an accident and happened to die, it was fine by me. Then I got to the point where I was excited about life, didn’t want to die but if I did I was content to go. But this week I really want to live! I am excited about the future and eager to take some chances and throw caution to the wind and let life take me wherever it decides I need to go.

I went to visit a friend in Mission last might, dropped off some stuff at my brother’s and gave him a hug and said I love you because he is going to be out on his boat alone for a month with his two dogs. He said I looked great!! and I felt great. When I got home I went on the blog and as usual I checked my stats for the day and had to take a double take. I checked to make sure I was on the right blog (like how would I get into anyone else’s?) I had the most hits I have ever had yesterday by A LOT!

My best day was almost two years ago and it was the day I reblogged someone else’s post so I have a hard time taking credit for that; I got around 3700 hits. I average between 1500 and 2000 hits a day normally and yesterday I got 5185!! My Law Of Attraction post got over 3200 hits alone!! Rather interesting seeing as just the other night I looked at my  stats and thought, ‘I wonder what it will take to break my last best day? I am happy with the traffic I get but it would just be nice to get the thrill of breaking a personal record again!

and BOOM !! it happens. haha!! too cool!!

Law Of Attraction Is Powerful – Don’t Make The Same Mistake I Did

ice and fireBe careful what you think about, it just might manifest itself! and when I say “mistake” I am not saying I am sorry it turned out the way it did really, I just would have worked more on improving MY life and not thought about him at all. But what is done is done and I shall pass it along in hopes you learn from my err of judgment.

This post is about how I accidentally manifested the other woman for my then narcissistic partner.

I didn’t know I was doing it, manifesting I mean; I was actually trying to make myself feel better. Telling myself that it would impossible for my ex to ever find the type of woman he needed to be happy.

After years of never jumping high enough, dancing fast enough, giving enough blow jobs, always being told I created drama and we all know how much the narcissist hates conflict! Him sabotaging my jobs yet going on rants and rages about how much money I was costing him. Sabotaging my truck and then complaining bitterly about having to rescue me when my truck broke down. Him literally refusing to buy food and me having to eat porridge for a week while he ate out everyday and brought take out home for himself or handed me a take out container with the left overs of his burger in it and expect me to be thankful that he “bought me supper”. No, you just handed me your garbage, I would rather starve than eat your soggy French fries. Then we would finally get groceries and I would make supper and he would go on and on about how it was about time I cooked a decent meal!

When he would go on one of his rants about how ungrateful I was and it was “over” he had had enough of “this” I would console myself with thoughts of exactly what kind of woman would make him happy.

For one thing she would have to have enough money to keep him in the life style he wanted to live and carry him whenever he got fired, which was every few months BUT she would have to be independently wealthy because he would not want her working. He was younger than me, so only 45 at the time, not so easy to find a financially independent woman at that age who doesn’t need to work.

But even if he did manage to find one she had better not have children because he would not like sharing her attention with kids and there really should not be an ex husband either because that would just be one more person occupying her time. While we are at it, it would be best if she didn’t have pets either because James always bitched that I loved Kato (my dog) more than him, and cooked the dog better meals. (I knew the dog would be home for supper.)

She would have to have been raised by wolves or in a convent because she would have to be very naïve and gullible to put up with the 2nd On-line life he led. She could not be an independent strong woman, which is getting harder to find these days; she would have to be a woman who loved to cater to a man and put herself last and she would have to not have any needs, desires, or dreams of her own and live only to please him.
By the time I would go through the whole list of prerequisites any woman would have to possess to be with him I was confident;  he would never find a woman better than me.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this imaginary woman and by the time I left him I was fairly confident he would not be finding a woman to take my place any time soon. After all, he had been fired for stealing again, owned nothing, not a stick of furniture, nothing. Did not have a dime and drove an old car with a broken windshield that was actually in MY name.  He was a slob who showered rarely and always looked like he rolled in something that didn’t smell good. Who would want him? Why did I want him? I didn’t, I told myself. He will regret the day he lost me, I was sure of that. No other woman would put up with what I had, no woman!!

Quite by accident one day while searching the net to see if he had posted those videos he had secretly taped of us having sex, I came across his blog. He even stated in his blog that he was going to pick 10 women on Plenty Of Fish and by process of elimination narrow it down to 2 or 3 and then see which one worked the hardest to get him. How cocky of him!! I still consoled myself with thoughts of the this nonexistence woman he would have to find to be happy.

He wrote about these women who took him out for supper and then went home with him and screwed his brains out. What was wrong with these women? Did they have no pride? But they all worked, they had kids, they had ex husbands.

I hate to admit it but I was still seeing him at least once a week, not having sex with him and not allowing him to come to where I lived but seeing him none the less. We had been for dinner one night (yes I bought him dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant, shoot me!) he was very loving and walked me to my truck, kissed me good night and said he loved me. He was supposed to be leaving the province in a week or two for a job and I was looking forward to him being out of sight out of mind.

The next day the police called to see if I knew where my car was because it was parked on the corner of such a such street with the keys in it. The cop told me he had seen it parked there many times and they were not going to tow it, they just wanted to make sure I knew where it was. Strange.

I went up and discovered he was seeing a married woman, long story short I almost drove over him with my truck but got my wits about me in time. I was shattered again. The next day he took great pleasure in telling me that he had moved in with the “love of his life” and it was not the married woman. He had left her house and driven straight to another woman’s house and broke down in her driveway and was now living there.

He could barely contain his glee as he told me all about her. First thing he said was, “She’s a widow.” Well no, that is not the very first thing he said. he started the conversation by saying he was now semi-retired. THEN he said she was a widow, and the exact same age as him, their birthdays were 2 weeks apart. He went on, she owned her home, rented out the top half and living in the bottom half. He was driving her brand new Honda Pilot, she owned holiday property on a west coast island, she didn’t have children, didn’t have pets, had never worked and always been a house wife, she had a very sheltered upbringing and was very naïve. When he was late she cooked supper and left it wrapped in cellophane on the counter for him. She was frugal and still owned her first set of pots and pans (like I give a damn!)

As he listed off all her qualities like listing off the features of a home you want to buy, 3 bedrooms, 2 and 1/2 baths and easy to maintain, move in ready!

And that is what he did, she got a ride to his place (he was driving her Pilot so had to get her niece to drive her) and packed him up, cleaned the place and moved him in within the first week. Within the first 6 weeks she had lent him $20,000 and he was talking about how HIS shop at the house was too small and he wanted to move. By the 2nd year she had sold her house, bought a home 9 hours drive from all her friends and family  and he had bought a truck, Harley, 10 ton truck, semi, and God only knows how many guitars. She is not the most attractive woman and I am sure he has made her feel damn lucky to have a good looking rebel without a cause like him.

And he has me to thank for it all. I manifested the whole damn thing!! SO, if you are sitting there obsessing about how happy your ex is, how he is doing everything for the new woman that you ever wanted and more! and dwelling how your life sucks and you will never find happiness….. STOP, just stop it right now!!  Quit giving him your power!! If you insist on thinking about him at least envision him treating her as badly as he treated you, picture her waiting at home for a phone call or texting and him not replying. picture her crying and him screaming at her that is he is “Sick of THIS! all you do is cry and create conflict!!” it is much closer to the truth and why attract anything good into his life by thinking about it!

This is you, without the narcissist sucking you dry. hold this thought!

This is you, without the narcissist sucking you dry. hold this thought!

I want you to envision yourself being wined and dined and appreciated by a good intentioned man who respects you. Picture money flowing freely to you from all areas, envision being vibrant, healthy, full of life and laughter. Don’t give up! it won’t be easy at first, you have to work at it until it becomes a habit. You can do this!!!

Even if you don’t believe in the laws of attraction, thinking about him being happy is making you miserable so you have nothing to lose by giving it a try!

Come on, for me, just try it.