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Letter To My Son on His 30th Birthday

December 20th 2013.

wpid-IMG_1455.jpgTo my dear son, Kristofer, on his 30th birthday.

 

I would like to be able to buy you something to commemorate a big birthday like turning 30, but as you know that isn’t possible, but I wanted to let you know what I think of the man you have become.

I tell you often that I am proud of you but I don’t know that there are words to adequately describe how proud I am, it is a heart thing, a feeling that is impossible to put words to. I pray you feel this way about Kaila some day. I know you love her and I am sure you can’t imagine loving her more than you do right now, but there is another level of admiration and love for your child when they grow into an adult that you not only love and are proud of, you respect and genuinely like them as a person.

I think you know how much I have always loved you and how hard I tried to be a good mom, I screwed up at times and I have had to deal with a lot of guilt over it but I had to let it go because it was keeping us from growing forward in the future. If there is anything I have not been accountable for to you I apologize now, The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you but I know I did things that did. I was screwed up with my own baggage, that as hard as I tried to not let it show, did. So when I say I am proud of you, I am not taking credit for the man you have become, It’s just easier to say than: I am amazed in the man you have become in spite of the parents you had.

You didn’t have it easy growing up, especially as a teenager, but somehow you have managed to develop a refreshing, positive and honest approach to life; there are times I am simply in awe of how you handle things. You have become my “go-to” guy when I need an honest, level headed opinion on what I should do. You have such a clear vision of right and wrong and have the rare ability to stay true to your convictions yet not be judgmental of others. You can be hurt or angry over something someone did but are able to forgive and not hold a grudge. Like with xxxxxx just recently, you don’t take shit from him, you defended me to him, you have decided it is best to not work with him full time yet you carry on with him like nothing ever happened. I don’t know if you know how rare that is, how healthy that is.

If more men had your attitude the world would be a much better place, you know how to treat a woman, you are respectful without allowing anyone to walk all over you, you are kind, generous and giving but you always maintain your independence with friendships and by making sure you have your time to do the things you love to do. I guess the best way to describe it is; you are incredibly well rounded, especially for someone who does everything 110%.  You keep an open mind; you appreciate all types of music, you appreciate art, fine dining (and actually use utensils in a restaurant and don’t eat with your hands LOL) (private joke), good wine and you know how to dress up and look nice.

No matter what job you have done, you have excelled, everything you have set your mind to you have achieved, and I believe there is nothing out of your reach. Some people have the brains to attain what they want but not the drive or physical talent, or maybe they have a talent but the mental attitude needed to attain their dream eludes them. If you want to do something you research it if you don’t know how and you listen if someone teaches you, I am often surprised at the varied knowledge you have, it’s like you are a sponge absorbing information. You have learned when to walk away from a fight, but never back down from a challenge. You are tough as nails but call me momma and say I love you in front of the guys without concern.

You enjoy life, and keep yourself balanced, all though I have always been concerned about addictions because your dad and I both have had issues with it and you have at an early age, you seem to manage to keep it under control by keeping many diverse activities in your life. You don’t just party, you hike, snowboard, dance, read, play guitar, work, cook, are a guy’s guy, tattooed, 4x4ing, hunting and cursing, yet still a woman’s guy who will clean the house, light candles, do laundry and have dinner ready when she gets home. You make mistakes but take responsibility for them and live up to your obligations as with Kaela. You put family first and have flown out in a heartbeat to be there for your uncle, numerous times, most recently when he needed you for work, for your dad’s family also. You are the most knowledgeable person I know when it comes to the Bible and it is through you my faith grew.

It takes strength of character and confidence to be successful in life, especially for a man, not many men ever figure out how to be successful in all areas of their life. You have far exceeded any other man I know in strength of character and maturity. I don’t know if you realize that, because if you do you don’t let it show. I can’t even think of another man to compare you to; I am sure there are a few men out there with their shit together! I just don’t know them.

Anyway, Kiddo, I just wanted to let you know that I think the world of you and not just because you are my son. I only hope some of the good things came from me and on the rare occasion that you still need your momma I am happy to be here. You have taught me so much about life and loving. I feel truly blessed to have been your mom and have you in my life the past 30 years. Thirty years!! It is unbelievable to me what you and I have been through in 30 years, where did they go?

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About Carrie Reimer

I am a 56 year old single woman who has taken her experiences from a 10 year abusive relationship and turned them into a positive. Through my blog I share my experiences and help other women in similar circumstances find happiness and safety. There is life after a narcissist and I stand here before you as proof. Don't let the bastards get you down. View all posts by Carrie Reimer

5 responses to “Letter To My Son on His 30th Birthday

  • Paula

    This is beautiful. Happy birthday to your son!!’ <3 <3

    Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      Paula, thank you!! If I could say anything to a new parent it would be to cherish every minute they are wee, savor every hug and scratched knee you make feel better, every bedtime story or prayer, because in the blink of an eye they are adults and your opportunity is gone. AND make them your priority, because you there are no “Do-overs” in parenting, you get one shot at it, with no instruction manual, sink or swim. Its a tough job, but so well worth it.
      I have no clue where 30 years went and if he is 30 then I HAVE to be in my 50’s and I just don’t feel 55!!

      Like

  • StrongerSoulSurvivor

    Beautiful post, you must be so proud of your son – and he of you! It gives me hope that I too can raise my child to be the best they can be (despite the best efforts of my abuser).

    Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      SSS, yes I am very proud and I think he is too. Tough times can bond you or tear two people apart. My son has always loved me nut he had a very hard time when I was with JC, and I regret I put him through that. At 17 he was trying to protect me and he never should have been put in that position, I am not proud of that. My son was raised for most of his life by a strong self confident mom who didn’t put up with shit from anyone. I was a marshmallow as he called me, but when it came to the men in my life I kicked them to the curb if they didn’t treat me right and I was always totally independent and didn’t allow any man to control me in any way. My son didn’t know this woman, he kept saying “why are you taking this mom?” He worried about me and he lost respect for me. He never stopped letting me know he loved me but I knew I was losing his respect. I feel he respects me again and feels he has his mom back now.
      I think that a parent has to be accountable for their actions and if they hurt their child apologize and try to make amends, parents are only human and I don’t think it hurts for the kids to see that, because they will screw up too someday, no one is perfect or infallible; the secret is to walk your talk be accountable and never stop trying to do better. They have to respect you if nothing else.

      Like

  • Sunnyone723

    What a beautiful letter to your son and I love the picture too! Happy birthday to your handsome son and a big thank you to you for always sharing your story so honestly. All the best to both of you.

    Like

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