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Common Expressions of a Narcissist

Here are a few expressions commonly used by a narcissist. Please feel free to add any you might have in the comment section.

“I don’t know what to say about that”
When he knows he should be showing an emotion but because he doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.

“There are many types of love, the love I have for you is different”
When he is caught saying I love you to another woman.

“They can’t believe their good fortune to finally have someone there who knows what they are doing, it’s going to take me a while to straighten up the mess from the last guy”
(Every time he gets a new job)

“I had them eating out of my hands.”
(Believes in manipulating others to create results).

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
(After verbally maiming and then pretending there was more to say)

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
(A justification for receptively breaking promises)

“Just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear.”
(A justification for verbal abuse)

“You’re the only person who misunderstands what I say”

“You’re to sensitive, over-emotional, paranoid.”
(Same as above)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t repeat what I said 5 minutes ago”
(No matter what you say they said they will disagree)

“I’m sorry, what more do you want from me, I can never make you happy no matter what I do.”
(Followed by justifications for the behaviour with body language that is clearly not aligned with an apology)

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry.”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“Why do you have to live in the past?”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“What about your issues?”
(When failing to take responsibility for unacceptable behaviour)

“You make me behave like this, I am only reacting to your actions”
(Same applies for above)

“You’re the only person in the world I have these problems with.”
(Same applies for above)

“I can’t live with your dysfunctional perceptions”

“Why would I want to; come home, answer the phone, do something nice for you, (fill in the blank) when you act like this?”(Diverting blame)

Uses “loop hole” statements, such as:
“I *think* I’m falling in love with you” (he didn’t say he does love you)
“I *could* do this or that” (later he can say I said I could not that I would)
“*If* I asked you to marry me would you?” ( he didn’t ask)
“What size is your ring finger?”
(How you interpret that is not his fault)

“You act like my mother,” or, “You’re a control freak.”
(When asked for the truth or trustworthy / accountable behaviour)

“You know I hate conflict, but you continue to create it”
(When you confront him on something he’s done)

“This is exactly why I look elsewhere, you are always angry”
(When confronted about cheating)

“You should listen to yourself”

“If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be upset” when asked what is the truth then? Replies,”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway so why bother?”

“I’ve had enough, it’s over”
(When confronted on something like continued infidelity, rejecting you for being angry)

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person”
(While walking away from an argument)

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488 responses to “Common Expressions of a Narcissist

  • babyblu1724

    Omg this sounds JUST Luke my ex husband!! Wow!!!

    Like this

  • Human

    “I have tried to explain but no explanation satisfies you.”
    (When an explanation is requested and NONE is given. This dirty trick shifts responsibility and blame for the lacking explanation over to the person requesting it.)

    Liked by 1 person

  • marrohop

    When asked a question – they use word-salad, No answer to the question, Just talk round and round about sxxt. Drives you mad.
    You come away with no answer thinking that you have gone crazy, which you probably are by this stage – 11 years of mental abuse – Enoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  • marrohop

    Thanks Ellie – Good to hear from you too. Recovering slowly but difficult.
    Going through a awful divorce with “It” – Never thought it was going to easy dealing with the Narcisstic Toad. He has moved onto woman number 3 now. He is after half of the house I bought when he came out of prison after rape on his ex-wife, He and his dreadful daughter and family are vile. He shot his horse which we bought together in the most dreadful way, I saw him the other week and didn’nt recognise him from the man I thought I knew.
    They are creature’s of the lowest kind. Feed from people and then discard them and move on, leaving you the mess they have created.
    Thank God for this website – It has given me lots of infomation how they operate, use, abuse, lie. I’ll never forget the awful smirk and shark eyes when he was getting away with yet another scam, Good luck to the new woman. He will never change, Disappeared from my area now,
    Wish I could tell her what she is going to experience – i.e. dressing-up as a women in sex? Kinky weird stuff etc, but she probably will put up with it because he is the Knight in Shinning Armour at present to her?
    IMy case now in the hands of a Solicitor, Eleven year’s of marriage to a complete bastard. The only thing that hurt’s is that He never loved me.
    Just a mean’s to get everything and move-one. No-one understands this until they have been through it, You ain’nt dealing with a rationable human being – A Slug, Predator, Vile, Lier – A little boy of the age of 5 in adult form. I Love the people on this Forum, You have All given my Hope and Trust back.
    Good Karma to U –
    Carrie is amazing. She has enlightened many people,
    Hugs and love from England.
    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carrie Reimer

      Sue, so good to see you and know you are ok. He is onto his 3rd is he?: isn’t that special. She must feel so special, she is in for a big shocker! Good luck with the settlement, but remember no matter what you are the winner by a long shot!!
      Word Salad is such an apt description of what they do. It immediately brought back memories of being so frustrated by him twisting words using word play, double meanings, correcting my grammar OMG the simplest insignificant request would be turned into a full blown assault on me and my demands of him. “OK fine, don’t help with dishes. sshheeesh!” it got so I never asked anything of him just to avoid the craziness.
      I am sure you don’t miss the dressing up as a female. I don’t think I could have kept a straight face!
      Thanks for popping in and commenting. Hugs from rainy Vancouver Canada.

      Like this

      • marrohop

        Hi Carrie – So good to hear from you and thanks for your comments, Yep – I did go crazy with his mind-blowing cheating antics. I was drinking more to relieve myself from all his bull-sxxhit. I did say to him one nite – I”ll put you back in prison where you belong” after he was bragging that he had a woman-friend? Wham – disappeared on my Birthday a week later.
        The dressing up as a woman was weird….I would still like to understand that? Stupid me, thought well just go along with it???? But then he started taking me to charity shops to buy dresses for him? Thinking back it was hilarous…staggering down the stairs in my boots and underwear – Wish I had some pictures to prove it.
        His name was Stephen but Stephie whilst in woman mode?
        These people are seriously damaged – You can’nt make them better – I ripped his “mask” off and boy did he try to punish me.
        He has now reinvented himself into a “new” person? to his 3rd girlfriend, but sure he will be wearing her panties.
        They don’nt love woman, or anybody – just use people for their own selfish needs, Anybody with any empathy are a main target – They see, take, without any feeling and move-on, They need a mother-figure who will put up with all the crap, lying and cheating and will grind them into the ground,
        I stand proud like other lovely woman on this website who have been through Hell, such as yourself,
        No-one believes my story – I could have written a book of all the shxt he put me through, He put he ex-wife into a mental hospital and she hasn’nt seen their daughter in 16 years because he brainwashed the daughter, She is the “golden child” Their son he just ignores,
        So, beware of the charming man who can’nt do enough to please you. Tries to distance you from your friends and family. If you have a house want’s to marry you but changes they day after you get married…..Instantly bored now he has got the prize? Hides money – and saying he is broke,
        They re-invent history, personaltiy and the false-mask,
        I have great respect for you Carrie – you like to put the WORD OUT to help other women.
        I think I was suffering from PSD disorder and got no help from the Doctor but your website has really helped me to understand what the Phycopath really is.
        I am a lot poorer in money terms but at least I have peace of mind,
        God Bless Your Carrie.
        Good Night from England.
        Hugs
        Sue

        Liked by 1 person

        • Carrie Reimer

          Sue, Thank you! You are another example of a typical N target, beautiful inside and out with more moral character in your little finger than he will ever even dream of having.
          Have a wonderful evening!

          Like this

  • Tonya

    “What do you want from me?!”
    (This is what they whine during the D&D phase, after you’ve finally given in to the intense love-bombing that nearly made you do the right thing and r-u-n.)

    Like this

  • Human

    Hi Sue!

    Your experience is dreadful and outrageous yet so recognizable to so many others. We all know how difficult, or impossible, it is be believed when we tell our stories to people who haven’t been there themselves, especially when our words are invalidated by the words of a master of influence and deception. The only way to shift this power imbalance is by sharing our experiences and raising awareness of personality disordered behaviour and the devastating consequences to good people. Don’t stop talking!

    Like this

  • MK

    “You sound like a 13 year old girl.” or “What do you want me to say?” or “I’m always helping people but no one ever helps me.” “That’s not how I would have handled it.” “I did that for you.” “Let’s just end this.”
    Note that all of these were unprovoked by me making the simple mistake of thinking I was speaking to someone rationale… This website has helped me with what I’d already figured out after three years of me always saying to a friend, “I don’t understand what I did” and “He’ll just blame me for X,Y,Z” and so on and on. I’m finally ending it and thrilled to do so because I’ve been able to rebuild quickly now that I KNOW it’s not me even though I knew all along it wasn’t. Question for those of you experienced: I plan to have the closure convo in a couple weeks (can’t until then due to timing, business and personal). I planned to “not engage” and simply try to use his words back, like “I finally agree with you, let’s just end this.” But I also wanted to throw a few reasons back in his face just for my peace of mind even though I know it will turn to blame, etc. I just wondered when you’ve ended it, if there were things you learned to avoid or to say. I feel armed now simply from knowledge of NPD that I didn’t have before, but I want to make sure I have a bulletproof vest on too. Metaphorically. Thank you.

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    • Carrie Reimer

      MK, someone else might have better advice than me but I say don’t engage in a end of “closure convo”. For one thing you will not get closure, they never give closure. 2nd It could get really ugly and put you in danger 3rd If he doesn’t get ugly he will beg and cry and try to make you feel guilty and you might end up changing your mind.
      In my opinion you are best to have everything set up to leave and the day you are leaving say, “Its over, I do not want you contacting me again. I do not want to discuss it. cya!”
      If you insist on having a conversation about it, do not call him a narcissist. He will use it against you and tell everyone you are the narcissist. They hate to be exposed and telling them they are a narcissist will only put you in danger. They will never admit that they are an N and they will not see that they are an N plus they don’t care. To them not having feelings is superior to the rest of us. They hurt us through our feelings they never have to worry about being manipulated through feelings they don’t possess.
      As far as dealing with an N I don’t think there is such a thing as a bullet proof vest. Not in my experience anyway. He was always able to cut me to the core and make me doubt myself. Anyone else has a different experience?
      If you don’t have children with him, my best suggestion is like I said, just go, no forwarding address, no contact once you walk out that door and never look back. Do not engage with him at all. Watch your back because if he is an N he will do a smear campaign because they like to do the leaving when they are good and ready. If you remain in contact he will make your life hell and be prepared for him to come back at some point promising he has changed and really loves you. He is lying, don’t take the bait.
      Good luck
      Let us know how it goes for you.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like this

  • MK

    Thanks, Carrie!
    He is a biz partner–although we explored personal briefly, but that evaporated with a “eh, wasn’t feeling it” as soon as a girl with more skin showing started texting her desire to remove his clothing and sent pics of herself scantily clad. It’s hard to say “don’t contact me” simply because of open-ended biz deals, BUT, I am so much the wiser thanks to your site and learning it wasn’t my imagination for three years but that it was an actual disorder. I have the power again–and me walking away weakens him in ways that I already know will mean blame for years to come if his success falters–and I’m not willing to let him take that from me again.

    I’m not saying I don’t get how easy it would be to fall back into that again–I did it multiple times already even though my gut was always in turmoil because it knew it was a bad environment–but I do feel like I have strength now. Strength is in knowledge. When I have moments of weakness–we’ve had no phone or in-person contact in nearly 8 weeks, which was my doing–I simply do my homework again…I read bookmarked sites like this and remind myself that way how awful it was instead of reminding myself while in the thick of it again.

    I can laugh about a lot of it now–I laughed a lot while in it simply because I would think, WTF is he serious–but as everyone (victims, therapists) say, they have a way of twisting your brain into thinking, well, maybe it WAS me. Trust me, it rarely if ever is.

    The day those 8 weeks away began, i expected to feel like a limb was missing since we were together every day professional and for meals and as friends, yet that first day I felt no phantom limb or loss. It was like the previous three years had never happened. I suppose it’s similar to when people are in a car accident and the mind/body blocks out everything that happened in the trauma prior to the moment they wake up from being unconscious. The brain is a beautiful thing. It can be twisted by someone like an N, but it has a wonderful ability to remove what it doesn’t want there anymore.

    Thanks everyone for your honest words. They help all of us.

    Like this

    • Carrie Reimer

      MK, the mind does block out the things it thinks we can’t handle. It is a person’s natural defenses going into survival mode but those feelings are still in there and will surface eventually. Don’t be shocked when they do; its healthy to deal with them so you aren’t packing that baggage into the next relationship. A lot of times we think we are ok with something only to fall apart once we are out of the situation. Not saying ot will happen to you but just so you know what’s going on if you do.
      I had gone periods of time with JC where I thought I was in control and just fine.

      Like this

  • MK

    I am adoring you, Carrie. Thank you. I absolutely have almost flashbacks to things he said over the years, but I see them as my mind releasing them as “pleasant” reminders of why I am happier now. Purging. It will take a long time before I can look in the mirror and not hear him say “You’re cute when you try” (in the same conversation in which he told me about how another woman was “hot” and another was “beautiful”), but I know everything won’t heal at once. I will continue to be prepared for anything and everything, but at least now I have a grasp of reality whereas before it was HIS reality.
    Again, thank you for your quick replies and support.

    Like this

    • Carrie Reimer

      Mk, you are more than welcome! Glad to help in anyway I can. I wish I would have known some of this stuff going into it. I learned the hard way, more than happy to share it and save someone even a bit of the pain and confusion. It sounds like you are in tune with your feelings which is so vital to your recovery, I think you will come through this fine; a little wiser, a little more cautious, and more appreciative of the peace and quiet without the N in your life. All good things. :)
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like this

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