Common Expressions of a Narcissist

Here are a few expressions commonly used by a narcissist. Please feel free to add any you might have in the comment section.

“I don’t know what to say about that”
When he knows he should be showing an emotion but because he doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.

“There are many types of love, the love I have for you is different”
When he is caught saying I love you to another woman.

“They can’t believe their good fortune to finally have someone there who knows what they are doing, it’s going to take me a while to straighten up the mess from the last guy”
(Every time he gets a new job)

“I had them eating out of my hands.”
(Believes in manipulating others to create results).

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
(After verbally maiming and then pretending there was more to say)

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
(A justification for receptively breaking promises)

“Just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear.”
(A justification for verbal abuse)

“You’re the only person who misunderstands what I say”

“You’re to sensitive, over-emotional, paranoid.”
(Same as above)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t repeat what I said 5 minutes ago”
(No matter what you say they said they will disagree)

“I’m sorry, what more do you want from me, I can never make you happy no matter what I do.”
(Followed by justifications for the behaviour with body language that is clearly not aligned with an apology)

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry.”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“Why do you have to live in the past?”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“What about your issues?”
(When failing to take responsibility for unacceptable behaviour)

“You make me behave like this, I am only reacting to your actions”
(Same applies for above)

“You’re the only person in the world I have these problems with.”
(Same applies for above)

“I can’t live with your dysfunctional perceptions”

“Why would I want to; come home, answer the phone, do something nice for you, (fill in the blank) when you act like this?”(Diverting blame)

Uses “loop hole” statements, such as:
“I *think* I’m falling in love with you” (he didn’t say he does love you)
“I *could* do this or that” (later he can say I said I could not that I would)
“*If* I asked you to marry me would you?” ( he didn’t ask)
“What size is your ring finger?”
(How you interpret that is not his fault)

“You act like my mother,” or, “You’re a control freak.”
(When asked for the truth or trustworthy / accountable behaviour)

“You know I hate conflict, but you continue to create it”
(When you confront him on something he’s done)

“This is exactly why I look elsewhere, you are always angry”
(When confronted about cheating)

“You should listen to yourself”

“If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be upset” when asked what is the truth then? Replies,”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway so why bother?”

“I’ve had enough, it’s over”
(When confronted on something like continued infidelity, rejecting you for being angry)

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person”
(While walking away from an argument)

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638 thoughts on “Common Expressions of a Narcissist

  1. Pam

    Hi,

    How to apply NO contact when the is a life but also a business partner and father of your kids…
    Any advice on protecting the kids?

    Thanks

    Pam

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  2. Josh

    A lot of this is bollocks. Most of those apparent common expressions of a narc, nearly all of them without the alternative meaning/interpretation given are not identifiable to narcissistic behaviour and are just common expressions when people are emotionally upset and arguing or other behaviour more benign then narcissism is at play. Even with the additional context implied they still don’t Imply narcissism. I think some more learning about narcissism and some responsible ethics be practiced if you are going to attempt to educate others about such a serious subject. This and a lot of what you write can be very misleading for the uneducated or those unfamiliar with this subject.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Josh, this post is solely made up of the lines victims heard from their abuser, whether he was a narc or not. I personally added a couple of my own quotes that I heard but basically I give people free reign in here because I asked for people to contribute their own quotes. I am not going to analyze everything everyone contributes, I was not there, I do not know the circumstances under which these things were said.
      One of the greatest tools a narcissist uses is double meanings to words or statement that can be taken more than one way. That way they can always say the victim misinterpreted what they said. Of course not all the statements here are typical narcissistic quotes, and I would hope that anyone coming here would not hear one of these lines and deem someone a narcissist based on that alone.
      In my experience people don’t come here unless they are looking for answers as to why the love of their life has turned against them, in other words they are here because they have been abused and they are looking for answers but again I would hope that they would go on to read the posts intended to educate someone about narcissists.
      If this is the only post you have read then you need to read more before you criticize me or my blog.
      I happen to take this blog very seriously and I take great pride in the fact that I don’t put anything on this blog unless I have experienced it personally or researched it extensively. I don’t “guess” and I don’t embellish facts.
      And that brings me to the question, “Why are you here?” If you haven’t been abused by a narcissist then you must have been told you are one because anyone who hasn’t been involved with a narc doesn’t go to blogs about them. Whereas someone who has been called a narcissist would go looking to prove he is not one, because they never admit to any faults.
      If you want to educate yourself before you start spouting off and back your statements with proof I will listen to what you have to say, because I CAN back everything I say on here with research proving it.
      Enough said. Next time you want to criticize, do it intelligently.

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      1. zzzzzzz

        These sayings are spot on!!! My narcissist would say these exact things and would constantly make every argument my fault, even when I was just quietly working!!!

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        1. Seraievo Nicosia

          Hey Carrie, I didn’t know my ex wife ever knowing you. She use to insist I drive but then criticize me the whole trip. Either I was going too slow or too fast. When I would ask her if she wanted to drive she would always say angrily ” you are doing this on purpose, because you want me to drive.” Just t give you an example.

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          1. Seraievo Nicosia

            Ho yes, here is another. This is just days old. One of my checks I gave her returned due to insufficient fund. I immediately made the deposit and text her expressing my apology and instructed her to redeposit it. She replied, “this is costing me 12.00 the bank charges me for YOUR returned check. (BTW, she works at the bank). I replied to he that if she provide me with a receipt I will gladly reimburse her the money. She never replied. So, I stopped at another branch of the bank she works for to ask about a loan and remembered to ask someone who has worked there for the longest time if the employees are charged and how much for someone else’s returned check, she told me 5.00. When my ex wife stopped by my house with my daughter, she told me that the bank doesn’t give out receipts, they just charge the account and that she didn’t want me to see her all statement. ” why do you always make things so difficult” she said, that is one of her famous phrases. It has been a week and she still hasn’t provided me with her 12.00 charge receipt from the bank. When married to her, she never lost an argument, somehow she always found a way to turn things around. When caught in a lie, she would deny she ever said or did such.

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  3. ellie2013

    Certainly, the expressions themselves are not indicative of NPD and non disordered people use them. This section is in conjunction with the other sections. Have you read the other sections? Please read them before attacking someones ability to speak about their experiences and attained knowledge re the subject stated. Also read the disclaimer found in the right side bar.

    Agreed, NPD is very serious. Ask any of the wonderful women here that loved one, lived w/ one and experienced their toxicity. THEY can speak from their experience with more impact that any person that is simply writing a book and listing traits.

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  4. marrohop

    In reply to Josh. You obviously know nothing about being involved with a narc. and the heartbreak and destruction they can do.
    Methinks you are one.
    You bring no education to this web-site.
    Now go away you, senseless person and leave other empathic people alone.

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      1. marrohop

        Hi Ellie – good to hear from you.
        I’m Ok thanks – hope you are too?
        Goodness, is that ridulous person – Josh writing a book? Sure it will be a best seller. lol
        Still fighting in court for my house with the Devil.
        Nitemare – he has tried to take my soul and finances – Spent £4,000 so far in Solicitor’s fees and he still intends on destroying me. This is what they do as we all know.
        He will never take my fighting spirit – no-matter –
        Next court hearing March.
        fingers crossed xx
        Whatever the outcome, I am so glad to be free of the lies and deceipt, womanising, and the general horror these walking, despicable, vile so called, people can do. I didn’nt believe he was the same person when I saw him in court last time – he was a total stranger – couldn’nt believe I’d been married to it, for 10 years……? Re-wrote history like they always do.
        I only hope other people read Carrie’s Website – and take the advise she gives, because is it true.
        I have seen some true horrid stories and I have cried because I have felt their pain.
        I just hope they get our mutual message – and we can help them in anyway.
        They can fly like a bird – and can take their own lives back, but it’s difficult – one day at a time. I am trying to fly, my soul is healing but the nightmares still come back.
        Hugs Ellie xx

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        1. ellie2013

          Doing ok here, I just keep on keeping on. Don’t know if Mr Josh here is writing a book or not. Blogs like this go much farther and deeper than any book with it’s gobblity gook can go. The label doesn’t matter as much as the fact they are EVIL.

          YOU are an inspiration I admire your strength and I hope that those that read here can draw from it and hear your words.

          Your are always in my prayers

          Ellie

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          1. marrohop

            Thanks Ellie – Certainly don’nt feel like a inspriation – but hope I can give help to others who have crossed the same path as us.
            It was a road that let me to believing I was insane, crazy, a drug addict, with the help of his vile daughter. He certainly chose me well. Had my own property – Believed him and supported him throughout 5 yrs in prison in rape -Told me the vile stuff about his ex-wife was he beliveable !- Day after I married him totally changed. He is totally in love with his daughter – weird, but she is the wonderchild and probably still is – He put his ex-wife into a mental hospital. She was cutting her wrists at this point – no wonder? I have heard from her and she said he is cruel and demented. She has got a great new life and I know now what he had put her though.The daughter has not seen her mother in 18 years due to his lies The police on the door, accusing me of drug taking? had to come with his vile daughter – sending drug people to my door. Thank God the Police didn’nt believe him – he could have put me in jail – I do hope other people recogized the DEVIL – We can only in our way, give strenght and support to others – it’s bloomin freezin in England. Hope it’s warmer near you. Much Love Carrie. Good Karma – I pray for you also. Thankyou to all the wonderful woman on this site xxxx

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          2. marrohop

            Ellie – thanks for you comments – You are always in my prayers too.
            I sit down each evening and meditate – and try to release my bad feelings for hope and blessing.
            I have a great bath with candlelight and natural scents……which really helps…..I believe in Karma…..and the realization there are really bad people around……
            Nothing I can do about that about from, trying to heal……..and give kindness out when Evil was in my life. Hugs xxx

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            1. Carrie Reimer Post author

              Marrohop,
              Thank you for popping in, your comments are always a welcome addition to the blog. I am so sorry you are still battling the moron. i will pray that it comes to end in your favor in March! Big hugs Carrie

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            2. Abbie

              Hi, I am on these sites everyday trying to prove to myself that he is , or hoping to god or whoever thst he is not a narcissist, he does experience guilt, remorse, sadness, so he thinks hes “not”…he had a friend who had his phd in psychology tell him if it weren’t for the fact he could be empathetic then he isnt a true psychopath. Well this is close enough gor me, he gets 8 out of 10 points on most tests…im classic codependent, needs last, i put myself low on totem pole always….im just as mentally ill, i just use my powers for good not evil…We have 2 girls and our youngest , age 15 is so verbally abusive to me, she is totally scoring way too high on tests. So i have 2 out of 3 in this house trying to manipulate, confuse and abuse me….I am out of work, was suicidal earlier this month til I realized the sad truth of his abuse, domination,and cruelty to me. This is just the top superficial layer…he has end stage liver disease, im a nurse, ive been taking care of him, hes resentful his life ended up like this…..i am too. I already buried my first husband 21 years ago, at least he was nice to me….this is nuts…..thanks for listening…sorry for long post..,i only have one counselor i talk to and i dont think she gets it…..i used to do candlelight baths with scents of lavender….those days are so faraway…..

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              1. Carrie Reimer Post author

                Abbie, I am sorry you are going through this, but it does not have to be this way; you can start to take steps to improve your life and be happy. No one deserves to be abused emotionally or otherwise. I know you feel stuck right now with everything on your plate but you do have the power to change things one baby step at a time, even if you don’t feel you can leave right now. First of all I would find a different therapist, one who understands narcissists because so many therapists don’t and they can not help if they do not understand the dynamics of living with one. Second, narcissists are the best actors in the world and master manipulators, they have perfected their skills over a life time. They imitate the emotions of others in order to look normal. Have you ever noticed that your N’s reaction to a situation is not quite appropriate? or sometimes he seems so empathetic but other times he kinda waits to see how others react before he reacts? Or he uses lines he heard in a movie or lines you have used on him at some point?
                Three, why do you not take baths with candles? start to do it again, take time for yourself, lock the door and just do it! start doing stuff for yourself and stop being the victim. Don’t allow them to make you a victim. Taking a bath is a small step but it is telling them you are worth it and you are telling yourself you are worth it. Let them bang on the door and rant and rave, who cares? Is it selfish to want a couple of minutes to yourself? screw them!
                Your daughter treats you that way because she sees your husband treating you that way. They won’t like you standing up for yourself, of course not but they will adjust if you don’t back down.
                Don’t worry about the length of your comment, spill our guts, we don’t care that’s what we are here. I do believe that once you realize the person is a narcissist and know that they can not change, then it is up to you to change your life for the better one step at a time. You have started by researching and getting a counselor; now find a counselor you can relate to and pour yourself a bath.
                Welcome, come back as often as you need and please read read read, there is a ton of helpful infor here.
                hugs

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  5. shannon

    Mine often said the wtf are you talking about,I never said that,asked for things without asking,then said it was my choice,he didn’t ask for nothing,I don’t remember ever saying I love you,your so insecure and jealous,I’m not the one with the problems,all my exes are crazy,he is the type you could find the brick with his fingerprints on it and he would look you dead in the eye and say it wasn’t him

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Shannon, I think they all are expert liars, they are so good at it they can pass lie detector tests. Because they don’t feel guilt, if they don’t feel guilt then the lie detector has nothing to pick up on. Makes them very dangerous. Thanks for sharing
      Hugs

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  6. JB

    On spot with this article. For years I couldn’t figure out my husband. On fire one minute and the next act like nothing was wrong. Taking my things making me fill crazy, putting them back days later and pointing out how crazy I was. Not sleeping with me. Needed constant appreciation. Also a serial cheater but went to great lengths to lie and cover up. Can lie, rearrange,make up anything as he wants. No guilt period. And no feelings. Very emotionally abusive and can be physically to. My daughter and I are both a wreck from walking on egg shells around him. I am getting ready to divorce finally after 22yrs. Sad it has taken me that long. But at the beginning you try so hard and don’t know what has ha
    ppened. And by the time you realize what it is. They have sucked the life out of you little by little physically, emotionally in all ways possible. My daughter did end up in a mental hospital imagine the guilt I have. Getting stronger and better everyday.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      JB, I can imagine the guilt you have simply because of what my son went through because of my ex. i found that my guilt was keeping me from having a normal healthy mother/son relationship and I had to let it go. I apologized and to this day I will still let him know that I suffer guilt for not leaving sooner, he forgives me and loves me so much, he is just happy to have his mom back and happy and healthy. I think the biggest challenge victim’s face is dealing with the guilt of letting it happen and surrounding their kids. We have to forgive ourselves, know that we did the best we could at the time with the knowledge we had at the time and we are older and wiser now. We can admit our mistakes and move forward to a brighter healthy future and leave the past behind us.
      We and our kids learned valuable lessons from the experience and realized how precious life and our loved ones are. My son said once, “He ruined your life Mon, I want to kill him for that.” and my answer was, “He ruined part of my life, he can only ruin my life if I allow it. The future is mine.”
      The only way the narc wins is if he ruins our life, as long as we are still standing and we have our kids by our side we are the winners.
      Much love to you and your daughter and here’s to a bright future!
      Hugs

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  7. Julie

    How about the apologies that aren’t apologies at all? “Sorry that you hate me so much.” Twisted so it makes you feel bad. Or “Sorry I can’t ever make you happy.”

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  8. Julie

    JB I am so happy you are leaving him ….but sad you had to put up with him for that long. I am in the middle of divorcing mine. What you describe is exactly what he did to me… Nice one minute then screaming at you and cheating the next while you haven’t changed at all – except that you rack your brain trying to figure out what you did wrong. You are doing the right thing. Self-preservation is more important. You only get one life and you deserve happiness. Hugs to you!

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  9. Andrea

    Here is one, my daughter said something very horrifying she is three and I believe her and will continue to believe her and told him as much. ” Your not a good wife because you should know I would never do something like that” another one ” I can’t believe my three year old is trying to have me put in jail” “I will walk with my head high because unlike you I am a good person”. Tells his mother I got him fired. During the cheating phase this is before the other horrifying stuff, “you made me do it” The list could go on and on and here I am left feeling like the narc because of all the anger and loathing I have toward him, he makes me feel bad because I will not offer him access to the children, why would I I have babies to protect. Another one after no contact “why are you following me” I am at home at this time and have no clue what the hell that was about…. It is crazy.

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