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Common Expressions of a Narcissist

Here are a few expressions commonly used by a narcissist. Please feel free to add any you might have in the comment section.

“I don’t know what to say about that”
When he knows he should be showing an emotion but because he doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.

“There are many types of love, the love I have for you is different”
When he is caught saying I love you to another woman.

“They can’t believe their good fortune to finally have someone there who knows what they are doing, it’s going to take me a while to straighten up the mess from the last guy”
(Every time he gets a new job)

“I had them eating out of my hands.”
(Believes in manipulating others to create results).

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
(After verbally maiming and then pretending there was more to say)

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
(A justification for receptively breaking promises)

“Just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear.”
(A justification for verbal abuse)

“You’re the only person who misunderstands what I say”

“You’re to sensitive, over-emotional, paranoid.”
(Same as above)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t repeat what I said 5 minutes ago”
(No matter what you say they said they will disagree)

“I’m sorry, what more do you want from me, I can never make you happy no matter what I do.”
(Followed by justifications for the behaviour with body language that is clearly not aligned with an apology)

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry.”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“Why do you have to live in the past?”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“What about your issues?”
(When failing to take responsibility for unacceptable behaviour)

“You make me behave like this, I am only reacting to your actions”
(Same applies for above)

“You’re the only person in the world I have these problems with.”
(Same applies for above)

“I can’t live with your dysfunctional perceptions”

“Why would I want to; come home, answer the phone, do something nice for you, (fill in the blank) when you act like this?”(Diverting blame)

Uses “loop hole” statements, such as:
“I *think* I’m falling in love with you” (he didn’t say he does love you)
“I *could* do this or that” (later he can say I said I could not that I would)
“*If* I asked you to marry me would you?” ( he didn’t ask)
“What size is your ring finger?”
(How you interpret that is not his fault)

“You act like my mother,” or, “You’re a control freak.”
(When asked for the truth or trustworthy / accountable behaviour)

“You know I hate conflict, but you continue to create it”
(When you confront him on something he’s done)

“This is exactly why I look elsewhere, you are always angry”
(When confronted about cheating)

“You should listen to yourself”

“If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be upset” when asked what is the truth then? Replies,”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway so why bother?”

“I’ve had enough, it’s over”
(When confronted on something like continued infidelity, rejecting you for being angry)

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person”
(While walking away from an argument)

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547 responses to “Common Expressions of a Narcissist

  • Reilly

    Took me all of my adult life to realize that my ex was a narcissist. We bumped into each other recently and it made me take another look at the relationship that had been such a big part of my life. He was my first love we started dating in our early 20’s and dated for more than 6 years “exclusively” and on and off for a couple of years after that. He was incredibly passionate and loving one minute, mean and neglectful the next. He would talk about breaking up one day and marriage the next all the while keeping his ex hanging on. Bragged about the hearts he had broken and drank way too much. He did his best to control me and isolated me from my friends and family. He always blamed me for the breakup even though he decided to end it. It almost destroyed me, my self esteem was so low at the end of the relationship that I didn’t know how I could/would go on without him. I am so grateful that I was able to pick up the pieces and move on and even more grateful for the amazing kind man I have been married to for 13 years. The best part is that I got my moment to reject him, days before he wed he called me begging for us to get together to “talk”, I told him he was never a good boyfriend and that our relationship was over a long time ago and that he should just be happy where he is in his life now. I told him to never call me again and that I wished him well. Like I said I ran into him in a very random spot recently and I was so surprised I stupidly said hello, he was cold but polite. You would have sworn I was just someone he use to know and couldn’t remember, so typical. It is all about having the upper hand with these guys. This blog is so eye opening, I never knew there was other relationships out there with the exact same experiences as me. It is nice to finally stop seconding guessing myself and wondering why someone who “love me so much” could be so cold and treat me so poorly. There is a light at the end of the tunnel folks. It really is them and not you. They are just not capable of real love and are always drawn to the shiny and new. You will never get your happily ever after from them. But they will always believe they really love/loved you, so go live a great life, be the one that got away. It is the best revenge. Good luck and God Bless.

    Some of my favorite expressions from the good old days, LOL.

    “I think, I am falling in love with you.”
    “I was going to break up with you but I changed my mind.”
    “It is like a switch, I can turn it on or off.”
    “It’s so different with you”
    “I forgot how beautiful you are.”
    “I will love you forever.”
    “Thinking of you.”
    “I wish things were different.”
    “Don’t you know how much I love you.”

    Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      Reilly, thank you so much for sharing that, I am so happy to hear you met a wonderful man after the N and are happy. I am also happy that I gave you some answers here, that was my purpose, to show women that they are not crazy, it was not their fault and they are not alone. When you are in it you feel so alone, I was absolutely floored when people started coming in here saying, My God that exact same thing happened to me! How could so many people have experienced the same thing as me and no one knew about narcissists? I knew I had to tell people, spread the words that these people exist! warn women and men and especially young girls.
      Thank you for commenting, great additions to the list btw. I always got “Haven’t I told you I love you?” or Didn’t I tell you I loved you?” and “My love is cyclable”
      gawd!!
      Big hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  • Reilly

    Another couple of good ones…
    “I wish we had met when we were older.”
    “I wish things were different.”

    Like

  • liz

    I would ask my (n)so what kind of relationship does your so called friend think you have when you tell her you love her !being that your only surposed to be freinds :and he would say that he cant help it if she takes it the wrong way , how in the hell would any women take it when they think they have somthing together ,

    Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      Liz, that is so typical!! They love Loop holes, they make a statement that can be taken several ways and then they can deny it later and make the person feel like a fool.
      When James went to Africa as a volunteer he got engaged to a Ugandan woman (like in the first 2 weeks) she was Christian and wouldn’t sleep with him without a commitment. The asshole. Anyway when he left and came back to Canada he came home to me. Never told me about being engaged! He continued to email and text message her for 2 or more years, the whole time telling her he was working on bringing her to Canada and marrying her. I found one of his email exchanges with her. She hadn’t heard from him in a long time and was asking why, She was saying to tell her, whatever it was they would work it out, she loved him yadayada he said that he had just been busy and was still working on getting her to Canada and all he dreamed about was the day that he said I do to his beautiful bride. I was devastated and confronted him. He said, “I didn’t say she was going to be the bride. I just said I couldn’t wait to get married” I said, “Well, what the hell do you think she was thinking, of course she thought you meant her! He said he did it to cheer her up. He said, “Do you know what kind of life she lives? At least for a day I made her happy and gave her hope.” I couldn’t believe it. So warped.
      He asked me one time “If I asked you would you marry me.’ That was before I knew what he was like and I thought he was just afraid of rejection. They are masters of what is commonly called “word salad”.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  • Catherine

    My children’s father (my ex-husband) is a supremely well-polished Narcissist, who has managed to avoid every single court order in our divorce… which occurred over 10 years ago. Child support, alimony, health care for his kids, daycare, attorney bills, therapy for his kids, life insurance, health insurance for his kids… EVERY single expense he is supposed to pay, he has successfully avoided or only paid a tiny percentage of, but hasn’t complied with a single court order in the case. Not one. He’s refused to provide tax records so that expenses could be fairly calculated, ever since we split. Just refuses, and that’s that. I quit school to marry him so I have to take what I can get in terms of jobs now. (It was “God’s” will that he take my remaining tuition money to invest in his first business, and he promised my parents he would make sure I finished college as soon as he could…which never happened.) He decided that as his wife, I should “submit to his authority as my husband” and use my credit to take out two more loans towards his business, and pay them, with my job as a receptionist, to fulfill my Godly role as a help-mate. Christianity is the perfect environment for a Narcissist! He also helped himself to my parent’s assets, always with the promise that he would repay that as soon as he made it big and everyone talked about a man’s identity is in his career, and we needed to do everything we could to encourage him, since he had such a terrible temper and just needed love and support. Did I mention that he determined somewhere in there that he was a “sex addict” and “porn addict”? Those are Narc Code for “I’m an asshole but don’t hold me personally responsible for my behavior”. That way when I found out all his income was going to strippers, it was the ADDICTION’S fault, not his.

    Because no accountability exists in this court system for people who aren’t W-2 employees, and the child support enforcement people never require any real, valid financial documents from him, he has managed to convince them he makes “less than minimum wage”. He even swore to it in court, and then drove his new Audi out of the parking lot, to his $3,000 a month downtown loft. The judge agreed with him that the economy is hard for people who are self-employed…I have worked two and three jobs since the day of our divorce, and can barely afford our $600 rent. My car is 16 years old. I pay every single expense involved with our kids. Every. Single. One.

    He recently took his latest “love of his life” to a big party thrown by his parents, and introduced her to everyone who used to know us as a married couple, being sure to describe this woman’s great job, her fabulous education and how he likes dating women who don’t need his money. He also explained to anyone and everyone (especially mutual friends of ours) that it was his goal was for his daughters grow up with an education so they don’t wind up like their mom (me) having to “rely on a man”. On the way home, he mentioned to his kids that one of the things that separates his lady love from lesser women is that she is no gold digger, like their mom.

    Funny… if I am a gold-digger, I sure have sucked at it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Carrie Reimer

      Catherine, big hugs to you!! So typical!! So hurtful. I know it must eat away at you, it is so unfair and there is nothing that can be done about it. You can bet that he is sucking his new woman dry. He is saying all this stuff to feed her ego and manipulate her into “being the better woman” who doesn’t want his money and is going to make up for the last bitch that sucked him dry. It is what my ex did/does also, cries that I drained him dry. I was a big black hole that he threw all his affections, love, and money into and I was just an ungrateful psycho bitch. He has already manipulated the new woman into selling her home and buying him property away from her family and support system and set him up in his own business. I know she is thinking she is going to prove she is so much better than me, he acts the way he does because I hurt him so badly and if she gives just a bit more he will appreciate her and love her. It is all a big ploy to get her money. They do it so subtly the woman doesn’t even know it is happening. He is telling her that she is so much better than you and she is sucking it up. He is feeding her bullshit sandwiches and she is asking for more please.
      She will end up like you if not worse, have no doubt.
      I know it is hard to listen to but you can be proud you are making it on your own and really who the hell cares what the dip stick says, you and he know the truth.
      How old are your kids? I would ask them to not tell me what their dad says about you, tell them it is hurtful and lies and every time you hear stuff like that it reopens the wounds. I would explain that you are there for them if they have a problem but you don’t want to know what their dad is doing or saying about you. He is telling the kids these things knowing full well that they will go back home and tell you. He is using them to get to you and still control your emotions and hurt you. They are experts at using other people as pawns in their sick head games and abuse. He is abusing you by proxy.

      Like

    • Human

      Horrific. So many stories about a totally lame “justice” system. It’s nothing but a huge sham, a front for suffering on a grand scale, and a treasure trove for dirty lawyers. It’s all a game for the sociopaths; financial gain while destroying lives. LoveFraud.com has many more accounts of horrendous manipulation and exploitation of the court system. How can we change this?

      Like

  • Human

    It’s all about manipulating others while totally evading responsibility.

    Like

  • A. Nicole

    You touched on this one already, but I heard it a lot from my N:

    “If you have no expectations you can’t be disappointed.”

    And some others:

    ” If you expect something just because you love me, then you don’t really love me.”

    ” It’s not my fault that you drove eight hours to see me without making any backup plans when I might be busy.” (This happened three separate times… all three times he asked me to drive from Alabama to Ohio to visit him and each time was “too busy” to see me.)

    “We are connected. No matter what happens, we will always be connected.”

    “Nobody understands me like you.”

    “I wish you were here in with me.”

    “I’d say any of those things to anybody, you’re nobody special.”

    “Oh, so I point out your flaws and now you have nothing to say?!” (After he exploded on me over the phone after I told him if he wasn’t going to commit to me, he couldn’t say things like he missed me and wanted me with him, because they were confusing)

    There are countless others… but along the same lines. Manipulating, passing the blame, etc.

    Like

  • Marsha Smith

    “The girls at work say you are lucky to have a husband as good as me.”
    “You just feel that way because ….(.of the way your family is.}”
    (After telling you that you should get breast implants and you don’t feel right about it. And now he justifies the comment to his new wife saying he said it would help me feel better about myself. This was just brought up out of nowhere.) “You are an 8 and that will make you a nine or ten.”
    (After being unfaithful) “Forgive and forget it.” “Work on yourself and stop worrying about me.” “Don’t ever mention it again or I will divorce you.”
    “You don’t exactly take care of yourself like those girls do.”
    “Look, I got this and this and this for me for Christmas.” (Or a his birthday)

    Like

  • Dorothy

    Yes, I got “if I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?” – I also got, “I love you so so so much” while he was seeing another or other women. Once we split up and he was “heartbroken! absolutely gutted and the next day I saw him chatting, laughing and joking with a female “friend” of his from the AA and when I texted him to tell him I saw him laughing and joking he said “I was wearing my mask” but he had with him the holdall he used to use when he stayed at my house. The time he asked me to see him more often and when I arrived at his house, he just lay on the bed saying “come on then, come and get it”. Another time we were in bed and he looked at my back and said “oh I see you’ve shaved that circle of hairs off your back” – I never had a circle of hairs on my back! The times he stared and stared at other women until they caught his eye and then deny it when I commented on it, The times he criticised other people for being fat or ugly or whatever else he fancied criticising them for. I could write a book. If we argued over text he would show all my texts to his family and friends and turn them all against me. I’m so glad I finally saw sense and ended it all.

    Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      Good for you ending it Dorothy! I know James bad mouthed me to his family. He had me convinced they didn’t like me and he told them I didn’t like going there. Couldn’t have us talking and comparing notes.
      If you think they haven’t cheated, you just haven’t caught them yet.
      If their lips are moving, they are lying.
      Whatever they accuse you of you can be sure it is what they are doing.
      They are so predictable!
      Thanks for commenting
      hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  • Dora

    I also got “you can ask anyone in town what I’m like, they’ve known me all my life”

    Like

  • supriya

    “Please don’t ask me about my past; I am giving you my present, isn’t that enough?”
    (When caught lying red-handed about a past lie)

    “Do you think I hop other women’s bed all the time?”

    “Let’s not be answerable to one another and let’s stick around for as long as we can”

    Like

  • kinnz03

    When I made a statement about not playing “games” BC he made promises he would stop chatting and talking to other women he would say then why are you a part of it ? If you didn’t snoop you wouldn know and you wouldn’t be acting so “crazy”
    “What I talk about with my women friends “is none of your business”
    Have you lost your mind?”(uh yeah the moment we met)
    “I don’t think we live on the same planet ”
    “I can’t help it that she thought I liked her in that way
    (He was caught having an old highschool “friend” send him a picture of her boobs, this after months of conversations about how signs mean everything in his world and she was a very important sign! )
    I’m the reason for his “failures”
    He was once a pro ball player who graduated with a degree from oh I don’t know 5 different colleges? ( he didn’t go to college) yep my husband of 17 years …who’s parents are missionaries and wonderful people …he is the perfect example of someone with a great upbringing…my only thought is that his being adopted may have something to do with his narcissistic personality.

    Like

  • Carrie Reimer

    kinnz03, That sounds so familiar. When he used MY laptop and forgot to sign out of your POF and other dating sites and chat app’s and when I went on to check my email I was bombarded with women wanting to chat a(who seemed surprised he had a common-in-law wife) and his email popped open when I went to open mine. I discovered he had only hidden his profile not gotten out of the site as promised.
    It was MY fault for snooping, according to him everything was just fine until I snooped and this just proved once again why he never lets me use his laptop. WTF???!!
    That is interesting about your husband’s upbringing. James was adopted also and raised by the most christian couple I have ever known. I don’t think it has anything to do with being adopted, almost everyone can look back and find something in their past that they could blame for their bad behavior.
    I believe they are born that way and what kind of upbringing only affects how well they hide it. An abused narcissist will be more openly abusive whereas a N raised by loving parents will be imitating their behavior and probably fit into society more seamlessly.
    My ex also talked to girls from his old home town on Facebook and it was sickening the way they carried on and he said I was being catty.
    They are all the same and they think they are so special and unique, HA!! they are just generic assholes, all using the same lines, all operate the same.
    Thanks for commenting
    Hugs
    Carrie

    Like

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