Common Expressions of a Narcissist

Here are a few expressions commonly used by a narcissist. Please feel free to add any you might have in the comment section.

“I don’t know what to say about that”
When he knows he should be showing an emotion but because he doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.

“There are many types of love, the love I have for you is different”
When he is caught saying I love you to another woman.

“They can’t believe their good fortune to finally have someone there who knows what they are doing, it’s going to take me a while to straighten up the mess from the last guy”
(Every time he gets a new job)

“I had them eating out of my hands.”
(Believes in manipulating others to create results).

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
(After verbally maiming and then pretending there was more to say)

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
(A justification for receptively breaking promises)

“Just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear.”
(A justification for verbal abuse)

“You’re the only person who misunderstands what I say”

“You’re to sensitive, over-emotional, paranoid.”
(Same as above)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t repeat what I said 5 minutes ago”
(No matter what you say they said they will disagree)

“I’m sorry, what more do you want from me, I can never make you happy no matter what I do.”
(Followed by justifications for the behaviour with body language that is clearly not aligned with an apology)

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry.”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“Why do you have to live in the past?”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“What about your issues?”
(When failing to take responsibility for unacceptable behaviour)

“You make me behave like this, I am only reacting to your actions”
(Same applies for above)

“You’re the only person in the world I have these problems with.”
(Same applies for above)

“I can’t live with your dysfunctional perceptions”

“Why would I want to; come home, answer the phone, do something nice for you, (fill in the blank) when you act like this?”(Diverting blame)

Uses “loop hole” statements, such as:
“I *think* I’m falling in love with you” (he didn’t say he does love you)
“I *could* do this or that” (later he can say I said I could not that I would)
“*If* I asked you to marry me would you?” ( he didn’t ask)
“What size is your ring finger?”
(How you interpret that is not his fault)

“You act like my mother,” or, “You’re a control freak.”
(When asked for the truth or trustworthy / accountable behaviour)

“You know I hate conflict, but you continue to create it”
(When you confront him on something he’s done)

“This is exactly why I look elsewhere, you are always angry”
(When confronted about cheating)

“You should listen to yourself”

“If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be upset” when asked what is the truth then? Replies,”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway so why bother?”

“I’ve had enough, it’s over”
(When confronted on something like continued infidelity, rejecting you for being angry)

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person”
(While walking away from an argument)

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663 thoughts on “Common Expressions of a Narcissist

  1. Yvonne

    Yeah he is on personal levels with some of the hotels cuz he works late and has to be up in the morning so he just stays in hotel. This was before me. He did stay in hotel few times but I’d go up there too. He used to carry phone numbers of the front desk clerks in his luggage bag. He’s a stalker I swear. I’ll find out if he takes his player phone that he thinks I know nothing about and check it when he comes back on thurs nite. I will be face timing him on iPhone every nite. I don’t trust him and I’m having a frickin breakdown over it. My friends say I need to be in counseling. He is destroying me. Idk how to break this spell he has me under? His favorite song he sings all the time is shake that Ass for me by eminem and I sing break free by Arianda grande. He’s a player pig. I keep telling myself nobody will want his chubby ass and his supply will not be fulfilled. Idk. We will see how this goes. I better start back on my journals. This will be #4. I swear we all should write to the view of the talk and get this disorder recognized through media. I feel relieved that I’m not the only one but sad that everyone’s stories are linked somehow to the same kind of person. It’s scary to know how it’s gona end but it’s something that has to be done. I just need a reason….I know sounds stupid but I need all my suspicions resolved so I can walk away with tears of pain but joy as well. It’l make the no contact rule more easier for me.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Yvonne, I don’t know how long you have been with this guy but if you wait until all your suspicions are resolved you will be there 10 years like me, or longer.
      I encourage you to do a lot more reading up on here, there are many great articles or some other site; but you will never get the closure you are seeking.
      There is always going to be doubt because they will never admit to doing anything wrong, even if you catch them in bed with another woman, they will find a way of making you the one who drove them too it. If you end it they will beg you back and promise they’ve changed and know now that you are all they will ever want or need in a woman. You will end up walking away weaker, more broken than ever before OR he will dump you and blame you for everything and tell everyone you are a psycho bitch from hell.
      Reread your comment, you are staying with a person you have to “facetime’ with because you can’t trust them. Is that a loving relationship? Victims lose focus on what is important, they get so intent on proving that they are right, catching him and then they will be able to walk away. All that happens i the victim accepts more and more. I used to think catching a man I was involved with having a personal ad would be enough for me. But he talked me into staying, he was just doing it because he was out of work and i was gone all day (at work) and he was bored. I told myself he was depressed about not working.
      He said as soon as he got a job he wouldn’t have time to be on the internet. He got a job, we moved to a new town. it was a new start, everything was going to be great.
      he worked 24/7, not really, he spent all his time on the internet. personal ads, porn, and God only knows what.
      I told myself it wasn’t really screwing around if he didn’t meet the women, after all how likely was it that he was going to bring a Russian bride to Canada? Then he started talking to the women, I never caught him in bed with a woman, 10 years went by and I had every reason to suspect he was cheating but never had enough proof to leave. until he made life so unbearable I had to move out, but I still held out hope until we went for dinner and the next day he moved in with the love of his life.
      You think it won’t happen to you.
      I am urging you to walk away while you still can. It will not be easier down the road believe me.

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  2. JoAnn

    I hope you can find something to your suspicions. All I had was call and text logs off bill. Never saw one text or picture. So aggravating when you know “something” happened, they downplay it and you’ll never know. And they sure as heck are NEVER gonna confess or tell you the truth. Well, they do in their own way.. indirectly. Good luck.

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  3. Yvonne

    Your right. I do need to figure out something. He works constantly sun up to sundown paving asphalt he is the foreman there. So there’s the superior sign. That’s why he had to go to Texas to help out down there. Says he will be working 10-14 hours a day and will be exhausted. Told him no bars and no starting at girls either. If I don’t resolve my suspicions cuz he’s being good then I’ll have to wait for him to screw up. I don’t know. I’m just a little lost

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  4. Yvonne

    When we went out of state to go pick up a truck for his work. He left his phone in truck while dealing with gas station clerk I went through his phone and someone txd 2 pics of a girl sitting in a bathroom sink with stockings on (being a slut) and I was enraged. Felt like puking and wanted my best friend to come get me in Ohio.( I checked his old phone a few days later after and those same pics were in there too must be his favorite pics from whoever it is.). I wrote down number but idk who it is. The next morning I saw a reflection under hotel bathroom door of him pleasuring himself to his phone. “Hello! Your girlfriend is in the next room”! I don’t get it! Iv tried everything well not the main thing he wAnts me to do (sexual fantasy of his) he’s not worth it to give him that. He’s friended so many girls from Texas and all the other states he mite be working in. Maybe I should just write him a letter and lay out everything that’s pissing me off and see what he says. The other day we got I. Arguement about trust and he says if you don’t trust me than lets just go our separate ways. He made it sound guilty on my part and I lied and said no and I froze like a pipsqueak. When I take him to airport I think I will end up breaking down and yelling him no I don’t trust you and these are the reasons why. I’ll just leave out player phone. Sounds messed up and crazy I know. But thank you for your words of wisdom and it’s great to know I can talk to someone with experience. I just hope it ends well and hope there is a normal guy out there for me. But I think I’ll need to be by myself for awhile to clear my head.

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  5. Virtuous

    Yvonne, if you can, try to find a counselor to talk to that can get to the bottom of your insecurities and low self esteem, which I assume is the root of your tolerance of this abuse. Hopefully through counseling, you can find your inner strength, walk away and never look back. You’re focusing on the wrong thing…him. Focus on Yvonne and what keeps you healthy – mind, body and spirit. You’re a queen who deserves to be treated like one. It’s better to be alone than abused. Protect your heart from narcs like your boyfriend. Narcs have a scary, serious mental problem. I agree that it should be exposed more. I’ve been married to one for eleven years and he’s the worst person I’ve ever known in my life. After his diagnoses by a therapist, I craved knowledge about the disorder and how people become victims. I just couldn’t believe how I managed to end up with someone so twisted. Counseling really helped me. Don’t waste anymore time with this guy. Take care of you.

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  6. Yvonne

    Thank you fir your words of encouragement. It really does help to talk to someone that has lived this horrible experience and be able to share it. We have been face timing and he is being good down in Texas. I told him I was having a hard time with him going down there and please not make it worse. He’s been face timing me when he gets out of work and when he gets to hotel which is hour and half from the job and facetimes me before dozing off to sleep. Maybe I’m just going crazy but he shouldn’t make me feel like this. I cried in devastation after dropping him off at airport…I was Going to miss him but it was more of crying cuz I was afraid he’d go look at girls. Especially when I found a girls number in his wallet Friday for the coffee truck girl. Idk if it’s a Forman thing to have one on call for their construction crew or does he have it for personal reasons? I checked his work truck and his player phone that he thinks I know nothing about is not in there. He either took it with him or locked it in his safe. And he got a new iphone 6 plus and restarted his old iPhone with different passcode. He’s hiding something on it cuz why would he do it. I’ve tried getting into it but it keeps disabling it. He’s playing stupid mind games and I’m getting exhausted at trying to win. He told me to call the dr while he was gone cuz he seriously thinks I’m bipolar cuz I’m driving him nuts. But he does these cat and mouse games to make me go crazy. So he can call me a psycho bitch. Idk. He said he wasn’t Going to any bars or anything cuz he’s trying to make this easier on me which is nice of him. But why the games? He does face time me so I can see and not have a panic attack of where he is and where he’s going. I’m thinking I’m being too much of a bitch about all this but if he wasn’t so secretive and shady I wouldn’t be. My best friend says just sit him down and tell him the truth and what you know about his scemes and see him try to wiggle his way out. She said I have to find the strength to say enough is enough. Just like you said. I’m afraid of calling a counselor but I know I can’t keep letting him charm and then make me go psycho it’s not fair and not healthy. I’ll have to read more about codependency since I’m in a toxic relationship and think there is no other way out. This research helps SOOO much but it scares me too. Hate disappointing people and hate confrontation. I have tendency to bottle everything up and that’s not good. I will have to start my 4th journal soon. I’m turning 40 this year and would like to celebrate with my friends and have a good time and enjoy it. I am getting closer to the light and I have you to thank. So thank you….again and again.

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