Support Forum

 

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To all new visitors! Welcome!!
You have found a great group of supportive people who have all been through what you are going through and understand completely the devastation you are feeling.
You are NOT crazy and you are not to blame, you are in a relationship or just left a relationship with a narcissist/psychopath. You are not alone. Come as often as you like to vent, ask questions, cry, and get support and encouragement.
All I ask is that everyone is respectful of each other’s opinions and understands that most everyone here are at a heightened emotional state. While with the narcissist the victim lived with constant trauma, drama and were told constantly that they were wrong to feel what they were feeling and that they were flawed in some way; it makes sense they are very sensitive to criticism. 
Opinions are just that, if someone has a different opinion than you it doesn’t mean someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Everyone is entitled to voice an opinion.
I may have an opinion you don’t agree with and I am more than willing to back up whatever I say, so feel free to question me and I will explain why I feel the way I do. Not to convince you I am right but to explain why I feel the way I do and maybe I will give you some information you didn’t know before. Or maybe you will enlighten me. An exchange of ideas is healthy and how we learn. 
Just remember, narcissists are basically all the same but the victims are as different as people can be, we all have our own history and frame of reference. Please respect that!
Hugs
Carrie

6,120 thoughts on “Support Forum

  1. Rosi

    Ciao Carrie Kim Lost and All.
    How are you?
    I’m back home after three days spent at the sea. My friends have shown me a lot of affection and been very kind. Life can still be beautiful, even now.I wrote a new poem and dedicated it to my friends in Paris, a declaration of love to them and to the staying in that city.
    I still have some difficulties with sleeping in despite of meds, they have a strange paradoxical effect, but I know it takes time and patience. I now need to go back to therapy and go on with the work. I’d like to share something wrote by an Italian author I love, I don’t know if you already know Italo Calvino. I dare translate a piece in English that means a lot to me and makes me think that maybe he also met someone who wreak havoc :

    The hell of the living is not something that will be. If there is one it is already here, the hell we share every day, that we form being together.
    There are two ways not to suffer from it:

    The first one is easy for many: Accepting the hell and becoming part of it, until you no longer see it.
    The second is risky and requires constant attention and learning:
    searching and being able to recognize who and what is not hell. and making it last and giving it space.

    (Le città invisibili)

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    1. kim

      hello rosi im so glad to see you getting better your poem really meant something today ive felt so depressed today and reading your poem made me realise we are all suffering but also helping each other i bet it was lovely by the sea yes we need to focus on our futures instead of going over the past thankyou for reminding me today i needed it all takes time thankyou for your poem so true xxx

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      1. Rosi

        Ciao Kim, thank you for reading and for your appreciation. I am glad if it has meaning for you too. Yes, the past three days were lovely, taking a walk on the beach, feeling the breeze of water on my feet, the smell of the sea in the wind, eating some italian deli focacce with fresh pesto and mozzarella. Ironically the little town is named as my ex partner. Life can be so weird sometimes.. My friends took a lot of pictures of me, it made me feel I do exist for someone. I need to feel I live for myself now.
        wish you re doing better.
        ciao

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        1. kim

          rosi your description of by the sea makes me imagine how lovely it is you have some good friends to support you im very pleased i am having a bad time lately i have no friends and have got pain condition and feel low but am going to try and get myself together a bit i will plan on trying to get friends when i feel a bit stronger rosi you are an inspiration to me we have to keep fighting i have to get used to doing things alone and enjoying things again it all takes effort but we all have determination keep doing such lovely trips with your friends its a wonderful thing when you have your health and can have fun good luck rosi xxx

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          1. kim

            rosi just wanted to add when you said i have to live for myself now it made me think i have to think that too im going to remember that line thankyou x

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            1. Rosi

              Kim, I am sorry to hear you don’t have any friend. Let me say you I know how precious they are. Anyway, I feel lonely most of the time. You know, they have their own life, their difficulties, their jobs. So, even if now some are showing support and friendship (and that means a lot) I spend my days on my own, long hours not talking to anyone. Sometimes I get a call, but the rest of day (eccept for the last weekend) I am alone with myself and my thoughts. So, that’s why I have to get back my self worth, my need to live for myself, just as it has been for so long before I met Gio. Friends can help a bit but I need to do the work, as Carrie wisely said,no one can do it for me.
              I don’t know your phisycal pain but I can tell you I do know what it feels like when even your phisycal helth has been compromised. I used to get painful headaches, herpes all over my face for an year, stomachache, and I’m in a menopause at the age of 40 (I can’t help relating it to her obsessive wish to make me have children). I guess those are all reactions, somatisations, my body was yelling “please stop”. When I left, there has been a remission of all symptoms, but the menopause. This is irreversible. Plus, she used to make me feel guilty for that, she used to say I was such a burden, often ill, guess why.. Please note she never took care of me when sick, never. indeed I had to take care of her even for a cold, she layed in bed and expect three meals a day served in bed, giving her all the attention. And she played the victim, talking to herself like this, crying as if it was her having those troubles “oh poor me, why to me?” why to you?? I had to confort her, I was not even allowed to complain for my phisycal pains, nor to have some rest, thanks to her.
              So, just to let you know I maybe can understand a bit, hoping this is not going to offend you.
              Take good care and good luck to you too.
              Ciao

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              1. kim

                rosi im sorry to hear you have the menopause i have too i am 48 bit older than you but the mood swings and other things are horrible i was also called a burden for not being able to work my ex was very cruel when i was bedridden yet if he was ill he needed constant attention it is hard when you are suddenly on your own i was married at 21 had child at 24 27years down the line he cheated and left me ive never been without him for 30 years mmost of my life on a positive note but realised looking back how bad he was and is for me i have no contact for over 2 weeks i said i wanted him out of my life and meant it he is a constant bully i have ressisted contacting him even though been tempted he was all i knew but on a positive note its part of the healing to be alone with our thoughts im sorry you are lonely rosi i think we all have to deal with that in some way i like listening to music and this forum helps me a lot im thinking when my daughter goes travelling i might get a pet carrie has a lovely companion with her dog we all understand each other here and can relate to each other wishing you luck and health xxx

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  2. Wifey Dux

    Hi there

    I’m a first time commenter, but I’ve been stalking the articles and comments for a few weeks. It has been amazing and eye opening to read all of this. My N was my high school sweetheart, married 13 years, together 18. 4 affairs (that I know of) and the last 5 years in chronic pain, only realising after I left that ½ of it was from tensing up all the time waiting to be yelled at. I still can’t believe this is happening to me, that the love of my life isn’t at all who I tried so hard to pretend he was. How the fuck do I get over him? Ive been trying so hard to have no contact but he just keeps realing me back in. It’s been 4 weeks since we last saw each other and I’ve asked him to leave me alone but I’m worried he won’t, and I won’t be strong enough to not reply, and then I’m worried that he won’t. I have up kids for him and I’m now 34, separated and so heart broken. He was my identity, il and I would consider myself a smart woman, how did I let this happen? I just want to wake up and it’s all been a bad dream. Anyway, thanks for listening :-)

    Ex-wifey

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    1. kim

      hello i feel the same feelings of how will you ever get over them i think the longer you have been with them married or not the longer it will take its an eyeopener when they turn out to be a completely different person ive been married 28yrs he first cheated well into the 26yrs i did the begging thing few times but gave up on about the 8th time of saying he was leaving me he was always a control freak a pervert and a bully he is now dating young women the ageof my daughter he is 52 thinks he is george clooney not i had a few weeks ago an aggressive call from him i found the courage to tell him to leave me alone he likes to threaten me about money and accuses me of all sorts then tries to be friendly sorry my reply is so long i can relate to the feelings after being in a long term relationship and knowing nothing else this place has been a saviour for me also carrie gives such good advice on how to deal with them she got through and i hope to do the same it helps to know you are not alone good luck xx

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  3. Neveragain4me

    So I got a text from a random number from the town he used to live in where the girl he dated before me still lives. When he came back to me in October, by December we had a fight and I found a hand written letter to her just like ones he sent to me to get me back. He tried to say it was from years ago, but there were tell tale signs of things going on in the present that he referenced. He broke down crying saying he had to reach out to someone bc I wasn’t responding. Such an N. Now I feel like he went back to her after discarding me. Probably sent that letter to her months ago planning my discard. Is that text nothing? It was at 2:16 Am and it was just a period. I text back this morning who is this? No response. I feel like I’m paranoid. I do feel like he would not want us to have each other’s numbers however to be able to communicate. Just maybe wants me to know he’s in that area. It’s scary how the manipulation continues after they are gone and it may be a coincidence. Thoughts?

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Neveragain4me, who knows? really, it is impossible to know why they do half the things they do. I know James made contact more in an absent minded way when we first split, even when he was with his new woman. They would be in the wee hours of the morning usually. I assumed after she had gone to bed and probably he was sitting looking at porn and thought, “What the hell I am bored, I’ll screw with Carrie’s head a bit.” I would of course wake up and see this text from him and read all kinds of things into it. “Does he miss me?” “He’s thinking about me” “Should I reply?” torture myself all day, beat myself up for missing it at 2 am and then not reply right away hoping he was sitting there wondering why I hadn’t replied and then finally give in and reply and get nothing back ever.
      He would ask a question, like “How are you doing?” I would eventually reply and he would never answer me. Or he would answer me and I would reply to that and then he would not reply. He always was the one to not reply. and everything I would kick myself for responding.
      The only reason I wonder what he is up to now is because whenever he rears his ugly head something bad happens in my life. He is not toying with me, he means to do me harm, if he ever did text me or call I certainly would not answer or reply.

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  4. healing

    I’m sorry I missed this Rosi. This is wonderful! Makes total sense in any language and amazingly beautifully said, whether understanding narcissism, or not. Thank you for sharing!
    Create on..

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  5. healing

    I know Robert Frost well. I love his works. However, your story rings true for all of us Rosi, so the story could never get lost. Tell it to others, tell it to all, tell it to all who will listen!
    Love and Light

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  6. healing

    I can’t read the words, but this is disturbingly beautiful nonetheless. You have alot to give Rosi. Don’t give up now! You’ll get through this, and be all the better for it.
    Love and Light

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