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The 3 Phases of a Relationship With a Narcissist

Welcome, so you are wondering what the hell happened aren’t you? You thought you had met your soul mate and you were the luckiest woman in the world. Of course in phase 1 you weren’t questioning your relationship, but like a switch going off everything changed, even if you can’t put your finger on it, something is very wrong. You entered phase 2, for a while you just chalked it up to him having a bad day, or maybe he is sick, maybe he has a brain tumor, or he’s having a nervous breakdown, it will take a while before you go searching for answers about why the love of your life has turned on you.

I was into the relationship for over 5 years before I went looking for answers and even then once I found Narcissist and JC fit the description almost to a T and our relationship was following the course described in various web sites I still didn’t believe he could be unfaithful or would discard me so callously.

It is almost impossible to get your head around the notion he could ever just toss you aside with nothing, and not even look back. If anything; while you are reeling in pain from the relationship ending he’ll take the opportunity to give you a kick in the guts a few times for good measure and make sure you know it is all your fault.

If you are in phase 2 and think you are hurt and confused please believe me it is nothing compared to the excruciating pain of phase 3. You would be doing yourself a HUGE favor to get out now. I only know of one of JC’s ex’s that left him before phase 3 and she is the only one to have gone on to other relationships with other men.

The Phases of Loving a Narcissist

Idealization

During this phase a narcissist is very loving and is in his or her best behavior. A narcissist can be extremely charming and loving, which often makes a person fall head over heels in love with them. If a narcissist is cheating on his or her present partner with a new lover, it is often more due to the actions of the narcissist than the lover that the relationship started in a first place. While pursuing a new lover, a narcissist is often claiming that he is very unhappy in his or her current relationship, the woman takes him for granted, abuses his good nature and he is carrying the load financially, in the home and emotionally. He will say he has tried and tried and done his grieving of the relationship long ago. He has had to stay because he’s afraid she’ll try to kill herself if he leaves, or she just won’t accept that its over. He is about to get a divorce/separate, has never felt as strongly towards anyone else as he or she is now feeling towards the new lover, etc. If you are the married one he will become your best friend and perhaps even befriend your husband, he will point out how your husband takes you for granted, be telling you how he wished he had a woman like you, he will be your perfect match, totally into you, always so happy to see you, wanting to know all about you, your hopes and dreams, you will feel attractive, appreciated, it will be exciting, his romantic gestures will take your breath away the love-making like nothing you have ever experienced before, you will feel like the sexiest most desirable woman on earth. You will feel you must have this man in your life, you can face anything as long as he has you in his arms. It is intoxicating, you can not believe your good fortune to meet this wonderful man and he loves YOU. A narcissist knows how to say all the right things to disarm the other person and to make the other person fall hard.

Unfortunately this “honeymoon” period never lasts for long. A narcissist soon grows bored and restless and starts to look for another provider of a narcissistic supply. This is when a narcissist enters the devaluation phase.

Devaluation

During this phase the behavior of a narcissist changes, he becomes cold and uncaring almost overnight. this is when the “mask drops” and you see the real man. The narcissist no longer tells you how much he or she loves you, but instead becomes increasingly critical towards you. Suddenly he/she finds all sorts of flaws in your behavior and possibly also in the way you look. You start to feel increasingly unhappy and depressed, because you have no idea what you have done to deserve such treatment. You may try to please a narcissist and try to “make him or her love you again”, however nothing you do seems to be good enough. He may treat you well out in public but behind closed doors he acts as if he loathes you. He accuses you of things you aren’t thinking or doing, is controlling, twists your words, where once you could talk about anything calmly and rationally, now every thing turns into a fight. You find yourself walking on eggshells for fear of setting him into a rage. Every thing is your fault, you are paranoid, too sensitive, causing drama and you should know he hates drama. More than likely some addiction like obsessively watching porn has surfaced or he forces you to perform sex acts you aren’t comfortable with, the great sex you once had is a distant memory unless he is trying to win you over after a really bad fight. Speaking of which he has an uncanny ability to sense when you have had enough and are ready to leave and will turn back into the man you fell in love with just long enough to reel you back in.

During this phase a narcissist may start to look for another provider of a narcissistic supply and may end up cheating or having an affair, however still keeping the current spouse “available”, if the new relationship does not work out the way a narcissist is expecting. A narcissist is getting “kicks” when he or she is thinking that two people (the current spouse and the secret lover) are “madly in love” with a narcissist. This feeling serves as the source of a narcissistic supply. Often times they will leave evidence of their cheating around for you to find because your pain serves up such delicious narcissistic supply.

Discarding

During the phase of discarding a narcissist becomes totally indifferent to the needs and wishes of the (soon-to-be former) spouse of a narcissist. A narcissist is ready to move on after either finding another source of a narcissistic supply or simply having drained the current source (the current spouse) dry. The current spouse no longer serves as a source of a narcissistic supply and the current spouse is no longer useful for a narcissist. When a narcissist reaches this phase, there is no chance to reason with a narcissist. If you try to beg a narcissist to get back together with you, you are only feeding the ego of a narcissist and providing him or her with a transient source of a narcissistic supply as a narcissist feels you are now devastated after losing them and their “perfectness”. He/she will take great pleasure in rubbing your nose in his new relationship and .blaming you for the relationship failing. He will say how he has met the love of his life, she is calm and rational, they are soul mates and his new woman will be so smug about how special she is. You are left reeling, wondering what the hell happened, how could such a powerful love go so wrong. Not only does he dump you, kick you while you are down and spit on you, he will try to destroy your reputation, go on a smear campaign to win over your friends and even your family, he will accuse you of doing to him what he has done to you and make himself look like the victim. There is no staying friends with a narcissist even though he likes to keep his ex’s hooked as a back up supply and to keep the new woman on her toes. He will try to turn the children against you or get custody, they will leave you financially destitute, and emotionally devastated and taunt you to just kill yourself. They are evil and without mercy.

THEN, just when you are starting to heal and get your legs under you he will pop back into your life, professing his love, tears and all, apologizing for everything e ever did and you believe your prayers have been answered, the man you fell in love with is back and you fall lovingly into his arms. The arms of the devil. As he holds you telling you how much he loves you and how sorry he is, he is secretly laughing and giving himself a pat on the back for being so clever and irresistible, and planning how he will punish you for being so stupid as to believe him. In his mind you deserve to be punished for your gullibility and he feels so superior to have that kind of control over you. The cycle begins again only much worse this time.

If you found this article helpful you will probably find the following posts of interest also.

http://ladywithatruck.com/2014/01/30/search-terms-on-narcissists/

http://ladywithatruck.com/xmlrpc.php

http://ladywithatruck.com/abuse-can-be-subtle-and-deadly/

http://ladywithatruck.com/2013/08/15/whats-in-a-name/

http://ladywithatruck.com/2013/11/01/did-heshe-ever-love-me-2/

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1,652 responses to “The 3 Phases of a Relationship With a Narcissist

  • Andre

    PLEASE don’t believe it my daughter in law faked a heart attack to get my son back it was diagnosed as a possible panic attack and it was not 2 weeks till she was her.old mean self again

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    • Carrie Reimer

      Andre, thank you for sharing that! They are such good actors, I have heard similar stories and I went through it also; they will say and do anything to get what they want, anything. Moat people would be afraid it is bad Karma to lie about dying but they don’t care.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  • Tula

    carrie, thank you. I was to be out of town for three days but I didn’t go – he thinks I did, so I could give myself a break, or kinda one. He has taken my car in for repair, and been more responsive than he has in weeks since I told him last Thurs i was ready to leave and be done. But I am reading and learning everything I can. I am in such pain and just broken, but educating myself is the key to fully understand wtf is happening. It is my birthday this week when I “return”and he has asked me out. No plans made, just to spend it together. But he has no money so I would essentially be taking us out for my bday- like last year. I keep hoping this is a horrible phase and he will go back to him, but I know…It’s killing me daily.

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    • mary

      Hi Tula,
      Please break ties. I have been exactly where you are over and over and even as most recently as a few weeks ago. I too relied on my ex to give me money just last week to get new tires. Mainly because I felt he owed me since I drove him around for about a year and a half because he had a suspended license due to past DWI offense. The things I have endured with him have devastated me and destroyed my self-worth. As well as my will to live at times. With the support of my family and friends I am getting stronger every day. I am realizing he never was who he pretended to be. GIVE YOURSELF THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT AND SPEND IT WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU! He’s not worthy. If you put your trust in him again be certain he will betray you and disappoint you AGAIN. That you can count on.

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      • Carrie Reimer

        Mary, thankyou for sharing your experiences. You speak the truth!!
        HUgs
        Carrie

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        • mary

          Hi Carrie,
          I’m having a tough few days. I went away with some friends over night Friday and yesterday when I returned home I was feeling sad and lonely. I am used to doing things with him and am still missing that part of the relationship. I sent him a text and figured he was probably with his latest “project” and he was. Of course he made sure to let me know that he was with someone, in a subtle way, and then says “how are you?”. He probably went into the bathroom to text me back while he was with someone else. I can’t help feeling resentful that he is getting PLEASURE while I am still enduring pain. I block his number then I take it back off. It’s not that he is contacting me, he is too preoccupied and has tossed me aside for the moment. But when I feel weak or lonely I contact him. And he answers right back (unless of course he’s with a woman). I just feel so damaged sometimes. And wonder if it will ever get better. I am not a vindictive person AT ALL. Not like his ex before me who made a point of trying to hurt me as well. And I was not deserving of that. Not only have I had to take his shit but his EX-girlfriend has caused me pain as well. I understand her being driven to that point, but I never did a thing to her. She didn’t know me. And had she done it in a mature and kind way maybe I would have listened to her. I guess my point is, part of me wants to warn whoever he is trying to get involved with. That’s not who I am, but part of me wants to hurt him somehow! Do you know where I’m coming from. Thanks for your support!!

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          • Carrie Reimer

            Mary, great big hugs to you!! I have been where you are and it is a horrible place to be, we lose every time. You feel lonely so you contact him, he doesn’t answer if he is with someone, that hurts, if he does answer odds are pretty good he is going to say something hurtful to us, and even if he was nice, where does that get us? We know going back would be insanity. so why do we do it? why do we torture ourselves? Still clinging to that fairy tale? still holding on to that thread of hope? But really Mary, when I was honest with myself, I didn’t want to go back, i was miserably unhappy with him, I knew it was never going to be different, I was ashamed to admit he was my boyfriend most of the time because his behavior was so contrary to my moral standards.
            i wanted the impossible, I wanted a miracle and I wanted my fairy Godmother to twang me and make the pain go away, make the whole night mare go away. She was a no show.

            So I bit the bullet and just did not call any more. The last time I called him it was because I had lost my dog and was panic stricken, it was getting dark, I had called and called and Kato hadn’t come. I knew James was living somewhere close and Kato had always come when he called him (and would run straight to me) I text messaged, I called and begged him to help me. He never replied or answered. Finally Kato came back. The next day James messaged that his phone had been out in his car and he hadn’t heard my calls coming in. I knew differently, I had sat there at times while his phone rang and he didn’t answer it, I knew what he was like. I knew he had been sitting right beside his phone and saw it was me and didn’t answer. It was his favorite torture and control tactic he used on everyone.
            I decided then and there that I was not going to set myself up to be hurt any more. I knew I had control over him hurting me and I just refused to feed his ego any more. I had always had more pride than that, no matter how much a cared for a guy I never would have taken being treated that way before and I hated myself for being so weak and needy.
            You WERE a victim of abuse, whether you stay a victim or become a survivor is your choice.
            You have two options
            continue to be hurt by him and never heal or
            stop contacting him and start the healing process,
            you can’t have both.You feel broken because you are broken and you keep letting him rebreak you. You start to heal, ever so slowly and then you call him again and he breaks you again. It is like having a broken leg and insisting on walking on it and wondering when it is ever going to heal. You will not heal as long as you are contacting him and he is tearing you down. And there is always the chance you will call and he will be alone and decide to mess with your head and pretend he still loves you and want to get back together and then bam~! you are right back to square one again. AND as long as you are calling him the new woman is thinking he has to be a good catch if his ex is that hung up on him and can’t leave him alone.
            If you try to warn her it will be no different than when his ex tried to warn you, you didn’t listen and neither will this one. You don’t know what the relationship was like with his ex when you started dating him, they might have still been together for all you know. Whatever he told you was a lie that is for sure, just like he is lying to the new woman.
            One thing you can be sure of is that whatever he told you about his past relationships was a lie and you can be sure he is lying to this woman.
            I agree, you did not deserve to be treated the way you were treated, I didn’t deserve James new woman being so smug about having him but I also know she has no clue what I went through and from what we could tell by my actions I was really hurting over losing him and she was thinking she had a real prize and there was no way SHE was going to lose him like I did, SHE was going to make sure to treat him right and appreciate him.
            As long as he is able to hurt you he has no need to show his true colours to her, you are enabling him to keep his mask on longer. He is using you to hook the new woman.

            Get off the roller coaster. You can do it, some times it is one day at a time, other times it is one minute at a time. Come in here, when you get lonely and want to call, sit down and write a list of all the horrible things he did to you, read more posts on these assholes and read posts I have done about him and the ow. Instead of picturing and him so happy, picture the truth, she is going to go through exactly what you did.
            The truth is, the only “pleasure” he is getting is in knowing that he is sucking in another victim to abuse and destroy. Hardly what I consider “pleasure”, more like sick, twisted, and and despicable cruelty.
            Victims always say they can’t help it, they have to call. We control our minds, our mind does not control us. We can control what we think about, we can retrain our brain.
            For how ever long we have turned to the N for love, approval, to make us feel worthy. Not getting it from him made us want it even more, from him. Gaining that approval became an obsession, it was all we thought about, earning it, keeping it, guarding it, and the fear of losing it. 24/7 we thought about him, so our default reaction to anything is to call him. We have to replace that reaction and retrain our brain.

            when your brain is telling you that you are lonely and need to call him, remind yourself that you just got back from being away with friends, you had a good time and this “loneliness” will pass. Go for a walk, call a friend, volunteer at a soup kitchen or animal shelter anything but act on your impulses.
            Hugs
            Carrie

            Liked by 1 person

            • mary

              Good morning Carrie,
              Thank you so much for responding to me and for reminding me what a waste of time it is corresponding with him in any way. You get it because you’ve been there, and that helps immensely. I asked him if I could see him yesterday and when he finally answered he said “ok later”. Then I told him never mind and that to please not show up where I was going to be that afternoon as he hangs out there often. He never answered but did not show up thankfully. But later in the evening he was texting me and trying to lure me into coming over I think. BUT I didn’t and I wish I never contacted him to begin with. It is like an addiction because I really am not even attracted when I see him. I’m disgusted. But there is still this unhealthy attachment and I want to be rid of that feeling. I know it will take time and I know I have to cut off all ties. I will block his number again today because it does seem to help. And I do try not to picture him being with someone as a couple but like you said as a predator and his victim. She has no idea what she’s getting into. From what he told me recently he’s sleeping with more than one woman so which ever one seems to be the easiest prey, I’m sure that will be the one he ends up pursuing. I will try to stay occupied and do healthy things to be rid of these feelings. I have to STOP giving him exactly what he feeds on. And remember that to be happy again I have to be free of him for good. Sometimes it seems like most of it never happened. When a relationship ends you should be able to at least look back on it and smile occasionally. Not in this case unfortunately. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am committed to moving on.
              Hugs back!! MARY

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              • Carrie Reimer

                Mary, you sound a bit better, stronger, resolved? I am glad I could help to remind you. Please come in for another reminder any time. We need to be reminded a lot at first as we retrain our brain. Keep looking forward, you can do this! I believe in you.
                HugsCarrie

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    • Carrie Reimer

      Tula, been there, done that. Please just keep on reading and know you are not alone. We all like to think we are “special” that yes he has a lot of the traits of a narcissist but he really loves you. He wouldn’t purposely hurt you or try to destroy you.
      They always get nice once the victim decides to leave, there is a challenge again, now they can try to get you back. What fun! break your heart and then win you back, break your heart win you back and every time they break your heart they step up the abuse. Then the icing on the cake is when they tell you it’s your own fault the hurt you because you kept taking them back.
      I know you hurt but remember, he wanted you gone, at the very least make him work for it, please don’t allow him to treat you with disrespect.
      Remember, no matter how much you love him and don’t want to lose him. Allowing him to disrespect you will never win his love or loyalty. If making him work for your love and commitment makes him walk out of your life then you have your answer. from the sounds of it, he has told you he does not want a committed relationship, he has never been with someone longer than a couple of years. He is being more honest than any narcissist I know.
      So many times victims get the truth from the narcissist we just chose to not listen to it. They are great at mixed messages. One minute telling you they don’t want a committed relationship the next minute calling you like nothing ever happened and expecting things to carry on as usual.
      In 10 years I probably spent more than half of them not sure if James and I were a couple or not because he would say he wanted out but then act the exact opposite. I thought he was just fighting his love for me. That he had been so hurt in the past he was sabotaging our relationship when we got too close and eventually he would realize how much I loved him and I wasn’t going to leave him like all the rest.
      Be very careful to not fill in the blanks with what you want to be and take things for what they are.
      Good luck and big hugs
      Carrie

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  • Tula

    Thank you Carrie, I am having a really , really bad day. I feel so isolated and alone. I am just laying in bed paralyzed by the sadness. Like I said he does not know I am in town, but I can’t stop all the thoughts, and physically aching for him. I know I shouldn’t agree to go out with him for my bday, and you know I probably will. I wish I could get into my therapist today. It’s so hard here- everyone loves him. He was in the paper this morning, but they don’t know how he rally lives or how cruel he has become- or just becomes towards me. I noticed he has not gone to therapy this week, as I pay for it and would get the notice. Makes me wonder is he just going to go through the motions. To say he tried. Our couple’s therapist is the one who diagnosed him a narcissist and an alcoholic, and he has not been back to him. He says until we figure this out there was no point and he would see an individual therapist so he could maybe talk through some of his challenges.

    I have never had someone just take everything away like this. I had one other relationship in my life that listed 9 horrible years, and I waited 13 years to date. To find the “nice” guy-I can;t believe I was so wrong. I moved xx the country to be with him, and now i feel like I have nothing.

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    • mary

      Tula, My heart breaks for you. I went through this last summer and decided to give him a second chance. Just to end up back where I was then! I wish I lived closer to you because I would sit down with you and compare stories and I know it would help you. I have too many stories to even get into but I know that feeling of being lonely. I hung out with my ex-BF even when I knew he wasn’t being faithful to me just out of loneliness. And all that is doing is torturing yourself more. You will do what you want and probably be with him on your birthday. I probably would’ve done the same and don’t judge you one bit. But if he truly is a classic narcissistic person, Carrie is absolutely right…next time will be even worse. Think of how horrible you feel right now and tell yourself I NEVER WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN. The only way you can be sure that you won’t be in this place again is to cut him off completely. You will do it when you are ready but I hate to see anyone go through the pain again!! I am 53 years old and after a failed marriage I went through most of my 40′s feeling deeply lonely and sad and waiting for a great guy to come along. I thought HE WAS THE ONE. All my friends and family did and EVERYONE was fooled by him. Just as the public is fooled by your man. That’s what they do best- FOOL PEOPLE! As I told Carrie, he made me believe in love again just to have the rug pulled out from under me. I have been kicked in the gut over and over by him but I am getting back up. And living life again. I still have bad days. I was tempted to text him last night because I started a new job and was feeling overwhelmed. But I DIDN’T. And I feel better this morning for it. Put your energy into YOU. Get healthy. Keep reading and stay strong.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ellie2013

        Mary,

        That was a wonderful answer to Tula! You are right, they fool people. I think sometimes that is the main part of the NPD, their ability to fool someone, reel them in, smile because the person took the bait, swallowed it and then to rip it out. And rip their hearts out with it. Hard to accept it is just a game to them. But it is. It’s what they live for. Given telling the truth and telling a lie they will always tell the lie. Just because they love to see someone buy “the lie” They get a zing out of that. It makes no difference to them that it is not true. “Truth” to them is their truth, whatever they are saying at the moment. I used to say , before I knew about NPD, that when my xhn spoke, they words, the intent vaporized the minute they hit air. I know now it wasn’t true, I know now he intended to lie, say the thing I would believe, then purposely NOT do it.

        Tula, IF you go ahead and make Birthday plans w/ the N, be prepared for him to not keep them, change them or just not show up or if he does be miserable. THAT is what they like to do. IF he knows your birthday is special to you he will go out of his way last minute to spoil it. Do you want to live in anticipation of that possibility?

        You say he was running for “office” that takes alot of money, backers. HOW did he justify accepting your money to see a therapist? Or did you beg him to go and tell him you would pay for it? Please save your money, sweetie. IF he wanted to really go, knew there was something “wrong” with him that he wanted to “fix” he would have taken care of the issue long before you came along. They like themselves the way they are, truely. They think they are superior to us. They will fleece a widow, a poor lady, someone on SS, to get what little she has, even when they have plenty, just because they believe they have a “right” to have whatever someone else has. By giving anything to them you are just letting them take advantage , there is no gratefulness ever. They feel they have a inherent right to have whatever anyone else has simply because they exist. Period.

        Please listen to all the ladies trying to help you. So much good advice has been given. And all the advice was learned the hard way. They all KNOW where you are and don;t want you to hurt more than you already are.

        Hugs
        Ellie

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        • mary

          Hi Ellie,
          So well put!! They always feel entitled!! As hard as it was to accept, and really still is, it’s all about feeding him. Always has been – always will be. Nothing hurts more than realizing that the man you thought adored you- did not adore you -because he ADORES HIMSELF. He thinks he is better than everyone and has pretty much said so in so many words. And yet he has very little to show for himself at 43 years old ! He told me that the World Cup was so very important and that I WASN’T. He told me he was tired one night from “f-ing someone else all night”. He has said more cruel things to me than I can list. These are just fresher and more recent. And then he would turn around and say he “shouldn’t have said it” or “that he still loved me”. He absolutely meant to say these things…he took pleasure in it. It’s sick and toxic. I pray I am not stupid enough to ever become his friend again. I am on the mend and thank you and Carrie and the other women sharing their experiences for helping me to move forward. It is way too easy to take 10 steps back by interacting with him.

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  • Carrie Reimer

    Tula, I am so sorry. I wish I could give you hope because I know that is what you want more than anything but the writing is on the wall I am afraid. If he is already not going to the counselor that YOU are paying for. That pretty much sums it all up. You don’t have to wonder if he is going through the motions, he isn’t even doing that! If he wanted to make it work he would be at the counselors. you have to remember they will SAY anything ot get what they want, the proof is in the actions.
    What do his actions tell you. You know. You just don’t want to face the truth. You are in denial and you will go on your birthday because you don’t want to be alone and miserable on your birthday and you will hope that he says something, anything positive that you can cling to so you don’t have to face the truth.
    But you are going to have to face the truth sooner or later and believe me now is better than later, while you still have some pride and dignity left. If you go back to him now it will be worse than ever. He will know he has you right where he wants you, willing to accept crumbs and he will treat you that way.
    Tula, please look at the facts, YOU are paying for counseling and he isn’t going. This big man in town can’t even pay for the counseling???? needed you to pay his way while he ran for office?? I don’t care what everyone in town thinks of him I want to know how you can respect a man who would use a woman like that? A man who won’t own up to his bad behavior and blames you for his actions. A man who felt fine taking from you for 2 years and now can’t bother to go to counseling to save the relationship.

    He WILL dump you eventually and if it is a year or 5 years down the road it is going to be way worse than it is now. Right now you can only think of ending your pain right this minute but you are only postponing the inevitable. He is not going to change.
    If you go with him on your birthday you will be making one of the biggest mistakes you will ever make. Ask any woman in here. Any one?? help me here!! Has any one ever decided to give it another try, gone for their birthday because they thought it was better than being alone and now can say they are not sorry?
    Tula, your birthday is one day. you can survive one day, we all can. Crying and being sad does not kill you even if you wish it would. and you have no options, You can continue to see him and postpone the inevitable, because he WILL discard you eventually or you can leave him now with your pride and dignity intact, get on with the task of grieving and healing so you can get on with a the life you are meant to live,
    We have all been there, I didn’t think I could do it but I did and so have hundred;s of other people. The longer you stay the more you lose.
    You have an unhealthy addiction to him, there are certain chemicals the brain releases, there are tactics he has used to get you hooked on him. It feels like you can’t live without him but you can. Here are a few older posts that might help you.
    http://ladywithatruck.com/2013/08/29/retrain-your-brain/
    http://ladywithatruck.com/2013/04/18/lying-and-wishful-thinking/
    http://ladywithatruck.com/2012/07/10/how-do-i-move-on-after-the-narcissist/
    http://ladywithatruck.com/2014/05/31/the-straight-goods-on-to-stop-the-abuse/
    Hugs to you Tula
    It does get better, especially once he is truly out of your life
    Carrie

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  • fee

    Carrie your a gem. I cant believe how many peoples stories are on here but its like text book. ….many involve them HELPING us out…with cars etc. I wont allow him too again after mine was a death trap when I got it back. I am 3 weeks off giving birth and he pops in and out via a email whenever. I was going to post them and let you all see the lies…but they are so dam good its unreal. A short re cap to them who don’t know me…my son was conceived in November….after 4 mths apart and him emailing he had changed and gone for help…great speech. I went over…a drink and a bit later I was on the bed half naked being filmed….I don’t know how I got there…who undressed me…but I couldn’t move…I lifted my head and asked what the hell he was doing…making out a light from a camera…he denied it the next day…but that night he had sex with me out of it while giving me a pan to be sick in once coming round alittle. I realised asking him to swear on his mother and fathers dead souls he didn’t film me….and he looked me right into the eye and swore. I knew then everything he had said to me was a lie. I never believed he really cheated on me….now I do. Anyway, every 6-8 weeks he crops up…pretending to care. I have refused to go back…I still feel angry. Anyway we will end up in court etc as I don’t want him around my son on his own…he will twist his poor little head. Now he is coming out with how mentally unstable I am, how I jumped on his cock (sorry but his words) screaming harder…how I controlled sex etc telling him what to do….everything he did….he is accusing me of.
    All this stemed from me telling him the CPS told me I am not to see him and that if I do I will be answering to them again…I am not risking my son to let him have rights…so I told them what they told me….take me to court. With that he blew….these ‘men’ will NEVER admit fault and I really have gone through hell…felt lonely, low, blamed myself…if only I did x.y or z…but it wouldn’t matter…they will never be consistent and will always hurt us….please read and read and read…learn….one day we may rid ourselves of hurt and evil…..but not while we are keeping them in our lifes..mind or hearts.
    x

    Liked by 1 person

    • ellie2013

      Fee!

      Wow, getting close to “baby time” huh? :) You sound good, much stronger than you had been, I hope it stays that way. Oh I know you will have your moments but I am hoping they are only fleeting ones. Stay strong, REST and take care of that little one ok? He will be here before you know it. Not sure about you but I just can’t wait to see him!

      Big hugs

      Auntie Ellie :)

      Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      (((((((Fee))))))))))!! Big hugs!! It is so good to hear you talking so clear headed. I love your new attitude!! How are you feeling?
      You know the two old mother hens (Ellie and me) are going to want to see a picture of this little guy once he finally makes his entrance into this world. You do sound so much stronger and resolved and that is a huge relief to me. I am confident this is going to work out, something wonderful is going to come out of all this.
      YOU are a treasure and don’t ever forget that! A wonderful kind hearted woman, beautiful inside and out. Thank you for your input, if anyone knows how hard it is to leave an N and if anyone knows the pain and confusion they cause it is you. I know you have been so scared, lonely and hurt beyond anything I can imagine. you are a strong lady and i am so proud of you and your new found determination to not let this scum harm you any more or your sweet baby.
      I wish I lived closer so I could be more help to you.
      take good care and please let us know when the baby comes and how you are getting on.
      Love and hugs to you my sweet friend!!
      Carrie

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  • andre

    Sorry to hear what you are going through. I do believe these sick people must have read the same instruction manual on how to do the things they do. I have applied for an iterdict against my daughter in law the silly moo is now endangering my life by pushing the car I travel in off the road. She put my son in a position where he lost his job she has a protection order against him based on lies so now I am the only thing left where in her sick mind where she can hurt him. Be strong and block him out of your mind he is not worth the head space. Only you have the power to stop him.

    Like

    • Carrie Reimer

      Andre, I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter in law, please be careful, you never know what they are capable of. they don’t care who they hurt when they get it in their mind to make someone pay.
      Thank you for your input, you are so right. It is as if they all took the same course on how to be a soul sucking bottom feeding scum.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  • andre

    Im stronger than my son but I never lived with her I know she will try something but I never loved her. My heart goes out to all the prople who are caught up with these crazies. My advice if there are no children GET OUT …BLOCK THEIR NUMBERS AND DON’T BELIEVE A WORD THEY SAY. For your own sanity they dont exist,they were just a bad dream.

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    • Carrie Reimer

      Andre, I pray people listen to you because you are so right! It must be terribly painful to watch your son go through this. Even if there are children I think a person has to get out. I know in the case of a man he has to leave his kids with this monster but some times I don’t think there is a choice and it is better to leave and try to fight through the courts. These people are so vindictive they will ruin a person and take the kids just because they know it is the one sure way to destroy the victim. I am so so thankful I was unable to have children with James. I can’t imagine the torture some victims go through.

      Like

  • andre

    The moos first husband has been accused of molesting his daughter who was told this when she was old enough to understand the sickness of a man molesting his daughter. This was of course of turning the child against the father. These monsters will stop at nothing.she even told her family that my grandson had less than a year to live all to get money out of them. THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING.I am trying to hold my son together but it is not easy. She really did a mind job on him.

    Like

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