A New Support Site Worth Checking Out

New support site

I have felt bad for a long time now about not being available to listen and help other survivors of narcissistic abuse. When I first started the blog 8 years ago I was monitoring it 24/7 and was able to be present and available almost any time someone needed to talk, cry, rage or just ask a simple question, or needed a complex answer to something.

It wasn’t always easy, times when I didn’t have a computer and did all my posts on my Blackberry, or couldn’t afford the internet, was living in my car, or my health was so bad I thought I was going to die; but I always found a way to get on the site and check on everyone.

In all honesty it was not as altruistic as it sounds, I needed the site as much as anyone and I also felt I was a few steps ahead of most everyone coming to the site and even if I didn’t have the answers to everything, and didn’t always know the right thing to do; I felt obligated to share my mistakes in hopes others didn’t make the same ones I did. I don’t know where I would have been without the support and encouragement I got from everyone here, not to mention the financial contributions I received, that quite literally kept me fed at times.

I still get the odd donation and it always brings tears to my eyes. As much as the money always helps, it is the fact that someone cares or is grateful or helped by my ramblings that fills my heart. This blog was my rebirth, through it I found the courage to speak honestly because I was never criticized for it, in fact I was praised for my openness and saying it like it is.

I would still like to write a book some day, I have it started……..I just have to find the time to getter done.

But, the last year I have found life getting in the way of the things I want to do, or maybe I have come to the stark reality that I am not getting any younger, 61 yrs old; and I have nothing! If I don’t somehow find a way to provide some security for my future I am in big trouble. I was told 2 years ago that without a heart transplant I wouldn’t live 6 months, so now I am concerned I might live and not be able to survive.

Plus life just keeps kicking me, or the narcs in the world and on Friday I go to court to fight some psycho who wants my dog killed because he says she is vicious. She has never bitten anyone in her life, but they decided to deem her vicious and now she is supposed to be muzzled at all times and kenneled or chained, I refuse to do it because she didn’t do anything; so I am going to court. I don’t know why the guy is lying through his teeth and is focused on killing MY dog, but then, narcissists don’t make sense. They want to destroy things and if you happen to be in their line of vision at the time it strikes them, they will take you down just for the sport of it, to show you they are all powerful. It doesn’t help that he works for the district and of course would have connections and loyalty from any department of the district.

Anyway, I didn’t start this post as a rant about my personal problems; I just wanted to say that I will always leave the site up and pay my $24/ year to keep it active. At one point I had over 3000 followers and was getting thousands of hits a day, it’s down to a few hundred hits a day now, but, when I started I thought if I helped even one woman avoid what I went through, I would be happy and it would have all been worthwhile. Well, it far exceeded my wildest dreams and for that I am extremely grateful. I will still pop in like I have been but I got an invite to “Empaths and Survivors”, took a look and I think it could be a really good support system for victims of abuse. So Check it out and tell Karen I sent you. 🙂

 

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The Lies We Use To Sabotage Our Happiness

This morning I listened to this TED Talk and want to share it with you. It discusses the false narratives we all have running in our heads.

I have covered this topic several times before but it is always worth repeating and sometimes people can receive the same information many times before something *clicks*.

I think most people deal with some sort of false narrative that runs through their head. A false belief instilled in you at a young age that you have continued to tell yourself over and over until it became part of your identity and influenced the choices you make, the people you associate with, the job you do, every aspect of your life.

Now, before I go any further, let me make it very clear, I am not victim blaming; but the narcissist is adept at feeding these negative false narratives and it’s how he controls his victims.

People always want to know how they can protect themselves from get tangled up with another narcissist. They think they must research every trait and nuance of narcissists so they can identify them. When actually, the best defense against a narcissist is to know, accept and love your true core self. Self doubt, needing acceptance, and guilt can not influence your choices if you believe in yourself.

My false narrative went something like this;

“Once people get to know you they will find out you don’t know what you are doing. You’re a fake.”

* Growing up I was always told what I should do in order to be successful, liked, accepted. For example, a good woman has a spotless house (my mother) a good wife gives her husband sex whenever he wants it, (my dad), a good wife is a great cook and hostess. Things that I did enjoy and was talented at were laughed at and ridiculed, like my writing (my father found my journal, called a family meeting and made me sit there while he read it out loud and laughed about my most private thoughts and feelings) My artistic talents were deemed; cute but not saleable.

* As a side note; my writing has made me money and helped thousands of people and my painting has kept my head above water for years and my landscaping is in high demand. They are the only things that have sustained me the last 10 years.

“You are overly sensitive, too emotional, something is really wrong with you, you’re a flake.”

* Something my father used to tell me, my brother heard it so often he believed it and joined in. Hard not to believe something when the two men you love the most telling you it’s a fact.

“You aren’t attractive, you are fat, ugly and you are going to have to try really hard to keep a man happy.”

My mother was always putting me on a diet because we both have a pear shaped figure. I look at pictures of myself now and I was not fat. I have gone my whole life feeling fat, had an eating disorder from 17 to 30 yrs old. My weight would jump 10 lbs in a weekend because I would binge and purge. When I stopped dieting, threw out my scale and started walking and working out my weight stablized and I’ve worn the same size slacks for 15 years. I remember being excited that a certain handsome fellow had asked me out and my mom said, “Hmmm I wonder why he asked you out?”

After leaving my ex I was so broken, felt so worthless and didn’t even know who the “old me” was so didn’t know how to put myself back together.

I had no choice but to dissect all the things I had been told about myself and determine if they were true or not. I knew if there was something about myself I didn’t like it was within my power to change it.

I found that when I listened to my gut and acted on what my core self felt was right and didn’t base my decisions on what I thought others thought I should do; life went much smoother and I never felt like a fraud or flake.

Listen to the TED Talk and tell me what your false narrative is in the comments below.

Donation Button

It has been brought to my attention by several people that my donation button wasn’t working.

I have been struggling with PayPal trying to sort it out. They wanted a business license number which is rediculous because I am not running a business and told them to just make it a private account then. They said they would, weeks ago and nothing has happened.

I just now opened a new personal PayPal acct and put the link in and the donation button seems to be working now.

If you are so inclined to make a donation it is much appreciated but please do NOT feel pressured by this post. I am only making it available because some people have asked.

Big hugs to you all.