The Narcissist’s New Girlfriend

I was reading posts on one of the many “victims of narcissistic abuse” support forums and one of the women posted this link.

I found it very therapeutic, because as much as I hate to admit it; I do feel it isn’t fair he’s gone off and found “happiness” and is giving her all the things I had asked for and he denied me.

I know in my logical mind he hasn’t changed, simply by the way he treats me and talks about me. If he had changed he wouldn’t be lying now. He would admit his mistakes instead of still blaming me for everything.

If he had changed he would be getting hold of his sister and apologizing and at the very least he would have gone to her when she tried to commit suicide.

Anyway, following is an article that really helped me deal with “the new girlfriend” and a link to the site which has a lot of very insightful information on recovering after a relationship with a narcissist. It helped me and I hope it will be a help to some other woman who is out there torturing herself thinking about the ex and his new “love”

The Other Woman–Now He’s HAPPY With HER!

Nothing cranks a woman up more than going through a drama-filled ending of her dysfunctional, pathological, abusive, addicted and/or sick relationship ONLY to find he rapidly moved on and now seems ‘so happy.’ Women tend to conclude it must have been ‘her’ and if he can be happy with someone else and not her, well then….it was some shortcoming in her and she needs to study up to figure out just what ‘went wrong.’

⁠February 7, 2011 by dl
Filed under Sandra Says (Column)

Ladies, ladies ladies….by now you have been reading enough of these newsletters to be able to ‘chant’ the ABC’s of Pathology I have been teaching you—pathology is:

The inability to:
– consistently sustain positive change
– grow to any emotional/spiritual depth
– develop meaningful insight about how his behavior negatively effects others


So what you have to ask yourself is how were his previous relationships? I don’t mean what he TOLD you they were (all her fault, she was a psycho, sleaze, or whacked) but what really happened in them.

If you developed a Relationship Time Line and wrote out all his relationships from his teen years forward AND the ‘quality’ of them and why they ended, what would you conclude? How successful IS this man in maintaining healthy relationships? Yup…that’s what I thought.

How was his relationship with you? No, I’m not talking about the honeymoon cycle when both of you are living off of endorphins. I’m talking about the guts of the thing….the meat and bones of it.

So, he has a history of his own ‘Trail of Tears’ — a path littered with the lives of wounded women and children? Your relationship has left you as one more statistic of his pathological heart breaks.

Now, there’s ‘HER’ — appearing all happy, snuggley and ‘in love’! You see her as getting all the good parts of him you always loved and none of the bad parts! After all, the reason
you left him was all that bad stuff!

Doesn’t it make you want to call her up and tell her what’s just around the corner in the relationship?

Doesn’t it make you want to curl up in a fetal position and cry that he has ‘found happiness in the arms of another?’

Doesn’t it make you sick in the pit of your stomach or consume you with intrusive and obsessive thoughts about how wonderfully ‘in love’ he is? STOP THE DRAMA!

Repeat after me….”Pathology is the inability to sustain positive change” “the best predictor of HIS future behavior is his past behavior” — so just what does that mean? There are honeymoon phases of every relationship. Lovers live on the high of the ‘falling in love stage.’ We already know that pathologicals don’t ‘technically’ fall in love but they do hang around and experience some level of attachment. But YOU experienced the whole endorphin falling in love sensation. Well, so is SHE.

How long did yours last? A few weeks, months or maybe a year or two of ok-ness? What happened next? Oh yeah, you found out his lies or noticed his inconsistency, or asked him to work, or caught him cheating….once you confronted him then you got the narcissistic rage, then maybe the aloofness, or maybe he even packed up and left.

Guess what’s gonna happen AGAIN? There will be the honeymoon for her, then she will notice his lies, inconsistency, ask him to work or catch him cheating, then she’ll eventually confront him (or live forever with the miserableness of knowing what he’s doing and not having the ovaries to confront him) and then he’ll rage, punish her, reject her, ignore her or leave.

~OUILA~ she is now on his ‘Stepford Wives List of Rejects’. She’s one more tear on his ‘Trail of Tears.’ You haven’t seen behind their closed doors to know what SHE’s dealing with….he hasn’t changed—he’s hardwired so she’s going to be dealing with the same thing you did. It’s just a matter of WHEN.

If I were a gambling girl, I’d put my money every stinking time on the consistency of pathology and his inability to ever change in ANY relationship–the previous one, yours, or the future ones. She’s not getting the best of ANYTHING. She’s you. And in a short time, she’ll be another statistic. If pathology doesn’t change, this relationship is wired for destruction.

There are NO happy endings in relationships with pathologicals. There are no pumpkin-drawn carriages, no sweet little house with three children…scratch that record! Stop attributing normal characteristics to a profoundly abnormal person.

Women spend all their precious emotional energy on obsessing about the quality of his relationship with the next victim instead of working on themselves–using that energy for their own healing. They live in a fantasy world where they are deprived of this wonderful relationship and he is off living the life of a normal person. This fantasy does not end with “And they lived happily ever after.”

Your positive fantasy thoughts of him being happy with someone are the memories that are
pulling all of your focus while you totally forget how this horror flick is going to end. If you need a reminder, read all of our archived Sandra Says columns.

Take a deep breath and come back…she hasn’t got anything you haven’t already gotten from him–MISERY. If she doesn’t have it right now, she will have it shortly. Once you really ‘get it’ about the permanence of pathology you’ll understand that his ability to be different in the relationship doesn’t exist. If he was capable, he would have done the changing with you. But he didn’t–and he won’t. Whatever exists right now is that short honeymoon cycle until she realizes what he is and ISN’T–and what he can NEVER be. Don’t bother picking up the phone and telling her what he is and isn’t. Just worry about your own recovery….from this
moment on, it’s all about you

The Other Woman–Now He’s HAPPY With HER!


175 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s New Girlfriend

  1. It’s been a year since I’ve seen or talked to my ex narcissist. As much as he destroyed me, and as much as I continue to let it destroy me, I continue to love and long for him everyday. He recently bought a house with someone that he dumped me for after only knowing her for 5 months. I know this girl is in for the ride of her life but none the less it hurts so much that she has everything he promised me and never gave me. it hurts so much, sometimes I get so jealous reading other people’s stories about how their ex narcs hover, I think to myself, why can’t mine do that to me? Just one text, a phone call, email, anything, I’d give my right arm for it. How foolish is that? my mind knows I’m the lucky one that he is gone for good but my heart wishes I would hear from him. I never got any answers from him, I feel I don’t have closure. We were together for 8 months, his mask came off after 5 short weeks, it was to the extreme, 2 totally different people. I never saw that amazing part of him again so why do I long for someone that I now know doesn’t exist? I was single for 9 years before I fell in love with this monster, the guy before him was bipolar and so was my husband, I just wanted to raise my kids without the drama. Even though bipolar was so hard to deal with, I’d do it again in a heartbeat over a narcissist. I never thought my husband felt love or had feelings because he was so mean but boy was I wrong. Nothing is worse than a Narc, zero empathy, zero emotion, zero cares about anyone but themselves. Narcissism is the scariest thing I’ve ever dealt with in a human being. I am so afraid to be around people anymore, as I’ve had a friend or 2 with horrible personality disorders also. I know I’m a people pleaser to the extreme so I’m assuming that’s why they flock to me but why do I flock to them? I guess I consider myself lucky for already knowing what a narcissist was, at least I’m not sitting here still in confusion but it doesn’t help with the hurt. I never told him or brought up narcissism as I know he would blow up and deny it. I know where his new gf works and have been tempted to just print out a sheet on Narcissim and mail it to her, not because I want revenge or want to hurt her but just so she has it in her brain for down the road. I feel so guilty knowing all this and letting him destroy someone else. But I’m opting against it. Im sure she has already seen some red flags. There’s a small part of me that thinks because he moved in with her that he is treating her like gold and that he must really be in love with this woman if he dumped me for her but deep down I know that’s not true, I’m assuming she’s going to have it much worse since she is living with him day to day. I guess I should count my blessings. I just don’t understand why these narcs are so awful towards us yet we long for them and can’t let them go, you’d think it be easy just to say goodbye and slam the door in their face. I hope and pray I can move on and eventually forget about him as I’ve done with everyone else, this one seems to be taking forever. I hope all of you can also heal and move on and feel real love at some point. Hugs and prayers!


    1. God bless’s very hard and you will find the strength to cope and forget about him.hes not worth it..iv been with or too.a horrible per.


      i feel your pain and you should know that it is totally normal to feel jealous and angry. it is normal to ocd over if they have a longer love bombing stage with the new supply, gf, than they did with you. we do this because we have trauma bonding. its similar to the stockholm syndrome. i love the work of ross rosenberg and meridith miller – for our healing and understanding why we stay in the addictive state after they leave. as for understanding the narcs more, i love HG tudor. he is a narc,sociopath who has a website and writes daily on what happens inside the mind of these soul suckers.


      1. I wouldn’t be so sure about Narcissists saying how they work. I mean, what would they get from it? And from what I read, some uses rehashed information or just plainly tell the truth but without using a tactic that makes the reader forget. I’ve experienced it many times before.


    3. I know exactly what you mean, mine discarded me and his step children he raised since six years old. We were together eleven years. It hurts so bad. He moved in with a girl he ment after two weeks and then moved out of state took a job as a teacher/coach ment a new girl in the first week and moved in with her two weeks later. I have a hard time letting go because I thought our love was rare and I was absolutely blindsided. I had many red flags but he was on his best behavior at first. It hurts that when I think about him feeling or treating the new girl the same as he treated me the first years.


      1. Susan, how long ago did he leave!? Give yourself time to heal. The victim always thinks they should be able to just move on, just because the narcissist moves on so quickly. He can move on because he never ever loved. Your love was real, plus you have been abused on all levels. They say the abuse a victim of a narcissist suffers is equivalent to the abuse a POW suffers.
        There are many good posts here dealing with retraining your brain to not obsess about him and other things to help you heal.
        Your brain automatically goes to thoughts of him because it’s been trained to think of him, the pathways are firmly entrenched in your mind. You have to create new pathways by forcing yourself to think of other things. It takes work!
        So many victims cry that they can’t help thinking about him and the new woman. Our brains do not control us,


  2. Noelle,
    It does take a while but you have to train yourself to overcome their craziess. We become addicted to them. Just remember success is the best revenge. Taking care of you is the most important thing (I know, easier said than done) cry it out, get angry, scream, punch a pillow and talk talk talk about till you get sick of yourself talking (that’s the only way to heal) Make sure you find a friend or family member that will listen, validate and show empathy as these were the things missing from the narc. Once you feel lice again from a friend or family member you’ll remember that you are worthy, loved and deserve more than crumbs and torment. Trust me we are much better off without them, you know in your heart and soul that you’ll be much better without them..We all are..she’s not getting any more than you did..feel sorry for her but dont contact her. Walk a way with your head held high and smile. He will do the same thing over and over and over just as he did before you. The best prediction of future behavior is their past behavior…Trust that to the full extent!!!
    Good luck to you..move on from that craziess (not easy I know) do something good for you and someone else today…shower, dress to impress YOURSELF you’ll start to feel much better!!!! I’ve been where you are, I’m not 100% over it but I will and so will you


    1. Sorry you are experiencing this all too familiar pain Noelle. I recommend you take control and block him form contacting you (online, texts, calls, etc)…. that way you won’t jump every time the phone rings or dings! It was hard but gave me so much peace when I finally did that! God bless!


  3. I know exactly how you feel. My ex was a monster. Cruel to the core. He would say the most hurtful things to me (he never loved me, never should have married me, I was holding him back, he was not attracted to me) and then, he would turn around and tell me he loved me and that I was his soulmate. He would stop talking to me for the slightest offenses. I gave him a spoon instead of a fork. It didn’t take much. It started escalating into physical abuse. Things like throwing something at me during an argument, raising his hand in a threat to hit me and slapping something out of my hand and yelling in my face when I refused to do what he said to do. I left him because I had a daughter to protect and I grew up in domestic violence and I didn’t want that for her. I didn’t want her replaying the trauma in her own life. I did a really good job of staying out of the marriage. He courted me more than he ever had and begged me to come back but I said no. His apologies were often hollow. He’d change for a week and then, the old behaviors would resurface. It was funny that his pleas for me to come back started the day after he called me a golddigger for asking him to contribute financially to his daughter’s wellbeing. Every time I rebuffed him, he would send a nasty message back. Finally, we divorced and things were still a little hostile between us, although he says that’s just how families argue. Not healthy ones in my opinion. He would hoover from time to time. Texted me at 5am in the morning about an imaginary illness. I called him of course like an idiot and was super worried about him and started researching things to help him. Come to find out, he was fine. He bought my book and sent me a picture to congratulate me. He finds random reasons to text me. Asks to come into my apartment all the time. Even on the day when I found out he had a girlfriend that he had been hiding for nearly 6 months. Hiding is exactly what it was because he’d park his car way down the street so I wouldn’t see her. He always referred to her as someone. But he introduced this woman into our daughter’s life and used our daughter as a prop to woo this woman. Sickening because before he turned himself into super dad, he refused to cook for her, potty train her, or even keep her overnight. Now, he’s buying her everything and turned himself into the fun guy. But yeah, after I found out about the girlfriend, I was upset. Not so much about him dating, just that I felt threatened that our daughter was developing an attachment to this person and I had no idea how she was presenting herself. I was worried she was trying to act like a mother figure. It was always upsetting given my ex was very territorial about other men in our daughter’s life so it felt like a double standard. I confronted him about it and he apologized along with apologizing for everything he had ever done and it sounded so sweet and sincere. He proceeded to tell me how he would never put another woman above me and that he loved me and that I was sexy. He also told me he was tempted to get back together with me. Like a fool, I was flattered and let him talk me into family days. LOL! Where he and our daughter and I spent the day together while his girlfriend was at work. He said it was innocent but somehow, it hasn’t felt that way. He told our daughter this would be a permanent thing. I hate to admit it but he has been so nice and I felt like I was seeing the old him again. He claims to have changed and let his bad habits go. He keeps trying to convince me. i stupidly asked if he wanted to try and make it work. He said he was sticking with his girlfriend and he didn’t want to hurt her. Which is funny to me because I’m sure all of his behavior would hurt her but whatever. Part of me feels like he opened this wound I had worked so hard over the last year to heal. I think he did it just so he could have the satisfaction of rejecting me because I didn’t take him back. Learning about emotional abuse has been eye-opening to say the least. I think I’m in the denial stages right now. Not that I don’t know that he abused me. But that I can’t believe that someone can be so cruel and calculating. I don’t want to believe that the good moments were just part of a facade. A manipulative ploy. I haven’t been able to think about being with anyone else but he gets to move on. He’s dated 5 or 6 girls since we split. Me, I’m lonely I must admit and there are days when I feel like I’ll never find love. He was the only guy to ever show me any real interest. It just doesn’t seem fair.


    1. Manipulation and triangulation – my ex has also done this to me. He saw me with another guy after we’d split and sent me a text- Just say and I’ll come running. I did and then as i predicted was ignored- just turning the tables. They are so pathetic and childish. Keep away- I’m trying to – a day at a time- it’s hard but it is all a manipulative ploy- they enjpy the drama and the attention and the hurt they cause. Don’t play his game. We’ll find better people once we are away from these freak shows.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Bridget! I really appreciate the support. i think at the moment he is giving me the silent treatment. He came to pick up our daughter and I was nicely dressed and I think he assumed I was going on a date. I noticed a distinct change in his behavior toward me after that. Colder and more distant. I sent him a picture of his daughter from school, which he usually responds to and nothing. Also, no mention of family days. I think he thought his courting was working and that I had fallen head over heels again. I also think he thought I would just text and text and text to see why he wasn’t texting me but I refuse. I was that girl for a long time. Whenever he would do the silent treatment, I would fall on my sword and degrade myself just to win him back. I couldn’t stomach myself if I did it again. I’ve been working on recovery. There is a part of me that says it loves him but I’m challenging that part. How can you love someone that is so cruel? Someone that can treat you that way can’t honestly say that they love you either. I think once I see a healthy relationship, I think that part of me will understand the difference and will stop running toward pain just because it feels normal. It’s really about becoming self protective. That my feelings have to be more important than his. And if something is not serving me and if an interaction is making me feel worse and not better, then it has no place in my life. Boundaries. I never set them before. Not with any of the people that abused me (my mom, my dad, my aunt or my ex-husband). I have to start now. Otherwise, I’ll be a mess. I have been a mess all week. I was super attentive to my little girl and there for her and I’ve noticed myself slipping into this awful depression that isn’t fair to her. He is just playing with my emotions out of spite and with little regard to how I feel. That is not love. Love should not hurt. I wish you well in your recovery. Stay strong and stay encouraged. God is a good God and I’m certain he won’t let us stay broken forever.


        1. ‘ How can you love someone that is so cruel? Someone that can treat you that way can’t honestly say that they love you either. I think once I see a healthy relationship, I think that part of me will understand the difference and will stop running toward pain just because it feels normal. It’s really about becoming self protective. That my feelings have to be more important than his. ‘

          That is it in a nutshell- I think we run to the pain because we are used to it – it’s about breaking that cycle and healing the wound from the past. I’m moving forward slowly too. I wish I could just get past it all!! Thank you for your kind words, Three.


  4. Worst part was I did actually warn the new girl because she was pregnant with him immediately and I didn’t want her to feed his ego but she literally ripped my throat out so all my recovery went down the drain. Don’t be a dumbass like me and warn the new girl. More than likely he has told her what a piece of shit I was and she is so insecure herself that she literally has had so much sex onto of his lies on top of pregnancy that she probably enjoyed cussing me out (I am serious)and destroying me the rest of the way all to make her precious king happy and herself being a female narc she fed off of this attention. We people forget not all new girlfriends are an innocent victim some women literally want a “bad boy” and will like the narc for who he is and be proud he was a brutal violent sadistic rapest, piece of shit. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense some people are adrenaline junkies and for them it may be a match made in heaven, if they never say no and give the narc everything. Afterall she isn’t a insecure spineless brat like they believe I am. Screw these people, I hate players and I hate women that encourage men to be a selfish sexist conceited asshole I hope it blows up in her face. Narcs freak when you call them out or inquire questions so he may never torture a woman again like he did to me when I found out he cheated. Out of her own mouth I am insane, crazy and a ton of other cusswords I won’t mention. Please pray for me I am hurting really bad, I cannot even explain how abusive he was, I will be messed up for life and he gets to be a dad with a entire group of people he convinced I am crazy and deserved to be hit. I am not crazy, I am very hurt, he killed my pet lied to me about it, destroyed every heirloom I have, he sexually tortured me when he realized I was thinking of leaving. He choked me out raped me and spit on me and I was not right in the head at all and wanted to kill myself, he tried to convince me to kill myself. Please pray for me my soul is on fire I hate this human being so much I want God to avenge me. It took every ounce of strength to warn her and it backfired horribly. I knew in my instincts to leave but he was so manipulative, I never understood how people get in these situations until it happened to me, they lie and manipulate.


    1. She said she saw hundreds of messages from me, which I didn’t know he was showing them to people or even had a girlfriend but my hundreds of messages prove I am crazy. That is one reason I believe they enjoyed watching me hurt, they watched happily and even bonded over it but he is a monster what sort of sick person would date a new man and see so many messages he showed her from his ex and this not ring a bright red warning for her? She enjoyed it and got her enjoyment from telling him how much better she was than me and using her blog to teach me a lesson, that she would never act like me but that she knows he is a narc? So she knows he’s a bastard and she chose to air there sex stories on her blog and made fun of me. Horrible human beings.


      1. As Carrie and everyone says they don’t change – just wait and see – the same thing will happen. Narcs dont do intimacy- remember it’s a show-nothing more. I understand your feelings- the Narc I knew had a whole group of girls who just didnt seem and dont seem to see anything wrong with his shit behaviour. He dumped me and went running back to them and they just go along with his disfunction as though it is normal. Ugh! I was like you initially- kept thinking I had ‘lost’ something and how fortunate the new supply was. Now that I am out of it, have moved away and let good people into my life, I see these people and their enablers as very dark and dangerous. They want to take you down – that’s their end game- so if you are happy, they want you to be sad, successful, a failure, rich, poor etc etc. The Narc I knew played every game in the book when I moved away to pull me back in and drag me down and I went along with it. He did me a huge favour when he moved on. I’m getting back to normal, my mind has relaxed, I’ve stayed NC, blocked and deleted him and I’m healing and getting back into the swing of a normal, happy life – everything he wanted to destroy. Don’t dabble with the devil or his helpers- they are seriously sick and twisted people- make no mistake. Your best revenge is leaving them to their disfunctional world, and just moving forward step by step towards rebuilding your life in the way you want it. Do NOT engage with them – it fuels the fire. Get help, go to therapy,close FB, any social media accounts you have connected to any of them and get back to the real world which is much, much better. Take one step each day.


      2. Most likely she didn’t believe you when you said he was a narcissist, after all, he smear campaigned and built an image of you being so evil. Someone told me about my ex but I didn’t believe them, because my ex told me about how he’s gotten hurt and how he’s a victim and everyone hurts him. I believed him and nurtured him thinking that everybody just hates him when in fact they hate him because of what he did to them. Narcissists do an excellent job of being a victim and gaining your sympathy. If she does then either she doesn’t really know what that is or she is too high in the lovebombing stage or even brainwashed.


    2. I had the same thing happen to me when i tried to warn the new girl..Basicaly,he has a baby with another one that he isnt claiming..So i felt that warning her was okay and boy was I wrong..She told me I was jealous,crazy,needed mental help,I was ugly,no one wanted me and he never wanted me either..She laughed at the fact that I was played and said that it would never happen to her..All in all,she seems to be just as garbage as he is and that relation will work out perfectly fine.


      1. Bre C, the new woman is under his spell and he is laying on the charm thick right now. Very few woman would believe the ex wife or girlfriend. He has already told her that you are a vindictive, Psycho bitch. She will find out soon enough!


    3. I don’t think the girl knew that he was a narcissist nor likes bad guys (not saying there aren’t women like that but). Remember it’s just a facade to win her over and it’s in lovebombing stage. I did the same thing (not destroying his ex but just laughing at her pics with him) and thought badly of her. Thinking that my ex was perfect (spoiler: he’s not) and wanting to please him, I was willing to go far just for him but he always kept stopping me (for fear that I’ll meet his ex and perhaps she’ll tell me what really happened). The girl simply thought you were so bad and evil and narcissists are pretty good at making other people look bad, that she did what she thought was right, even though it was wrong. She was simply deceived, like me and I understand why you hate her. Soon, she’ll experience what you’ve experience and she will run.


  5. How can i move on? We have a son and im 7 months pregnant with our second (children i didnt even want – i feel awful saying that) i left in april because i couldn’t take the drinking and the rage and the abuse and then he spent the summer making it up to me and making me feel amazing then he left me – now hes with someone else in just 5 weeks living with her and her son – i feel sick to my stomach i still have to give birth – part of me wants to never speak to him again and to go to court to let him see the children providing the new “love” aint there i dont want her to see my children ever and part of me wants to play mrs nice guy and let him into my home to see the children and play him like he played me…i know its a matter of time until he cheats and lies hes done it in the last 3 relationships – none have lasted longer than 4 years he always says if he makes it to 5 yrs hell pop the question and then leaves before it gets there – but i thought this time it would be different as he talked me in to the children telling me hell always be there and sees just a family with us and im the love of his life – how can he move on when im still pregnant its disgusting and disrespectful. I hate him but i love him. I dont know what to do. What if he does change with this person and hes happy with her?
    He said he hasnt needed to drink for 2 weeks with her where as i drove him to drinking. 😦
    He wanted us to remain friends for the children and wanted me to go to lunch with him and our son this weekend and i said i didnt feel ready to see him and he cancelled on our son because i wasnt going to go and asked my mum to drop off and pick up. He said he texted me and when i never replied he assumed the meet was cancelled. 😦
    If hes with someone new and shes so great then why does he want me to hang out so much? he didnt even end us face to face he told me via an email he didnt love me and that he was moving on and that id have to get used to seeing him with someone new i asked if he had met someone and hes been lying to me all these weeks he said if he says yes he is ill take him to court if he says no i wont believe him anyway then he said yes he is – now im all messed up – i have no friends and cant tell my family about the abuse either. im so trapped and alone.
    Hes been wanting to have chats on the phone and catch up with me even tho hes with her?
    i feel sick sitting here – pregnant homeless and no income and hes there cuddled in bed with her and all i need is support right now in my last stages of pregnancy which he said he would be there for.
    Ladies who have been here – whats the likely hood of him changing? whats the chances hell miss the family and beg me to come home and ill get my chance to be strong and tell him no! i just wanna show him that im not this weak feeble woman hes made me into – how can i be strong in all of this – how can i come face to face with him?


    1. Tammy!! I am so sorry you are in this situation, I have never been e Xactly where you are but believe me there has been many women who have been there and the situation only gets worse not better. There is no way I can answer all your questions in this comment, much too much to write but I strongly encourage you to educate yourself further on narcissists. It sounds like you are involved with a classic narcissist.
      For one thing, they do not have a conscience, they are born that way, their brains never develop the ability to feel guilt, shame, empathy or real love. Getting a woman pregnant in order to control them is one of their top strategies. They feed off of the pain they cause others, so to get angry, call them names, cry, rage, threaten, or even love them with everything you have makes no difference to them as long as they are getti g your attention. One woman is never enough for them. Read the article on the traits of a narcissist, hell read every post in here; so you know what you are dealing with.
      Most importantly keep a journal, keep track of the times he doesn’t show up for his kids time, the times he is verbally abusive etc. Second get a lawyer, or see legal aid and get a custody agreement drawn up because he will use the children to hurt you. Go no contact as much as possible and that includes not talking to mutual friends and when you do talk to him keep it strictly about the children and try to be as boring and nonemotional as possible. (I know easier said than done especially when you are pregnant.)
      Gather your support system around you, family and friends you trust and who have your best interests at heart.
      I don’t know where you live, but in Canada the courts will decide how much support he has to pay and enforce payment. You need to find out your rights and what kind of help is available in your area.
      ALL and I mean ALL narcissists leave a relationship and immediately find their “love of their life” and blame the victim for the relationship failing and their bad behaviour. The new woman WILL end up where you are with time, do not doubt it.
      We are here as emotional support, please read read and read some more so you know he will not change, not for this woman, not for you, not for anyone!!


  6. Well my narc promised me the world when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We dated for a year, then cancer hit. He was at the devalue stage with me, commenting how his female roommates and ex’s were better then me. When cancer hit. He promised we would move in together, he would take care of me while I was out of work. If I couldn’t have kids we would travel and see the world. The first day of my chemo treatment he called me a cunt. Didn’t bother to check up on me during my treatment, then for the remainder of the month blew me off. Next thing I know he then came around and things were back to normal. Only to learn that he was still in a relationship with me and a doctor from my hospital. He never broke up with me, we were fighting but he never cut the cord. I found out because he took me for a test, and then was odd to me the remainder of the day. That night I drove by his house to find her car in his driveway. When I confronted him he called me crazy, insane, “who cares if you have cancer, we are all going to die.” I later learned he had meet her online when I was diagnosed, they went on there first date a month later, and then she moved in with him 4 days after I confronted him of cheating on me. It blows my mind!! How horribly cruel these monsters can be!! I keep trying to get him to apologize but he will not. I reached out to her, told her that he cheated on me with her. Turns out he told her we broke up prior to me getting cancer, and that she was aware we were friends and that he sees me. I had to explain to her that, no he was cheating on me with her. She then had the nerve to ask me if there are other girls that he could be cheating on her with. That she thinks he is cheating on her but has no proof??? Is that pure insanity or what?? And he still has the nerve to try and text me to see how I am doing with my cancer treatment. I finally had to tell him to stop contacting me. So far so good 2 weeks strong. Hopefully the girl heeded my warning. But she was a pretty easy target for him. One date, and then she moved in 3 weeks later! She gave him a lot to work for. Its hurts me, but her stupidity make me laugh!!


  7. It wasn’t a year yet of our marriage my nephew came over one day after school being that his dad wasn’t home he asked me for a ride home he was sweaty so he took of his watch frank something and used the phone to call the dad. Well I did not know he took of his watch and that day my ex came home seen the watch and he freaking accused me of bringing a guy home he went off. Did kit know what the hell I got my self into. Months years went buy his Narcissist shit sins was just unfolding page by page so when I confronted him he walked away and I New he was guilty and another night he told his sister I was jeolouse of him and like a dumb ass sister is like him told him I have to stop that. From that day on I told my self I will get even with him. Jeolouse really? I told my self I really don’t need you. And yes he needed to through me Birthday party’s show off get drunk and I hated it of course he spends all this money but, yet he bitch about why am I not getting a higher pay and you need to pay your bills. I looked at him you spend all this money and you worried about my bills. Another incident he got a text saying Happy Valentines I woke his ass up and we had a war I was ready leave him and of course he wasn’t sorry. They say they like to have flings and I so believe he did! Another incident Flowers on his bill credit card he said it wasn’t him they used his credit card so busted! Well he finally got caught the worse thing about this OW she went to church when it was all out he went with her never gave me a second chance. Oh yeah he kept texting me wanted the know on my trips I planed he asked who was going I didn’t hesitate to not tell him the thing is I am going rather you like or not everything was planned before I signed the papers of divorce and that to I had to ask him when are you going f to send those papers in he said he did t wAnt to ruin my Xmas. 🙄I said you ruined my whole f n summer what’s the difference. So the fallowing week he had the papers ready he wanted to meet I said no I am off I coming to your job now!!! And I did signed it I said have a good day and yes he texted to see how I was doing what a confusing psycho! I am all good I seek the Lord and in no way I was going to be defeated. BTW. She has nothing except to bow down to him cause she is nothing to look at I mean she’s a ugly Japanese desperate and a Retired Lt Col. Probably never been touched but, they say he mold her to his liking and if she is smart she either will pick up what his doing or keep being a slave to him. She really can have him and the Lord seen my path to except him back the Lord said no!


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