Please bear with me as I do some self counseling. You see I have been missing my lately, well maybe I haven’t been missing my ex as much as; I guess, to be honest; I am jealous he seems so happy with his new conquest.
I tell myself that no one as manipulative, dishonest and violent as him could change that quickly just because he met the “perfect” woman. It just burns my butt that she is so smug about it, that she willingly plays the part for him so he can rub my nose in it. I know it is not very attractive of me to show this bitterness, but it is what I feel.
I am so resentful that I tried so hard to be self sufficient and independent yet supportive of him, tried to raise his son, help his sister, forgave time and time again and then he gives everything I wanted to someone he barely knows and leaves me destitute without a moment of compassion or guilt.
All the hell he put me through. Let me count the ways and remind myself of some of the hell: (listed in order that they come to mind not in order of severity or chronologically)
1. His addiction to porn
2. His addiction to personal ads
3. His pathological lying about EVERYTHING
4. Forever being fired for stealing or accused by friends of stealing
5. I never had charge cords for anything – I’d buy a new laptop or phone and the appropriate cords would come with it, within weeks I wouldn’t have a charge cord for it and would have to use “his” to charge my phone or laptop.
6. Taking videos of us having sex without me knowing – 3 times that I know of so must be a lot more
7. Letters to other women saying he loves them
8. Not coming home at night, not answering his phone and then being mad that I questioned him
9. Ambushed Kris and I the night that I ran out of the house in fear he would hit me.
10. Him always saying I owed him money but I hadn’t borrowed any, I would pay him what he said I owed just to get him off my case and then within a month he’d be saying I owed him more.
11. Strangled me because I didn’t know why I owed him money and was crying
12. Punching me and knocking me out
13. He’d spend hours locked in the bathroom even though he knew I needed to get in there
14. Loaded my camper and drove over all my stuff with a bobcat because he was angry with me
15. Threw all my stuff in the mud and hosed it down because I went to work when he wanted me to stay home and help him unload his trailer but he was also badgering me for money, in fact he had just punched me because I didn’t know how to please him. I couldn’t do both; make money and stay home to help him, besides Allan and I had already taken everything out of the trailer we could two weeks earlier and my ex had procrastinated doing the rest.
16. Before I even met my ex I had taken all my rings and had a ring made for Kris with his birthstone and mine with his initials formed into it; it was valued at $4000, 10 years ago and a dinner ring for myself that I later gave Kris valued at about the same. Both rings disappeared at the same time and we both thought my ex took them, but had no proof.
17.I had a vial of gold dust that Kris and I got in Knotts Berry Farm a few years earlier, at some point when my ex was angry with me he dumped the gold dust out and I found the vial out in the driveway.
18. Kris’s baby booty charm went missing but I found the container in my ex’s music room. He blamed Allan but Allan was gone when it went missing
19.Hiding the battery charger and switching my batteries on my truck
20. Unplugging the battery charger in the middle of the night
21. Not coming to bed unless he wanted sex
22. Never concerned with my pleasure sexually unless trying to win me back
23. If Denise wouldn’t have stepped in front of him he would have hit me for wanting to charge my cell phone.
24. Hit Allan for eating his donut
25. Got the repair order on my truck and didn’t tell me and my truck got pulled off the road and I got huge fines
26. Over worked my truck until the torque converter caught fire and then wouldn’t change the tranny fluid and when the tranny went on it refused to take any responsibility
27. Promised for over a month to do the work on my truck and didn’t
28. Said he was at the bank at 7:00 pm on a Saturday when he knew his sister was coming for supper and I needed to buy groceries and he was supposed to pick her up from the bus terminal at 3:30.
29. Had unprotected sex with a woman in Africa and came home to me
30. Was run out of Africa for stealing and????
31. Punched me for not staying home to help him unload his trailer
32. Lead me to believe he still loved me and was coming and getting money from me; all the while seeing two other women, one married and saying he loved them
33. Lied about seeing anyone so I would insure his car
34. Refused to take my name off the car even though he was living with another woman.
35. The whole time I was with him I never had a vehicle that ran right I was forever having to call him to rescue me.
36. Caught him under my truck one morning and that afternoon my brake line went
37. Caught him putting bad fuel in my truck after I told him not to put ANY fuel in my truck
38. He made Denise and I miss Chelsea’s wedding (Denise’s daughter)
39. He text messaged to Denise “You guys be careful out there” and ½ hour later my front tire blew on the freeway going 110km per hr. we waited 5 hours for him to get there and he was pointing out that it was all these pieces of metal in my tire that made it blow.
40. After we split up he started telling me about loose bolts on my truck that should be looked at
41. When I got a flat fixed the technician showed me the wear on my rim indicating it was about to fall off.
42. Altered my statement to the police and handed it in concerning the fight between Kris and him
43. Had me sign blank transfer and tax forms so he could sell my vehicle without me knowing
44. Lied about taking Allen to Monster trucks and actually took Tina dinner, flowers and a card for Valentine’s Day. Yet was angry I was suspicious of him sleep there overnight.
45. Left my stuff outside in the snow for a month and wouldn’t take me to go get it
46. Got us evicted from so many places I lost count
47. Every time I moved he would weasel his way in and refuse to leave
48. Stole cigarettes from his mother
49. Locked himself in the barn for 3 days and then left by removing boards from the wall and crawling through instead of through the door
50. Built a staircase over the fence
51. Had a video camera hidden and aimed at where I usually sat
52. Had an intercom wired from the trailer to the barn
53. Stole all the wire from the barn
54. Made me miss my flight to Calgary to see my son and demanded all my money or he wouldn’t let me go.
55. Bought me a plastic wedding ring
56. When I was sick he wouldn’t take care of me at all, not even take me to the doctor
57. He told me he had been given 6 months to live, but never seemed worried about it once we got back together
58. Came and apologized and promised fidelity while at the same time was living with another woman in Calgary, telling the woman in Africa he loved her and was trying to get her into Canada, and had hidden his profile on Plenty of Fish and was actively pursuing other women.
Well I guess 58 off the top of my head would be enough for me to stop being jealous he is with someone else. I should feel sorry for her, but I don’t.
This woman has to be 3 ways stupid to not be suspicious of him.
They were dating a few weeks when he got fired for stealing and they wouldn’t release his cheque until he brought the stuff back. He was totally broke and renting a mouse infested pig sty, which I know he blamed me for being so filthy. But if it was my fault it was so dirty how could we have been split 6 months? We hadn’t been split for 6 months, we had been split 2 months and I had cleaned the place before I left, he is just a real slob.
He was seeing a married woman in Mission and I caught him when the police called and told me where my car was. He immediately drove to M’s and his car “broke down” and he never left. He was driving her car, she went and cleaned and packed his stuff at the farm while he drove around in her new Pilot.
He finally got a job at a place he had worked years ago, apparently they were so happy to have him back, but he was fired within a month, I guess not that happy! He owes $30,000 and has nothing. I know he blames that on me also. She is widowed with a summer home and the house she lives in, she has moved him into her home after knowing him for less than 2 months. The car he was driving was in MY name and he couldn’t put it in his name because he was driving illegally because he owed ICBC so much money he couldn’t renew his driver’s license or register a vehicle. Is she THAT desperate? He must have given her some line of bullshit!!!
Could he have changed? Was he the way he was because of me, like he kept saying and I am sure he’s told her? Not likely, he screwed around on and hit his 1st girlfriend (who was much older and married, they were “together” 15 yrs) then he was with a girl much younger than him, (he was 30 and driving her to school) and he mistreated her and hit her also, then he left a woman and moved to BC and didn’t tell her it was over, the next woman was married, then he met me and we were together 10 yrs and he screwed around the whole time, then it was a married woman and now this one.
I read in a forum recently: the past is the greatest predictor of the future.
It is not likely that at 47 years old you are going to grow a conscience, morals or integrity and a woman can’t give them to you.
People can’t understand why I didn’t “just leave”. How could I love someone THAT much? I’m still working on figuring that out myself; I’ll share it with you as soon as I figure it out.
Have you been involved with a narcissist? Can you explain why you stayed?