Slip Sliding Away-Narcissist Red Flags

Early signs you are dating a narcissist

A narcissist is a con artist and when he finds his “target” he morphs into his “Good Self” and becomes the epitome of the perfect lover/partner. They are seldom alone for long, and will still be in a relationship or just leaving one, they will say the relationship was over long ago but their ex won’t let go, they feel responsible for them etc, JC said that when he left one of his ex’s she shouldn’t have been surprised because they hadn’t slept together for months prior. I thought yeah, who wouldn’t know the relationship was over if you aren’t sleeping together. (That is until he stopped sleeping with me a year or 2 into the relationship and kept telling me he loved me and I was being overly sensitive or paranoid)

The biggest number one without fail sign of a narcissist is how they sweep you off your feet at the beginning of the relationship. They fall in love very quickly, they have never loved anyone like they love you, and you are perfect in their eyes. They have so many of the same interests, love everything you love, wine and dine you, they can’t get enough of you, more than likely it is the most romantic relationship you have ever had.

Appears to make friends easily, but doesn’t have any long time friends.

“Shows you off” to everyone he knows. Taking you to mutual friends of his ex’s, (if possible he will use you are a pawn to hurt his ex.)

Quickly takes you to meet the family.

Very forceful sexually, barely taking no for an answer. I remember our 3rd date and I walked through the door at his place and he immediately tried to get me into bed, I almost walked out but I didn’t listen to my “gut” and stayed and we did make love. In the beginning he was highly sexual, wanting sex often, 2-3 times a day everyday.

Insists on sleeping snuggled up all night and points it out to you, how he has never been able to sleep wrapped up with someone like that before. In his past relationships they would roll over and go to sleep but with you it is different. He will point out that how people sleep is an indication of how “connected” they are. (He is setting you up for when down the road he punishes you by refusing to come to bed or sleeps on the other side of the bed not touching you all night)

They are either between jobs or just started a new job and quite possibly new to town.

They have nothing, except excuses why they have nothing (it is always someone else’s fault, i.e.: they left it all with the ex, the ex took it all, or some other hard luck story. (JC told me he had furniture in storage and he just hadn’t moved it because he was just attending school and would be moving again in a few months)

Their ex’s are all psycho bitches

In their past relationships they always did it all and were taken for granted. They tolerated horrible treatment from their ex.

Early in the relationship he will ask you to do a “favor” for him or run an errand, maybe even pick up his paycheck for him, something that puts you in the position of his partner or significant other and it makes you feel special that he would ask you. (BIG HOOK, he is testing you)

He will borrow a small sum of money and pay you right back (proving you can trust him so when he goes for the BIG bucks you won’t doubt that he’ll pay you back)

Changes jobs many times.

Past accomplishments or experiences that are just a little too far fetched or too good to be true.

Basically HE seems too good to be true.

If you discuss past relationships and he is asked about fidelity he will tearfully admit to having ONE indiscretion, and it was only because his ex was so jealous and was always “falsely” accusing him anyway and he did it and then felt so bad. (Leaving you to believe he will be faithful with YOU as long as you don’t falsely accuse him)

He might even tearfully admit to hitting his ex, but once again it will be tearfully and he was driven to it by her psychotic rages.

He is so good natured you can’t imagine him getting angry about anything and he will tell you how much he hates conflict. (Of course his ex was always causing conflict, she bitched at him incessantly about small stuff and brought up things from the past and that is what drove him away, he is planting the seed; he might as well come right out and say; don’t confront me on anything I do because I hate conflict and I will leave you or hit you and some day down the road he will accuse you of being “just like the rest of them”)

More than likely he appears almost naive and helpless, and makes you feel like you want to take care of him.

I felt that he loved me more than I loved him, I almost felt at an unfair advantage.

He insisted he wanted to “take care” of me; I made a conscious effort to let my guard down, not be so independent and let him do things for me.

Very early in the relationship he talks in “we” terms, saying things like are “we” going to take the car or the truck (not your car or mine), or lets go back to “our” place, subtle little things that make you a “couple”.

Very early he will do things for you that secure his position in your life, fixing you car, buying memory for your computer, giving you something expensive of his to keep for him., somehow making you indebted to him or ensuring that you can’t just walk away.

The Slip and Slide – JC let little things slip that I let slide.

He was a very attentive lover but told me in past relationships he hadn’t worried about the woman and just basically climbed on top and worried about his own satisfaction. (that is the way it became after time with us also, and he only was attentive to my needs if he was trying to win me back)

He told me his ex’s usually called him a cheap prick. (I found that hard to believe because he was so generous with me, at first)

He told me his ex’s said he was moody (he was so good natured and always “up” when he was with me)

He warned me he was a workaholic and I would have to get angry with him to get him to take time off. (but when I did complain about the hours he put in it would cause a huge fight)

Shortly after we started dating he gave me the hypothetical scenario of; if a couple are apart for an extended period of time would it be ok for them to have sex with someone else. I said most definitely not! (I thought it was a strange question at the time.)

We met at the end of November so were entering a very social time of year.

Our staff parties were on the same night and we agreed to go to my dinner and then his for the dancing and partying, but we never made it to my party. In fact the weather had turned really bad, a snow storm, and he said he didn’t want to drive in it so I called and told work I wouldn’t be able to make it. Shortly after I made the call he wanted to drive to the store, but once we were on the road he drove directly to his staff party making it sound like he was surprised the roads weren’t as bad as he thought and we might as well drop by his staff party seeing as we were out anyway. (I was not impressed; I was in jeans because I hadn’t gotten my party clothes on or any makeup, because I wasn’t supposed to be going to a party! He on the other hand was freshly showered, always wore jeans anyway and had a nice shirt on) I told him I didn’t want to go, I wasn’t dressed for it and he just said I was beautiful as I was and that we wouldn’t stay long he just wanted to say hi to a few buddies. We ended up staying most of the night and I felt uncomfortable because I was under dressed and he wathe life of the party.

Then we went to his families in Sechelt for New Years Eve, (he had told me he was adopted and had just met his biological family a few years earlier and moved from Sask. To BC to be with them) he had told me how great they were, welcoming, warm and fun loving people and how much they all loved him. But we got there and I immediately felt an undercurrent, an elephant in the room that no one was really talking about but every one was walking around. There seemed to be distrust of JC, animosity that I couldn’t put my finger on; later he told me that his mother had thought I was too clingy and had been jealous. He told me that he used to visit the family every weekend and call his mom several times a day and since meeting me he had stopped and it bothered his mom, but she would get over it. His one full blood sister got quite drunk and started telling me that JC was a real asshole. I didn’t want to hear it, I have never taken what someone says to heart when they are drinking, but I suppose I should have listened.

During our first few dates he had told me he had a house in Sechelt full of furniture and that is why he had no furniture in his apartment in Ladner. Our first conversation was over the phone and he had told me he was looking at the ocean as we spoke, making it sound like he was in his house. So when we went for New Years I was surprised we were staying at his mother’s house. When I said I thought you told me you owed a house in Sechelt he told me that I had misunderstood, that he HAD a rent to own agreement on a house but when he moved to Ladner he gave it up and his furniture was stored in his step-dad’s shop. I found out the truth much later; he had been renting a house in Sechelt with a couple of other guys and got evicted because he didn’t pay the rent, and he had no furniture. He had gotten heavily into Coke, been stealing from the family, was involved with a local married woman who was the town slut and every one in town was talking about it, he was in trouble with the police for excessive noise and racing in town and got his sister into drugs, got fired from the job his step-dad had gotten him and been kicked out of mother and step-dad’s house. He had gone to the mainland to a drug rehab and was just starting to rebuild the family relationship. I never would have gone if I would have known all the sordid details, no wonder I felt uncomfortable! I never did see any furniture and later he said it got stolen or something feeble like that.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and he was being so sweet and I really honestly trusted him explicitly, he had been “honest” about some pretty unflattering things about himself, why would he be honest about that and lie about some other things? So I accepted that I had misunderstood what he had said, or accepted his feeble explanations for in discrepancies in his story.

I hope this helps someone avoid the heartache of being involved with a narcissist long enough to be damaged too badly.

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30 thoughts on “Slip Sliding Away-Narcissist Red Flags

  1. Thanks so much for this…you are a million percent right!!

    I can’t even believe that I just counted 12 of these for my ex narc!!! It is 4 months after the fact..I met the family after 4 weeks,I was perfect in his eyes and he wanted me everywhere every minute with him.The one that stuck out most was-he told me “I only cheated on one of my exes but I would NEVER do that to you!” He seemed so sincere how could I not believe him??? Poor guy all his girlfriends before treated him so badly and he just needed to be loved. He was this loving, caring, generous, gorgeous man that said he wanted to take care of me from the beginning! Too good to be true? I think so!!

    I’m going to add another one-String of failed relationships!! I now can see why!

    How can someone who everyone loves and thinks the world of be this verbally abusive, manipulative monster?? I am now the psycho bitch ex…thank you ex narc…maybe one day they will see.

    My radar is so high up right now I feel sorry for the next man that wants to take me out!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Gina for your comment, I’m sorry you have gone through that. I didn’t even know Narcissist’s existed until I met JC; but since writing this blog and reading other people’s blogs I am amazed at how many there are out there and how they all have the same M.O.

      A person goes from feeling they are someone special, loved and cherished to being just another sucker in the long line of victims the N leaves behind him.

      Be forwarned, I have never known an N that doesn’t eventually make a “curtain call”. Just when you’ve moved on, got your feet back under yourself they reappear; full of apologies, tears and love, begging for one more chance. All they want is one more chance to abuse you; they don’t change!

      Thanks for commenting Gina, I wish you a narcissist free future full of love and happiness.
      Carrie

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    • I have wasted 8 years of my life on a Narcissistic Manipulative Monster! I fell for his mess hook, line, and sinker but now I can see his true colors. He is incapable of telling the truth- a true pathological liar. I’m actively trying to get out of this sick relationship now but it’s difficult with some much tangled up together. He intentionally got me to depend on him for certain things. My hatred grows. I feel like such a fool. Good luck to you and to all the women trying to survive a relationship with a Narcissist. I read somewhere that Narcissists are natures mistake because they are so greedy and lack empathy for others. I know my Narc cares only for himself, he even views small children as competitors. He is the worst person I’ve ever met and I wish I’d never given him my heart, time, or sex.

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  2. The act baffles me! I noticed they go after single moms a lot in the posts I’ve been reading-must be a vulnerability thing I guess.I think he is hooked on his new supply-she is very loving so that should keep him away for a while!

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    • Gina, the hardest part of being with JC was trying to figure out why he did what he did. They don’t make sense, because they are only concerned with immediate gratification. They don’t feel like normal people and they don’t consider consequences to their actions.

      I think they go after women they see as being caring, giving, nurturing and loving because that gives them N/S.

      My ex never showed an interest in his nieces and nephews. In the ten years I knew him I never thought he liked kids that much. But after we split he dated several women with young children and he was reading bedtime stories, giving the baby a bottle, getting up with the kids in the morning so the mom could sleep in.

      But they don’t want long term they just want the ego boost from winning her over. He wants whatever he can suck out of her and when she starts to realize he’s a fake (or flake) he just moves on and blames her for making him the way he is.

      They are sick sick people.

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  3. Hi I have a question since you are a professional on this matter:) have you ever heard of narcs that are generous? The person I was with was becoming verbally abusive and saying it was a “joke” but I overlooked it because he “took care of me” like he said he wanted to do in the beginning….It’s crazy that he is the hero to everyone…do they normally hide it well?? Thanks for all the info!

    xo

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    • Gina, welcome! From my experience and research Narcissist’s are all about appearances and smoke screens. They hide their true selves very well!! For awhile, but eventually everyone sees through his facade. Most Narcissists have few long term friendships and usually take on the friends of the new love interest. They are very generous, helpful and personable when they first meet people. That is one of the reasons they are so hard to leave. No one believes you when you tell them what he is really like. He will turn your own friends and family against you and make you sound paranoid and crazy.

      They invariably sweep the woman off her feet with declarations of undying love and their desire to take care of the woman.

      Everyone thinks they are such nice guys (they eventually lose friends because they use them, lie to them etc) but they know how to be very charming and personable. They are experts at it, they’ve been doing it their whole lives.

      You can be out with them and appear to be the perfect happy couple and then get home and it’s like he hates you. They will belittle you in public but in such a way that it can be excused away as a joke with a roll of their eyes and you just don’t have a sense of humour, you are too sensitive, or paranoid

      Narcissists need to be in control and they want you to be eternally grateful for any help they give you. They will orchestrate scenario’s where they are needed. ie: JC would sabotage my vehicle so it would break down and he would have to rescue me. Also if I didn’t have my vehicle I was reliant on him for everything and then he would pull power trips by not taking me shopping, not fixing my vehicle but complain profusely about me not working but I couldn’t work without my truck.

      They like to make it sound like they are contributing so much more than the other person in the relationship, or that they are working with a bunch of incompetents. They want every one to feel sorry for them and think that they are so hard done by.

      I have never known a narcissist to be truly generous, any generosity on their part is usually early in the relationship when they are trying to win your trust and hook you. Once they have you they generally become very miserly with everyone but themselves. They may put on a show of generosity but they will complain to anyone who will listen about how ungrateful you are.

      How things appear is a lot more important than how things are. What they say is not the same as they way they act

      I hope that helped you. If you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to ask and please check out the links I have listed, many of them have great forums that are very informative and supportive.

      All the best to you! And God bless.

      Carrie

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    • My Narcissist does special favors for people so he can look like the hero or earn adoration from others. He loves to look like the nice guy who saves the day! He has loaned people money but when they try to pay him back, he refused to take it, all he wants in return is for them to think he’s the best guy around. He likes for you to feel indebted to him. But most importantly, if the Narcissist is ever generous, it’s a way for him to get attention. And he NEEDS attention (Narcissist Supply). Then, he can tell the story to other people about how he helped somebody else out becasue he’s such a nice guy. What a phony!!! The Narcissist is a liar and a fake- always putting on a show! Don’t believe it. And try not to get in a situation that you need him.

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  4. Did you notice any sexual dysfunction with yours? I don’t know if after two months he just wasn’t attracted anymore or it was his issue. He has 5 failed relationships at 37 and never married but said he was in a rush to….I always felt something just “wasn’t right.” If they can’t commit why do they tell you after one month they want to marry you? These PD’s are confusing!

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    • Gina, you can’t figure them out. They don’t make sense. JC would beg me to come back and make all kinds of promises and as he spoke the promises he knew he was lying. I said to him at one point; there is no crime in falling out of love or not loving someone. The crime is when you don’t love them but keep leading them on and telling them they need to try harder.

      They ask you to marry them to secure you, secure a constant source of affection. They like having one waiting at home; one is never enough but the other women aren’t “secure”.

      Yes, there were definite sex issues. For one thing it was all about him, he wouldn’t worry about how it was for me UNLESS we were split and then he was the best lover I’d ever had. The minute I weakened and we were back together the sex was awful. I mean NO foreplay, I bought lube just so it wouldn’t hurt. Then he really thought he was off the hook.

      He used to get out of bed and watch porn, near the end he never came to bed and didn’t want sex at all. But for years he would watch porn for hours and then come to bed at 5 am and pull me on top of him and get off. I felt like a piece of meat.

      When we were first together he couldn’t get enough of me. I have read that they don’t like sex; it shows weakness, that they need you even if just for release, and it is also a way for them to eat away at your self esteem and they don’t like to give you any thing you want.

      They almost always have a porn addiction and hookers, casual sex where there are no expectations or emotions for them to deal with.

      But they know in order to get a woman they have to be a good lover, so they play the role.

      I used to dress up in sexy things and try to seduce him into coming to bed and he’s push me away. It destroyed my confidence in my looks and my ability to satisfy a man sexually. A problem I’d never had before.

      He used to secretly video tape us having sex. I found out by accident when his son found it on his computer. LOVELY!! I went looking on the net trying to see if he posted it somewhere and was mortified when I found his personal ad on a gay site.

      Of course he denied putting it there and said it must have been a jealous ex. It showed the date it was put in and it was 2 yrs prior when we were very much committed, in fact he had just begged me back after telling me he had been given 6 months to live. ~he’s still alive~

      I don’t even want to let my mind go there!

      I have not heard of one that didn’t have sexual hang ups.

      So don’t worry; it wasn’t you!

      Carrie

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      • He told me at first he wanted to take care of me . I thought because he was financially well off. I now see that he had an agenda. He wanted to control in other words. Are guys really that nice that they want to take care of you before they really know you? I was flattered I will admit.

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        • Yep, “help” translates into “control” but we don’t see that going in; we see a man who loves us and wants to make our life better. HA! We sure find out the truth soon enough! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

          All the best to you
          Carrie

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    • Gina, I’ve read that Narcissist can even become asexual (not having sex at all) or only masturbating because sex creates too much intimacy with another person and his “True Self” might be exposed. Narcissists have weird relationships with money and with sex. Spend too much money on useless things and outside their budget or haven’t any money and borrowing money from you. Sex- either it’s sex all the time and whole lot of it but suddenly stop. He’s too busy having sex with himself mostly. Or he could be cheating. It’s easier for Narcissist to meet and greet with someone but more difficult to maintain a lasting relationship but they start to see through his BS. I would be pretty skeptical if he’s had 5 ex’s and it’s all their fault that they’re not together anymore. That same old “my ex is a psycho bitch” story doesn’t fly with me. I don’t believe that mess anymore! The problem was obviously something other than his ex girlfriend being a psycho. As far as erectile dysfunction, yes, my Narc started having trouble pretty soon after we started dating. He’d take Cialis or Viagra but often I thought he just couldn’t get turned on with my anymore, maybe because he was watching too much internet porn and sex in real life seems less appealing. Either way, we don’t have sex that much anymore and when we do it’s a big production. He couldn’t care less about my pleasure. He’s just trying to get his! And sometimes, he pumps and pumps and pumps but then stops or goes into the bathroom, I think to finish up in the shower by himself. So he doesn’t give me the satisfaction of helping him to climax. I don’t care for his climax anymore and honesty, if there’s nothing in it for me, then I don’t have to time to do that bull mess anydamnways!

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  5. My N told me that his ex had hurt him by cheating on him. As it turned out, that wasn’t the case. They were married for about 4 months before she caught on to his cheating. He did always call me “baby.” He dismissed all of his ex’s as wanting too much too soon. He would give me the silent treatment, tell me he would call me and I wouldn’t hear from him for hours. He also said he had an undying devotion to his mother who I only met once at church, and she never even acknowledged my existence other than with a polite nod. He explained away the hours that he would go missing with having to help his mother. I caught on to him in less than 90 days and he is still stalking me. I had to leave my church, job and stop attending classes at my local school. He is a police officer and then took a second job at my school. My car got vandalized and broken into within two nights of one another after I cut off all contact. Now he is trying to move in on a friend that I’ve known since I was a toddler. He refused to admit any wrong doing in the relationship and has attempted to destroy all of my relationships and cut me off from the world.

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    • If I were you, I would get a restraining order from the police department out on him so he can’t stalk you anymore. He sounds dangerous. He’s obviously trying to get closer to you but making it appear that his presence is there only for other reasons. Cut this off before it goes too far. Every inch you give him,,,, he’s going to think he can get you go give him a mile….Good luck. Be strong! You can do it! ~APriL

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  6. Nobody believes that he would do any of the things that I’ve caught him doing. I’ve spoken to four girls personally that he was seeing. He told me he loved me two weeks after we started dating. He sent me a text of a romantic scene that I found on one of his lovers facebook page. He wanted to meet my family almost immediately. Introduced me to his kids within days of meeting and invited me to church, so mine met him quickly. He was expelled from two churches within six months of one another, but said he left because of blah, blah, blah…It’s never ending!

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    • Christina, it all sounds so familiar, I really wonder if there is a manual on being a narcissist because it is spooky the way they all do the same things!

      My ex started calling me “Babe” or baby after the 2nd date. When he said it I immediately thought “how sleazy” but it did make me feel special and I really got to like him calling me baby. Until I found out he calls all women baby and probably does it so he never calls one by the wrong name. Near the end he would call me by my name and that really hurt even though I knew being called baby wasn’t anything special.

      My ex used to call and say he was on his way home and then not show up for a day or two and not answer his phone. I’d believe his feeble excuses also.

      I don’t know why they have to destroy the woman when they leave, why they can’t just let the woman go on with her life. They always have to destroy their friendships, family, jobs when they leave they want to make sure you have nothing and never will have anything.

      I am so sorry to hear of another woman who has had her life torn apart by an N.

      It must be doubly hard if he is a police officer!

      Hugs to you Christina, stay strong and stay safe! Don’t trust a word he says, don’t meet him any where or be alone with him for any reason! Let us know how you are doing ok?
      Carrie

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      • Yep, mine called me darling almost immediately. I thought “darlng” ? who says that. But, yeah- it grew on me. There were many other pet names. He told me he loved me first..maybe a month after we started dating. Would say ” if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.” So cheezy. Carrie, towards the end of our relationship., he started using my actual name more and more…and it hurt me too. It is weird even now to hear him say my name..he always called me baby, darling, sweetheart for so long. It’s all fake though…and I just have to remember that. Every nice thing they say has some ulterior motive behind it.

        Christina, i know it’s hard. I am still figuring it all out and iot is a roller coaster of emotions. My ex wanted his family to meet me pretty much right away. In the beginning,He made a point of telling me that when his mom asked if he was still seeing me, he told her that he hoped I would be the last person he ever dated. It’s all bs. I know it’s frustrating to be the only person that really knows what kind of a man he is. Very few people have any idea of all the things mine did. But, don’t let him doubt yourself. You deserve better. You may find out, as time passes, that people have more of an idea of the person he really is than you know. I am slowly finding out how people look at my ex differently now. They all know I am a good person and that he has shown no remorse or emotion over losing me. They have loss respect for him….some of them have actually told me that..and it surprised the hell out of me. I didn’t think anyone knew (i mean, they dont even know that he cheated and was pretty damn cruel to me). Hold your head up. and stay strong. Karma will bite him in the ass one way or another. Personally- I can’t wait 🙂

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  7. Carrie,
    Mine watches porn at all hours of the day, says it is for us, but i have never liked it. has me dress up and prance around for him, he takes drugs -only way he can have sex with me. Im not perfect by all means…but really, I would rather get myself off. Bought me a toy one time to use while we are having sex, WHAT SEX? There is no foreplay, nothing…
    His family walk around me like I am not there, unless I interject and place myself in the conversation..which is really embarrassing. Not sure what the hell he has told them? great! Caught him crying to the phone one night saying he hated it here in Texas..I asked who he was talking to ..said it was his mom. uh huh…
    .
    Lately he only wants to be on his phone -of course to watch porn. I look at it a few times a week. Mostly black girls etc. I am not racist, but really? If you wanted a nice girl like that, you should have married her. Talks about his past alot. Im sick of this. As of 4:25 am he is still up ..and I mean STILL UP.
    signed,
    married to the “Mexican mafia”

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    • Tasha they often have porn addictions or some other sexual addictions. My ex would watch porn all night, at work during the day; in the bathroom. They live in a fantasy world, the real world is never exciting enough for them so reality really isn’t important to them. A lie is as good as the truth as longoing as no one challenges your lies.
      If that makes sense.

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      • In the Internet porn world, they can be whoever they want to be, they can lie without confrontation. And they don’t need to be questioned by a woman that doesn’t know how to praised him for his sheer perfection and brilliance. They when coming back into the real world where nobody wants to have sex with him. He simply turns asexual. Or masturbating on you. That’s right- just using your body as his hand, somethings to masturbate into you’re body is useless to him at this point.

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      • You are right! The real world bores them silly! Mine after 6 years of ‘ normal ‘ sex started to get into dressing up under his suit for work… Stockings and suspenders…silk knickers… To work?!?! Wth!!! Weird! He stopped getting an erection with me as this escalated .. Wanted anal in the end… With a you and me dressed up in men’s trs !!! You get the idea! When he knew I wouldn’t do this he got rid of me! Thankyou,. Taken me months but I’m out of his weird unhealthy world !

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  8. So, now he is playing a song for me , says it’s a song for me and to listen close. then proceeds to tell me ” at the end of the long version, the guy talks about how he realizes he made a mistake and calls his lady back.” ok that tells me either he is almost ready to take off back to his old stomping grounds or he is warning me? I just shrug and say”thats nice babe.” I was asleep, but N’s dont care what time of the day or night it is when they have something to say to you…god, when will it end?

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  9. My radar is up…we went on a trip and of course we argued. I decided I wanted to go home…the comments started under his breath. I dont know how to handle this. I love him but…we dont even have regular relations anymore. I want ..I asked him to make love to me but…he cant or wont. I dont do it for him anymore. Its not me….and Im always watching my own back. We r driving..and I catch myself looking to see who is following us…I cant leave…not until I pay a debt. God help me…help me pay it fast.

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    • The one I knew couldn’t have an orgasm. Only if he did it himself alone somewhere. He was totally blocked. Had all the porn channels. He is married, and he told me she said what’s the point, he can’t get it up .. he tells me she has affairs and always wanted me to spy on her, follow her. They are dishonest and don’t trust each other, but play a game together. They are both obsessed with each other in this way. I think it’s a power/control struggle. Been going on over 40 years. So ladies, this is an old Narc – they never change. He told me he cheated while his wife and he were engaged and always has .. told me she had several affairs .. he was obsessed with that and couldn’t let go of it. Maybe they are both narcs. He told me his OW relationship (that was 40 years too – oh, was like brother and sister … she told me the opposite. She tried to warn me, but I didn’t believe her. I was screwed up then, and felt tremendous guilt and shame. After awhile of lying to myself I came to accept it all. In my defense, I did try to break it off many many times .. I knew from the beginning it would lead to bondage, so I went out with other people but I was hooked and it felt like the devil had a hold of me. I met these freaks after my husband passed. Never knew there were people like this out there. I hated myself for being so vulnerable. Now I am gentle with myself and have learned to forgive myself. I often think how I will truly be set free when I read his obituary.

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    • Tasha, the longer you stay the more he gets embedded into your psyche and the harder it is to leave, before you know it 10 years have past, you still don’t have the debt paid and you are a shell of the person you once were. The only way out is to leave, now and go no contact. There is no working it out, breaking away slowly, weaning yourself off of him, or having an amicable breakup. Good luck, keep reading, do lots of reading up on what you are dealing with so you understand the depth of evil that exists in these people.
      Good luck
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  10. Wow I’m deeply shocked at how I see my N in all the letters that iv read, it supprises me how they are all the same. Is this some kind of a disease? Iv been with my N for almost 2yrs nw, I must say these have been the worst 2yrs of my life. He ws sweet and charming in the beggining but it was short lived he suddnly turned into a monster afew months into the relationshp after I moved in with hm, he would accuse me of cheating when he was th one who is cheating, he would beat me up when I confronted him. The lies he told are unbelievable, his whole life is a lie its pathetic. To the outside world he is this perfect, well achieved, friendly, helpful person but inreality he. Is cruel and manipulative, he has nothing. I don’t know how he managed to manipulate his also narcisstic sister to let hm stay in her house use her furniture and drive her car while she stays with his other sister. This man is cruel I actually thought he cared for me but I nw realise that I’m nothing but another supply tov his needs but I’m glad I moved out of that house, I still have contact with him but I no longer love him iv think iv suddnley deveoped an obssession with getting my revenge on him,n I want to him to feel the kind of pain he made me feel, I wnt him to get a taste of his own medicine, I’m even planing on getting back with him to carry out my plan. Is it worth it or should I just let it go and move on? Mind you he doesn’t stop he keeps coming back even after iv left him so many times

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