The popular opinion that narcissists target weak, desperate women/men is false.
Narcissists are looking to feed their ego, consequently they search for attractive women/men that would be considered by others to be a real “prize”, or “trophy”. He has no respect for weakness and no interest in someone just “anyone” could get. Someone desperate might provide temporary NS until someone worthy of his attention comes along, but they will be tossed aside quickly as soon as he does.
The narcissist must believe other people are envious of his ability to get a “quality” partner. Consequently, this is why they come on so strong in the beginning; they provide their target with romance like nothing they have ever experienced before and why so many victims say he seemed “too good to be true”.
Once the narcissist picks his target he will stop at nothing and do anything to make her his. The bigger the challenge, the harder he works and bigger narcissistic supply when he succeeds.
The ultimate ego boost is to make a totally independent, self sufficient, strong woman dependent solely on him. Once he has her he immediately starts to subtly whittle away at her confidence. If she dumps him it only challenges him to try harder; every time he can convince her to take him back or accept one of his lies is another shot of NS.
There is no way of predicting who a narcissist will target, men in my
life had criticized me for being too independent. When I met JC, he seemed so sincere and I remember thinking he loved me more than I loved him, I trusted him explicitly and I made a conscious decision to finally let a man into my life and allow myself to be vulnerable. You hear about whirlwind romances, people who find the love of their life and just “know” he’s the one. I thought I had found “the one”.By the time I realized he had made me totally dependent on him by sabotaging my vehicle, isolating me from family and friends and subtle manipulation I was in too deep.
I remember the first time that I realized I was in over my head; he was rejecting me for some perceived wrong I had done and I was feeling like I had as a child with my father. I told him he reminded me of my father and he had said, “you think your dad was bad? You haven’t seen anything yet, I can be 10 times worse than your father”. The look on his face and chill that went down my spine told me he was right and I knew I was in trouble. It took 8 more years before he was through with me.
To be honest, and I am ashamed to admit; I don’t think I could have left him if he hadn’t found another target.
My son and I were talking about it just yesterday. What made it so hard for my son to understand was that his whole life he had grown up watching me be strong and not take any shit from any man and all of a sudden I was putting up with worse treatment than anything any one had ever seen. No one could believe I wasn’t kicking him to the curb.
But it takes special training to tolerate that kind of abuse and I had a lot of training as a child in stifling my emotions and walking on eggshells. And JC was right; he was way worse than my dad.