What Do I Do With Your Love Now?

Since I saw you
I debated whether go or to stay
Since you rarely had anything
Nice to say

When we talked
I used to believe
In the love you gave to me
I walked away even though it all but killed me to leave

You laughed at my pain
And my suicidal pleas
Since you infected me
With your crippling disease

Since you fed me the lines
Said all the right words
You said you thought I had died
And you might not be heard

But I know the truth
And I can’t play the fool
Since my heart has been broken
There is no renewal

Since today when we talked
I can’t help wondering why
What game are you playing
What pleasure does my suffering buy?

You asked for my trust
And then made me pay
It’s been a year and now you come crying
Did you want my forgiveness today?

Last time you asked for one last second chance
Said all the same things
And proved they were lies
You’ve shown me what loving you brings

You laughed at me for believing and loving you
Then you found someone new
And rubbed salt in my wounds
Really what do you expect me to do?

You took my hand, you cried real tears
Took all the blame
And told me more lies
Tell me, did you think I’d be happy you came?

I need to move on
So I’ll try to forgive
Because holding this pain
Has made my life impossible to live.

You gave your love to me once again
What do you expect me to do with it now?
I’m sure I can move on,
But I’m just not sure how.

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11 thoughts on “What Do I Do With Your Love Now?

  1. mysterycoach

    You know, if I were a man, I would kick his ass. That having been said…

    Nooooo…. No, No., I understand how your heart would like to believe the words he said. I understand how his words could affect you in the sense where he’s shaken up your beliefs about yourself time after time and … you realize that guy likes your ass right? Just checking…

    Pay attention honey… I didn’t see this until now. And I don’t want you to wear blinders either. This, is good behavior time for him. For whatever reasons he’s got and it “is not healthy love” he’s sitting there doing whatever he’s doing, fucking with your head. I am sorry if I come across as insensitive in any way … I would love to see you forgive … HOWEVER … he hasn’t changed ONE BIT.

    He said he thought you were looking for attention when you tried to commit suicide? Yah and WHO drove you to that point? I want to see you get it all out.. so you can feel better, what I do not want to see is you to assume he’s changed in ANY capacity…

    Do his old excuses have any merit whatsoever? No, I don’t want those fluffy answers that we tend to give like it didn’t “get to us”… when we saw them.

    The truth is, you on some level may wish that the end result of all that shit this boy put you through “meant something”. I’d be happy to be dead wrong 🙂 … Love is not slamming your head off a cabinet, love is not choking you in a truck, love is not chastising you for going and seeing your son, love is not asking some muther fucker like this for “permission” for any thing in life.

    Yah, so he had those good qualities. The mind remembers the good as well as the bad, the mind focuses on what you wish it would have been and you only see the what you “wished it was”… but it wasn’t like that, only for a little while … He has not changed in a year. Not his type. It’s an illusion your mind creates to protect you from all the shit he put you through so that … the instant your “hooked” again… he can be that bastard again.

    Cry, be angry, let it out… forgive. Don’t forget. Do, Not, Forget.

    He’s good isn’t he? Pushing your buttons finding that soft spot. It’s not true. it’s him being him. Man I have such a headache! LOL No, not becuase of this all after noon really.

    hey? What advise would you give me if I wrote these last two posts you have?

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          1. ladywithatruck Post author

            Oh it was one of my customers. Haha he’s a tough one to read, kinda hot and cold.
            He isn’t too nuts about my dogs, he’s afraid he’ll get dirty I think. Oh well. Some times the flirting is better than the dating anyway. You know what I mean?
            How’s the headache?

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            1. mysterycoach

              ooooh 🙂 He’s afraid he’ll get dirty? I dated someone like that once. You couldn’t like, take him anywhere that wasn’t like… he was like, like he’d never been dirty. Damn, did I put enough “likes” in there?

              I guess what I”m saying is that he was professional attire all the way.

              My back was out of whack a little bit so it’s back in whack and feels much better, thank you. 🙂

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              1. ladywithatruck Post author

                Yeah, I mean I am clean, and my house is clean but he seems a little OCD and even told me he’s a little obsessive and a perfectionist. Kato comes running to say hi and this guy jumps back because he’s afraid of getting dog hair on his pants. Kato would never jump up on anyone, never has.
                You know I have always liked a working man’s hands. Not filthy but you know what I mean? Not soft pudgy hands. not that his are soft and pudgy cuz their not but just saying, a guy that cleans up good but not all manicured you know? Getting dirty has never been a big deal for me, there’s always soap and water.

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  2. mysterycoach

    Oh yah, “must like dogs” is part of your mantra LOL 🙂

    Honey, I know exactly the type of guy who does it for ya. Because he sounds like my type from the beginning (minus the bullshit) Right, dressed up or down he’s comfortable in his own skin and it shows. Sure and a little dirt never hurt anyone.

    I hadda guy who said that, he was a psychologist, shoveling shit was a job (my friends own a horse farm) that he felt was a job that had no dignity. I asked him, since when does your job dictate dignity? The people I know are retired in part due to their ability to do the dirty work and they raised race horses. How is that relatable to dignity? He kinda thanked me because his perception was a bit skewed there… which was nice. 🙂

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