The Show Is Over There Won’t Be An Encore

My eyes are two hot embers from lack of sleep and crying.

I should be out there working already, I waste so much time because of JC.

I shouldn’t have answered the door, shouldn’t have let him in, shouldn’t have let him talk.

It’s not that I believe him, not for a minute do I believe he wants to help me or that he feels some loyalty to me and is willing to fight Marissa for the right to see me. And what the hell is that all about anyway? Since when does he ask permission to do anything? Since when has he decided he couldn’t close the door on “us”? Could have fooled me all last year! He says she wasn’t happy about him seeing me and I wouldn’t have liked it either.

HELLO??? I was expected to shut up and not be so suspicious and paranoid when he stayed the night at his ex’s, I was being unreasonable when I got upset that he was sending love letters to the woman in Africa saying we weren’t together and he was sending for her, I was supposed to not snoop so I wouldn’t find his personal ads on the internet. I would have been thrilled if he’d asked or explained he wanted to help an ex. Fuck! I baby sat my ex’s wife’s baby, when my ex’s ex fell down the stairs she called me to come get the kids. I have never had a problem with ex’s. But no man I was with ever spent the night or wrote love letters either.

He said he understands its hard on me to see him doing well and he wanted to help me do well also. He said, “you are doing better without me and you can do well also, you can you know”

OMG!! Get over yourself!! YOU aren’t doing well, the woman you are with has the money, the house the summer property, her family has money, you are driving her car, YOU have done nothing to earn any of it. You are using a woman to give the illusion you are doing well. YOU have NOTHING!!

You got fired again! And once again you are falsely accused of stealing, got injured on the job and someone has it in for you and lied so now they won’t pay you. Always misunderstandings, always falsely accused, never your fault, always a new better more important job on the horizon.

Yada yada yada some song and dance different day.

I told him he had his chance to treat me with respect and help me. That I had no desire to be a player in his orchestrated life. I was not going to be a tool to make M jealous and “shape up” and I was not going to be around to be rejected again when I was no longer useful to him.

Oh and he cried about the puppies dying, and cried when he saw the one survivor. Funny how he can cry so easily now but when my heart was breaking and I needed him he told me to kill myself because no one would want a suicidal paranoid bitch like me anyway.

Yeah, I need friends like that.

I don’t think so. Find another sucker to manipulate, this actor has had her last curtain call.

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41 thoughts on “The Show Is Over There Won’t Be An Encore

  1. Find another sucker to manipulate. Amen sister … I’m sorry honey. THAT sucks ass… The whole story is riddled with tactics and manipulations and bullshit … Good for you saying you were letting go.

    Please do. No. With friends like that you don’t need enemies. He’s a bitch… curb the mo’fo. ugh…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He’s changed so now he’s so worried about me etc. Like what fairy twanged him in the middle of the night?

      A 47 year old abusive user doesn’t change over night. Funny thing is he’s all sweet, tears and apologies until I said, ” I appreciate the sentiment but I really ….” And he gave me the look, cut me off and said, “we don’t know what’s coming down the road, we, you and me aren’t done.(I”m thinking oh we’re done baby believe me we’re done) If we just walk away from each other now we are throwing the whole 10 yrs away. It was all for nothing” I started to say something and he interrupted again, “Just let it play out, you don’t know what’s going to happen” he said, “I have to take care of my people” I guess I just had a blank look on my face because he said, “YOU are my people”

      I was thinking, “your people??? WTF?? He went on, “I am a man with many talents. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t use those talents to help my people?, how can I just close the door on you when you need help?”. I did manage to say, “it was closed all last year” but he didn’t acknowledge that and I could tell he wasn’t in the mood for banter.

      I guess I wasn’t reading my lines right. But if he wants me to follow the script he should be providing Q cards.

      So I just let him give his spiel, pat himself on the back, he even got tears in his eyes when he looked at Kato and said,” and then there’s Kato, I miss him so” I said, “well if you think you’re getting visitation rights your sadly mistaken”
      Oooopps not following the script again. That’s just the kinda thing that will get a girl hit.

      So if I get this right these are my options. If by some miracle he has changed, ok keep the laughter to a dull roar; then I get to be his friend and watch him give everything I ever wanted from him to another woman.

      OR the other scenario; he hasn’t changed and I get to play a role in hurting the next one and get unceremoniously dumped when my character gets murdered off. (Seriously). Neither option is terribly appealing to me. No thank you I think I’ll stay home and pull my nail out with pliers.

      There was a lot more but I have ranted long enough.

      It did cross my mind to just play along, I could totally F up his new relationship but you know it just isn’t worth the mental energy. He’ll F things up all on his own and she, well she was so F’n cocky when they first got together, she’s got him now, and she’s stuck with him until he pays her the $15,000 he borrowed from her. Yeah! Like that day is ever going to come!! Hahaha oh I think I peed myself laughing.

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  2. Don’t you dare sink to that fucked up level of thinking. Okay? Sorry… hadda say that.

    He is truly off his rocker…. truly. Damn. This is THE most manipulative bunch of horseshit I have heard in a long time.

    I’m sorry honey. I know it hurts you… You did really well!!! I’m so proud of you! πŸ™‚

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    1. Thanks MC, at first I was crying but now every time I think about it I just get angry.

      Now, after being away from him this long I can see the manipulation so clearly, I guess it would still be effective if I hadn’t known him for 10 yrs but some of his crap insults my intelligence. Like he was telling me one of his ex’s died. He left her like 20 yrs ago.

      She became an alcoholic hate filled woman who never got involved again, so hurt and bitter she spent the rest of her life hating him and trying to warn his new g/f’s. I guess they kept in contact to some degree and she had called him when her father died and he recently found out she had drank herself to death. I thought to myself, “do you realize you ruined that woman’s life? Do you care?” He squeezed out a few tears, but he said he didn’t know why. No of course he didn’t know why, he just figured tears would be a nice touch; probably saw it in a movie once.

      I said, “I remember the night she called me to warn me about you, she was the most venomous person I’ve ever heard, it was scary”
      He said, “yeah you really bothered her” I asked why and he said, “because we lasted 10 yrs and I was happy.”

      I said, “not exactly happy”.

      Once again he ignored me.

      I used to listen to him on the phone talking to his mom about how our life was going and think “Are we living in the same place? Who the hell is he talking about?” But reality doesn’t affect a narcissist, it’s all an illusion. as long as he can lie and create the impression he is a big wheel that’s good enough for him. If reality sucks he just makes up a better story. He can live in abject poverty and squalor and be fine as long as no one tries to make him face reality.

      As long as M let’s him drive her car, as long as she doesn’t expect him to hold a job and is adequately impressed with the new job he is going to get, as long as she doesn’t question why everyone has it in for him it will be fine. But when she’s sick of packing the load and cleaning up his messes and never having security then he’ll find someone else. And accuse her of having expectations of him and being a black hole and dragging him down with her negativity.
      All of a sudden him and I were so happy, could have fooled me.

      His new g/f was raised in a very strict home and sheltered, she’s very naΓ―ve, married her first sweetheart, you know; probably never knew anyone that ever drove a vehicle without insurance or had the cops at the door because her husband stole something. She’s not ugly but she is plain, frugal, frumpy, doesn’t know how to dress, I think she dresses much too old for her age and not flattering for her figure. Not the kind of woman he usually goes for. He likes to be with a head turner but she was the best he could find and she had money. I’m sure he’s made her feel inadequate already.

      When I asked him about the married woman he said it was never going to work. She was splitting from her husband but the house was in his and her name and all the finances were tied up because the husband was being a dickhead and it just wasn’t going to work. He didn’t even realize how shallow that made him sound or care. Yet he still thinks he can con me.

      I do find it interesting, how out of touch they are.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I understand all of it. Now… pookie face? I want to talk about you.

    I’m curious if you know you’re still hooked in the game. Answer slowly… if you’re just processing that’s great and you need that. Definitely.

    I know you have this down to a science, you describe everything so well. Very well. I know this type of guy however, here’s the thing… We can talk about these women all we like and how they are this, that or the other thing. Here’s thing, he’s crazy making narcissist at it’s finest. Good lord there should be a picture next to the word in the dictionary.

    I don’t care about M and I don’t care about JC … I know he makes you angry and right fully so, you’ve said it now it’s like he’s insulting your intelligence and the more you push him away, the more he’ll keep coming. At least this is my experience in these matters. Because he can’t figure out why this shit doesn’t work. I would caution you again, unless you desperately need something to stay away from this man.

    Can he con you? … think about that question slowly. Because I know exaclty where your at in your head and way down deep in your heart… But I want you to be honest with yourself.

    Mind you there’s always remorse and “what if” and “if only things had been different” and “why couldn’t he see” but this is as much about you as it is about him.

    I would like to see you better. I could care less about that boy. You see what I’m saying? And you’re a smart cookie… πŸ™‚ “wink” …

    AND THAT ASS OF YOURS! HOLY CRAP!

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    1. I have a different take on the situation. Blogging about the dude, and his OW can have the effect of helping one to heal from the abuse, as well as comfort and educate others in abusive relationships. It can be hard to face old wounds and demons, but it is healthy. I appreciate her courage!

      I personally enjoy hearing about her ex and his OW. What she describes are very similar to mine and his OW. It’s like viewing it all dispassionately from another angle, and viewing it through a separate lens.

      Not saying I’m right or anything, but M seems familiar to me. I don’t hate either my ex or his OW, but there’s a tiny part of me that’d love for that relationship to crash and burn. In time it will! I won’t see it.

      JMO, but she seems to have already healed a great deal, and let it go personally. Maybe on some level a bit of residual anger will always be there in all of us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t see what they are, be totally honest with ourselves and each other.

      I believe she’s being completely truthful when she says: The Show Is Over There Won’t Be An Encore. I believe her! All my best!

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      1. My dear, this post is from 2011. By now I do hope she is in a better place, at the time, she was not. Not 100%

        You, my dear, still want to see something crash and burn, you need to let that go because you’re still engaged in that situation by mentioning that you would love for your ex’s relationship to crash and burn. That is not “over” something, that is feeding into the past. this mindset serves you , in the sense that you want his relationship to fail to prove to yourself, in a way, that you were good… think about that for a moment.

        Let it go honey. His life is no longer your concern.

        Ohaaai Lady with a truck πŸ™‚

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        1. Mystery!!!! long time no see!! as always great words of advice. That’s why I reposted this old post, because people always think I am so strong and one year out I was still taking his bait and still letting him get to me, still playing the game. I talked a good talk but it was at least another year before I was truly over him.
          You were such a big help back then. I tried to find your site quite a while ago and couldn’t. did you shut it down?
          Great to see you!!
          Hugs

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          1. lol πŸ™‚ Morning fluffeh πŸ™‚ Thank you, I’m glad it was helpful. It happens getting sucked back in, specially with all you had going on at the time. How are you doing? πŸ™‚

            Oh I have a couple other ones. I don’t post as much as I used to though. I’m on google a lot. I don’t know if you can see the one I have now via my icon thing? It’s good to see you too!

            xoxo πŸ™‚

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      2. Only Me, thank you for your support! You are so sweet, but this is an old post from 2011. Wow! where did 3 years go??? I just reposted it so people could see I was not this strong a year out of the relationship and that victims have to stay no contact and give themselves time.
        The reason I started the blog was to document my journey and hopefully people coming behind me would learn from my mistakes and successes. I am glad you are getting something from it. I sounded pretty strong but I was still playing the game with him, he was still getting to me, I was still trying to find answers and figure him out. I was still spending far too much time thinking about him and caring what was happening in his life. It takes time. You will get there too some day.
        hugs

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  4. I know this is easier said than done, but don’t give him the power to make you cry. YOU alone determine how to react. I don’t think he is worth your tears- you already know this. If you had legal grounds, I’d say get a restraining order….

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    1. Restraining orders are enforceable but should be used in a case by case basis. Because with some of these guys it can make them angrier and they walk right through it. Remember the Tracy Thurman story? … If she can get him to leave her alone safely this is totally the best choice.

      I’m not negating what you’re saying TIkk my divorce papers have a permanent restraining order typed right in there. I typed it myself πŸ™‚ However… if you do feel the need, get one Carrie and then start making reports but I think, it’s time to “not” continue entertaining this boy.

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      1. I had a restraining order years ago and he just laughed at it. Every where I went he was 5 minutes behind me. The police escorted him to get his things from my place. They escorted him off the property. I lived in a gated community, you needed a clicker to get in. Not 10 mins after they left my house and assured me he would not be back I went out to get some boxes. (I was packing to move) I picked up a box and *bam* I am a deer in the headlights.

        He is parked across from my place and had a spotlight he had mounted on his truck aimed right at me. He gave a toot toot of his horn and slowly drove away.

        To tell him he can’t do something is like challenging him. If I let him believe I am swallowing his crap but just can’t handle it because I love him so much but don’t play the game, he won’t get what he wants and will move on.

        He’s losing ground and scared but I’m not saving him this time. I am just going to continue to be the sweetheart I always have been and let him hang himself.

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      2. ITA with the case by case, and I also agree with the potential of sending him over the edge……

        However (and you knew it was coming, lol) here’s the thing for me- he’s already there. He is going to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. If she went the reverse psychology route and was nice, that would backfire too, because it would just continue to feed his ego. It might come to a point where he would no longer be interested, but I’m not sure it would be worth trying to find out.

        In a “normal” relationship, I would say the easiest way to get him to lose interest would be to show no emotion at all, ever. I am not sure Carrie can do that to this point, because of the damage he has done to her.

        Which is why I got to the restraining order- if he can’t respect her wishes for no contact, and a RO could be obtained, it might be worth considering. I would not tell him myself and let whoever handles that end of it do it. And then when he broke it, I would document everything. I might even consider making a call at those times to the new woman, just so she was aware of what was going on.

        Now, this could totally be playing with fire- and probably is.

        The best option, imo, which might not be practical, is to leave. And by that I mean, physically remove yourself from his space. I moved across the country, and it worked. I’m not interested in going back, even after 20 years. Not because I’m afraid anymore; not because I have any emotion- now it’s more for other reasons.

        I was afraid, though, for a really long time (like years) because I knew he was volatile enough that I would probably end up with holes in me like he would have done had I stayed. Now it’s been long enough (and I know how to shoot pretty well) that I feel like I could be in control of the situation.

        As long as he can physically get to C, I feel like she is never going to be able to totally move on because he physically won’t let her- it’s another measure of control, even though he doesn’t actually “want” her. (which is a good thing, imo). But when he has used up the others, I have no doubt he’ll make good on his threat of them not being done, and I don’t see a good outcome (but I’m paranoid that way, too.)

        I think for me, it was a matter of life or no life. Something to consider, at least, imo.

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        1. Amen Tikk. I feel you… I thought about the idea of moving as well. I mean, in this particular case, this boy is not going away. He keeps coming back and you don’t know exactly what switch in his little cranium is going to be set off.

          I’m really sorry you had this expereince Tikk and I’m mighty proud of you for leaving and moving and taking care of yourself. I understand better now as to why you get as excited as you do. I do as well. I was afraid of my ex for years and years. Until I heard he died… the relief I felt was immeasurable.

          I don’t think at times that men understand how frightening they can be. I mean there’s normal anger and over the top anger and unless a person has been in this position in their life to be afraid for their well being, they just “do not” understand this. I remember running into my ex’s family (they did not wear blinders) a few years after we’d broken up and just seeing them was frightening for me.

          Honey I was just talking about paranoia today and on my blog as well … it’s not parnoia… to me it’s gut instinct and it’s something we’ve learned due to these situations to recognize. If the nagging in your gut doesn’t go away and you still sense something repeatedly, that’s not paranoia, that’s fact. The trick is learning the difference.

          Miss Lady, I’m not sure what to say to you about this boy. He makes me uncomfortable and you understand the whole situation to the fullest extent humanely possible. I respect this… so if you got your head out of this game… how would you figure that you could get rid of him in a safe manner. ?

          I looked over my shoulder for 13 years. I didnt’ realize how much it affected me until I heard he died and then interestingly enough I was reconciled with his family and only then, fortunately I had this gift of closure, HAD closure… I told his sister straight out that I was sorry she lost her brother but I was glad he was done. She said she understood… he was a volatile boy, that boy and the way he was raised and the things he was put through a human should not ever go through. BUT he had options and he choices to make and he chose to live the way he did… which is a shame, bright boy, smart, handsome… it’s just a shame. BUT at no point with him did I ever miss a step knowing that if we met up some where that he could not be trusted an inch.

          I hate seeing people mistreated. I truly do and I have the utmost empathy for you honey.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. In my case, MC, it wasn’t a matter of if- it was a matter of when. He took great delight in not only telling me (and showing me, like when I was in bed sleeping only to be woken up with a large butcher knife at my throat- he named that knife “God”) all the different ways he would kill me, but he also made a point to take my legs out from underneath me all kinds of places, including at work. It was not long after he threw me down in the parking lot in front of our apartment (you know, in public, where all kinds of people could see what was going on) and started pounding my head into the pavement that I really understood he was going to kill me, and the thought process changed completely for me……

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            1. I uttered an audible gasp when I read this. My god. Yup. I’d shoot him too. I wouldn’t even give him time to speak.

              Well there’s that desensitization shit that goes on because normal people do not think this way. wow… I had my experience as well, he came after me and everyone got arrested. Me for defending myself and him for coming after me. He told his sister the day he left to come talk to me (we were getting divorced and I wanted some of my father’s antiques back) that she would read about it in the paper in the morning.

              She told me he planned to kill me that night, after he died and she and I talked she told me this. And he tried … he lost. Thank god. He ended up more hurt than me (thank god) and I had bruising on my neck. I still have to make a post out of this but I was lucky. Some women are not this lucky.

              I was also lucky to have a big brother who I would call if anyone ever threatened me in this manner again, never mind the cops I know and the detectives etc., didn’t anyone stop him?

              ugh… tikk… :hug: (wonder if this works too, litlte icon thingy)

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              1. Ya, good times- NOT!!! You are lucky you had a big brother…. mine was one I considered calling, but only as a last resort. As is typical, he had my family snowed and was smart enough not to leave marks on places on my body that could be seen. After we left and I explained it to my parents, they didn’t believe me and took his side. It was a few years on before something happened (and I still don’t know what it was) and they learned he really was not what they thought he was and that gee, maybe I had been sort of telling the truth. πŸ™„

                Why did his sister not warn you? Gotta head out with hunny to do some shopping….. πŸ™‚

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                1. She did warn me. I was 21 and didn’t understand. Very simple. Very simple. She tried to help that boy out till the day he died. But, he was a lost soul. He really was… and whatta shame for him too.

                  Yah, good times my ass. I hear you.

                  Wow. That’s a shame they didn’t believe you> I’m sorry again! My brother, lets just say that uh… yah. It’s difficult for people to comprehend the depths of this stuff unless they’ve been exposed to it too.

                  Like you’re not going to tell a man how this happens and how thoroughly frightening it is and have him grasp that at times. Some will, others will not. I know some who didn’t grasp it at all… unless they’ve been exposed to it in some way.

                  Yup. Mine was the same way. No marks. I think he’s the reason my shoulder is all messed up. He could smile at you and then 5 seconds later be someone else. You showed that boy any fear whatsoever he ate that up like candy. So, you didn’t show it … Yah, his sister told me what he’d been up to prior, but you know… people change and he had a drug abuse history which I didn’t understand back then, and he was clean and working on his life. All good things right? RIght. NOT … πŸ™‚

                  One friend of mine told me he pulled a gun on someone on the highway one time for whatever reason. Way after we were together. I was like … Oh good, boys gotta gun now. Greeeat. My nightmare is over, and I’m damned grateful for that.

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    2. Tikk, you are right.

      The crying was a “learned” reaction, the anger is how I really feel.

      I fully expected him to land on my door step at some point. I wish I had it in me to tell him to F off. Maybe some day. I am too kind sometimes, I know that.

      But MC I do know what you are saying and me even carinG what his new woman is like is being sucked into his crap. I don’t want to be like his ex that spent the rest of her life hating him. I wasted enough time on him. Even if I never get involved with another man I don’t want to spend the rest of my days mourning my relationship with him. I don’t want him thinking he had that kind of affect on me because he takes it as a compliment.

      Even though I’ve told him that I am not hurting because I want him back or because the relationship was so good. I hurt because the relationship was so bad and he treated me so badly. He doesn’t get that, he sees tears and thinks I love him and want him back.

      He kept telling me the other night that I am a good person. I know that, I’ve always known that. I used to say to him, “I am a good person I don’t deserve to be treated this way” and he’d say don’t be so hard on yourself. I wasn’t being hard on myself, he was being hard on me. Crazy making!

      Now he’s reassuring me I am a good person?

      I know he is trying to pull a con job on me but I am not playing into it. I am pretty sure I know what he is trying to do.

      For one thing, he was proud of being involved with “The Lady Witha Truck” it gave him perks and I know he used it to his advantage. He thought he had killed my business but I am still going strong but now he isn’t connected with me. He did his best to make me look nuts and that I was the one bringing him down but a year has gone by and I have only earned the respect of people and proven him wrong.

      It makes him look bad if I don’t want anything to do with him and if he isn’t my “friend”. Because I am a good person and people know I don’t hold a grudge, I am not an emotional basket case, I have quietly struggled to get back on my feet, pay my debt, I haven’t gotten involved with a man, haven’t used a man for money, haven’t even talked badly about him to others. (Except on here) he has had 6 jobs in 10 months and been disabled for 2 months.

      I am sure his g/f is getting pissed and maybe questioning why if I am such a nut case his family is so proud of me and supportive of me.

      He used to get my rates at Amix (preferred customer prices) and he gets board prices now but his step dad gets my rate. He won’t ever get my rates, ever again.

      I give him credibility, he can use me to rub salt in M, Carrie understands, she was always supportive, she didn’t push me like you. She understood me. You know the game, make her jealous and insecure so she will lay off with her demands because she might lose him.

      He told me where they live and there was a moment I thought about driving by to see. But that would be playing into his game. Then he could say I am stocking him whatever.

      I just went home because I don’t want to know.

      Well I have to get out there and work.

      Thanks ladies, for your support and caring. I really do appreciate every thing you have to say.

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  5. I think the best part of what you wrote earlier today was LOL ROFL!

    “What fairy twanged him” ahahahahaha!

    I see you know him well… seeing him and hearing the game triggers, unfortunately for you all that shit he’s done. I’m sorry for that.

    i think too honey, you know how to handle him … meaning, he’s hit you and in a way you do have to protect yourself.

    You realize you’re not talking to a rational human. Right? Yes, I know you do. You cry because he hurt you, period. I hear you… I know. Uh… honey? I’m going to come over there and smack you in the hinny if you drive by that house. LOL Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeriously woman!

    He needs to get out of your head and I think that’s going to take a while. You’re still figuring him out and you need to focus on you and get that mo’fo out of your head. And again, this is going to take you a while I understand… I know. It’s not healthy for you to see this guy. It takes it’s toll on your health as well.

    Every time you think about playing the game. He wins.
    Every time you start swirling around the shit he spews. He wins…

    You see? He’s like that mean kid on the playground who pops your balloon, has the pieces in his hands still and says “i didn’t do it, you imagined it. Crazy making thinking is correct. He’s off his rocker. You know this right? And I would rather see you not go off your rocker.

    He has not changed.

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  6. Rotflmao you liked that line eh? Gotta laugh or go nuts! You are right just thinking about him plays into his game. If he can get you thinking about him even in anger he’s getting to you, you care. He’s manipulating you, making you dance, he feels powerful.

    If you try to insult him he’s complimented because your mad. He would say, “only cows get mad”. Lol

    He makes me tired. But I get over his visits a lot faster these days. Only one bad dream, one sleepless night and 1/2 a day of crying. MUCH better!

    Thanks for your concern MC and support! I don’t doubt you come and smack me up side the head if I drive past the house. LOL

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    1. I wouldn’t “really” smack you. LOL πŸ™‚

      Course he makes you tired. When you speak to him you have to pay attention all the time to his intentions because he keeps flipping things and distorting the truth. That is a royal pain in the ass and it “is” exhausting because you’re not dealing with a person seeking ANY mutuality at all. Having to exert that kind of focus on another human being would exhaust me too.

      It’s like, WTF? And if enough time has passed in “your” mind, depending on what happened, it’s like… “what? and they can make you doubt yourself”… this ALSO sucks the life out of you because they distort the truth so much.

      He’s like “the” worst emotional trigger for you. Digs all that mess up… dat’s icky…

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    2. Although….. this is part self-preservation, the needing/wanting to know. Even after 20 years, I still periodically search online for info, because I want to know that he is still where he was. I am not naiive enough to think he is sane and has totally left me alone. I do NOT want to be blindsided by having him show up someday on my doorstop, which would happen if his life there went bad. I would be the one to blame; the one to “get even” with.

      I could, at this point, drive by his place (if I ever went back that way, which is not on the agenda anytime in the next several years) to check, knowing that even if he was outside, he would not recognize my vehicle (although he would notice the out-of-state plates, so it would be safer to rent something and wear a wig) and probably not me, either. But I’d do those other things, just to be safe, and I’d be packing….

      I got rid of everything- clothes, pictures, EVERYTHING. Anything that could remind me of him and that time- gone. For me, it’s just easier to get rid of it all, instead of taking the risk that something I was hanging onto could spark some emotion. I was *done.*

      Like

      1. Holy shit Tikk… this sounds like the movie “sleeping with the enemy”… my god.

        I am so sorry … that’s some stuff to carry around. I did that for 13 years although I never looked him up. I do remember one time I saw a guy I thought looked like my ex (the one when I was 21) and my legs froze. I mean I was purely petrified. I had to talk to myself to walk to the car, get in, turn it on without attracting any attention to myself and leave. Slowly too…like it meant nothing and I’d never seen him. I have no idea if it was him but I assure you that I did not want to find out. But the resemblance was SO great… that’s all it took.

        I”m very happy for you Tikk that you have the life you’ve carved out for yourself and I am truly sorry… and woman! Don’t you DARE go regressing and going past that mo’fo’s house… I get wanting to know where he is, I get that. Nothing past that though… okay? You’re freaking me out! LOL πŸ™‚ (said with wuv, you know that)

        Yup. It’s all your fault, I know how that goes… as if.

        Like

  7. “but when my heart was breaking and I needed him he told me to kill myself because no one would want a suicidal paranoid bitch like me anyway.”
    What??? It’s almost impossible to believe that someone would utter a thing like that. Bastard.

    Like

    1. Right?! Right… h’es a complete and utter bastard.

      And Miss Lady with a truck? I think, for your safety, since this asshole likes to fuck with people that you may want to shift your URL around and change some things. Particularly your name and stuff. I’m not trying to frighten you, however… to be “aware” is a good thing.

      People like him don’t like to be outted and have their “reality” changed up front and center. Read up on narcissistic rage in wikipedia and you will probably see his picture there front and center.

      Like

      1. Meaning I would put an avatar and not personal pics and stuff. I know you like to share and stuff and this is fine and I know you may go back and forth in your head from “screw him” I can do what I want to “yah, it may be a good idea” but … if he’s like this? And he is … there’s nothing wrong with not putting your name here. You see? Well the URL wouldn’t have to change I guess, but you know. I’m saying to be careful. That’s all.

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      2. C, unless you make this blog private and not searchable, he can find you, and find your blog, just by doing a search. I would, at the very least, change the name and url (you can import all your archives, too, so nothing would be lost). Once he finds it and gets over the thrill of knowing you are writing about him, he might get pissed, which can be a really bad thing…..

        Like

    2. When recently he was crying and saying that had he known I was serious about killing myself he would have tried to stop me or checked on me.

      I repeated to him what he said, he said “I don’t remember what I said”.

      I said,” I remember exactly what you said, it was the cruelest most heartless thing anyone has ever/could ever say to me”.

      He said, “We were arguing, people say things like that when they argue.”

      I said, “No, people don’t, I don’t”.

      Like

    3. Oh no, that’s totally par for the course. Those kinds of comments are 100% typical on a daily basis, and all part of the mental abuse/mind control to keep a person from leaving, or being willing to even talk to anyone about what’s going on. And it’s stated as fact; something “no one” will dispute.

      Like

  8. MC, I know there is this sick part of me that is hooked on “trying to solve the puzzle” the thing is; there is no solution there’s pieces missing. I remember when we were not together that long and my car developed a problem only JC could fix. If we were going out he’d get under the hood and viola! the car would run. I’d go to drive it the next day and it wouldn’t run.

    I figured he was up to something and I knew NOTHING about mechanical things so I went to the two lesbian’s who lived behind us (they used to call me a girly girl) and asked them to come look under the hood and see if they could see why it wouldn”t run.

    One look and immediately one of them said, “here it is, your distributor cap is off”.

    She showed me how to connect it and the car ran great. I drove into town did what I needed to do, came home, unhooked the dist cap and JC was none the wiser. And so the games began. I got a thrill every time I pulled one over on him. It went on for quite a while and then one day I am driving through town (he drove a gravel truck) and I see his truck coming towards me, if I turned he’d see me for sure so I just looked straight ahead and kept going, but I looked in my rear view mirror. His head came right out the window to look at me drive away, busted!!

    I went home and unhooked the dist cap and waited, he got home and never said a word. I thought, maybe he didn’t recognize me.

    The next day he calls and tells me to drop off his resume at city hall. I say, “But you told me if I try to drive the car it will blow up”. He said| “Do whatever you did yesterday to get it going and deliver my resume”.

    I used to tell myself that if I could prove he was screwing around on me I’d have the proof I needed to leave, but I’d catch him red handed and still I’d stay. I really don’t know why I need to figure out what he’d up to and can’t just walk away. His ex called me once to fill me in, she kept saying, “he always thought I was so stupid, but he didn’t have me fooled”. I don’t want to end up like her I truly don’t, bitter, lonely, and trying to solve the puzzle 20 yrs later. And she’s dead now and I could tell the other night when he was telling me that she’d drank herself to death it was stroking his ego that she never got over him.

    Like

    1. Yup. I had a similar experience except mine wasn’t mechanically inclined like this. He would tell me I needed to stay in or something and he’d know I took the car out and I’d go unhook the odometer. πŸ™‚ Do what I hadda do and then go home. When my dad died that whole issue was over with because I had his car.

      What? See, these are sick little survivor skills that women in these situations start coming up with to defend the game and themselves. It’s almost like who can outsmart who. Which isn’t healthy.

      When my friend “all” told me that they’d had enough and wouldn’t listen anymore and I was losing people because of him?

      My brain said, “self … you are losing everyone around you due to this ONE Person”… then my father died and that was the icing on the cake. Time to go …

      He kept the key to the new car we bought said I wasn’t “allowed” to drive it, the spare came in the mail from the dealership and I hid that for myself. I had the shit car, he had the new one. In part, I didn’t mind, he drove farther than me for work and that was okay. BUT it was a demand, not a decision thing for him.

      It was one fricking thing after the other, after the other, after the other. All controlling crazy making shit designed to make me crack. If you showed this one any fear, he prayed on this. I remember one time he wouldn’t let me out of the bathroom for hours. And you knew, if you pushed past him or tried to guy by, that would be his excuse. That boy was 170/180 lbs and I was 115 soaking wet (due to stress) so that was a no contest thing right there. Hell, any woman vs. a man is a no contest thing.

      And you know… the good news is that I healed from it all. And the only time this mess is revived for me at all is when I feel it from someone else to greater or lessor degrees. Men don’t understand this stuff sometimes either. Some do but … some don’t.

      The best place for this type of guy is far far away. That’s for sure.

      Like

  9. MC I have been thinking about your warning and it is not the first time I’ve questioned whether its a good idea I used my “Lady Witha Truck” name, or even that I talked about JC at all. Aside from the obvious reasons like he might hurt me, there is my business to think about, people Googling my company will read it and at times it isn’t too flattering of me, I come across as confused, weak and generally F’d up. I have always believed you keep business and personal separate.

    I have even had thoughts like, “if I say that he’ll never want me back” (I know MC! That was months ago now:) ) I have questioned if I was doing it out of vindictiveness and revenge and honestly I don’t think so, because I truly don’t wish ill on him. A lot of people wish I did hold a grudge against him. I fee sorry for him mostly.

    Am I being a martyr? I don’t think so. So why would I write about him at all? There are lots of blogs and forums about narcissists out there, my little blog isn’t going to change anything.

    I keep seeing him standing over me screaming at me with his fist raised and thinking if I was as strong as I was and as self sufficient and can be reduced to this what if he was with a weaker woman. What if the next woman or 3 women from now believe it”s all them. But if they read my blog would it change anything? Would they leave him? Probably not. Would I have left? Probably not. Maybe it will help hem be strong and more aware, hopefully.

    I didn’t want to go to his family and speak badly of him, for one thing it would be extremely hurtful for his mother’s, and family is family its sacred territory.

    I feel a responsibility to “put it out there”. I know when I went to the police for a restraining order and to tell them I feared for my safety they basically laughed at me. They said he had no previous history of abuse but I knew from him that hiS ex had a restraining order against him, they had letters he’d written where he is talking like he is THE JC, I took in dozens of discs where he had snuff sites and porn sites saved. They said they couldn’t prove there was a history of abuse.

    A few years ago when we got back together he “casually” mentioned to me something he had mentioned in the past. He wanted us to have our records sealed. I didn’t know this but for $400 a person can have their criminal record sealed and unless they’ve been convicted of a major crime nothing shows up when a search is done, even by other police depts. I had said why would I? I have nothing to hide. He had said he wanted to have his sealed seeing as we were starting over with a clean slate he thought we should clear our records also. I said whatever, I’m not spending $400 when I have nothing to hide. He then said that it doesn’t do any good for him to seal his record because if they run my name all the incidents of police being called for domestic abuse will show up and his name would be attached to my name.

    I couldn’t help but wonder if that was why he wanted to try again because he wanted to talk me into sealing my file.

    I guess I want there to be some record, something traceable. I am afraid of what he might do down the road and there would be no record of past abuse and his family wouldn’t say anything (they don’t know a lot of it either). He is such a good liar, I want the truth out there. Its not blatant but it is easy enough to find if someone knows anything about him at all.

    Like

  10. Yes. It’s called expungement. A person files a complaint with the court asking them to seal past criminal records. Notices go out to I believe 10 separate entities/authorities for approval and only then can those records be sealed. And you bet your ass he wanted them sealed for a reason. He’s a sneaky bastard that’s why. I work for attorneys I’ve done one or two of them at work over the years.

    I understand how your mind works. πŸ™‚ I’ve been there and I hear you loud and clear. It is cathartic to let it all out too and you need to heal. Truly…

    COME HERE! gimme hug!!! πŸ™‚

    Like

  11. Maybe you can just change your picture. Put up something else instead of your face… in your truck, with your doggggg… Herrooooo…

    See there is not sense in putting yourself in danger and if he were to read this, he’s not going to look at it and think… “I’m a bastard and need help” He’s going to think something entirely different and we don’t want that.

    Like

    1. Woooow! I was reading your comments Tikk and MC and with every comment when I was done reading I would have to consciously make myself breath and relax; I’d be tensed right up.

      ((((((Tikk))))))) how awful for you!! To wake up with a knife to your throat. JC was more subtle. For a while he watched snuff videos. One he watched over and over I never saw just heard; a woman begging for her life and then the gun goes off. It used to make me sick just listening to it. He also used to fill a balloon with acetylene (he always has it because he welds and cuts metal) and using a wire and barbecue start button he would blow up scrap cars for fun. He could be quite a distance away and do it. I always thought he was showing me what he could do. It seemed when ever we were getting close to breaking up he’d show someone how to blow up a car. The most scared I was, was when he came at me with his sister here, I knew then that if it really came down to it he didn’t care who witnessed it.

      As much as he can say he always loved me, didn’t I know that? and cry and apologize; I know hatred when I see it and feel it. And he hates me, all women, it is just under the surface and he controls it most of the time.

      (((((((MC)))))))) you too!! No wonder you are so protective and concerned, you and Tikk both have been through so much. Much more than me. Not that I under estimate what he is capable of doing and as much as I just can’t get my head around him being able to kill me, there have been times I had no doubt he was going to kill me.

      I often wonder how many women that are killed by a spouse/bf knew it was coming and just couldn’t get their head around it.

      I have told JC that if I die of anything but natural causes; ie mechanical failure on my vehicle, my truck blows up, they find me dead somewhere or my truck disappears, or something happens to Kato he will be the first person on their suspect list, my son will make sure of it. He knows my son would kill without a second thought. That scares me, because I wouldn’t want my son to go to jail for it but I have no doubt my son would take the law into his own hands.

      It was strange when I said it to JC. A normal person gets told that and they would react in some way. Be appalled you could think that of them, be hurt, angry, laugh and call you nuts. But he never said a word.

      He was supposed to be leaving the area and I was so pleased about it. He was going 1/2 way across the country but he started looking for women here. I couldn’t believe it, he has always left the town when he ended a relationship, go to a new town and reinvent himself. It makes sense, why stick around where I am and take the chance of me talking to his new g/f? And he is right in the middle of my territory, only 10 minutes away from where I take my steal. I’ve changed my MO I used to come flying through the gates at Amix at noon every Sat, I haven’t even gone to amix the last two saturdays. I always go to amix at the end of the day but now I have left the load on the truck and taken it in the next day during the day. Probably why he had to drop by my house, I wasn’t where I should be, my schedule that I’ve had for 6 years changed.

      I didn’t think about that until just now.

      I would love to leave town and have seriously considered going where my son is/was but now he’s where it snows a lot and I hate snow. I still could go to Kelowna though, my grand daughter is there and I love the town.

      For now, I think me being public is as safe as I can be. Too many people would suspect him if he did anything. Maybe that’s why he wants to be friends now, maybe he wants to win me over, but he can’t give up his meal ticket either so he’s got to walk a fine line.

      Mind you last night Roxy was really nervous and growling at nothing. I went to check out the window at 3 am and there was a car parked in front of my neighbours with the motor running. I watched it pull away and couldn’t tell what kind of car it was. I am going to ask her if she had late company.

      Well I have to go to my mom’s for supper so I better get some stuff done.

      I can’t express my gratitude for all your support and wise advice Tikk and MC. hugs to you both, you inspire me to be strong.

      Like

      1. C, don’t sell yourself short- you’ve paid with 10 years of your life. Me- I was in and out in 2 1/2. Mine may have escalated more quickly, but thank goodness it did, because otherwise I could have wasted a lot of my life hoping for change….

        Like

        1. Its true that the longer you are with them the more you have invested in the relationship, the more you lose yourself, the less you feel strong enough to leave and more you feel you have nothing to lose by staying, maybe THIS time they really mean it when they say they’ll change, or they’ve seen the light, had an epiphany, or been sprinkled with fairy dust. Then there is always the; if you would only do “this” everything would be ok. You’ve already done A,B,C,D, through to U,V, and W might as well try X, and Y,

          why? Good question. Funny how it ended up at Y huh?

          The more I think about it the more I think I’m lucky to be alive, I had a couple of very close calls with mechanical failures on my truck. God was watching over me for sure.

          He used to always mention that if he died I would get life insurance he had in my name. I never saw any proof of it. I always had a feeling he was hinting I should do the same for him. Uh uh! Not putting a price on my head.

          Like

  12. Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:

    Another old post from 3 years ago. Everyone always thinks I am so strong and people come in 5 months after the relationship with the N ends and want to be over it like I am. I keep saying it has been 4 years!! This post was written exactly 1 year after we had split and months of no contact. He had popped back into my life full of tears and promises and I thought I was strong enough to listen to what he had to say and it wouldn’t affect me. Wrong!!
    make sure you read the comments also, and what Mystery Coach and Tik Tok had to say.
    Give yourself time to heal and know that I am no stronger than you are, I am just longer out of it and have learned from my mistakes, just like you will.

    Like

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