Thank You

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has shown so much compassion, understanding and support without a moment of judging. Especially this last two days, MC who is going through her own shit with losing her job and having a tooth ache and she still took the time to listen, let me vent and give my a cyber shoulder to cry on, Jessica, and Imperfect Journey, you guys too have your own challenges but the three of you took the time to give encouragement and made my day so much easier.

I really truly sat here last night and didn’t know how I would make it through the night and woke up in tears and there were messages from you ladies and I knew I wasn’t alone, it meant a lot!

I don’t know why I am taking it so hard, why I feel so dead inside, what did I expect? I know I could never go back to him, ever; there is nothing he could say or do that would make what he did ok. He destroyed us so completely there is no room for trust, and without trust you have nothing. And I don’t mean just trust in him being faithful, I mean trust him with my heart.

Its not that I deep in my heart believe for a minute that he’s changed, he has proven that, he’s been fired again, he has his own version of our history and why we split and won’t listen to my version at all.

Even when we were talking he had a couple of moments where he pretended to get choked up, stared into space and said, “just give me a minute”. And then said, “I never meant to hurt you ever” and cried. It didn’t soften my heart in the least, it was so phoney how can he even say that? He did so many things that were down right spiteful, hurtful and cruel; of course he meant to hurt me. Other times when he isn’t sure what he should be feeling he used his usual line, “I don’t know what to say about that.”

He is so concerned about me, he knew my truck was broken down on the side of the road and he never called yet he told me Saturday he couldn’t sleep all night worrying about my truck. That was before Xmas, it couldn’t have been that big a weight on his shoulders.

He told me that one of his ex’s had been so jealous because he and I lasted so long and he had been so happy with me and I thought and said for that matter, “not that happy”. But it made me realize that he must have been telling her something other than what was happening so the same would be true for what he is telling me now about him and M.

He told me he wanted out of where we were living, his job, his life, he wanted to change so he changed everything and then realized he hadn’t wanted to lose me. He said that the mice were so bad after I left that he had to find some where else to live and M was there. He had come by my place and I hadn’t let him stay so I believe he saw a woman with money that he could sweep off her feet easily and he could change his life. I asked him about the woman where I caught him that day, the day before he moved into M’s and he said that her husband was giving her trouble and the house and finances were all tied up and it wasn’t going to work.

I told him that it had gotten so bad that I used to pray he would just tell me a good enough lie that I could lie to myself. And he said, “I did that didn’t I?” Oh God!! Yes you did JC barely.

I know how sweet he can be, how confusing, he didn’t hit me the first year, he proposed to me 3 or 4 times even gave me a plastic ring. He also proposed to the young girl in Africa and led her on for two years, he was with one woman 15 yrs, me 10 yrs, and a couple of 1 and 2 yr relationships in between so I know just because they are together doesn’t mean they are happy and it doesn’t mean she hasn’t kicked him out because I did and he just didn’t leave. He would pretend nothing ever happened and just stay and the cops won’t remove him because it’s a domestic thing and unless you charge him with abuse he’s there whether you like it or not. I also know how convincing his apologies can be and at first the tears are very believable.

He looked old, and so much smaller than I remember, even his hands looked smaller (I used to love his hands and chest), he had a days growth and he’s gone totally grey, his false teeth were loose so he had a hard time keeping them in his mouth and eating and his bottom teeth which are his own needed to be brushed. He was not attractive. Yet he still managed to get to me. How? Why have I been a basket case? Sometimes I think I am jealous of the hope, the promises, jealous that he is lying to her and not me. But he is lying to me!

Then I sent the email to him at her email address and laid it all out, I took everything he had said to me and countered it with the truth. Like “You said you always loved me, you told 6 women in 2yrs that you loved them while you were with me”. If we were together now we would be homeless because you got fired again. How he said he tried to get my truck running and he knew that if I would have had a working truck I would have worked that I always worked and the stress of trying to get my truck going was too much for him and I pointed out how he even admitted to me that he didn’t fix my truck because he was afraid I’d leave him. I just laid it all out and then said, “I don’t seek you out, I knew where you were working and never once went any where near there, or called there, I’ve had your email address and never used it, the only way we ever see each other is when you come to the Turf on a Saturday knowing I will be there.
I have told you I don’t want to be friends. You used M to hurt me, I don’t know what game you’re playing now but I refuse to now be a pawn for you to use to hurt M.
Please stay away from the Turf around noon on Saturday and we will never run into each other again.

I kept it for a day and reread it before I hit send. I was worried he’d be pissed because she will see it but what do I care? He will come up with some lies about me being a nut case but you know the truth has a ring to it and she’ll know, she may be like me and be praying he tells her a good enough lie she can lie to herself. That is her choice I know I can’t help her or make her see the light. I mean really, she’s been with him for almost a year, he is a ticketed welder, heavy duty mechanic, long haul driver and instructor and heavy equipment operator and he hasn’t paid a dime of the money he owes his step dad nor the $14,000 he borrowed from her. He has been fired from 8 jobs, has a WCB claim that they are denying. He is driving her Pilot, living under her roof, and has bought himself a motorcycle and truck and the cops have been to the house to arrest him for stealing from the company he was working for. He got off somehow. If she still wants to marry him anything I say isn’t going to make any difference.

I don’t want to support a man, her dead husband must be rolling over in his grave.
So with all that said why am I so sad?? Someone tell me!! Because I am still angry. Because I am struggling and he is pretending to be mr nice guy even to my face and that pisses me off and there is nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, thank you all for hanging in there with me. I still didn’t do the dishes or vacumme but I didn’t cry as much. 🙂

32 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. mysterycoach

    Holy shit … I know what triggered you off. ugh, I can’t believe I missed this yesterday. Well aside from the very real stressors you have going on right now but …

    He got engaged. Ugh… holy fuck. You can’t figure out, wait … hold on, hear me out… He got engaged. How does he get to do that? After all you went through how does he get to move forward in his life and still fuck with your head.

    There you are, struggling and that muther fucker got engaged. Woman, you sent his girlfriend an email? Okay. I know you are upset, I understand, you MUST STOP doing this to yourself in this way. Vent all you like, stop making contact with these people in his life.

    Hey? Lemme ask you a question. If you read my blog and you saw me talking about a guy like this… what would you tell me? What would your advise me to me? No, no… I understand how you’re thinking BUT make it about me… what would you tell me.

    He hasn’t changed you know. You’re not going to make logical sense of any of this because he is a narcissist. He’s not going to turn into that guy you saw on occasion for someone else who you thought you loved. That was not love … she is not getting some great guy, she’s not getting YOUR happily ever after. She’s getting the very same prick who fucked with your car around christmas time.

    Oh. I can’t believe I missed this yesterday when I read one of your posts… you’re upset, because he got engaged…. She’s not getting your prize in any way. Or your life or anything like that… she is getting HIM …. he hasn’t changed. He’s the same.

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      1. ladywithatruck Post author

        I know you aren’t yelling!:) I won’t make a habit of contacting him/them. I wanted to expose what he is doing, but I am not going to be harassing them. He had an ex that called all his new girlfriends and oh boy was she scary!! She gave his claim that she was a nut case credence, I hung up on her and she called 30 times and left messages that got more volatile with each one. I knew what she was saying was true because I had been through it all with him but her hatred and viciousness stripped her of her credibility. I have always sworn I would not become her, and he used to call her occasionally and they’d talk or she’d call him and it was a game they played.

        I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I should have kept driving too when I saw his truck. My thought process behind doing what I did was I know he is trying to make himself look like the poor guy who tried to let me down easy and help me etc. I know even though I didn’t want to believe it there were times during my relationship with JC that someone said something and it rang true to me, it made sense and later I remembered it and it helped me understand that it wasn’t just me like he was trying to make me believe this was his M.O.

        I don’t expect that she would dump him and I am sure he came up with some feeble excuse for everything. But I also wanted him to know that he isn’t pulling anything over on me, I know what he’s trying to do, I won’t play the game, and I won’t keep his secrets. At the same time it puts the some information in her hands that may come in handy down the road.

        I knew where he worked, I knew where he lives, I have NEVER driven past or gone any where near either place. I know her email and have made no contact whatsoever (except when I wanted the car out of my name) and this time twice in a year. I don’t ask his stepdad or any of our mutual friends how he is and tell them I don’t want to know so don’t tell me. I blocked him on FB and then deactivated my acct. The only contact I have had with him was contact he initiated by showing up at Amix. I regret looking him up on FB, I know now that he put it up there for my benefit and when he hadn’t gotten a reaction 3 days later he had to drop by and fan the flames. I played into his game, to get a reaction out of me. But if every time he contacts me I send an email he might just leave me alone.

        I know I should keep on driving if I see him there but I haven’t found that strength yet. Working on it. I know letting him talk to me is never good for me and strokes his ego if he can make me cry.

        I know what you are saying though; I will get no where talking to him, even me telling him to stay away means nothing to him. But I wanted to give her something to think about when he feeds her more bullshit. Information is power and she is going to need it. I know she willingly played a part in his efforts to hurt me and I have even felt the pull to give him what he wants and make her jealous but I won’t do it. I want her to some day have the light go on and feel really shitty for her part in it. (To be totally honest) and me harassing them would only give him credence. I only spoke the truth and left it, I won’t continue.

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  2. mysterycoach

    You know… you are still wrapped up in the game… Do you realize this? Still trying to figure it out… find that light, that logic behind all of this bullshit. And I understand that…

    What you, need to do is to stop and start pushing him out of your head. I know it was a long time, I understand. Well, maybe not I don’t have that much time invested like you did but …

    Listen to me. Lemme bury myself in your head for a minute here okay?

    1. What reason do you have for getting her to see what he is like? What purpose, for you, does it serve in any capacity other than still being hooked into the game. Because this is a huge cluster fuck of a game.
    2. it’s not your job to save her. It really is not. And you can’t …
    3. The only reason you would feel a pull towards him in any way is to appease that girl inside you that wanted everything to be okay. The approval you never got, the kindness, the love, the way he “acts” but that’s not who he is… You’re trying to heal a wound with the person who put it there…

    You following me? Man… you tell me when to stop… but you have to stop this, this is not something to figure out anymore, it’s not your job to inform or tell others what he’s like. They are not going to listen to you anyway.

    I would gather that perhaps there may be a part of you that still says… Why couldn’t he see what you’ve done? How much you cared? What you went through and how supportive you were and all the while he was a narcissistic prick who put you down… you don’t need his approval, you don’t need his validation because you will never get it FROM HIM … he’s not capable. He can’t do it… you see? He can’t… he doesn’t think like you are me and I know it’s only been a little but you’re still playing the game … you see what I”m saying?

    Nope. I believe you will play a bit longer … it’s like a drug sweetheart. It’s an addiction these types of things. Logic and all this mess becomes intertwined in a persons head to the point where… it’s like smoking. If I said I would never touch a cigarette my brain would be all like… just buy one pack… (just stop and talk to J.C., because he may change and we can have that happily ever after) … take one drag (show him how wrong he was about you and how he’s making a mistake) one drag won’t hurt… (talking to him changes nothing) BUT it does reopen the emotional wounds he left… Can you see the logic in this here?

    Truly… ya hafta stop playing this game with him… because, he’s winning. You follow me honey? Maybe it would help you to get out pen and paper and write down the bad … so you can see it. He has not changed… the only reason you keep playing is becuase you hope he would… or can. And he’s a poopy head… LOL

    OMG Did you FART AGAIN!!!! What the hell Woman! Noooo that WAS NOT ME! Gasp! Roxie did it! look she’s snorting! Bad doggie… hey, what’d you feed that dog anyway? 🙂

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      I see what you are saying and have gone in and blocked him again on fB so I can’t see him if I do have a weak moment.

      I thought that when I didn’t keep going when I came around the corner and he was there. Sure I needed to cash my cheque but I could have driven past gone for a walk and gone back. I asked myself what can he possibly have to say that you need to hear? He has destroyed any chance of reconciliation and I knew that the day I moved out. I don’t want to be his friend, I KNOW he will hurt me. I KNOW he is not capable of honest communication. And I know he will not leave me alone as long as I respond and so far I haven’t been strong enough to not respond.

      There is this sick to my stomach need for approval I guess it is; need to know it wasn’t me, need to know he’s still an asshole and I know he isn’t going to let me know if he’s still an asshole-I KNOW that.

      I hate myself for letting him see how devastated I am, sometimes I think he’ll give up because there is no fight left in me. When I see him I let him feed me all the bullshit, all the while thinking “bullshit!” But while in his company I play my role and then I get away from him and I want to rip him a new asshole and am so mad at myself for letting him think I actually swallowed his crap so then I want to straighten him out and I KNOW any reaction feed his ego.

      The best way to get to him would be to drive away. Hopefully next time.

      I have noticed he always looks like crap when he shows up and then the next time I see him he looks so much better. Its because he got a shot of N/S-he was down a quart so came for a fill up.

      I am learning MC no one is more impatient with me than me! 🙂

      Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by Virgin Mobile.

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  3. mysterycoach

    I think … you’re hoping he will really see. This is why you stop. This is why you keep sucking yourself back in and this is a very old pattern for you honey.

    I don’t want you to hate yourself, this is a pattern of behavior that you’ve had going on for a very long time (you may not use this as an excuse LOL) for you… it’s like smoking, like I referenced earlier.

    You see? You said it right there towards the end “The best way to get to him”…

    I dont’ want you to get to him. That’s still playing the game. Think on that for a minute…

    It is not sick to want and have healthy approval and/or support. From him however is looking for something that isn’t there…

    You need a slap man woman LOL 🙂 Have you read up on anything FOR YOURSELF about recovering from an abusive relationship?

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  4. mysterycoach

    p.s., I scold a lot but I know you’re learning… you need to fight those old patterns. First you have to see them. If you read your blog you may see them… it’s very easy to fall back into old patterns… but I’m proud of you.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      I rarely do anything without trying to honestly evaluate why I am doing it. A lot of times I don’t like my reasons 🙂 but this case is no exception. I have thought long and hard about why I would even bother with the email. I understand why I stop; I think its morbid curiosity more than anything, and addiction to him. And some times I guess I am amazed at myself; that he has hurt me so deeply and I don’t hate him. I used to look him up prepared to be hurt like OK NOW will you get over the guy? Had enough yet?

      As far as the email and letting her know and him know that I am not going to keep his secrets. It makes me so fucking angry that for his whole life from the time he was 12 he has left a trail of destruction and NO ONE brings him up on it. Everyone keeps his dirty little secrets. His ex s, his family, friends even employers don’t charge him with theft they just fire him. He continues to get away with it because there is no “history”. I remember when I wanted to charge him with assault and I knew he had a restraining order against him in Alberta for hitting his ex but he’d had his file sealed so there was no evidence of past abuse. He’d been all chummy with the cops and I felt like I was going crazy. I don’t want to just quietly disappear and not say anything because she is on her own and thank God he is someone else’s problem. That is why women should report rape, why anyone who witnesses abuse should step forward.

      His birth mom said one time that he always seemed to injure himself when he was in trouble. I took that little bit of info and filed it but as time went on I saw the pattern. It helped me know in my mind I wasn’t crazy.

      His adoptive mother knows he has hit every woman he’s been with, she has helped cover his lies when he cheated on me, even his lie that he was dying. If it was my kid and I found out he hit one woman I’d be all over him. I might not say anything to the new girl friend but if I found out he’d hit her too I would not cover for him and let her believe it was her fault.

      His sister tried to warn me but she was one person and easy for him to make up excuses why she has it in for him. It took the whole ten years for me to learn about stuff that would have made a huge difference to me when I was going crazy doubting myself.

      It is not so much I want to protect her, as much as it would make me look better to care. The truth is I want him to be exposed.

      Because you know I have never been a vindictive person. In fact I am friends with most of my ex s. And I don’t want to make it my life’s purpose to destroy JC. And to be honest I think that what JC needed was a woman with money to keep a roof over his head, that doesn’t have a job or kids so he gets all her attention. But I really don’t believe it will be enough for him. If he had changed and he was happy I really believe I could be at peace with that. But I don’t believe he’s changed and it pisses me off that he’s gotten away with it again.

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  5. mysterycoach

    I understand everything you’re saying.

    Pay attention to me sweetheart. You’re still playing the game. Everything you do, every step you make, every time you do anything in relation to this boy, makes you still enmeshed in the game.

    I understand being pissed off. But HE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE UNLESS YOU MAKE HIM BE YOUR PROBLEM.

    Know, that I do understand where your head is at, at the same time you are putting yourself in the position on a consistent basis. You are playing the game. It’s a game honey… you keep playing it.

    I understand about crazy making, I understand the need to warn other people about this prick. I get it, I get the wounded little girl in you who wanted to be loved and how hard you tried.

    Honey… at the same time, you’re still playing the game. He’s winning. You can’t warn people, they’re not going to listen to you and we don’t really give a flying fuck what he says about you. That is still playing the game.

    You’re still playing… you don’t hate him because you have’t healed and your’e still playing… for myself, hate came first, then healing and then I wished him well. If that boy hadn’t died I’d still be looking over my shoulder HOWEVER … He never changed. Neither with this boy…

    Stop playing. Done it done. No contact is good contact. Done is done.

    Stop. This is enough… enough…

    and again… I ask you, have you read anything at all about recovering from an abused relationship.

    Come on now honey… I understand… you HAVE TO LET THIS GO… stop playing the game.

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  6. TikkTok

    Oh honey, I haven’t read all of MC’s comments, but I am sure they are golden.

    My two cents is this:

    DO. NOT. Give. Him. That. Power. {Period. Don’t give it to him.}

    Yes, you have stuff to work through. It’s going to take some time. But SHE is not yours to save or otherwise worry about- she is a big girl, and if you sent that email and she has access- well, it’s all right there.

    Honestly? Good for him. Maybe now he’ll leave you more alone and you can go on your merry way and heal. Doesn’t mean you still won’t be hurting- but maybe he won’t be around as much pulling the scab off and making it bleed again.

    {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

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  7. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    Wow, Carrie, what a read between you & mysterycoach – I can’t possibly add anything! Mysterycoach is so spot on that if you read about such on her page, what would you advise HER? You know exactly what.

    Seriously, Carrie, I know you say this is your yesterdays but it feels so today. I hope so, so much, you are far far beyond these yesterdays.

    Here’s hoping the best for you TODAY. 🙂

    You know, your writings are so insightful – you KNOW he hasn’t changed, yet you still engage with him. Getting engaged. omg, he makes me furious, his treatment of women.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Noeleen, Thanks for dropping by; it is quite a lengthy read! I don’t disagree with MC, I am not even sure now what I have and haven’t said in reply because I have been so busy and lost a reply somehow (doing this on my BB has drawbacks). I have my logical, rational, fact based mind which is always in conflict with my emotional, self doubting, soft, side. And I mean constant battle!! Its a horrible way to live. I try to find a balance between the two but my son doesn’t call me a marshmallow for nothing. 🙂

      I have an update post coming because the comments on this post have gotten so long.

      It is always easier to see what someone else should do. I have also found when it came to his son, his sister or my son it was so easy to defend them and their rights; I could go toe to toe with him with no doubt or fear but when it came down to just him and I the inner battle rages again.

      So what that means at this point is that it is no longer about JC and me; that is done. My battle now is totally an inner battle.

      Btw this is as recent as this week.

      I can stay away from him, if he left me alone I have no doubt I would never contact him ever. I have had many events over the past few months that would have given me a plausible excuse to call him. Even being so sick and after a week of nightly night mares I had no desire to find out what he was doing or contact him. Since I found out he was living with this other woman I have too much pride to contact him. Once he contacts me again then I get hooked back into the “game” and I want to figure out what he’s up to.

      As much as it hurt to find out he got engaged I am glad I found out on my own instead of being blindsided by someone catching me off guard and telling me. (Some people just love to deliver that kind of news).

      I know I should/could have driven by when I saw his truck but my financial situation is really tight right now. If I am taking a load in on Saturday it means I need the money badly. It usually means I had just enough fuel to get to Amix (where I sell my scrap) and have to cash my cheque before I can go anywhere. My bank is in another town but there is a bar close to Amix that will cash my cheque for me. I have sat for 3 hours waiting until they had enough money to cash my cheque because I didn’t have enough fuel and no money. Amix closes at noon on Saturday and is an hour’s drive away which means I come flying through the gate at 5 minutes to noon and will be at the bar by 12:30. Any other day he wouldn’t have a clue what time I might be there but on a Saturday he is almost guaranteed to catch me. There are other scrap yards I can go to but Amix pays the best by a long shot. I get $250 a ton for my scrap at Amix and anywhere else I would get $100 less. I always have between a ton to 2 tons on my truck so that is a lot of money.

      I could drive by, park down the road and wait for him to leave but the fact that he is there at all causes me pain so I just give in to my curiosity and go see what he has to say.

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      1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

        Carrie, thank you for your full reply. I did want to know, & to know this is current; my heart really aches. What I’ve not told in my blog as it isn’t the today of my life, is when my son moved from Perth to Melbourne (3,000+ kilometres) it was to GET AWAY FROM A MAN WHO WOULD JUST NOT LET ME GO. Daniel was the instigator, he always wanted to move to Melbourne as we visited family regularly & Melbourne is like “busy New York” compared to some quiet seaside town with no night life or creativity going on. It wasn’t possible because of his father, then became possible and I RAN, I RAN from this man BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND, I DO KNOW, THAT YOU KEEP GOING BACK.

        You say you can get by not knowing what he’s up to, & then when he rings, you’re reeled back in. Well with me, I didn’t care about this guy’s life, I didn’t want him at all – but when I wanted sex, I rang, & he’d try & get into OUR lives. I didn’t want him in OUR lives. He claimed he loved us, but he was not right to Daniel, he had intense aggression (passive) & he was possessive & obsessive. I am so SO glad he is so far away.

        What I’m saying is, Carrie, I SO wish JC didn’t live in the same area as you conduct your life, wish he wasn’t so close to where you live and work.

        I DON’T think you should go out of your way to park the truck up the road or whatever, I think your strongest move would be to conduct your life REGARDLESS of where he lingers in the background, & ignoring him. But you are SO right: it is so easy for people to say “you should this, you should that”. Forgive me it slipped out.

        What it is, Carrie, is I identify with your marshmallow side & I can identify with a LOT you say, & I really, dearly wish you well – above & beyond this JC. I wonder if he tortures his new bride to be, with knowledge of you,& what you two had shared at times. Probably.

        I can’t believe people still cash cheques & so on. I am glad this Amix exists but so surprised their prices are way better. Bizarre – $150 difference. How do the others stay in business, I wonder? To wait 3 1/2 hours for a cheque to cash… oh Carrie, I am so wishing better for you.

        Sincerely, all the best things to you, xx Noeleen

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        1. TikkTok

          C, I’m going to have to chime in on this one. I totally agree with Noleen.

          He is not is not going to leave you alone. IMO, you need to decide if your mental health and recovery is important enough to do what it takes to allow yourself to heal.

          If it is, the answer is simple, but hard. You need to move AWAY from him. You need to be somewhere he doesn’t know where you are. And preferably far enough away that he can’t just pick up and find you in a few hours.

          I moved across the country to get away. I did what I could to prevent him from finding information about me. Still, today, I have an unlisted phone number. Modern public records being what they are, I’m sure if he set his mind to it, he could find me, but it would take a while and $$$ for him to come find me.

          As long as there is a thread connecting you to him, whether it’s location or friends, he’s going to travel it and mess with you. That’s just the way he is. He knows he affects you, and he has no desire to end his control. Even though you aren’t with him, because you stay where he can get to you- you are allowing him some measure of control over you.

          This is why, I’m sure, you continue to have such a problem with your emotions. It’s not like you are hanging it to him on a silver platter because you are not in his intimate space, but you’re not making it hard, either, and you’re not doing *everything* you can to protect and heal yourself.

          Now. Certainly you can stay where you are duke it out with yourself and with him. But I’ll tell you- it won’t completely stop, and you’ll never actually be free- you may be able to function; you may feel like you’re moving on- but you won’t actually be free until that tie is completely severed and there is no chance for contact…… {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

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        2. mysterycoach

          Hey Noleen 🙂 It can slip out when you say it’s so easy to say … you know, what you don’t know perhaps about me is I was in an abusive relationship myself. I understand where Carrie is at in her head and I’ve been there twice, neither lasted 10 yeas, 1.5 for each however… when I say “she should, or she needs to” and I’m not saying you were referencing anything I’ve said here, it’s because I know … I’ve been there and no contact is good contact. I understand what she goes through, I also know that if carrie can get away from him and not have any contact with him at all, as Tikk here is referencing that it would be better for her, emotionally, mentally and physically…

          He’s no good and Tikk nailed it when she says that he’s all about control and he shows up and does the things he does to keep that in place… I do not want this for Carrie… I want her to live her life free from this kind of nonsense so she can feel free again in her life and in her mind…

          I’m a hard ass about things like this because I understand … Sigh… you know, I remember what a cluster fuck of emotions it was to dig down in there and push someone away who I was this confused over and my situation ended up in everyone, including myself for defending myself getting into big trouble… None of these things should happen to a human being EVER … I don’t like it and I hate to see people who have been subjected to it because it’s a reminder of what I went through and it also is difficult because I do understand that it has to run it’s course … you know, in the sense where no contact is good contact and Carrie gets herself in a position to not be involved with him anymore… I’m not saying Carrie, that you’re not trying… not at all. I understand it’s difficult, I believe I’ve said that at some point 🙂

          Anyway … :mrgreen: have a good night… I’m whooped.

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          1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

            Hiya Mysterycoach – CARRIE! SEE HOW WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU!!
            It’s amazing what Carrie is sharing, is evoking so much from us. It seems like we’ve all met a man “like this”, or of a kind. They are so lurking out there…
            Carrie, you only you, can do it. We’re all just caring. You’re bringing out memories in us, care, recall of emotional tortures. We hope better for you, knowing you deserve a good life. You care so much for your bloodline, for your dogs… YOU deserve it back too.

            {{{ A GROUP HUG EVERYONE! 🙂 🙂 }}}

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            1. mysterycoach

              Yaaa what Noeleen said 🙂

              Tikk? Get off my foot … Noeleen? You’re squishin me!
              Carrie! That ass! What a great ass! (inside sorta joke there) I can’t breaaaaaaath you’s are squishing me too tight! ROFL! 🙂

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  8. Carrie Reimer Post author

    Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:

    This is a repost of a post I wrote in Feb 2012, almost 2 full years ago. Everyone always says I am so strong, but if you read this post you will see I was in exactly the same frame of mind that many of you are in and this was written a year after I had left the relationship. I know it feels like you will never heal but you will, I also think my recovery was hindered by my financial situation, JC was so careful to make sure I had no resources of any kind before we split.
    This post was written after he came to me in tears professing his love. I didn’t believe him but it set me back in a big way and I had a really hard time dealing with it. Please read the comments because I was given some great advice by some great ladies. The 3 ladies who commented here were my first followers, one is Tik who still pops in once in a while with words of wisdom, the other is Mystery coach who I have lost touch with lately and Noeleen who still pops in when she can, she is a very busy lady with just finishing her book and all, I love her writing, you will know her as “Words fall from my eyes” I love that, and I visit her blog whenever possible.
    Anyway, here is me 2 years ago.

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      1. Carrie Reimer Post author

        LOL isn’t it though!! I can’t believe almost 2 years has passed and so much has changed, all for the better and I owe so much to you and MC for getting me through some of the worst days of my life. I was floundering so badly some days. Reading it last night I remembered how broken I was and how I was hanging onto a thread. Thank you for being there!!

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  9. T

    No contact is all I can add. So much has been said already. I wish I could say I could do that but I have two kids with the “Y”, Y did I marry him, Y did I stay with him so long. I’ve gone as much no contact as I can with two kids involved. Believe me, that has not been nearly enough. My youngest is 14, has special needs, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, etc. and has made life pretty much hell since she was 8 months old when adopted. He has never really helped or been there but sure does love to make a show of being the “concerned dad” to everyone on the outside. Anyway, if there are no kids involved I say disappear and go where he cannot get to you. God will help you find a way wherever you go. He always opens doors and windows when it is in His will and I believe it’s his will for you to have happiness and good things in your life!!!
    Blessings to you Carrie.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      T, thank you for sharing your story and the kind words, yes no contact is the only way to go.
      Blessings to you also, I believe God has double blessings for those of us who had to deal with the devil here on earth
      hugs
      carrie

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  10. diane626

    Thank you for opening up and letting us in on your deepest fears, emotions, thoughts, and that horrible ride you took with the devil those few years ago! You are now a role-model for the rest of us! Congrats!

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Diane, I am just trying to show that it takes time and I am STILL not totally over him, I don’t know if a person can ever totally heal; it’s like any horrific experience, tsunamis, earth quakes, wars, 9/11, rape; I think you will always pack some scars but people do move on and live good happy lives. They can thrive not just survive, but it takes time and a lot of support from other people AND effort on the victims part and a deep belief that they deserve better, better from themselves and for themselves.

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