I have been feeling overwhelmed again and had to sit down and prioritize. I can only do so much, it used to be when I felt over loaded I just gave ‘er hell for a few weeks and got it done. I think my time with JC seriously damaged my “get er done” abilities.
It is amazing how a decade of trauma, crisis, and drama can deplete a person of their coping ability. Now after being away from it I can really feel the effects of it. There is a reason its called PTS and I understand now what it means.
It makes me angry with JC all over again. I don’t know if a narcissist feels the effects of stress they create but I can not believe how absolutely draining and all consuming life with JC was. I want to get on with my life, do something productive and not fixing something JC F’d up.
I want to seriously start focusing on “Ladies With Trucks”; which is going to involve working with sectors of government, charitable organizations, and shelters for abused women.
But before I can do that I have to get my books in order and file my taxes (a few years worth) and I have to drum up some business.
I have to finish with my teeth. I am 75% there but the last trip to the dentist was so traumatic I haven’t been able to force myself back. It firmly cemented my fear of dentists so I waited until my mom came back from her 8 weeks in paradise so she can old my hand. (No kidding I am that afraid). That means I won’t have my new smile until after my birthday. 😦
Then I want to apologize to everyone who has nominated me for an award the last few months. I have not forgotten about my obligations and actually was working on them this morning but it is time consuming on my Blackberry and thought; “Hell I’m two weeks away from moving and having the internet (hopefully) and being able to do it on my laptop”. I truly appreciate every award I have received and every Tag and I WILL get to them!!!
I have to move in 2 weeks; MAJOR stress!! JC and I moved every year at least once. I would love dearly to have a place to call home. Some place I could settle in and know I will never have to leave. But I doubt I will ever have that again and it is the one thing that I miss the most. When I bought my trailer I thought that was going to be my “forever home” but as it is even if my step dad hadn’t sold it out from under me I’d still have to move because they are closing the park.
People have already been taking their payout and moving; leaving perfectly good trailers behind. The park is demolishing them but anyone can have one for free if they have some place to put it, and there in lies the challenge. I responded to an ad in the paper that advertised a mobile home pad in an orchard that sounded promising. I called on it and the guy said he wasn’t home and to call back in 20 minutes. I called back and he had some other guy on the line and said he’d call me back. The guy didn’t show up to see the place and the owner called me back after I was asleep last night. I returned his call this morning and left a message-nothing back yet.
I’m not sure how much it will cost to move a mobile home and what is involved in getting it all hooked up somewhere else. I am still going to look into it. It would be ideal if I could find a place where the dogs and I could live in peace a place in the country where we could take long walks. I pray something will work out.
I don’t have any money for rent or to move a trailer and pray I get some good paying work in the next week.
There in lies the other problem. The weather has been so shitty with rain and snow no one is doing much so there’s no scrap. Plus I lost so many customers while with JC and my truck being down so much. I have never had to advertise or actively look for customers; I got them word of mouth and people just approached me when they saw me working. The competition for scrap has gotten pretty strong; lots of guys out there; so scrap doesn’t pile up and no one is looking for someone to take it away. Its because prices are up which is good but makes for less of it.
I am going to approach the malls because every store has some sort of scrap and it isn’t a place the other scrap haulers would think of. With regulations getting so stiff with regards to recycling and not putting recyclable materials in the garbage I think there is a market there. I have been working on a flyer I can hand out to the stores in the malls. If I hit each mall one day a week I can do up a schedule and still pick up from my other customers.
I have been slack assing lately and I know it. I wake up at 5:30 – 6 am but I haven’t been getting out of the house until noon or later. That gives me enough time to do a couple of pick ups and get to Amix by 4:30. I should be getting out of the house by 9 and doing some PR and handing out business cards and flyers while I am still clean and presentable.
I needed the “down time”, the past decade has been so draining and needed to recover, digest it, process it, and grieve the lost. But now I have to get my ass moving and make up for lost time.
The truck needs numerous minor repairs and its driving me insane. The doors need new hinges, the windshield, paint, rearend, brakes, shocks and that takes money.
I have to go to court this month for fines I got in 2010 because I was driving JC’s truck and it wasn’t insured. It had plates but they were off his semi!! It was the day I got punched in the head because he said I owed him $900 and he wanted it NOW. I still don’t know what $900 he was talking about. So I am going to go to court, plead my case and ask for the courts sympathy and reduced fines and time to pay.
Another reason I didn’t want to finish my teeth extractions because I didn’t want to go to court with my teeth missing or a new denture I can’t talk with.
I am starting to pack. I have found Roxy a good loving home. That’s one down.
As much as I love to blog; I LOVE to blog! But for the next while I am going to have to curtail my blogging to some degree. I will have to restrict to a couple of hours in the morning and a couple (maybe) at night until I can use my laptop.
It is finally sunny out so I am getting out there and do some of the stuff I can’t do in the rain. One of my customers, my biggest customer has a long hedge around their property and blackberries over taking their fence. As a way of pay back I have taken it upon myself to beautify the property. The owner is pleased with my efforts which is good; good customer relations. Happy customers remain customers!!
I am outta here for now.
Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck using WordPress for BlackBerry.