The Arrival of the “Get Smart” Security Team.

JC, true to form didn’t get out of bed. When ever there was trouble he never dealt with it; I used to say to him, “Just because you ignore it doesn’t make it go away; except one of these days you’ll ignore me long enough I just might disappear.”

He ignored me. 🙂

I remember one time while we were living at the warehouse I heard a Harley come through the gate and looked up just as it flew past the window. I didn’t think much of it until I heard the yelling. JC had picked up a car from some guy and promised to pay him that night but he had sold the car and spent the money. The guy had gotten sick of waiting for his money and after several weeks and numerous phone calls had sent this big Harley riding dude to collect.

I heard the guy say, “Well ask your wife for the money.” Then he said something about breaking JC’s legs and then I heard,”I’m not leaving until I get the fucking money.”

I was getting nervous and thought maybe I should make my presence known so I walked down to the warehouse and the guy was still yelling at JC and JC was working on his motorcycle as if nothing was going on.
I was always amazed at how calm he could be while his life was being threatened. I stood there for a minute, neither of them seemed to notice me and then the guy looked in my direction and I took the opportunity to try to ease the tension and said,

“Do you like sweet and sour sauce?”

The guy was about to continue his rant, then got this puzzled look on his face, (you know how it is when you are on a roll reading someone the riot act and someone walks in and interrupts you with a stupid question it takes a minute for your brain to switch gears) and then he said, “What did you just say?”

Me: “I asked you if you like sweet and sour sauce, I’m about to serve up JC’s dinner and bring it down here and I overheard you say you weren’t leaving until you got your money and well, if you’re waiting for money you’re going to be here a while and I thought you might like something to eat. We’re having rice, corn with sweet and sour ribs and garlic bread. I make really good sweet and sour”. I flashed him a big smile and waited.

He looked really pissed off for a minute and then he kinda snorted and said, “No……. but thanks.”

I said, “Ok then, it’s up to you, if you get hungry later I’m sure there will be leftovers.” I turned and started back to the cabin but my knees were shaking so bad I had to concentrate on keeping them from buckling. I kept waiting to hear a gun shot or bones breking but when I was almost at the cabin I heard the guy ask, “What’s this worth, what’s that worth?”

I didn’t hear JC’s reply but a few minutes later I heard the bike start up and leave. I took JC his dinner and he said the guy took the welder as payment.

I said,”Well at least he’s off your case, how much did you pay for it?.”

JC kept doing whatever it was he was doing on his bike and said, “I didn’t pay for it, it wasn’t my welder.”

“B” was none too happy when he discovered JC hadn’t been paying rent and he’d been charging “B” $350. He was really pissed when he found out his welder was gone.

Sorry, I got sidetracked; now where was I. Oh yeah, the people at the gate.

I certainly wasn’t going to go down there! So I sat peeking out the window watching. The guy who was going to cut the lock stopped when the sheriff said something and then the sheriff stuck an envelope in the fence and they all left. JC refused to go down and get the envelop so when I thought the coast was clear I ran down, grabbed it and ran back upstairs and handed it to JC who refused to open it.


So I opened it and read it out loud. We were being notified that we had 4 weeks to get out, we weren’t to alter anything inside the warehouse and as long as we were out in one months time there would be no further actions taken. It stated that we were being asked to leave because we were destroying the property. It also stated that we had two weeks and then we weren’t allowed to sleep there, and were only allowed to come and remove our property. It said there was going to be a security company hired to monitor the place to ensure we abided by the rules.

Oddly enough there was no mention made about the fact that we didn’t have permission from the owners to be there and were there illegally, JC had forged her husband’s signature on those faxes, or that JC had taken ownership of the forklift and china top trailer. The only thing mentioned was that we weren’t supposed to change anything in the warehouse, which made me very suspicious of why she was so concerned about that stairway and the weak landing.

I sat on the bed and said to JC, “That’s not too bad I thought it was going to be worse, we can be out of here in a month”. He was silent and once again I regretted I was breathing his air. Really, did I need this shit in my life? I started to cry and said,

“You know JC, I am really sick of you resenting that I breath your air and feeling like I am a one night stand you wish would just go home.” I said I would stick it out until the last day and help him clear his stuff out but after that we could go our separate ways. He didn’t respond one way or the other.

This whole situation was WAY out of my comfort zone. I was raised by a prison guard who ran our home like he ran the prison. I wasn’t even allowed to hang out with the other kids. I had to have a destination and a purpose every time I left the house, he made sense; there were ex cons out there who didn’t like him very much and what better way to get back at him than through his daughter.

I guess I led quite a sheltered life in a lot of ways plus I think I was born feeling guilty. I have never stolen anything except when my cousin and I were little we stole all the sugar cubes at the counter while we sipped our milkshakes and we both felt so guilty later we couldn’t even enjoy the PNE until we gave my grandma a tearful confession and emptied our pockets of the evidence. I swore I would choke to death if I put one of them in my mouth.

I never tried drugs, not even marijuana until I was in my 20’s and then I didn’t like it. If my vehicle insurance ran out and I forgot and drove to work before I realized it I would panic, call the insurance office and get someone to drive me to get my insurance and take me back to my vehicle. I would have never ever driven a block knowing I didn’t have insurance and now driving uninsured vehicles was a way of life. I didn’t agree with the way JC did business deals. (Remind me to tell you about the motorcycle/BMW deal he did!!! I was mortified.), I didn’t even know that it was possible for a car to not have a reggie (registration) I don’t know what I thought they did with stolen cars but now I always ask if a vehicle has registration. The way he treated me, the physical abuse, the verbal abuse, the total disregard for my feelings, thoughts or values, and now this added to everything else? I had my fill and was ready for it to be done but I also felt an obligation to see it through to the end; I knew JC would never get his stuff out in time. ( A narcissist counts on our strong sense of responsibility, fairnesss to others and that we fullfill our commitments. They use it to manipulate, control us and to get themselves out of the sticky situations they get themselves into)
Later that day while I was out the “Get Smart” security company arrived. There was “dumb”, “dumber”, and “OMG I can’t believe you have enough brain cells to live”.

The only one who seemed to have any brains at all was an old guy who was missing a hand and had a real hook in its place.

The “rent-a-cops” were very serious about the job they were sent to do. When I arrived the warehouse looked like some major international security control centre with people talking on radio phones, clip boards and wearing reflective sun glasses. As I went to walk through the gate one of them stopped me and said.

Rentacop: Cuse me mam you can’t go in there.

I was indignant, “What do you mean I am not allowed in? “

RAC: only the people who lived there are allow in.

I said, “I DO live there.”

He asked my name, I told him.

He looked down at his little clip board and back at me, “Nope, sorry you’re not on the list, you’ll have to leave.”

Me: “Not on the list?!!! How many people are on the “list”? There were only two people living here JC and me.”

Him: “JC is on the list and you are not on the list.”

Me: “Oh for fuck sake this is ridiculous!! Let me in.” And I took a step forward.

He stepped in front of me: “Sorry you will have to talk to JC and get authorization from him and then we can put you on the list.”

Me: “OMG authorization from JC?? this is unbelievable!!! Is JC in there?”

Him: “No, he just went out.”

I left, cursing. How dare JC not put me on the “list”, the list of one? OMG the stupidity of it all. Grrrrrrr I called JC and told him I was told I couldn’t come in because I wasn’t “on the list”. He said that’s right, I wasn’t allowed in. I was on the verge of losing it totally and demanded to know what the hell was going on. He said that I had said it was over and we were going our separate ways so he hadn’t “listed” me as someone with authorization to be there.

Me: “Who the hell IS on “the list”?”

JC: “B”, Mike, and Ray”

Me: “But not me.”

JC: “Nope”.

I could not believe how he had twisted this whole situation so he was controlling everything and now preventing me from getting in to my stuff and out of frustration I started to cry; where would I go at the last minute?

Finally he conceded and told me to hand the phone to Jason (showing me that he was on a first name basis with the rent-a-cop) who then wrote my name on the “list” and I was allowed in.

I was so angry and felt JC had purposely made a fool of me in front of these punks. I could have spit nails but I bit my tongue and swallowed my pride. The nerve of JC the bastard.

Then I used my secret weapon; my famous chocolate chip cookies. I brought them out a big plate of fresh-from-the-oven-soft-and-chewy-chocolate-chip cookies and they all took the bait and I reeled them in; I had them on my side or at least evened out the score.

You always get more bees with honey or in this case rent-a-dummy cop with cookies.

When shift change time came around two new young fellows arrived and the guy with the hook gave them the run down and then the guys going off duty took off their jackets and the new shift put them on. The company had 2 jackets for all the staff and two Mike phones that they had to share. She (the owner) was obviously spending big bucks on security. (Not)

The new shift were very impressed with all the cool cars JC had, all the racing parts, headers, blowers, engines, tranny’s, aluminum rims and then there was the guitars, amps, stereo equipment, the tools and the 90 gallon aquarium full of tropical fish. JC regaled them with storied about when he owed a race car and crashed it (lie) and how he used to play with a now famous band (lie) These kids, and I do mean kids; were glued to his every word and JC was basking in the glow of his narcissism.

At one point one of them left the file on us laying out; so I read it. You know when you get the feeling you are being watched but you can’t see anyone? Well JC and I had felt we were being watched ever since the owner had shown up and from the notes we had been right. That car that drove by slowly several times-yep, those people who walked past that night-yep and their notes read

“Friday, whatever date, 3 pm, lady in yard wearing pink top and shorts, appears to be planting flowers, man in yard wearing jeans and no shirt appears to be cleaning up yard.”

“Saturday whatever date, 1 am, lady walks through yard in what appears to be a nightie and goes in warehouse.”

“Sunday XXXXXXXXX 10 pm, man in yard with no shirt on again, lady in yard wearing cotton dress, both appear to be working putting gravel down in yard”.

There was not one notation of us doing anything out of the ordinary or destructive………. interesting.

It didn’t take long before we had a great rapport with the kids and Captain Hook. Plus JC and I had some really good laughs watching them” play cops and robbers”.

One night the two young guys assigned to guard us thought they saw a crime being committed down the street (or suspicious activity anyway) they start doing a Laurel and Hardy routine running around ducking behind dumpsters, and power poles. Then one of them decides to jump in the car and take off to look for the “perp” (cop lingo for perpetrator) they are talking back and forth on their Mike radio phones,

“I think I see the perp, he just ran behind the dumpster, over” then


The car went whizzing by……..then the radio would crackle,

“Did you see him? Over“

The radio would cackle

“That’s a negative, over”.

We heard rubber squealing and the car went flying past in the other direction.

“I think I’ve got him, over (and alot of breathing)” came over the radio.

We heard “Where” ” are” ” you” “over”
Between gasps for air.

JC and I are standing there watching this comedy show killing ourselves laughing and I bet the “perp” was hiding somewhere having a good laugh himself.

The one kid who had been running staggered through the gate looking very disappointed, “He got away” he gasped, holding his stomach and bending over. “I feel dizzy”. Again between gasps.

I told him to sit down and catch his breath. Then the car pulled in and the other guy starts giving him shit for not running fast enough to catch the guy.

Too FUNNY!! They spent the rest of the night congratulating themselves on their coplike abilities and how they almost had the perp.

The man with the hook was always on the day shift because he had a hard time staying awake at night; staying awake period to be honest. I took a picture of him in his security car with the company logo on the door, head back, mouth open, and sound asleep with the arm with the hook hanging out the driver’s window. Then I turned and took a picture of JC, slumped over the steering wheel asleep in his truck.

I shook my head; I felt like I was in the middle of a tragic comedy.

About a week into this fiasco two new recruits were doing the night shift. Captain hook gave them the low down and when he was done he said, “Now if you guys get nervous or have a problem you don’t know how to deal with, talk to JC or Carrie; they’ll know what to do.”

They all looked at me.

*blink* *blink* smile.

JC and I started to tell the security guys about all the strange things going on, like the weak landing, the power box, the girlfriend disappearing and they were all nodding their heads, and oooing and awing. Captain Hook was definitely “hooked” so when we proposed we rip up the carpet on the stair well to see why it was so spongy he barely resisted. All he said was to be careful so that we could put the carpet back down and no one would notice. So off we all go, JC and I followed by dumb, dumber and Captain Hook to finally find out what was making the owner so nervous.

JC carefully lifted the edge of the carpet and pulled it back, all of us holding our breath in anticipation…………. As the carpet pulled away we all sucked in our breath,

Me: “Oh my God”

JC: Fuck! I knew it!!

(Cue Heretic!)

……..there …………. in the middle of the landing was a trap door.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck

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