Starting To Show

When I told Wayne he asked me who the father was. He knew damn well I hadn’t had sex with anyone else and I said as much. Unbeknowenst to me a few weeks later he secretly got a vasectomy in hopes of proving his innocence. I don’t know if it is still this way but back then a man had to have his wife’s signature to get a vasectomy and he conned Karen into signing the consent form by telling her the surgery was to remove scar tissue.

I had 2 good girlfriends in school, one of them told every one she knew as soon as I told her I was pregnant and the other one, Debbie stuck by me through it all. They could have pulled her finger nails out and she wouldn’t have talked. Another girl I didn’t know approached me after hearing from Kathy I was pregnant, to tell me Kathy was gossiping behind my back and offered her friendship; Dallas, and her and I became the best of friends.

Initially Wayne wanted me to have an abortion but I flatly refused. After that he pretended nothing was going on and he would pick me up from school and we would screw like always until my friend’s mom said, “Carrie is going to have to tell her folks soon, I can’t believe they haven’t figured out she’s pregnant because she is really showing.” Debbie told me and within a week I was gone. I told Wayne he had to do something to help me, so we planned that he would pick me up in a couple of days.

I packed a bag and he picked me up and took me to a hotel in Vancouver. I had already checked into homes for unwed mother’s and had some names of people to talk to when I got to Vancouver. As soon as we got through the door at the hotel Wayne was on me for sex and then said he had to go, I started to really cry and he got angry with me because I was being so self centered and not thinking about how this was for him, his marriage, how my dad would kill him. I told him he should have thought about that before he screwed me and before he lied about being sterile. He gave me $50 and promised he’d be back the next day and he didn’t show up for two days. When he did show up he was very cold and we hardly said a word. He drove me over to the YWCA and paid for a room for a week, gave me another $50 and unceremoniously dumped in the lobby. He said he’d be back but I knew I was on my own.

That night some guy I met on the street bought me dinner, I think he thought I was a hooker until he talked to me and then felt bad and bought me dinner and took me back to the Y and told me to go home.

He didn’t know my dad, there was no way I was going home, I’d get beat for sure. I didn’t sleep much that night, I remember being so scared and lonely in a bare room with a desk built into the wall and single bed, I had to share the bathroom and tried to do that as little as possible. The next day I went to visit a couple of homes for unwed mothers, one was run by the Salvation Army and the other one by nuns. They were both very friendly but I couldn’t see myself in either one. I was so shy, painfully shy, I just couldn’t live with all these girls, I went back to my room to think. A few days had gone by and I was out of money, the taxi fare had eaten up most of it.

There was a bulletin board in the lobby of the Y and I absentmindedly was looking it over when I notice a 3×5 card.
“Young professional couple looking for live in nanny for their 2 yr old little boy.
Room, board, and some cash in exchange for light house keeping, occasional food preparation and caring for our son, unwed mothers ok.”

There was a number, so I called. I talked to a woman and we made plans that her husband would pick me up the next day and bring me to the house. He was a very nice fellow but I was so nervous, I had no idea where we were going, I know now that it must have been North Vancouver because we went through Stanley Park, as far as I knew he was taking me into the forest to rape and kill me, but we got to a very nice house and the woman was very welcoming and sweet, she showed me a small but very welcoming bedroom that would be mine and the rest of the house. Then we sat at the kitchen table and talked about me, them and their expectations. I was 9 years older than my little brother and had cared for him like a mother since he was born; so caring for a young child was nothing new to me and I had prepared the family supper every night since I was 9 or 10 so that wasn’t an issue.
They liked me, I think they could tell I was just a scared kid who had no where to go and not into drugs or partying and I was healthy. They asked if I had considered giving up my baby for adoption and that their little boy was adopted and how much they loved him and what a blessing he was in their life. Then they told me that what they had hoped was that they would find an unwed teenage mother who would live with them and care for their little boy and they would take care of all her needs until the baby was born and then they would adopt the baby. Up until this point I had always thought I would keep the baby but the more I thought about it the more it seemed like the right thing to do. I said I had to think about it and they said that was fine and to call them with my decision in a couple of days. The next day I had just enough money to make a phone call so I called them and said I would do it and we made plans for them to pick me up in a couple of hours.

I went up to my room and packed what few possessions I had and went down to the lobby to wait for them.

At home my parents had read my letter saying I was pregnant and had gone away, it didn’t say who the father was or where I had gone. Immediately my dad went to see poor Sam again, who of course had not seen or talked to me since my dad threatened his life the first time. My mom called my girlfriends and although they knew I was pregnant, no one, not even Debbie knew where I was. Then they called Wayne and Karen to see if they had any idea where I might go or who the father was.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck

10 thoughts on “Starting To Show

  1. campfireshadows

    3 things.

    First; Good for you for not aborting the baby and having the courage and maturity to give it a safe secure home with (hopefully) loving parents.

    Second; Wayne needs (even to this day because ass holes remain ass holes and never become belly buttons) a thorough ass kicking. I mean a severe one up and down hallways, streets, and in a public laundromat because he wouldn’t man up, he lied, and he was cheating. In fact, This guy needs such an ass kicking that I think I’ll kick my laptop around just because his name is now on the screen!

    Third; Your Dad needs a good ass kicking too for not supporting (emotionally, financially and family honor wise) you. it’s amazing. I bet your flung his seed around as a kid. Did it ever occur to him that maybe he put a young girl in the same position with her Dad as Wayne did with you? Hypocrites all.
    I have an answer for the worlds ills. I’ll become the official ass kicker. Instead of the statue of Liberty saying such honorable things as,”Bring me your poor, your hungry…etc etc. i will stand next to her and shout, “Bring me your assholes that need a good kicking, your narcissist boyfriends and husbands, your men that won’t man up, etc etc etc !

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Campfire, you are so sweet and funny; I could just see you kicking your laptop as I was reading your comment. Where were you when I needed you? I have a short list of names if you wanted to commence some asskicking.

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  2. The Heretic

    When my sister was pregnant with my nephew, the first thing her boyfriend’s parents asked was “Is it too late to get an abortion?”. Mind you, I’m not religious by any means of the word, but my entire family on my dad’s side is Catholic and very Italian. You could imagine how well that went over with them. Of course it wasn’t above my uncle to call my sister a whore.

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  3. missouribeauty

    Oh Carrie, I’m so sorry! What Hell you went through! I’m not going to be so asinine as to be so full of shit as to congratulate you on not having an abortion. The point being my admiration for you and all the courage you displayed with no one to help you. The child molester who raped and exploited you is beneath contempt and beyond forgiveness. Little did he realize that a vasectomy would not let him off the hook! They can do cheek swabs and there’s where the cells are taken as well as blood tests. But of course being young and naive you would not be likely to know that. Its a shame that the real criminal got away with his crimes unscathed. Your youthful innocence was stolen from you, and other people like the adopters got to exploit you as well for their own gain and your child taken from you leaving you with a life-time of grief for all you had to go through. My deepest condolences Carrie. You are such an amazing, courageous woman! all my best!.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Missouribeauty, thank you for stopping by and commenting. It took years (as I will talk about in later posts) for me to realize on my own with the help of a very patient counselor that indeed I had been sexually exploited and abused by Wayne. In retrospect no one ever told me I was a victim, I packed that guilt for so many years and battled those demons the rest of my life basically.

      That is one of the points I’ve try make here; when people blame the victim the damage they cause is as; if not more damaging as the initial abuse.

      Thank you for recognizing that.

      Carrie

      Sent from my BlackBerry® powered by Virgin Mobile.

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  4. TikkTok

    How anyone could not recognize this as abuse is beyond me. Society really must have come a far, far way since then.

    Of course, I would have been aborted if my 14 year old birth mother had told sooner……………

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Tik, thank you. Did I know you were adopted? That’s interesting, have you met your birth mother?

      I didn’t realize it was abuse until I was in my 30’s, it was such a relief to know even in my own mind that I hadn’t been this horrible slut that everyone said I was and actually had been manipulated and abused by a sick predator. To this day I have never had either of my parents acknowledge it but at least I know it. It was a huge burden to pack all those years.

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      1. TikkTok

        I’m sure it was a burden, thinking of yourself in those terms.

        Yep, I’ve known my birth mother and her family since I was 18.

        What I will say about parents is that they can totally damage their children. They can also live their lives dodging the truth, and there’s nothing the children can do about it. Doesn’t make it right; doesn’t fix the problem, but there you have it.

        Sometimes, we need to forgive them for what they will never be; acknowledge that they can never be what we need them to be, and then move on.

        Sad thing is, it might even happen that our own kids feel that same way about us, but I will know that I did the best I could at the time. Fwiw.

        Forgive yourself, if you haven’t already. It wasn’t your fault.

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