Out Of Africa

JC used to say, “If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be this upset.” I’d say, “Well tell me the truth then”. And he’d say, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you so why bother.” A variation of this was, “If you knew the truth you’d feel really stupid for thinking what you’re thinking.” In every case it was always way worse than anything I could have imagined.

I was told something a couple of weeks ago that finally made all the puzzle pieces fall into place and I finally know the truth about something that happened 4-5 years ago and I have been literally sick a about it since. The minute I heard it I knew I had the truth finally and I wanted to vomit.

The old saying, “The truth always comes out.” sure proved to be true with JC. Sometimes I would KNOW he was lying, I would know in my gut there was more to the story he was telling me and I would bide my time, keeping mental notes and bit by bit the truth would surface, he would forget what he lied about and slip up somehow or I would find a picture or a letter that would prove he’d been lying. Once I had the hurtful truth then he would criticize me for living in the past and not letting things go. It is not living in the past if you find out about it a year later and realize he has been looking you right in the eyes and lying for a solid year and not only that; getting angry with you for being suspicious.

On November 16th 2007 I drove JC to the airport to fly to Edmonton to visit his mom before he flew out to Sudan Africa. We had been semi split for most of 2007, he was planning to go to Sudan as a volunteer on a farmer’s coop as a mechanic. I thought it was the most unselfish thing he had ever done and let him stay with me while he prepared to go, loading containers with his tools and such. I noticed he was packing up all his expensive good tools and asked him why he would ship his good tools over there because how would he get them back and he would need them for work when he returned. He said he would replace them when he got back, this was for charity and they had to have decent tools. I was skeptical, but couldn’t figure out what he was up to. I had told him he could stay with me but out of respect for me I expected he would stay out of the dating sites while he was living under my roof and sleeping in my bed. As was the case whenever we split up we were still seeing each other almost daily and having sex on a regular basis and saying “I Love you” . He was always saying, “I’m done, it’s over!” and then call me later that day and ask if I was hungry, I usually said no and he’d sound all sorry and sympathetic and say, ”You have to eat something.” He’d buy me supper and act like nothing had happened, so I never knew for sure if we were a couple or not, but I was always faithful to him and I told him that as long as we were having sex I expected he would be faithful. I think he thought I meant I wasn’t into threesomes because we could have sex in the morning and he could screw another woman that night.

I told him I was uneasy about him going to Africa and meeting someone and he had assured me he wasn’t going to Africa to meet women, he had a job to do while he was there and that was it. He would be out in the middle of no where on a farm and they weren’t allowed to leave the farm without an armed escort because of the LRA kidnapping and killing Christians. As far as I was concerned we were a couple again.

He flew to Edmonton on the 16th and called me every day, sometimes twice a day until he got on the plane to Africa. On the 26th his first ex called me drunk and full of hatred for JC. I hung up on her several times and finally let the answering machine get it; she called 37 times and left venomous messages that got worse with every call. Every thing she said about JC I knew to be true for me also but I wasn’t going to get into it at 3 am with a drunk. She asked me if I knew how she knew my number and answered her own question; JC had called her from my phone which I assumed to be the case. Then she called again the next night and I told her he and I were split and she left me alone.

On the 29th I emailed JC and told him about her calls. December 1st he called and said he was coming home in 5 days, he has Malaria and pneumonia, we got cut off so I called his mom and she called the head of the Farmer’s Coop, CB, they told her that he was going home because his mom was really sick. We assumed they meant his birth mother but his birth mother wasn’t sick either.

December 5th JC called 2 times again, making all kinds of promises to me about being faithful, getting out of dating sites etc. He sounded sincere and I was happy he was coming home before Christmas.

December 7th JC called to say he was boarding the plane leaving Sudan.

I picked him at the airport December 9th.

My journal entry from December 12th 2007.
JC came home with roses. But he’s not sleeping, just on the internet trying to line things up for Sudan. He hasn’t mentioned “us” at all. He picked up a load of scrap that was supposed to be for me and cashed it in. I went to get coin from my coin jar in the bedroom and there is $100 missing. He can’t remember all the money I gave him before he left and says I owe him money. His Edmonton mom keeps calling to talk to him. I give him the messages but he doesn’t return her calls.

He was coming and going as he pleased, sometimes home at night other times coming home in the wee hours of the morning or not at all and he refused to answer his phone. I figured he had come home because he was afraid his ex had gotten through to me and he was afraid of losing me but once he was home he treated me with more disregard than ever. He also told me that when he got there he had told CB he needed to be paid while he was there, he had bills at home that needed to be covered (which he didn’t) so he had talked CB into paying him $500 American a month. Not much but when you are confined to a farm in the middle of no where what are you going to spend money on? And he had told me it wasn’t enough and he was trying to get more out of CB before he went back, he wasn’t doing this for nothing. I said, “That’s what “volunteering” is, doing something for nothing.”

I ended up putting my neck out and was in extreme pain, JC bought me flowers and muscle relaxers and told me to take 3 and just go to bed; for once he seemed genuinely sympathetic. Before I laid down I told him to please not eat the special cookies I had baked for my son that I was going to ship to him with his Christmas gifts (his favorites that are a bitch to make and I only make them once a year for my kiddo) I told him he could eat anything else and there was tons of baking around that I had done.

I don’t usually take medication so it really hit me and I was out for hours. When I woke up I noticed right away that he had eaten almost all the cookies I had asked him not to eat. Then I looked around and he had been through every cupboard, drawer and closet in my place and had stacked or boxed up everything he planned to take with him. All my school books on business management, human resources, etc, all my fancy stationary, envelopes, stapler, pens, printer paper you name it he had it stacked ready to go, plus some pots, dishes etc. and my computer card so my computer wouldn’t work. I went outside and told him he couldn’t just take whatever he wanted and to ask me if he wanted something and gave him shit for eating Kris’s cookies and then went back to lay down.

December 17th he drove me to ship Kris’s gifts by bus and on the seat in his truck was a list of things he was taking to Sudan and ½ of it was my stuff, I got angry and confronted him on it and he got angry, slammed on the brakes and punched me in the arm and screamed over top of me while I cowered in the corner of the truck. When we got back to my place I went in and he stayed out in his truck for a few hours and then came in and continued packing. That night while I slept he cleaned me out of the rest of my coin (over $75), all my tools, drill bits, sockets, brand new paint, brushes and rollers and the list goes on.

I realized then that when I emailed him saying his ex had called he must have panicked because he had all his stuff stored at my place and been afraid I would trash it or sell it. I didn’t and never have done anything like that. But he was acting like I owed him. I was so angry I told him to tell his family and CB to lose my number I was done with him. He left the next day and I cried for two days.

On the 20th of December CB called me because he had sent JC a money draft for over $14,000 to buy equipment and now couldn’t get hold of him; he had changed his phone number, the guy he was supposed to be buying the stuff from hadn’t heard from him either. I called a mutual friend and he gave me JC’s new number so I called CB back and gave it to him. I didn’t hear from JC and had no idea where he was so I left a message at his new number saying I had put his stuff outside. He never came to get it and it snowed and then rained, too bad, if he won’t answer his phone why should I worry?

When I went out to leave for work on Dec 22nd he was parked across the driveway and really pissed about his stuff being outside. I told him, you change your phone number and don’t tell me, disappear for days without so much as an “F you” and you are pissed I put your stuff outside? Either move your truck now or I am calling the police. He sat there in his truck fuming for a few minutes and then moved and I left for work. When I got home he had taken everything I had asked him not to. I didn’t hear from him again until the 28th of December when he called and asked how I was. I said, “You cleaned me out and took most of my tools, how do you think I am?” he denied taking anything.

I don’t recall exactly how he managed it but I forgave him again before he left for Africa. This time when he went I heard from him twice in the first week and then nothing for a couple of months, his mother in Edmonton called twice to tell me she had talked to him and he sent his love to me and said he missed me. Then one day he called and said he was in some tavern in Africa and having a malaria attack, he didn’t know exactly where he was and he was sick and scared. I got what info I could and called his Edmonton mom and she called CB and apparently they found him and took him malaria medicine. Shortly after than he called and said he was coming “home” and wanted to see me.

I waited a week without a word and then he called, he was in Sechelt visiting his birth mother and would it be ok for him to come and talk to me. He arrived with a bouquet of flowers, gifts from Africa and full of love and promises. I was leery of course. He put his luggage in the kitchen, with his brief case sitting open on top. As I walked past I noticed a professionally taken picture of a beautiful black woman sitting on top of his paperwork in his briefcase; I took it out and under it was a letter from I assumed her to him. It was like a letter a teenage girl would send a famous rock star. She was the assistant to a major benefactor of the charity JC had been volunteering for, her boss had told her about JC and she wanted to meet him because of all the wonderful things he was doing to help her people.

I asked him about it and he said she had insisted he take her picture and yes he had met her because the benefactor had met him at the airport when he landed in Uganda and was acting as a tour guide of sorts while JC looked for more equipment for the farms. I didn’t believe him totally and asked if he was involved with her, did he have sex with her and he denied it all. When he had come back he had been telling me how when the containers got there some of them were empty, and the ones he had left when he came home the first time someone had stolen everything out of them before they got to the farm and he had said that the guy running the farmer’s coop had his own farm and had taken the equipment to his own farm to use and how corrupt he was. He told me the guy’s son had used pages out of JC’s bible to roll joints.

He stayed with me, we had sex and then one day his laptop is on the counter scrolling through his photos, every few seconds a new photo would flash up on the screen and then a photo of him flashed up. It was of him sitting on the edge of the bed with no shirt on and in the foreground are the naked knees of whoever took the picture. I felt like being sick. He had red marks all over his back when he came home that he said he got from being attacked by bees while making roads in Sudan, in the picture he had the same red marks; so obviously he had seen this woman just before he came home. He denied anything and everything, A few days earlier I had seen a picture in his truck of a very young black girl with a sweet round face and innocent smile, she looked to be about 16 maybe, I asked about her and he said she was the daughter of one of the farmers. His mother kept saying he had to go back to Sudan and I asked why she would want him to go back, if he got malaria again it could kill him and she didn’t answer me.

As time went by every few weeks I would get a little more information. This is the story I eventually pieced together. She had been with the benefactor guy and a few other people who were all traveling together and the benefactor had gotten jealous of JC and this woman, Bridget; getting along and he had left her stuck there. JC said everyone left except her and him so he had gotten a hotel, what else could he do? He said they had sex one time and then she refused to have sex again because she is Christian and it is wrong to have sex and not be married. Right away I thought, “She is seeing you as her ticket out of Africa.” I said, “So she was a virgin?” He said no. I asked, “Did you use protection.” He refused to answer. He said that he couldn’t leave her there alone; she told him that the old guy was always asking passes at her and she was afraid of him. JC said they went to the pastor there to see what they thought of the two of them traveling together because he wanted to take her back to the farm with him; they told him they should be married. So he proposed and had two rings made, hers with his name on it and his ring with her name on it. He said they traveled together for a while and then she went back to the benefactor because he had apologized. JC’s story got rather confusing, but I gather he did a lot of traveling without any security and was building roads not fixing machinery. He told me the farmer in charge of the coop farm told a bunch of lies about him and he had to literally flee the country, laying in the back of a jeep. He said he didn’t have time to see Bridget before he left and went straight to the airport.
I didn’t believe him
He kept saying that if I knew the truth I wouldn’t be upset but he wasn’t telling me the “truth” I told him it was over, I couldn’t handle any more lies and I wanted him gone. He left and then that night I was woken up by the sound of his truck running in my driveway. I ignored it and even fell back to sleep for a bit and then woke up an hour later and he was still out there with his truck running. I went out to tell him to go away but when I saw him I knew he was really sick. He was shivering and sweat was pouring off of him. He said he was having a Malaria attack. I took him inside and put him in my bed and for the next 2 days nursed him. He was sweating so bad he soaked through the mattress cover by morning, so I changed the bedding and tried to get him out of bed to take him to the hospital but he refused, he had a wrist band on from the hospital and he said they didn’t do anything and just kicked him out. He was delirious, so I stayed with him for two days until the fever broke. I was devastated. Here I had to nurse him, fearing he might die and all the while knowing he had been with another woman. I called his Sechelt mom and her begged her to please come and get him but she wouldn’t so I was stuck with him. I was still so in love with him and having to nurse him, fearing he might die I thought I would explode from the intense pain I felt.

When he came out of the fever he was weak and I let him stay for a couple of days but told him he had to go as soon as he was able. Well he didn’t leave and I ended up paying him to do a few jobs with me and after a while we started to get romantic again, he was doing nice things for me, we were getting along really well, like old times and slid back into a relationship until I checked his emails and text messages and found out he was back in the personal ads and he had been writing and texting Bridget saying he loved her and was planning on bringing her to Canada AND that he had tried to go back to me but the feelings just weren’t there any more. His Edmonton mom was communicating with her, so she must have known all about this and never said a word to me about it knowing how much I loved JC. I said as much to JC and he said his mother and Bridget only talked about scriptures. I talked to his mom about Bridget and she told me not to worry, that it had only been a one night thing and Bridget wasn’t thinking JC was going to marry her, but the emails between him and her were very loving and most definitely talked about their future together. You can’t tell me that a girl in Uganda is thinking a man is bringing her to Canada and she is talking to his mother and doesn’t say anything about it. I was very confused. His mother was very insistent that he come to Edmonton and meet with CB and “straighten things out”, so JC finally conceded and flew to Edmonton where he was to meet with CB and go the Centre for Infectious Diseases. I was rather surprised he even came back from Edmonton because I made it clear it was over. I have no idea what the meeting was about, his mother, CB, his mother’s pastor and JC were there. JC told me it was because he informed CB that the guy running the farms was ripping the charity off and all the funds were going into his own farm. JC told me that the guy running the farming coop had been telling lies about him saying he was ripping off the charity. He said he got a cheque for $10,000 for his tools he said got stolen. I knew JC was hiding something but also knew that he would just tell me more lies and anyway and I just wanted him to go away.

I would make him leave at the same time I did when I went to work and when I got home he’d be sitting in the driveway waiting for me. He tried to be nice and loving but I was determined it was over, when I found his text to her saying I love you I miss you, will try to call later. Later when he told me he loved me I brought up the text he had sent and called him a liar. He denied that he was lying and I said, “Well you’re lying to some one, me or Bridget, which one is it?” He had said, “You don’t know the things she says, it’s hard to stop talking to her.” I read one of her letters and I can see why he was hooked because she was so phony. “Oh my love, I miss you so, I walked for an hour to get to a computer to send you a message. I don’t have long because I have to go back to the orphanage and care for the poor orphans. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing you are coming back to get me my love.” He eventually admitted he had gone to her place before he left and given her his guitar and tools to keep for him or sell if she needed to, a few days after he left the police showed up at her door and demanded everything of JC’s that she had. So obviously, everyone knew they were a couple.

I didn’t allow him to move in with me, but as was his typical m.o. he edged his way in and was using my garage to store some stuff, and basically living out of his truck. It was hard to tell but it seemed to me he wasn’t short any tools for someone who had shipped all of his to Sudan, I asked him about it and he hadn’t given me an answer other than, “You know me, I always have more tools than I need.”

He got a job in Red Deer Alberta, left without saying good bye and sent on email saying he thought it was better to end it this way., After he left I went into the history on my computer and found out he’d been in Ashley Madison, POF, Fling and other dating sites, just for the hell of it I tried going into his POF through History and to my amazement it let me into his account. I went into his Favorites and he was telling about 10 women exactly the same thing; that he had a “gut feeling” that they were going to have something special and he always follows his gut feelings. So I sent them all each other’s emails and the ones that seemed the most serious I sent a personal message. A few months after he left I was contacted by a nonprofit company that arranges shipping for containers going to third world country with donations; he asked me if I could remove a big tank from one of their containers. Turns out it was a container going to Sudan, and the person (JC) who loaded it had put this tank in there and it still had about a foot of oily sludge in it. JC knows damn well it would get refused he has been in transportation ½ his life and it is against all environmental and security regulations to ship anything with liquids in it. When they opened the doors to the container I was shocked, it was all but empty, there was nothing of value in it; maybe a couple thousand worth of stuff certainly not $14,000 worth. I heard from a reliable source that he had total access to the container and he must have cleaned it out before he left, knowing it would never get shipped and he would just think of some lie when it didn’t arrive in Sudan.

I moved into the trailer that my parents had offered to finance for me so I would have security and started to accept dates and life was good until the economy tanked and my folks said they were selling the trailer. Two weeks after they told me I had to get out of the trailer JC called saying he had been given 6 months to live, that was December 2008. He was crying, oh how he loved me etc etc. he promised total fidelity, I was all the woman he would ever need yada yada yada……..

He had just bought a semi and was doing long haul from Alberta to BC and came out full of promises and commitments, crying and literally begging for another 2nd chance. He dedicated that song, “Say what you need to say” to me and promised no more lying, even if he thought I’d be angry he would tell me the truth. I said that is all I can ask. I told him all communication with Bridget had to stop and the personal ads had to stop and he agreed. He even went so far as to say he knew it had been wrong of him and we agreed to leave the past behind and start new, I agreed to never bring up the past again as long as he didn’t repeat the past. We also agreed that he wouldn’t be expected to maintain my work truck and I would pay for my own repairs but if that was the case then he was not to drive my truck either. I had been maintaining my truck fine while he was gone, business was picking up because I had been written up in the Province Newspaper Financial Section.

He was VERY sincere and even apologized to my son who believed him and made a real effort to show he forgave him. Anyway this is where this whole blog started and you pretty well know the rest of the story except the parts I didn’t know. A few months after we got back together and I was out of the trailer and dependent on JC I discovered he was still writing Bridget, I was very angry and asked him what the hell he wanted, did he love this young woman, and he said, “No he didn’t.” I said, “Then why are you telling her you love her and are bringing her to Canada?” He said, “Do you know the kind of life she leads? I was brightening her day.” I can’t believe I tried to explain to him that he was leading her on and preventing her from meeting some man that would get her out of Africa. I couldn’t believe he didn’t see that all he was to her was a ticket out of hell. She is a 21 year old woman in Uganda who apparently volunteers at an orphanage and has no money whatsoever but she can afford to have photos professionally taken? She has them plastered all over the internet and in Facebook, High 5 and other social media sites and the only friends she has are men from foreign countries. I asked him if he didn’t realize that by having unprotected sex with her he took the chance of ruining her life perhaps even endangering her life because I am sure women having sex with white men is not highly thought of there. He just gave me the blank stare.

I still had a gnawing in my stomach that I hadn’t gotten the full story but have told myself it didn’t matter he was out of my life now, but when I get a “feeling” I am seldom wrong and tend to get a bit obsessed until I get to the truth. I am still in the dark on a few things but here are the facts as I now know them after the info I got 2 weeks ago.

The young girl in the photo is the daughter of the Sudanese farmer who is running one of the farming coop, JC got the young girl pregnant (probably the first time he was there) and then came back boasting Bridget on his arm and a ring on his finger. He was run out of there and CB the head of the charitable organization cut him off any more money and left him to rot in Africa. JC called his mother in a panic and she in turn called CB and begged him to fly her son home; which he eventually did; but he didn’t make it easy and didn’t supply an escort. JC had to make it to the office, get his money and get to the airport on his own which I gather was a bit scary because he had the bad guys (Lord’s Resistance Army) and the good guys (the Sudanese people) and the Sudanese police gunning for him. He ended up at Bridget’s and left some of his things with her and promised he’d be back for her and got on a plane home. A couple of days later the father of the young girl and the police were at her door looking for him and took anything he left with her.

I am assuming CB was beside himself, he is highly regarded in the Christian community and his charity is very well known, for years he has tried to help the people of Sudan and he has very wealthy followers that make it all possible. If word got out that one of his volunteers impregnated a young girl (child) his whole charity could be destroyed along with his own reputation and other ventures.

I am also guessing that the meeting had to do with this young woman and I think JC promised he would go back and do the right thing but needed money to replace his tools so he could work. That is why his mother was so adamant that he had to go back. It answers the question of why he would lie about having Malaria and was dying; it gave him a plausible excuse for not going back. I had gotten suspicious about the Malaria because he had said he went to the center for infectious diseases in Edmonton and that is who told him he had 6 months to live. Every time he had an attack out here he had a hard time getting proper medication and they had to do blood tests etc. I had said to him, why don’t you get your medical records sent out here so we don’t have to go through this every time? He had said he would but never did, also he never talked about it after the first time he told me. Someone who has been given 6 months to live would tell people, would want to talk about it you would think. I had said once to him that he didn’t seem to be very concerned about being told he had 6 months to live; (I on the other hand was researching Malaria and looking for cures, naturopathic remedies etc and he didn’t seem the least bit concerned) his reply was that he had been told before he wasn’t going to live and had survived, if it was his time it was his time and there was nothing he could do about it. When he got with “M” she made him go for a complete physical because she had just lost her husband to cancer. (I guess if JC would have been sick she would have dumped him? now that’s love for ya) anyway as miracles do happen JC got a perfect bill of health, even his high blood pressure problems were gone, no signs of malaria. (See she is an amazing woman, she even healed him) I also found it strange that he put his volunteer work down on his resume and every dating profile he had but he never mentioned the name of the charity and when I did up a flyer and mentioned I had donated to the charity he made me take the name of the charity out, now I know why. The charity has a monthly newsletter online and JC had been mentioned numerous times in glowing terms and then when I went back a few months later to see if him leaving was mentioned any reference to him had been removed and CB had put, “Beware of smiling faces.”

Since I found out about the young girl 2 weeks ago I have been filled with such anger, disbelief, horror, distain, sadness, …….. Such a flood of different emotions I can hardly breath some time
When I found out about Bridget I had said to JC that there were so many things wrong about what he did I couldn’t even begin to explain, now, …….now knowing what I know …………… I want to pound on him and scream at him, “What gave you the F’n right? You bottom feeding, scum of the earth, asshole, who the F do you think you are, ruining people’s lives without a second thought and just keep using women.” But I know it would have no impact on him except if “M’ was there and then it would only be a concern that he was going to lose his gravy train and he would just call me a psycho bitch anyway. I want to write his mother, his Christian mother who reassured me there was nothing between him and Bridget and didn’t think I had a right to know he had impregnated a young girl in Africa and she was encouraging him to go back and “do the right thing” did she not think that it was the “right thing” to tell me!! That maybe I shouldn’t believe that he loved me and wanted to marry me and that maybe me moving to Sask with him wasn’t in my best interest. Did she not think that saving a woman from financial and emotional ruin was more important than keeping her son’s dirty little secrets? Is God going to forgive her for her lies? No wonder when, after 10 years of her and I talking on the phone and emailing, we finally met face to face she could barely look me in the eye. I told myself she was shy, I blamed myself, maybe she didn’t like me after all, I thought maybe she wanted JC to be with Bridget, I knew something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it and now I know it was because she was lying to me and it was a lot easier on the phone than in person. I try to not be too angry with her, I know she was trying to protect her son and thinking she was doing the right thing, and I don’t want to judge her or be “holier than thou” But damnit, if it was my son stringing a woman along and I knew she was deeply in love with him I would tell her the truth, I would make y son tell the truth, I would not be an accomplice. I know too though that he has manipulated her for almost 50 years and I feel sorry for her. See? Such a cacophony of emotions.
There are so many things so wrong about this story it boggles my mind, only a truly sick individual would not have known what he was doing was wrong, let me break it down for you;
He went as a volunteer/missionary representing a world renown Christian Organization (he had used his father’s good name to get the position because his father had thought very highly of CB and sent a lot of money to the charity over the years and he received Christmas cards etc from CB’s organization) and with no regard for the reputation of the charity or the head of the organization or the well being of the girl has sex with a teenage girl.
He abused the trust being associated with the organization automatically gave him.
He stole from the charity
I donated ½ a container of farm implements because I had done a couple of farm cleanups right at the time he was loading his containers. I gave rakes, shovels, hoes, scythes, etc that I found out later he billed them for.
He pressured them for a wage after getting there as a volunteer and then blackmailed them into giving him more money.
He got a young girl pregnant and deserted her, basically sentencing her to a life of poverty and ruining her chances of ever even having a Sudanese husband because she has an illegitimate ½ white baby, and no man from another country will want her and her baby, so she has two options, keep the baby and they both suffer in poverty for the rest of their lives or put the baby in an over crowded, under-funded orphanage and try to hide the fact that she even had a baby. The same orphanage I donated crates of clothes and toys to because JC told me how destitute they were.
He lied to and strung along another young lady and had sex with her also and continued to lie to her about bringing her to Canada for 3 years, count them, three years!! Who knows maybe he is still lying to her. Son-of-a-bitch, bottom feeder.
It just so happens that a new fellow started at Amix a couple of months ago and he works the gate, he is a very nice young man from Uganda. Thoughts about what would happen to this young girl plagued me for days, would she be stoned even? I don’t know what repercussions there are for an unwed mother in these countries, so I asked if I could talk to him for a minute and I told him briefly what JC had done and asked what would happen to the girl. He told me that people are either rich or dirty poor there, especially in Sudan and that a lot of the young girls have sex with the men from other countries in hopes the men will fall in love with them and take them out of Africa. He said that any man from another country has women coming onto him from every direction but he said most men realize what is going on and stay clear, he personally had never heard of a 40 something white man getting a girl pregnant, they are usually smarter than that. He said NO ONE with any sense has unprotected sex in Africa.
He said that if the man doesn’t claim the child as his then having that child has sealed the girl’s fate and she will live the rest of her days in poverty in Sudan and hopefully the LRA won’t kill her because she is a Christian, if she was Muslim then she could be stoned for having sex and not being married.
So that is what has been on my mind lately. I have fought the urge to write his mother telling her how disappointed I am in her and the damage being with JC and her collaborating his lies has done to so many women and now she is standing by while he bleeds a widow of the inheritance her loving husband provided for her.
In my mind if you see a crime or injustice being done and you do nothing to stop it you are as guilty as the person doing the deed. What do you think? If it was your son or daughter doing something so wrong would you lie for them? would you let more people be hurt by them?

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck

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13 Replies to “Out Of Africa”

  1. This is way too far out for me. The guy I was with wasn’t anything like this. Not even a fraction. To be honest with you, I can’t relate to this at all and CANNOT understand how you put up with any of it. JC is a complete nut job.

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  2. It would not surprise me if one day I discover that my X has a secret “love child” somewhere in South America. He enjoys attention from women. But they have to be white women. He is a TOTAL racist! And his mother is as much an enabler as JC’s mother. Without them, they wouldn’t be able to survive under the radar for so long. And yes, they are as guilty for protecting them as if they committed the injustices themselves. It’s like the Penn State University scandal going on right now in the States. Makes me sick! 😦

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  3. Have you ever seen the original version of the movie The Producers? You know Zero Mostel’s character? The one that has all of the women he entertains/sleeps with so he can pretty much bleed them for money. That is what JC pretty much sounds like, except not funny by any means, creepier, with a really grim reality, and mind games that would choke a psych student.

    Just out of curiosity (yeah, I know I say this a lot) does JC fancy himself as a Jedi Master or something because for the amount of mindtricks I have read him perform I am surprised he hasn’t been sued by George Lucas for infringement.

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    1. I haven’t seen “The Producers” but it sounds like JC. Who was creepier JC or the guy in the movie? He tends to sway more to the James Dean character; he likes the “Rebel without a cause” persona. James Bond 007. The near misses with death, being chased by women and living on the edge always narrowly escaping death, fast cars, Bond…James Bond. But we never watched movies or TV, ever. He watched mega amounts of porn, copious amounts of porn.

      Some times he would really lose touch with reality and that’s when things got really scary. Like when he barricaded himself in the barn and was sneaking out by taking boards off the wall and then replacing them. His sister and I tried to figure out how he was getting in and out for 3 days. He had hammered boards across all the doors and he’d go straight out to the barn after work and not come out.

      He had a flirtatious thing going on with a woman from his old home town on Facebook and they were talking about the Illuminati, Loose Change (he watched a lot of that kind of movies, about 9/11 and such) and she was asking him questions about it and he told her he’d like to tell her more and when he got to a secure line he’d call. She was like, “Secure Line??”. He told another guy from his home town that this gorgeous model in Greece that was on his friends list on FB was going to be the next Mrs. JC. I told him that he was really making himself look pitiful.

      He would go into stages of psychosis and paranoia where he refused to sleep and did really weird things. I thought it was the lack of sleep causing him to lose touch with reality but maybe it was the being out of touch with reality that caused him to lose sleep?

      He could be so normal for a long time, the really bad psychosis only happened twice and both times I thought he might kill me and they were when he knew I was seriously going to leave him.

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      1. JC sounds like a creepier version of Zero Mostel’s character in The Producers. Waaay creepier.

        Did it ever seem like he was hallucinating when he would go for days without sleeping? I read somewhere that the brain secretes a chemical that makes you hallucinate when you are extremely sleep deprived. Mind you, I could be completely wrong and have my facts wrong about it. I might have to look it up again.

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        1. He would accuse me of things or relate some instance that didn’t happen. He would sleep, but not in bed, he’d fall asleep on the toilet for hours, or in his car in Tim Horton’s parking lot, driving!, but he would NOT come to bed. It was the most bizarre thing. It got worse over the years. He always said he didn’t need sleep but like I said to him, “if you don’t need sleep why did you just bash your head on the kitchen table?” Because I’d be watching him and his head would start to nod and then BAM!! He’d hit the table. At first I would wake him before that happened but near the end I got quite a chuckle out of it! He could sleep standing up he was so tired. I used to think that at those times that he did fall asleep he would have dreams that he thought were reality.

          They say no sleep can make a person insane. Which came first the chicken or the egg. Was he insane because he didn’t sleep or the other way around.

          His sister thinks he stayed awake because that is when he did his dirty deeds; like sabotage my truck and watch porn, answer personal ads, set up hidden camera’s to watch me, figure out his finances to see how much he’d spent on me, or he’d go through everything on my truck and take what he wanted. I got up at 3 am just to see what he was doing one time and looked every where for him, calling him, all the lights were out in the barn and then I saw the glow of a cigarette and when my eyes adjusted he was just standing there leaning against the wall.

          One time he insisted I owed him $900, this was after a period of him being very loving and cooperative after his son moved in with us. I didn’t know what he was talking about but he said he had to pay his mom back and he had to have the money. I got hit over it and everything. I phoned his mom and said I’d send her money when I could and she said not to she knew things were tight. I don’t know if he really thought I owed him, if he dreamed it or if he was just trying to bully me into giving him money. Some times I think I am just really lucky to be alive.

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          1. I think he belongs riding the short bus, with special shoes, helmet, and a booster seat. But that is just my opinion. Better you alive, than him probably having to sweat (provided he cares enough to) about those he screwed over catching up to him.

            I think the positive things in your life will eventually overshadow the horrible aftermath he has left behind (at least in your’s and anyone else who was smart enough to catch on to the deal).

            BTW. I have more questions about pulled pork sandwiches (it’s a perfectionist thing) and a sort of recipe to email you.

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  4. Carrie, this is a huge post. It’s 4.32 am & I can’t sleep because of a cold – perfect! Time to read!

    Carrie, it’s just too too sad step after step after step. It’s awful, how you’ve been treated, & I can’t believe that when you’re split you have sex almost daily & are saying ‘I love you’. How is that split? It’s just awful.

    I swear, I would be completely worn down if I were you, a wasted mess, after such long term ill treatment by JC. It’s just awful.

    God, I hope you’re better off these days…

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    1. Noeleen, my apologies for the length of this post! I didn’t realize how long it was until I went back to read it and I got bored with it!

      I am not doing very good to be honest, finding out about this girl in Africa has hit me very hard. I can’t get her out of my mind, he ruined her life and probably there is his baby in the terribly over crowded orphanage. I almost wish he would have been left there to pay the consequences of his actions. I am sure it would have been horrific and deadly but if anyone deserves it it would be him. But even with him I can’t wish that on him, if I would have known about the baby I probably would have wanted to bring it to Canada which would be crazy of me; but my heart breaks for that wee child that didn’t ask to be brought into this world; born to a child herself to a life of poverty.

      My God he was sent there to help these people after they suffered atrocities too horrific to imagine at the hands of the LRA. He was there to help them rebuild their land and become self sufficient again. How dare he use his position as a representative of a religious organization to take advantage of a young girl. And in the process if word got out it would severely damage the reputation of the organization. Who would donate to a charity that has people like that working for them?

      And his mother knew and didn’t feel I had a right to know? I’m sorry I am sure I wouldn’t keep that from a woman who was deeply in love with my son and planning on moving 1/2 way across the country with him.

      I know it must pain her greatly and eat at her. I know she is praying he’ll change but at his age and if he can do that and walk away without a backwards glance there is no hope for him.

      We have been separated 1 1/2 years and I am still very much suffering the repercussions of the devastation he caused in my life. He destroyed my business, my self esteem and I know now he did it on purpose. He kept saying, “You always do so well when we are apart.” And when we split he kept saying it and I thought it was strange, but I know now why. He couldn’t stand that I was doing well so he came back to destroy me. Who hates someone, what could a person do to another person that would make them hate someone that much that they would dedicate a year and 1/2 of their life to destroying the person?

      I actually typed out a post this morning saying I won’t be blogging any more but it wouldn’t send. I will try again later.

      Thanks for your support Noeleen, I wish you and Daniel all the best and only happiness in your life now that you’ve decided to “live” it.

      Love and Hugs Carrie

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  5. The gnawing feeling in your stomach when it comes to their lies is just horrible, isn’t it? Mine were/are usually dead on when it comes to my npd. He used to always tell me how wrong I was and how infuriating my accusations were..that he was always telling me the truth. Unfortunately, his “truth” was never the whole truth (if it was true at all). The manipulations abound. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. It is such a cruel game they play. You are so strong to be where you are now. I hope someday to be there too.

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  6. Whhhhaaatttttttttttt!!!!??? This story is IN-SANE. I am floored and speechless. I am so sorry that you had to go through this Carrie. How old was this N at the time?

    MANY things rang similar again here. My N also does work in Africa. He would fly to different African countries for work 2-3 weeks a month. I have no idea what happened on those trips, and I’m not sure I want to know. But I did find out he had cheated with a much younger woman in our city (a virgin!). In his apology letter, he carefully twisted the words a couple’s counselor had said “Trust is a hard won commodity” and made it about me! He said he didn’t “trust” that I would understand the story (of him cheating) if he came clean about it. WHAT THE EFF?! I was so deeply entrenched in the sh*t that I couldn’t read that for what it was — a feeble and narcissistic attempt at an apology a.k.a. — blame.

    I do know that my N’s father is in his late 60s and travels to developing countries, preying on young women who probably do not have any money. In my snooping, I found a chat between him and his father, where his father said he had it all worked out, and that he’d travel between Asia and Africa and switch up the women in each new place. I don’t think my N was like this — in fact, I think he tried not to be. But I know some of that must have subconsciously trickled down to him and became his default.

    I am amazed at your strength and I hope I can get there too one day.

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