Birthday Bumps

When JC was itching for a fight he was like a dog with a bone. If you ignored him he would keep badgering until he got a reaction. He used to make a statement and insist I answer yes or no, right or wrong; but it was the type of statement I couldn’t answer without clarifying.

On my birthday he was insisting I answer right or wrong to the statement, “you picked up my cheque and spent the money, right or wrong.” (He would record it on the computer as giving me money, say $500. He insisted I bring him the receipts but he wouldn’t record them. He put a password on the accounting program so I couldn’t record them; the records looked like he was giving me huge wads of cash which was the truth but I was running errands for him).

I could feel myself losing control; it made me crazy, he’d refuse to understand what I was trying to say.

Once he got me worked up to the point of tears he turned and walked away but I grabbed his arm and said, “You can’t tear me to shreds and then not let me defend myself”

JC – “I didn’t tear you to shreds, I am just trying to make you admit the truth.”

Me – “you did tear me to shreds.”

JC – “Ok, tell me what I said.”

I told him and he snorted, ” that’s not what I said. How can we discuss anything when you can’t remember what I said 5 mins ago?”

Me – tell me what you said so I understand.

JC – why should I have to repeat myself? It doesn’t do any good any way, you hear what you want to hear.
He turned to walk away.

I reached out and grabbed his arm so he would look at me – JC, please…..I love you, lets not fight.

I felt my head hit the kitchen counter and my knees buckle. I thought I fainted until I opened my eyes and I was on my back on the kitchen floor, he was sitting on me, pinning my hands above my head with his left hand and his right fist raised to hit me.

Me – “what are you waiting for? Go ahead hit me again.

He looked at me with total disdain, got off me, left me laying there and went out to the shop. The next day he acted like nothing had happened and seemed surprised when I didn’t want to attend a party that night.

Me – JC, you could have really hurt me. That’s abuse.

JC with a roll of his eyes – It is not abuse.

Me – you strangled me.

JC – I did not.

Me – JC! How can you deny it. I passed out! You could have killed me.

JC – Don’t be rediculous! I know exactly when to stop.

Me – when you hit me last night I banged my head, you don’t know what could happen. Besides, it IS abuse.

JC – No man could put up with what I do every fucking day from you. A real man would have done it long ago. Its not like I come home even night and beat you.

Monday when he went to work I called the domestic abuse hotline and talked to a very nice man who mailed me a bunch of info on domestic violence.

I had shipped my son off to Calgary just before Christmas to a friends who got him a job and he’d been doing well. My brother was also in Calgary and my mom had given me money for my birthday so I could to fly there for Mother’s Day.

JC knew I had the money from my mom so I made sure to buy my ticket right away because I knew he’d pressure me into spending it. My flight was leaving at 7 am, that way JC could drive me to the airport and still make it to work by 8. When we got up JC was trying to get a fire started and I said why bother, we’ll just get dressed and leave, it was getting late.

Me- come on Hon. I’m supposed to be there an hour ahead of time.

JC – How much money do you have?

My stomach knotted up – not much why?

JC – I’m broke and the car needs gas.

Me – Why didn’t you mention that last night?

JC didn’t look up from the fire just said – It’s up to you, we aren’t going any where unless you’ve got money.

Me – I can put gas in, can we go please?

JC – How much money do you have?

I said not much, besides it was my birthday present and I’d already bought groceries.

JC – we aren’t going anywhere until you give me the money like I give you my money.

I gave him a hundred.

JC – That’s all you have?

Me – I need some money while I’m there.

JC – You won’t have to worry about it because like I said we aren’t going anywhere.

I just wanted to see my son so I gave him my money.

The car wouldn’t start, I suggested we take his truck but no we had to take the car. Then he stopped at his work and he stole some gas which took up time and I was trying so hard to not let my anxiety show.

We got to the airport 5 minutes after my flight left.

When I started to cry he put his arms around me. I was stiff against him. I kept thinking, you bastard, inside I was screaming but I played my role, I wanted to see my son. Then he played the nice guy in front of the ticket agent and paid the extra $50 for a later flight. He went to work and I sat around waiting for my flight.

I arrived 9 hours later with $10 in my pocket.

My son had taken the time off work to pick me up but because I was late he’d had to go to work and sent friends to get me. They had a sign with my name and everything but we couldn’t find each other. I was beside myself with stress. Finally my brother who happened to be working construction at the airport found me. I called my ex husband and asked if I could borrow $100 and he put the money in my account.

It was great to see my boy and I didn’t want to ruin our time together by telling him about JC hitting me but when I got the chance I told my brother and he said, “Hey sis, there’s been times I’ve wanted to hit you myself”.

I started hiding money behind pictures on the wall, inside ornaments, and taped under the coffee table. I started keeping extensive notes on what we fought about, where I spent money and paid more attention to what he said so I could recite it back to him word for word.

Life was a roller coaster ride of emotions. One day he would bring me home flowers and be loving the next I could do nothing right. I asked the neighbor to look under the hood of the car to see if he could see why it only ran when JC drove it. The distributor cap was off. So for a few weeks I would drive it during the day and take the distributor cap off when I got home. I did landscaping for extra money and stole the change out of JC’s pockets when I did laundry.
I handed out dozens of resumes but JC managed to make me miss any interviews I got. I went to welfare and told the woman at the counter I was trying to escape an abusive relationship and she told me there was a 6 week waiting period before I could get benefits, and I had to have an address. I asked how I was supposed to get an address without money, she shrugged and said “Next”.

I thought I was pretty tricky driving the car until I was driving through town one day and saw JC coming my way in the dump truck. There was no where to go so I stared straight ahead as we passed each other. I checked my mirror once I was past and he was literally hanging out his side window to see if it was me. He didn’t say a word about it that night but the next day he called and told me to run an errand for him. I said, “You told me the car would explode if I drove it.”

He said,”just do whatever you did yesterday and run the errand.”

When my son called a few months later and asked if he could move back and live with me I moved out.
I agreed with JC to try dating and living apart because he kept telling me I needed to move out and experience what it was like to support myself. I don’t know what he thought I’d been doing all those years I was a single mom.

I moved into a trailer in the resort Sept 1st and he was supposed to be out of the house by the end of Sept. My son arrived early October.

He didn’t move out and 3 weeks after he was supposed to be out the owner came with 3 big guys and started throwing his stuff out doors and windows. My son was walking and saw JC leaving in his truck and then saw three guys about to throw the 90 gallon aquarium out the patio doors fish and all and stopped them.

He ran home and told me what was going on and asked what he should do. I told him we would get JC’s guitars, tools and expensive stuff and put it on my covered patio. The owner put the rest of his stuff in storage. I called JC to see what he was doing and he said he just left the storage unit and they had ruined a bunch of his stuff by just throwing it in the storage unit. I asked where he was and he said sitting in his truck. I told him to come over for supper and that some of his stuff was on the patio. When he got there he looked shell shocked and motioned for me to come hug him, which I did.

Me – Do you have any place to go tonight?

JC – No

Me – If you want you can stay here for a couple of nights. Tomorrow is Sunday, you aren’t going to get a place this late. You can stay 2 nights, tonight and tomorrow night; you should be able to work something out on Monday. He thanked me and said I love you and started to cry. He said I always come through for him and I said I loved him too.

Well 2 days turned into 2 months he simply refused to leave .

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