Jason Alan’s Birthday

It’s coming up to that time of year again; September 19th. It is kinda hard to tell lately but usually I go into a bit of a depressed, teary state the closer Sept 19th gets. It has always been the time of year that I make big changes; like my own new years. For years if I was going to break up with someone, move, change jobs; I did it some time near the end of September.

He’ll be turning 37; far from a little boy, he probably has kids of his own. I pray he isn’t like his biological father, I hope he has a tender heart and is a good person. I really hope his parents loved him and he knows he is loved. I wonder if he looks anything like me and if I would recognize him.

I had a very strange thing happen about a month ago. As we all do from time to time, I checked how many followers I have and then checked who they were. I was scrolling down the list and 6 months ago a Jason Alan started following my blog. I would have picked up on that name immediately had I seen it when he signed up but he didn’t use that name when he signed up to follow me; he used something like ” the madpoet” and I remember seeing that name.

Anyway, of course I was very curious so I checked out his blog ” Jasonalanwriter” . His profile didn’t hold any revealing info so I started to read one of his posts. In the post he was talking about being in grade 3 in 1985. I thought; ok a person is 6 when they start grade 1, his birthday is in September so he would have either started school at the age of 5 or if he started at age 6 he would have turned 7 in grade 1 and been 10 in grade 3. Now I had to find out more so I Googled his name and found his FB where he has his birthday listed. I was September 1975 but not the 19th (I believe it was the 12th, to be honest once I saw it wasn’t the 19th any other date really was of no consequence) and it said he was born and raised in Texas.

I was told that the people who adopted my Jason were university teachers in Vancouver. I suppose they could have moved to Texas but of course my Jason was born in Chilliwack. They had said they were going to tell him he was adopted and they had liked his name and were going to keep it. They were also going to send pictures and didn’t, so who knows. That many years ago a girl didn’t have much say in what happened to her baby.

I have one well worn piece of paper where I signed him over to child services and a card from one of the nuns from a home for unwed mothers packed away in storage and that is all I have as far as a keepsakes of his birth.

It certainly got my heart racing though. It got me thinking too; what if it had been him? There was a time I would have been proud to say “I am your birth mother”, but right now, for him to meet me would be hard. For him and me. When Kris and I lived at the lake I envisioned us meeting, or when I had the house in Chilliwack, but since I met James there were few times I was comfortable with where we lived.

I was proud of where I was at in 2008, before I went back to James. I could have sat down with my stranger son and discussed my life and it would have been believable and I think would have shown his momma was a fighter, but you know; to explain how I got where I am right now sounds unbelievable to my own ears. I can only imagine how it would sound to him.

When James told me about meeting his birth mom he talked about how his grandma, aunt and mom had always looked for him; how welcome he felt; what a great experience it was. There would be only Kris and I.

When I gave him up for adoption everyone closed the book, except me.

When Kris was wee, long before I told him about Jason; he used to ask me where his brother was. I remember when he was about 4 he had asked where his brother was and I had said he didn’t have one and he got angry and said he most certainly did.

I think alot of people are psychic and as we get older we block it out. Kris often said things that “didn’t make sense at the time” like one time he asked me what happened to the white car. I asked what white car.
Kris – The white car we had before the red car.
Me – what red car?
Kris getting just as exasperated as me – You know!, the we had s white car and then we had a red car; what happened to the white car, I liked it better.
Me – Kris we have never had a white car or a red car. Is this a story?
Kris – forget it mom.

We had a burgundy Reliant K car at the time; the same one Victor bought just before his accident. About 6 months after Kris and my conversation about white cars and red cars the Reliant died and I bought a new car – a white Nissan Sentra. I loved that car! It was a 1988 SE and fully loaded, it was a new car with only 80 km on it but I bought it at the end of 1988 so I got a really good deal on it.

I had just picked Kris up from daycare about 2 months after we got it and we were T-boned at an intersection and the car was totalled. Luckily I had gotten replacement insurance so ICBC had to find me one exactly like it. There wasn’t another one in all of Canada so they ended up getting me a Red 1989 Nissan Sentra. Kris unwittingly had predicted the future.

So when he asked about a brother I knew he “felt” his brother’s existence. I hadn’t wanted to tell him about Jason until he was old enough to understand the circumstances and that I wouldn’t “give him away” too. I think he was about 8 or 9 when I told him and he hadn’t been surprised at all and just said, “I KNEW it, I told you!”

I hope he has had a good life, I have a feeling he did; certainly better than the life I would have been able to provide at that age. I remember the day he was born as clearly as if it was yesterday.

Where did the time go? So much has happened since then yet when I think its been 37 years its hard to believe.

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5 thoughts on “Jason Alan’s Birthday

  1. Carrie, I hate to tell you that there is a lot of deception and dishonesty in the world of adoption. Even when the law says actual place and date of birth must be listed, agencies and attorneys have been known to lie and change info to suit their purposes! Adoption is a major cash cow and powerful industry! Your son’s birth information could easily have been changed to another date and place of birth. Plus, people can and do move around! Its entirely possible that his adopters did move to Texas! The adoption industry is so corrupt, even the mother’s consent signature has been known to be provided by someone other than the mother! Yes, it is entirely possible that that man is YOUR SON! In addition Carrie, even agencies know that children do remain the issue of their birth parents! DNA doesn’t lie! I do not think the correlations are any accident that you are both writers of blogs. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! I’d check it out further if I were you. He may be afraid to reveal his identity for fear of rejection! Its your call girl! I say go for it! Good luck!

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  2. I was kinda hoping if he is following my blog he will see this post and contact me. If not I might just make contact myself. The really weird thing about it is after I saw Alan spelt with only 1 L I remembered the social worker taking down the info asked me if Alan was spelled with one L or two. It was his fathers middle name but I didn’t know how he spelled it so I said one L. But most people spell it with 2. I get a huge lump in my stomach and tears in my eyes just talking about it.

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    • Confession time Carrie. I was forced to surrender a child for adoption when I was sixteen! Voluntary had absolutely nothing to do with it! I was bullied, threatened, harassed into it. I was kept in ignorance of my legal rights or any alternatives! As if that wasn’t bad enough, my story is fairly typical! Many women and young girls post WWII have similar stories to tell! Social workers, agencies and lawyers, because there is often a lot of money at stake (a healthy white newborn can go on the market for $50,000 easily!), crossing unethical lines is no big problem for these people! This is how I know (I now have copies of my own files and they are full of lies!. Its shameful the corruption that evolved with the institution of closed adoptions. Very often, so called “open” adoptions aren’t that open either! My heart goes out to you Carrie. You’ve been hurt very badly by a number of people that you should have been able to trust, but because of their own defects of character, you couldn’t! You are such an obviously kind, loving person! You deserved so much better than you got!

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      • Linda! It seems I start every reply to a comment the same way these days…….I know I replied to your comment ages ago! This intermittent internet connection totally screws me up. I am so sorry!

        Thank you for sharing that! It means alot for you to share something so personal and painful. Yes, thankfully things have changed alot over the past 30 yrs as far as adoption go. The stigma young girls had to deal with, having absolutely NO choice but to give the baby up. I was lucky to even hold my son for a few minutes and thst’s almost didn’t happen but my dad insisted and no one goes against my dad!
        I packed the shame for years and years until I finally realized there was no shame on my part to pack.

        I really appreciate your support and kind words Linda; it amazes me that through this blog, who knows how many miles apart, I find friends who can relate and understand and give the encouragement I need. Technology can be a wonderful things. You have been an inspiration and support to me Thankyou!
        Hugs
        Carrie

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