The Inevitable Happened

I don’t know how many of my followers noticed that I have received a couple of nasty comments recently; one from JC and then this morning one from a “Chuck”. I “spammed” JC’s right away and then regretted it because I thought his response was so typical of a narcissist I should have left it. I went into my spam to “unspam” it but using the small screen of my phone I accidentally permanently deleted it. Oops

Basically what it said was that I am a lying bitch, he called you all my “minions”; which I had to laugh about because he was always saying he needed minions.
He said that reading my blog made him * feel ……….. well ….everything but mostly sad. *his words.

He also said this (my blog) was unproductive. I beg to differ; anytime a blog receives daily comments such as:
Thank God I found this site, you literally saved my life.
Or
You are a God send, now I know I am not crazy.
It can not be called “unproductive”.

He also called you all F%*#ing Lemmings and said you should be ashamed of yourselves. So everyone hang your head in shame.

He also told me to never contact him again, he made that perfectly clear in his letter to me when he bought me the computer cord I said I needed. It appears that computer cord was supposed to absolve him of any wrong doing in the past and he feels I didn’t mention it in my blog so he mentioned it to show you all what a nice guy he is. He used to say to me that he didn’t understand why my family hated him; I must have told them horrible things about him. He would say, “Do you ever tell them the nice things I do? No!!”. In fact I went out of my way to mention everything he ever did nice; exaggerated it even in hopes my family would like him and I avoided saying anything at all bad about him. But they weren’t blind and could see the abuse with their own eyes.

Today the comment from Chuck said that he knew us and said that he was there for several of the events I have discussed and I am lying and he called me a “c&*t”. I only know one Chuck and he used to come over when JC was God knows where and we would compare the lies JC had told each of us and get to the truth. We used to laugh about it together. He mentioned in the comment that I had talked him into taking JC’s money twice. Chuck and I did a job for JC and got paid $15 or something ridiculous like that, we worked hours in sun. JC had me do up an invoice for the customer, I forget how much it was for now I think a couple hundred bucks. Almost a year later he still had the invoice in his truck. He had told me to get out but refused to give me any money to leave or let me take anything out of the house. I talked to Chuck and told him I was going to invoice the customer myself again and mail it. I told him that if he let me use his address as the return address I would split the money with him 50/50; which is exactly what we did. One time!
I did leave but went back; and have never heard the end of it since. That was 12 years ago. So I believe “Chuck” is actually JC especially since he called me by the pet name he had for me. Not just every one calls me a “C&%#”. 🙂

My first reaction when I saw JC’s comment was guilt. It was my words that made him sad,but the more I thought about it (about 3.5 mins) I came to the conclusion that if JC was sad it was not my words but his actions that caused the sadness. But he is not sad, he is angry because I am not in a corner some where quietly licking my wounds grieving the loss of him.
He is not sorry for the way he treated me, he is not sad that he had a 10 year relationship with a woman who loved him unconditionally and she came away from it suicidal, destitute, and a shell of the person she used to be. If I knew that I had hurt someone that badly I would do everything within my power to make amends. But that is me, that is anyone with a conscience and a caring heart. But we wouldn’t be having this discussion if JC had either of those two things because he never would have abused me to begin with.

My 2nd response was fear; what would he do? I don’t know ( so if I die suddenly I am not suicidal ok?)

Then I reached my present state of mind.

I started this blog simply as a way to promote my company; I heard the best way to build business is by having a web site. But I couldn’t think of anything but the all consuming pain I was in. I spent days sitting on the couch, crying, staring into space, unable to read a book, watch tv, eat, work, I was barely able to breath.

When I attempted suicide I didn’t write any good bye letters, I didn’t make any last minute phone calls telling someone what I had done. The only thing I did was; at about 10 pm after I crawled outside to let Kato take a pee and could barely see to type I sent JC a text message asking him to come and get Kato about 10 am the next day because I had taken an overdose and Kato would need to pee.

JC never called, never called a friend or my mother to check on me, didn’t take the 5 minutes to call 911 and give them my address. When I came to the next day and realized I hadn’t succeeded I would have tried again but didn’t have any money to buy more pills. A mutual friend dropped by and said he had just had a call from JC asking him to go for coffee but he decided to come see me instead. JC was 10 minutes away from my place, knew our friend was going over to my place and never asked about me.
As if that wasn’t bad enough he still toyed with my emotions and led me on for another month until he moved in with his present conquest. And when I was upset he had told me he loved me on Wed and moved into her place on Thurs he chose to deal with it by telling me to kill myself because no man would ever want a psycho bitch like me.

There I was; alone; all alone, ashamed, beaten down, no one who understood, no way to support myself, at 52 years old a broken woman. The man I loved with all my being, who only a month prior had said, “You know us Babe, we always end up together, I don’t know why you get so upset.” knowing I was suicidal taunted me to kill myself. It was a defining moment; I had to choose to either live without him or die. I had more pills by that time and I sat there for hours looking at them, thinking, “If I can be reduced to this, a strong capable self sufficient attractive woman; what would it do to a young less confident woman?”

It was then that I decided to share my story in hopes that if there was some woman out there thinking she was crazy she would find some comfort in my sharing. I put as much information together as I could find, it gave me a purpose and it helped me heal and most of all it made me accountable. I was telling the world I was choosing to live, I couldn’t give up once I put it out there.

I had no idea what I was going to say, I was raw emotion some days, I was up but mostly down and then I got some followers, Tik Tok and Mysterycoach were two of my first and saw me through some of my worst times. Thank God they were there!!

The last, say 6 months or so this blog has taken on a life of its own. It is no longer “my” blog, it is where survivors of abuse meet up and share the road to recovery helping each other when one stumbles, encouraging, crying, praying, and most of all feeling free to speak about their experiences knowing they won’t be judged, ridiculed or told they shouldn’t feel the way they do. People come here and hear, “I understand, I have been there,” “OMG your relationship was just like mine”. I have received so much support, and yes good strokes from the people who have stopped by; I don’t know how I would have made it through til now without it.

To date I have somewhere around 200 followers and have had 42,200 hits give or take a hundred. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would grow like that. I am getting over 500 hits a day. That is alot of pain out there, and I am so gratified to be able to provide some light, some hope. I can honestly say something good came out of my pain, that out of a relationship filled with dishonesty, manipulation, and evil intentions something honest and positive grew.

I thought about closing down the site but I can’t, I would rather die than allow JC to intimidate me into anything every again especially something that is helping people heal from people like him.

I was going to change my settings so that every comment has to be approved before it is posted but that would defeat what we have going on here. People come here to share or give words of encouragement and it is posted immediately. I don’t want people who need support to have to wait, what good is that?

I have wanted to do a post thanking everyone for their patience because doing this all on my phone and not having the net where I live has meant  I am slow replying. I hate not being able to give it my best but right now this is my best.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you brighten my corner of the world more than you know.
Carrie

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44 Replies to “The Inevitable Happened”

  1. It bothers me that Tom Hill was belittled for simply having an opposing (and educated) opinion, when in fact he IS qualified to offer advise when you are simply blogging about the horrors you experienced while being with a bad person. That does not give you license to admonish someone who TREATS people with disorders….being condescending to him is really uncalled for. Lashing out at fat bastard isn’t too great either….but to really go all out and say that he is your ex is quite paranoid…..you say your ex put in an intercom and bugged your truck so he knew where you were and what u said. An intercom only transmits from either end when the button is pushed. The bug? Only the government has the resources to bug someones vehicle for listening purposes. Any techie can link up with the G P S in ur phone and track where you are….but then he would shadow your calls at the same time. A receiver powerful enough to track and listen to you would be in the 10s of thousands. My husband works in the surveillance field so I know a bit about it.
    Which is why I am here. He is a good father to our 3 girls but has many of the qualities described here. I wonder if he is an N.

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    1. I really am amazed that people like this exist! How they function in society is what I want to know. This lady with a truck must have a long fuse!

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      1. Norma, JC was an extreme case, many narcissists function fairly well in society because they can put on such a good act when out in public. Many high up executives are narcissistic because they don’t suffer from guilt or a conscience and don’t see the employees as people and can be heartless.
        Not all narcissists are psychopaths but all psychopaths, sociopaths are narcissistic.
        The thing with JC and people like him is they come across as very sweet caring and loving honest people when they first meet someone and can carry on with the charade for a long time. They object of their desire feels totally loved and accepted by him and he has portrayed himself to be every thing she wants in a partner or that he needs her to save him, he makes it appear that her perfect love will transform him, all he needed was someone like her who appreciates him and understands him. By the time his true colours show she is in too deep to get out easily, and she finds it so hard to believe he could change so drastically almost over night. She thinks maybe he is having a break down, she triea to fix it, to reason with him , talk to him like they used to. She is truly confused and he adds to that confusion by switching back and forth between being loving and loathing some times several times in a day. She keeps waiting for the man ashe met to come back, sure no one could fake the kind of love they have shared for months, years even, she feels there must be some explanation.

        It is not that I had such a long fuse, I just learned that to get angry would get me no where except hit or choked or something of mine would get broken. There was so much going on I picked my battles and learned to adapt to the rest. I had been raised with a over powering father who’s motto was “Do as I say, not as I do” and wasaused to walking on eggshells and have always been a “peace keeper” so I fell into the role quite naturally. When I did leave he would always beg me back, accept responsibility for his actions, admit any wrong doing and promise to change. He would cry real tears, I would think why would he admit wrong doing and promise to change if he didn’t mean it.
        ? Some times I would ask him to leave and he would juat refuse to go, the police wouldn’t help unless he hit me and when I reported him hitting me he called the police and gave them his sob story before I could talk to them. Anyway I have discussed this at length in many various posts. The point I am trying to make is once a person is caught in their web of deceit and manipulation it is very hard to get out and after a while it becomes a matter of doing what you have to to survive. The victim gets so confused, is isolated from any support system, broke, being told it is all her fault yet he is projecting o the outside world that he is the abused one and loves her. Behind closed doors it is a different story.

        My ex never held a job for long or kept friends for long, he has left a trail of destruction behind him every where he has gone his whole life. In 3 provinces in Canada, to several states in the US all the way to Africa. He has been evicted from almost every place he lived and would have been homeless if not for me taking him in. In the 10 years we were together he paid the rent 2 years, aside from that he lived with me or we were homeless together. He didn’t function well in society and for some stupid reason I don’t fathom now I kept taking him back and kept believing his lies.
        Like he said himself,”Its your own fault I hurt you, you kept taking me back”
        I have to own that part of it for sure. As usual I have rambled on too long. Thanks for commenting.
        Hugs
        Carrie

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh God Carrie. I am sorry you felt as though that was your only out. I too was suicidal earlier this year (and actually admitted to a psych hospital for two days).

    To FatBastard (And what is UP with these heartless rednecks?! My ex was also a chunky monkey redneck): reading comprehension my friend. Carrie said that she isn’t suicidal NOW. Just because you are depressed and suicidal at one point in your life does not mean you are forever a suicidal person (if she was, she would be a permanent resident in a psych ward). She didn’t do it for attention (though I am sure there are people that do make threats, but no one goes through with taking a bottle of pills unless they are serious), but even if she did, the point is, what type of person doesn’t call a family friend, someone?! I want to see FatBastard lose everything, basically his identity and see how well he copes.

    When I confessed to my N ex about my hospital stay, he told me that I should be honest with the next man, as if to say, “Yeah that sucks, not my problem and no I am not aympathetic and no I have no questions or concerns about it. Now let me pout about the fact that you never told me (because his reaction was so caring and deep and understanding ya know?).”

    Narcissists truly don’t understand that people DO have the power to bring another person to the edge. To an N, it’s your fault. You should have been stronger, invincible. Ns believe you actually can be because they have no idea how a human should act.

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  3. One evening I was in my bedroom with my pup, buttons, both of us,sitting on the floor. I had a string hanging from a pair of pants. I grabbed my pocket knife to cut the string. At that moment, buttons got spooked by a thud outside, jumped over me and took off. Well, when he jumped over me, he knocked me and I stabbed myself in the arm with my knife. Because I was still under the horrible hypnosis of my narcissistic husband, even tho we were separated, I called him. Not 911. Him. Jesus. I was terrified because I hit a vein and blood was everywhere. It was like a scene out of a horror movie. When I told my narc what happened, he immediately accused me of trying to kill myself and then started threatening to take our son from me. I’m bleeding to death and he’s calling me a selfish psycho and threatening to take my son. God was watching over me that night. My father found me and took me to the hospital. I spoke to him after I’d returned home and he actually apologized, but then said I made it sound like I did it to myself. So it wasn’t his fault he misunderstood. No matter the situation, he automatically assumes its NY fault. I’m exhausted from the memory alone. We are divorcing now. We have a child so “no contact” cannot be applied, but I try to limit his presence as much as possible. I am ready for the nightmare to end. It hasn’t just yet…but it will.

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    1. Annie, so typical of a narcissist, they assume every tragedy that strikes anyone else is an attempt to manipulate them. Thank God your father found you in time and you are ok.
      once you are free of him you will feel so much lighter and life will return to normal. Normal is wonderful!!
      To not have to deal with their warped reality is such a relief.
      Thanks for commenting and I pray your nightmare ends soon.
      You sound like you are well on your way to a wonderful new life.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on and commented:
    I just discovered this wonderful new blog, and like it so much I’m adding it to my blogroll (I list mine in the tab “Support and Info”). Like many survivors of narcissistic abuse, LadyWithATruck struggles with poverty and the judgment of others. I love the way she writes; her posts draw you in like a novel. She’s also funny. I had to laugh when I read about her trying to “unspam” a troll post she had just put in her spam folder–in order to show the world what a post by a narcissistic horse’s ass looks like. But accidently she deleted it.

    This post isn’t recent, but I loved it, so I’m reblogging it. It has no expiration date.

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