The Inevitable Happened

I don’t know how many of my followers noticed that I have received a couple of nasty comments recently; one from JC and then this morning one from a “Chuck”. I “spammed” JC’s right away and then regretted it because I thought his response was so typical of a narcissist I should have left it. I went into my spam to “unspam” it but using the small screen of my phone I accidentally permanently deleted it. Oops

Basically what it said was that I am a lying bitch, he called you all my “minions”; which I had to laugh about because he was always saying he needed minions.
He said that reading my blog made him * feel ……….. well ….everything but mostly sad. *his words.

He also said this (my blog) was unproductive. I beg to differ; anytime a blog receives daily comments such as:
Thank God I found this site, you literally saved my life.
Or
You are a God send, now I know I am not crazy.
It can not be called “unproductive”.

He also called you all F%*#ing Lemmings and said you should be ashamed of yourselves. So everyone hang your head in shame.

He also told me to never contact him again, he made that perfectly clear in his letter to me when he bought me the computer cord I said I needed. It appears that computer cord was supposed to absolve him of any wrong doing in the past and he feels I didn’t mention it in my blog so he mentioned it to show you all what a nice guy he is. He used to say to me that he didn’t understand why my family hated him; I must have told them horrible things about him. He would say, “Do you ever tell them the nice things I do? No!!”. In fact I went out of my way to mention everything he ever did nice; exaggerated it even in hopes my family would like him and I avoided saying anything at all bad about him. But they weren’t blind and could see the abuse with their own eyes.

Today the comment from Chuck said that he knew us and said that he was there for several of the events I have discussed and I am lying and he called me a “c&*t”. I only know one Chuck and he used to come over when JC was God knows where and we would compare the lies JC had told each of us and get to the truth. We used to laugh about it together. He mentioned in the comment that I had talked him into taking JC’s money twice. Chuck and I did a job for JC and got paid $15 or something ridiculous like that, we worked hours in sun. JC had me do up an invoice for the customer, I forget how much it was for now I think a couple hundred bucks. Almost a year later he still had the invoice in his truck. He had told me to get out but refused to give me any money to leave or let me take anything out of the house. I talked to Chuck and told him I was going to invoice the customer myself again and mail it. I told him that if he let me use his address as the return address I would split the money with him 50/50; which is exactly what we did. One time!
I did leave but went back; and have never heard the end of it since. That was 12 years ago. So I believe “Chuck” is actually JC especially since he called me by the pet name he had for me. Not just every one calls me a “C&%#”. πŸ™‚

My first reaction when I saw JC’s comment was guilt. It was my words that made him sad,but the more I thought about it (about 3.5 mins) I came to the conclusion that if JC was sad it was not my words but his actions that caused the sadness. But he is not sad, he is angry because I am not in a corner some where quietly licking my wounds grieving the loss of him.
He is not sorry for the way he treated me, he is not sad that he had a 10 year relationship with a woman who loved him unconditionally and she came away from it suicidal, destitute, and a shell of the person she used to be. If I knew that I had hurt someone that badly I would do everything within my power to make amends. But that is me, that is anyone with a conscience and a caring heart. But we wouldn’t be having this discussion if JC had either of those two things because he never would have abused me to begin with.

My 2nd response was fear; what would he do? I don’t know ( so if I die suddenly I am not suicidal ok?)

Then I reached my present state of mind.

I started this blog simply as a way to promote my company; I heard the best way to build business is by having a web site. But I couldn’t think of anything but the all consuming pain I was in. I spent days sitting on the couch, crying, staring into space, unable to read a book, watch tv, eat, work, I was barely able to breath.

When I attempted suicide I didn’t write any good bye letters, I didn’t make any last minute phone calls telling someone what I had done. The only thing I did was; at about 10 pm after I crawled outside to let Kato take a pee and could barely see to type I sent JC a text message asking him to come and get Kato about 10 am the next day because I had taken an overdose and Kato would need to pee.

JC never called, never called a friend or my mother to check on me, didn’t take the 5 minutes to call 911 and give them my address. When I came to the next day and realized I hadn’t succeeded I would have tried again but didn’t have any money to buy more pills. A mutual friend dropped by and said he had just had a call from JC asking him to go for coffee but he decided to come see me instead. JC was 10 minutes away from my place, knew our friend was going over to my place and never asked about me.
As if that wasn’t bad enough he still toyed with my emotions and led me on for another month until he moved in with his present conquest. And when I was upset he had told me he loved me on Wed and moved into her place on Thurs he chose to deal with it by telling me to kill myself because no man would ever want a psycho bitch like me.

There I was; alone; all alone, ashamed, beaten down, no one who understood, no way to support myself, at 52 years old a broken woman. The man I loved with all my being, who only a month prior had said, “You know us Babe, we always end up together, I don’t know why you get so upset.” knowing I was suicidal taunted me to kill myself. It was a defining moment; I had to choose to either live without him or die. I had more pills by that time and I sat there for hours looking at them, thinking, “If I can be reduced to this, a strong capable self sufficient attractive woman; what would it do to a young less confident woman?”

It was then that I decided to share my story in hopes that if there was some woman out there thinking she was crazy she would find some comfort in my sharing. I put as much information together as I could find, it gave me a purpose and it helped me heal and most of all it made me accountable. I was telling the world I was choosing to live, I couldn’t give up once I put it out there.

I had no idea what I was going to say, I was raw emotion some days, I was up but mostly down and then I got some followers, Tik Tok and Mysterycoach were two of my first and saw me through some of my worst times. Thank God they were there!!

The last, say 6 months or so this blog has taken on a life of its own. It is no longer “my” blog, it is where survivors of abuse meet up and share the road to recovery helping each other when one stumbles, encouraging, crying, praying, and most of all feeling free to speak about their experiences knowing they won’t be judged, ridiculed or told they shouldn’t feel the way they do. People come here and hear, “I understand, I have been there,” “OMG your relationship was just like mine”. I have received so much support, and yes good strokes from the people who have stopped by; I don’t know how I would have made it through til now without it.

To date I have somewhere around 200 followers and have had 42,200 hits give or take a hundred. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would grow like that. I am getting over 500 hits a day. That is alot of pain out there, and I am so gratified to be able to provide some light, some hope. I can honestly say something good came out of my pain, that out of a relationship filled with dishonesty, manipulation, and evil intentions something honest and positive grew.

I thought about closing down the site but I can’t, I would rather die than allow JC to intimidate me into anything every again especially something that is helping people heal from people like him.

I was going to change my settings so that every comment has to be approved before it is posted but that would defeat what we have going on here. People come here to share or give words of encouragement and it is posted immediately. I don’t want people who need support to have to wait, what good is that?

I have wanted to do a post thanking everyone for their patience because doing this all on my phone and not having the net where I live has meantΒ  I am slow replying. I hate not being able to give it my best but right now this is my best.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you brighten my corner of the world more than you know.
Carrie

44 thoughts on “The Inevitable Happened

  1. The Heretic

    I have no problem being called a minion. Especially when I think of minion I think of the image below.

    Nothing funnier than a liar calling another person a liar and then goes under another name to call the same person a liar. I’d rather be a minion/lemming than a wanker, thief, hypocritical, bullshit/con-artist, confidence destroying piece of shit.

    Hey JC! Suck a dick!

    Sincerely,

    The Heretic AKA The Vegas Lemming

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  2. The Heretic

    Reblogged this on Words From The Heretic and commented:
    When retards attack!

    And no I do not mean actual handicapped people, who probably have more intelligence than the person spamming Carrie’s blog.

    Carrie’s blog has come under fire from a retard who has a penchant for thinking he is “King Shit” when in fact he is just another wanker. As Mr. Garrison from South Park would say, “Let’s all point and laugh!”.

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  3. anon

    So typical him saying ‘don’t you ever tell your family the nice things i do’ i got that from my N all the time and he would purposely do ‘nice’ things and then say ‘why didnt you put it on facebook’ What a pathetic individual. Its been 3 months since I left mine and within 12 days he got with this poor cow who is extremley insecure and he is screwing her mind up as we speak. I hated her at first then I found this website and realised what he is and cannot believe how they say exactly the same thing these N’s, I just feel sorry for her now. My beautiful 4 year old daughter still asks for him (he isnt her dad though thank goodness) but when she asks for him its like a knife going through me. I went to town today and still half expect to see him in his pathetic car. My mum and friends have had enough about me being hurt about it now and i have done the no contact thing for 5 weeks now i am ashamed to say i begged and cried for him back before then and now last week i sent him a text meant for my friend (accidently on purpose) saying that i had someone new who was amazing and huge lol he fell for it and answered ‘i’m so glad that you are doing fine now, lol’ what an arse I just hope it is doing his head in thoughts of me with someone else (which isnt true although i have had a fwb recently) and i hope its killing him thinking that i no longer will be or am going to be a source to him even though it is still hard for me to keep up the NC but i have to do it for me and my sanity. Before seeing these sites i could not understand what was going on with me how could i be begging him back when for the last 6 mths of being with him i despiced him???

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Anon, they are all so much alike yet they think they are so special and unique deserving of preferential treatment just for being them. Don’t be too hard on yourself for begging him back; done it been there and didn’t bother getting the T-shirt. I prefer to remember it. I NEVER. begged a man in my life; but he had me so dependent on him and so emotionally twisted I didn’t know which way to turn. Black was white, everything I knew to be true was a lie; they twist every thing and reinvent history to suit their purposes at the time.

      Welcome to my blog; climb on board; we’re all on a journey of healing, we don’t have a map but there are no judgements made, we’ve all been there, and we are all going to be stronger and more beautiful for the journey.

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  4. J

    Oh Carrie, you hold your head high…the fact that JC and ‘Chuck’ have made comments means you still have some power…..you have not been forgotten…..just remember the only way to save yourself is NO CONTACT.
    They have a sickness and can’t be helped, stay on your path and don’t get drawn in again.
    This site gave me clarity when I was in a really bad place, I am so grateful that you and others shared your stories, it certainly helped me begin to heal.
    Recently I was told my ex was running around telling people that I had turned into a filth liar……and he had been ‘warned’ not to get involved with me……a clear case of projecting his weakness back onto me so he could save face with others. Really lets face it, he is not about to tell people that he lied, cheated on me, emotionally abused me and got thrown out because he lodged a profile on a porn site advertising for a casual discreet sexual relationship using his own name….!!!!
    Thank you Carrie for starting this site and when you see posts from him, just laugh and remind youself you have moved on….
    Hugs
    J

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      J,
      Thank you so much for the moral support. A few months ago it would have been devastating to me but not now. He’s been telling lies about me for years, even to my face and I never played that game, I figured I would just be myself and people would see he was lying. Really, he doesn’t have any friends except “her” friends and I know he lied to her about me; just like he lied about his past relationships to me. Poor JC, always so misunderstood and taken advantage of by psycho bitches. I said to him once that he must be really concerned about himself. He asked why and I told him, well either you turn women into psycho bitches or your are attracted to psycho bitches, either way you’ve got a problem.

      You’re right, he’s never going to admit to what he did, but they fail to realize that their lies eventually get discovered and then they look so foolish. I always knew he was in trouble at work when he started complaining profusely about every one at work. I took him lunch and a nice birthday cake and had Kato carry a couple of helium balloons to him a couple of years ago for his birthday cake(which happens to be today). He didn’t seem pleased at all then one of his co-workers said, “I take back everything bad I said about you”. I knew then that he’d probably been crying ghetto blues that I never did anything for his birthday and I always did. My birthday got totally ignored.

      Thanks again J, we are in good company here, this blog has been what got me through some really bleak times.

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  5. missouribeauty

    OMB! These jerks never change! Hey James, Chuck or whatever you’re calling yourself these days, ask me if I care what you think! On another note, Carrie, my heart aches for you! To think you were dragged down so far, you’d consider ending your beautiful self because of that asswipe! I wish I could help you! I hate seeing what you went through, and probably to a lesser degree still do because of the memories! Fortunately for me, I never got to invest 10 years in my psychopath! I hurt and I was down to be sure, but I had no intention of staying that way! Never again should you give any man that kind of power over your life! I shudder to think that I almost did! His very pathology is exactly what saved me! Liar, cheater, caught a victim/target with enough money and property to be able to support him in ways, I never could! But hey, Carrie, you’re out of that mess now, and I know you not only will survive, but you’ll come out of this better, stronger, healthier than ever! I believe in you! Big Hugs!

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Linda, you are always so full of encouragement thank you. When I think of that poor broken woman who felt she had nothing to live for I don’t see me, my heart breaks for her but she’s just someone I used to know, just like JC is someone I used to know; a life time ago.

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    2. ladywithatruck Post author

      I love you too Lizzie!! Oh gawd here I go crying again!! I had forgotten until you mentioned it. I am glad I was able to help, you are so special Lizzie, you inspire me!! You make me want a “do over” as a mom.
      Thank you, thank you for reminding me that I AM strong and getting stronger by the day. It hurts but he doesn’t shatter me any more, I was going to say I feel sorry for him but I don’t, he is a sorry excuse for a man.
      Haha did you see Michael’s picture of minions? They are so cute but lemmings are cute too, you can be “head lemming” Haha What a fool JC is.
      ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) back at you Lizzie
      love Carrie

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  6. marion

    Hi Carrie, I have only recently found this site, and it has made me aware that i am not alone and not mad. Thank you so much for starting it, it is nice to have support from likeminded people who have been or are going through these circumstances, please dont close it down. JC is trying to intimidate you because you are a much stronger person than he will ever be. Keep going and dont give in to him, lots love πŸ™‚

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Marion, thank you. When I started it I thought if I helped one person escape or avoid the abuse of a narc/pyschopath my experiences wouldn’t be in vane, little did I know how healing it would be for myself or how many people would find some thing of value here amongst my ramblings. I can’t shut it down now. Thank you for the words of encouragement. And welcome to my site!

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  7. Paula

    Even threatening letters and being taken to court to have a peace order filed against me won’t stop me from writing my blog and exposing My X for the narcissistic sociopathic abuser he is. I have been through hell because of the mental anguish and torture he inflicted on me and my son, torture and abuse we didn’t ask for or deserve. If the courts won’t prosecute him, I’ll find my own justice. My blog is my justice. This blog is your justice. This is where others find strength and courage to seek their justice. These blogs have the power to heal us. My blog along with this blog and many others like it healed me! I am a different person from who I was just a few months ago. I am in love with life again, something My X will never be. He can’t touch me. He can’t affect me. He can’t suck my spirit away. Your X is pissed because he can’t do any of those things to you EVER again either. We know the truth. We don’t need to defend ourselves anymore. We know why you write. You didn’t even need to write this post. Deleting his comment was the best thing you could have done because he doesn’t exist, not today or any day in the future. πŸ™‚

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Paula, thank you for the moral support! For so long I kept quiet, even looking the police right in the eyes and saying he never hit me. Did I think he would be grateful I didn’t send him to jail? all it did was show him he could do anything he wanted and I would be an accomplice in my own abuse. I stood up to him to protect his son and his sister but I did nothing to protect myself.
      He is thinking I am being vengeful by being honest; I guess he figured I would remain his doormat forever more. And why wouldn’t he believe that? I forgave him and took him back time after time.
      In all honesty this has very little to do with him; I so desperately want to get it through women’s heads that evil does exist; they are sleeping with the devil and they are not crazy, it is not their fault. These people are able to get away with their abuse because the victims are silent and society believes the mask they wear and blame the victims.
      I don’t give a dam about JC, I am so sick of his lies, grandiosity, and self righteousness, literally ill. He has left a trail of broken women behind him and when one of them died recently he came and told me and laughed because she had always resented that he and I were so happy. I suppose he thought I would be complimented that she was tormented that he was happy with
      me,but all I saw was how sick twisted he really is.
      I am sure he is working his gas lighting on his new victim and she is starting to wonder if she is crazy. She has so much to lose financially and thought she was so special, he manipulated her into giving him huge amounts of cash; now she would feel trapped; if she kicks him out she will never see her money; she literally has invested in the relationship. He has been working double time getting in good with her family and friends. If the truth came out it could blow it for him. But what he fails to realize because he is so busy manipulating the situation; is that if I was lying it wouldn’t affect his life at all. If he was leading an exemplary life, treating her with respect and everything was as perfect as he likes to project, no one would judge him by what I say. People would have to read my blog and go; OMG! I knew something wasn’t right now I know what he is doing. It is alot easier to make a person feel responsible for their own abuse if there is no proof that he has done it before.

      Anyway, there I went on another tangent!
      Thanks Paula, hopefully by speaking out people like you and me will take away some of the tools these parasites use to con their prey.

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  8. lizziecracked

    I love you Carrie, I never would have got through it if I hadn;t found you, I thought I was crazy – oh shit well yeah but I mean about him.. I was embarrassed until I saw your courage. You are an inspiration and safe haven, asylum. Remember when I got that awful letter comment on my blog on the Letter to The Woman Who Stole my Life? He was mad cause he couldn;t control me and make me stop and I coulda written anything I wanted to and dont let him bother you hun and if he does there are people here we can get to get him running with his tail between his legs… I can;t remember if you saw that post or not…… anyways.. you have tons of people who care and will be there if you need us…I know it still hurts… remember what you told me once..because when they were good they make it like what we always dreamed of having.. I wish I could give you a great big hug ((((((hugs)))))))) and I’m happy to be your lemming so there! suck eggs JC
    Love Lizzie

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  9. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    Wow, Carrie, I truly truly hope it doesn’t continue. If you have an nth of a notion what I’ve been through with my estranged sister & her vitriol, hate etc just foaming from her mouth, you’d KNOW I relate.

    I dearly hope JC/Chuck goes away. I wonder how he found your blog (I actually wondered how my sister found mine, as it doesn’t contain my surname). Air your heart, Carrie; like it or not, JC. How anyone can even imagine you’d set up a site to espouse lies….. now, THAT would be fruitless. An honest blog is the only blog, to me.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Noeleen, you are right, I have always tried to be honest if nothing else and raised my son to be the same; without honesty you have nothing. JC has built his life on lies, one leading to another one and that another bigger lie, always having to watch your back for fear your lies will catch up to you; always doing damage control, heading off someone that could blow his cover. Like I said to Paula if he was leading the wonder life he likes to project and if he had had the epiphany he says he’s had and is a changed man there is nothing I could say that would change that and if it did then they don’t have a very strong relationship. People aren’t going to all of a sudden condemn a person because they read the blog of an ex unless they see truth in it; plain and simple.

      Besides that no one would ever find my blog if they were looking for info on JC. If I wanted to be vindictive I wouldn’t have cut him out of pictures, I would use his full name and personal info. I know where he works , I could make all kinds of trouble for him, but I don’t. He likes to brag that he used to be with the Lady Witha Truck, I have people come up to me and say they met my ex; so maybe he’ll have to stop doing that.
      I don’t want to repeat what I just said to Paula(you wouldn’t believe how long its taken me to reply to these comments, I get a reply all finished and lose my internet connection, or my phone screws up and I everything it just took me an hour to type. I am so sorry I got this phone, my blackberry was so much easier to use)
      How he found it; THAT is my own carelessness. After I did the post about JC and I returning the wood stove to Barkerville I got a really nice long comment from a man whose father grew up with Bud Haddrell and the man had met Bud himself. I was thrilled to hear about how Bud really was because I had only imagined him from his journal and what I had could piece together. I did up an email forwarding the comment to a few people I thought would be interested; my son, etc and JC. I made sure there was no reference to my blog and just said “this is not snap attempt to open lines of communication I just thought you would find it interesting. (I still struggle with spending that much time with someone and sharing special times and never ever talking to them again. I can not hate him, I just can’t) but I immediately thought better of it and deleted it; or so I thought; until I got his comment. At first I was confused but then went and checked and sure enough he was still cc’d on the email.
      But that said; I had told him I had a blog months ago when he started showing up in Surrey where I cashed my cheques. One of the first times when he was apologizing for everything and crying etc I told him I had s blog and I was trying to help women who were in abusive relationships. I am sure he was so intent on his performance anything I said was of no interest to him, obviously. Also, I am known in 8 towns as the Lady Witha Truck; and I use my full real name so if someone Googles either one rheams of my posts pop up. So it wouldn’t be hard to find it. Originally I started it to promote my business so wanted to be very visible. When it became about narcissism I thought maybe I should change the name but iy was about me also, and my business, my life not just JC so I left it. I have even thought it might not be good for business, too personal, but it is what it is; it took on a life of its own and I’m just leaving it who knows there will end up.
      I am kinda nervous because he has told me he will stop at nothing to protect his new life and I believe him; he has a sugar momma and a pretty good life. But it is not my responsibility to protect that for him, if he does do anything to me he will just be proving me right.

      All I can do now is wait and deal with it as it comes. I know my motives, I can’t have had the experiences I did and not share them in hopes of saving some other woman. I feel a responsibility to warn other women and let them know they arn’t alone or crazy. No one ever changed things by being quiet and when a person speaks out there is always someone trying to stifle them.
      I know you just went through a terrible time with your sister. It must have been a bitterest victory seeing as it was your own sister you were defending yourself against.
      Hugs Noeleen
      Thanks for your support, we have had very similar challenges in life and we both seem to some away stronger for them.
      Carrie

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      1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

        Carrie, since you said how long it takes you to respond on your wee wee phone, & the internet cuts out etc, I appreciate so much more how much it must take it out of you to reply. Thank you for all of that, Carrie. Yes, I went through a terrible TERRIBLE time, someone I know bitterly targeting me, DEMANDING the email addresses of 400+ individuals, so she can write to them each, & direct them to her page set up deliberately to slander Daniel & me. She is clearly jealous of positive comments my way (go figure??), calling you all my ‘adoring readership’ & ‘fanbase’ & saying she’ll ‘fill in the gaps’ etc. When you are estranged from someone, to claim to know their life – particularly when they live 4000K away – is just slander! Ah sigh, what is wrong with people, I know not.

        I strongly recommend you don’t let JC sap your strength & positivity – and yeah, sure that’s easy to SAY, but I beg you not drop like I did, that someone I knew wished so much harm upon me. See it for what it is, Carrie – ugly human behaviour – & let him chase his tail. You, like me, have NOT disclosed the identity of the one referred to – we alike, have respected their privacy simply for being a human… deserved respect, or not.

        SINCERE SINCERE best to you x Noeleen

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        1. ladywithatruck Post author

          Noeleen, thank you so much!
          You know some days it is so frustrating! I will get in my truck and drive for 1/2 hr just to get the internet so I can comment or reply. I have had the police check to see what I am doing thinking I am dead in my truck because my head is down looking at my phone; one night no less then 5 times!!
          I wondered if I sent JC the email because of some subconscious desire to hurt him or have contact and then I told myself that dome times I analyze too much and it was just an accident. I screwed up, not the first time. I accidentally phoned my father at 10 pm a few weeks ago. I don’t know how, my phone was in my purse and I heard the voice mail come on so hung up but it registered on their call display. I haven’t talked to him in 20 yrs. He called me back and we talked, I told him i didn’t mean to call. I just went with being honest, shit I am not going to lie to save feelings any more. It was ok to talk to him, I’ve never hated him; but I know I am healthier and happier without him in my life on a regular basis. I don’t wish him ill, I just need distance from him. Its something in my gut.

          Doing this on my phone is so incredibly difficult and frustrating almost daily I think I should give it up, but I really don’t have an option. It is something I am drawn to do, its something in my gut again telling me I have to continue. Who knows, maybe some day I will unwittingly save s life. I might never know but I am doing this for a purpose unknown to me at this time. That’s how I truly feel.
          I think your sister and JC are jealous. Just the way your sister mocked your adoring fans and JC called my readers minions and lemmings sounds like sour grapes to me
          JC had a blog from 2007-2011 that I discovered while searching the net to see if he posted the videos he secretly taped of us having sex. In it he talked of his women and laughed about how suspicious I was and if I only knew about Angie, Janet, and others. He talked about his personal ad on POF and picking the top 10 and narrowing it down from there. Which ones he had sex with and all the while he was saying get loved me. It was quite the eye opener for me to see all my suspicions confirmed. In those 4 years he had 301 hits and no followers. I am sure he was shocked when he saw my blog. Just like with me hauling scrap, he liked to tell everyone that without him I never would have been successful. He did ok hauling scrap but he did alot of illegal things and was unreliable and never “made a name” for himself. He always resented that I succeeded where he failed and I am sure my blog is the same kind of thing. Your sister was happy as long as she thought you were struggling and “down” but when she saw you were succeeding and healthy and loved by the people who read your works she was jealous. I have known people like that before in my life; people who are supportive when you are down, say they want the best for you etc but then the minute good things start happening for you they shoot you down, sabotage you, criticize you; trying to keep you down. Its a control thing and for some reason they feel your success diminishes them. Its their problem unfortunately it becomes your problem when they take it as far as your sister did. Sad, for them and a very obvious sign of low self esteem.

          There is very little that I do in life where I don’t question my motives and make sure i am doing it for the right reasons; that way if I come up against opposition I can comfortably fight for what I know is right for me. This is right for me and I have no remorse or guilt associated with anything I have written here. I have even given JC koodoos at times. But it really is not about him just as your blog/book is not about your sister, or father or whoever; its about you and Daniel and your struggles, growth and insights. I always enjoy your posts and feel as if I am right there watching the scene unfold. I can always feel what you are feeling. You are very talented and that talent needs to be used.
          Hugs to you Noeleen
          Love ya!

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          1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

            Hi Carrie! πŸ™‚ How long did that take you to write, I do wonder!!

            Thank you for saying more, though. I do believe you have it in one: jealousy. It really astonished me. ASTONISHED. Reason it astonishes is because it hasn’t all been easy for me! May appear I’ve “come out on top” but mercy, God knows…

            Hey, what you said re JC & saying he narrowed it down to a top 10 – this is AMAZING, but when I was working at the Casino (first year out of marriage) i had a fling with a pit inspector who had ‘just finished a relationship’ and ‘she’ was one of the casino workers, & I would never know who…

            But he zeroed in on me, & coming out of 9 years one relationship, it was AWESOME to be desired, flirted with. We were together only a few months before he wanted “a week’s break”. I had NEVER heard of such a thing before, & perplexed as I was, I said OK (& ohhhhh suffered the week). After the week, I came to him after an all night shift – something like 4.30 am I arrived, parked outside, & waited until a ‘decent hour’ & we had sex. AFTER sex, he told me it was over, that he was going back to his woman. OH MY GUTS….

            But the thing is, I SO remember, when we were together, he showed me a photo album of casual and sexy shots of women. I said they were all very pretty. He said it was an album of all the women he had slept with !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x1,00000000000000000

            He asked could he take a photo of me, & as infatuated as I was, I so did not want to be in that album. If he could not bring me to mind by memory, I felt, then so be it, but I sure as F*K was not going to be one of those girls in the pages.

            Mercy, Carrie, so naiive I was, having met my husband to be at 17, then out in the real world. It was so gut churning. UGH.

            I wonder if he was a narcissist? It’s the very first times I’ve wondered. I actually wrote ‘The Horrible Illusion of Love’ about him, story boarded it & had a student crew help me express it. If ever you get to see my videos – you know, when you get a house on a hill, your happy dogs (PS, how is the underdog?), AND an internet connection, you’ll see snippets of that film.

            HAVE A BEAUT DAY, CARRIE. We’re all “getting there”, we women – we are πŸ™‚

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            1. ladywithatruck Post author

              Noeleen, funny you should mention the photo album! When I met JC he had one album for all his guitars, one for all his vehicles and one for all the women he had been with.
              I thought it rather strange but I chocked it up to being organized. But most people keep albums in chronological order. It was like the women were objects not people.
              He probably was a narcissist.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Rocksforbrains, there aren’t very many people in the world who haven’t experienced the abuse of a narcissist or don’t know someone who has. The problem is made worse by silence and ignorance, hopefully I am doing something to change that. I hope your friends see the light soon; if they do they will be welcome here.
      Thanks for the moral support. I certainly don’t feel strong but I guess I must be because I’m still kicking.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  10. TikkTok

    There’s an IP tracker you can install on your blog so you’ll know when it’s him and when it’s not (Jenni has used this one to track Tommy).

    Save everything and keep it documented. Make sure you have it backed up, too, so others can get to it.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Tikk, thanks for stopping by I know you are really busy these days. I do stop in to read your posts because they come in my email but I can’t “like” or comment without the internet.

      Anyway, yes. I remember Jenni saying something about that. If there is inequality thing I learned being with JC it us to journal everything and save it i learned a safe place. So far just the 2 comments but my hits jumped to over 800 the next day so U am sure he easier reading all my posts. He checked my Linkedin profile also. I am not going to be intimidated into stopping. He can take me to court.

      Thanks again for taking the time to stop in and comment.
      Take care
      Carrie

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  11. fatbastard

    I thought you said you werent suicidal?
    Then farther down you say you did try and have tried to kill yourself. I dont think people do it because someone told them to. They do it because they hate their life
    .or want to hurt those around them
    Sounds to me like you did it to guilt your ex and then got pissed because he didnt come running. Which means you no longer control him by knowing which buttons to push.

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    1. ladywithatruck Post author

      Fatbastard, what a nice name; JC used to use that name when he referred to someone he knew. What a coincidence eh? As for your observation that I said I wasn’t suicidal and then said I was. Let me talk you through this. I am not suicidal now. When I attempted suicide it was two full years ago, because the man I loved with all my heart had lied to me about everything, destroyed my business, and had the shop that was fixing my truck AGAIN take the fuel pump out because he said he had the one I needed and he would drop it off the next day. 5 days later still no fuel pump, I had NO money, no food, and I did not want to live, I have discussed it at length in other posts, if you are interested; which I doubt.

      I called him and asked him to come get the dog in the morning because I didn’t think anyone would even know I was dead for a couple of weeks and I didn’t want my dog to suffer. My family disowned me when I went back to JC so I figured it was the least he could do. I truly thought it was too late to save me, I waited to contact him until I could barely see or move. If I was doing it to push his buttons I wouldn’t have waited. I did think he would care enough to send someone, I didn’t think he’d let me die all alone. What cold hearted bastard would not take the time to dial 911? Anyway, I didn’t die and he came around all sorry about a week later and told me he loved me etc. It was over a month later that I discovered he’d been seeing several women. One of them he had to drive right past my place, he was telling me he was stopping because he still loved me but in actual fact he was coming to get money off me on the way to screw some other woman. I have also discussed this so won’t elaborate now. When the police called and told me where he was and I found out about this woman I was devastated and begged him not to do this. I was not suicidal then either, I was an emotional basket case though and I am not proud that I was begging him to not leave me. But did he give me the respect of telling me to my face he was dating, even when I had asked several times? NO. How did he handle it? By telling me to kill myself because no man would ever want me and that I made his life hell and his new woman was calm and rational etc etc. You tell me what kind of heartless, soul sucking bastard taunts a person to kill themselves knowing the person attempted suicide recently. That is like those kids that taunted Amanda to drink more bleach. Sick twisted, cruel beyond belief. And I think in Amanda’s case it did have something to do with why she killed herself. For me? His taunts showed me he was getting some sick ego boost thinking I would kill myself because of him. When I never wanted to die because I lost him; I wanted to die because of what loving him had done to my life. He had systematically destroyed my business, my support system, my self esteem and left me with nothing. To say I was just angry because I couldn’t control him any

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      1. ladywithatruck Post author

        Shows what a heartless bastard you are. His taunts hurt but I also realized how misplaced my love had been and to commit suicide would have played right into his plan. He would have milked it for everything he could, he would have been the grieving ex, telling everyone how sick I was, how guilty he felt and get every one feeling sorry for him and I would have been out of the picture and not have to worry about me revealing his nasty little secrets. But it didn’t work, knowing he was THAT unfeeling, that evil and cruel gave me the courage to live and to vow that I would do everything I could to prevent other women from suffering that kind of Pain and maybe something good would come out of my living hell.
        You know “Fatbastard”? In the future, if you don’t want to make yourself look like a heartless red neck fat bastard like JC you should read the article and get your facts straight first. Ibefore you start flapping your gums and making ridiculous statements that accentuate your ignorance; I hate wasting my time in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

        Thanks for your input James; um I mean Fatbastard.

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        1. Paula

          Fatbastard’s life must really be sad for him to be so angry to make such a disrespectful comment on your blog. People who have healthy happy lives are dedicated to making other people healthy and happy. We lift eachother up, not tear eachother down. Poor Fatbastard. Such a sad life spent projecting his ugliness onto others. πŸ™‚

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          1. twistedheart

            Poor soul-less, heartless Fatbastard. What a sad and lonely life you must lead. I agree with Paula..there is no room here for you and your negativity. Go spread it elsewhere.

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