Thankful For The Memories

I used to love all of the traditional holidays, and as much as I love Christmas and the decorations I think my favorite holiday has always been Thanksgiving. It was my favorite because you got the big turkey dinner, the family get-together and none of the commercialized gift crap.

I started a tradition at my Thanksgiving table that as we ate we would go around the table and everyone had to say what they were thankful for. It didn’t matter what had gone on in someone’s life they were still expected to come up with some thing.

Years ago before Kris was born Victor, my 1st husband had lost his brother in a tragic fishing accident. They had been fishing and drinking out on the lake in early spring so the water was extremely cold. The boat flipped, there were three of them and only two life jackets. Victor was going to swim for help, he was the most physically fit. Don was a big guy, couldn’t swim and was panicking so they got him in a lift vest first. Victor’s brother, Micheal,  was wirey and probably weighed 75 – 100 lbs less than Victor and had the other life jacket on. They decided Victor should stay with Don because he was stronger and could keep Don from drowning and Micheal would swim to shore for help.

Michel and he argued about the life jacket, Victor wanted Michel to wear it and Micheal wanted Victor to wear it. Micheal agreed to keep it on but he swam a ways and then turned and threw it back to Victor.

They waited and waited; it wasn’t that far to shore; but it was dusk and they couldn’t see if Micheal made it. Finally after calling out and not getting a reply Victor left Don and swam to shore. He ran down the road calling for Micheal, nothing. Then a truck came by and they hadn’t seen any one.

They got Don out of the lake, but they had to drag the lake the next morning and found Micheal, he had drowned only a few yards from shore; they figured he had succumbed to the cold. Victor had a horrible time dealing with his brother’s death and at the reception we had at our house after the funeral he ran off down the street so consumed with grief I imagine he was trying to out run it.

I went to go after him and my older brother John (a weight trainer, who was solid muscle) stopped me and said he’d go. A while later I saw the most heart wrenching scene I have ever seen; coming across the front lawn was my brother with tears running down his face packing Victor in his arms like a baby. He packed him into the bedroom and tucked him into bed.

That Thanksgiving my mom was cooking the Turkey and she thought it would be too painful for Victor to say what he was grateful for so she didn’t do it. When we got home Victor said,”We didn’t say what we were thankful for this year” I told him my mom didn’t think we should because it would be too hard on him. He said,”But I’ve been thinking about what I was going to say for weeks.” I told him to phone my mom and tell her.” So he did. Micheal loved the thankfulness thing and would have been proud of his brother.

Another favorite Thanksgiving was while I was living at Cultus Lake. It was a fall similar to this year, very warm sunny days and brisk cold nights. The salmon were spawning, the crowds of summer had left until next year, the lake was like glass and the full time residents were out walking enjoying having their lake back. I wasn’t going to do a big dinner, my mom and step dad were on vacation, my cousin had plans, it was just Kris and I and I was quite looking forward to not having a house full. Then my brother called and asked if he could bring a date for Thanksgiving dinner.

Me: Oh! uh! sure! See you tomorrow, whenever you get here will be fine.

I jumped in the car and ripped down the hill to buy a turkey. There was no time to thaw a turkey so I had to spend the extra money and buy a fresh one. It was bar none THE best Thanksgiving dinner I have ever eaten or cooked. I kept it simple, Brussels Sprouts in a cream sauce, home made stuffing, no sausage, or nuts; just good old fashioned bread stuffing with fresh herbs from my garden. mashed potatoes, sweet potato broiled with brown sugar glaze, corn, and my favorite casserole of broccoli, cauliflower and Durkee onions. I had everything prepared the night before so it was just a matter of popping things in the oven.

I put the bird in the oven and walked to the lake, stopping to have a chat with my girlfriend Tina on the way. She joined me for a glass of wine on the dock. It was such a beautiful day, so warm I decided to take a dip in the lake with my clothes on,and was just going up to the house looking like a drowned rat when my brother pulled up with his “flavor of the week”, a gorgeous model. I got changed and we went for a long walk, played in the playground.

My brother pushed me on the merry go round until I couldn’t walk and thought I was going to be sick, then we wandered home. I had no idea how long to cook a fresh turkey but before we even opened the door we could smell its deliciousness. Dinner was flawless and we ate until we had to undo our pants moaning and groaning asking each other,”Why do I always do this?” They stayed the night and I sent home leftovers for both of them. It was a glorious day.

This year I am thankful I have memories like that; so many wonderful memories.

Even the last year JC and I were together; he had told me he wanted me to move out, his sister was still staying with us and his mom had given us a turkey. The bird wouldn’t fit in our tiny oven so I decided to cook it on the barbeque. As always I made my own stuffing and this time I kept dinner really simple but it was so tasty. I wrote JC and his sister each a letter saying what about them I was thankful for. It was a very nice dinner, bitter sweet because it was like the last supper but we had good conversation even though JC had to say it was nice to finally get a decent meal. I went to bed alone.

In the morning there was a letter from JC on the table for me and he had shoved one under the door of his sisters bedroom. They were nice letters; too bad he didn’t mean what he wrote. Mine was blank on the first 1/2 and he started by saying,”I have no idea what I was supposed to write above.” Then he said he needed to change his attitude and promised he was going to change, things were going to change……for the better. Two weeks later he made us miss his nieces wedding.

Ah well. I am thankful I no longer hold false hope that he will change. I recently heard he has not changed at all. I’m not surprised but it is little consolation.

I am thankful I have healed as much as I have and I actually go days without crying.

I am thankful for everyone who visits my blog, them sharing their stories has helped me more than I ever thought it would and more than they could know.

I am amazed and thankful that I have had almost 43,000 hits and almost 200 followers. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would reach that many people.

Every time I check messages and there is one that says “thank god I found this site” or “You literally saved my life” I am thankful I started the blog and I am accomplishing what I set out to do.

I am thankful my son is working and happy, although I miss him horribly.

I am thankful he messaged me yesterday and said, “Everything is going to be ok. I love you” .
I messaged back. “Why do you say that!? Are you ok?? I love you too Honey”.
His reply: Lol I was being supportive; I know you’ve had a tough couple of years.
Me: Oh! Thank you but stop it! you had me worried.

I am thankful that my puppies love me.

I am thankful that I am not sleeping in my truck.

I am thankful I have hope for a better future because last year I didn’t have any hope. And without hope life isn’t worth living.

I am thankful I laugh regularly now.

I will be thankful when this weekend is over and I don’t feel so lonely.

     HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! to my friends all over the world. Tell me what you are thankful for this year or share a Thanksgiving memory.


16 thoughts on “Thankful For The Memories

      1. You’re welcome. We all feel that what you have to say needs to be heard, read, and/or seen. Even if some of us do not not know what it is like to be in your shoes it still has a profound impact that resonates very strongly. I even have my mom hooked because I read them to her whenever she is in the same room as I.

        (Hopefully that makes sense.)


  1. I see a lot of healing taking place in your Carrie. You are a very strong woman. I do admire and respect you tremendously!


      1. Hi Carrie, I haven’t seen much from you lately. I hope you are alright. I’ve been harassed lately by a stalker and trolls, so I’ve had to mix up things up a little to confuse them and throw them off my tracks. I have a new blog now. No focus for it yet. Just saying, I hope you well and doing okay. Best regards, Linda


  2. I am thankful for this chance to end a vicious chain of generational abuse and damage and to raise my kids with the encouragement and love and self esteem that they deserve. They are worth all of my suffering and my healing.


    1. Endless Supply, hello! Good to see you again! THAT is alot to be thankful for! what a great legacy for your kids and future generations. That is how we end domestic abuse, one person at a time says,”No more”. I’m proud of you Endless!!



  3. Carrie, you sound well these days and it’s just wonderful to see. Regarding the swimming to shore & the life jacket, I am overwhelmed, truly overwhelmed. WHAT HAPPENED, just, how can he swim fine, throw the jacket back & then WHAT HAPPENED? It’s just so unbearably a mystery. That would have been difficult to get over, to me.


    1. Noeleen, sheesh I know I replied to your comment days ago. Since I go my Android my internet is even worse than ever. At least with my blackberry I could reply and it would send as soon as I had an internet connection, now it just disAppears into cyber space never yo be seen again.

      Anyway; the water was deathly cold, there had been ice on it only weeks prior. They ice fish on this lake the ice gets so thick. So anyway that was one of the reasons they decided Victor’s brother Michel should swim because he was really skinny. Victor and his friend Don, were both fairly big guys, especially Don who was over weight, Victor was more muscular, Don was panicking because he couldn’t swim and Michel didn’t think he could keep him calm enough and Don might drown them both. Victor was by far the better swimmer. Also being so light Michel wouldn’t be able to withstand the cold like the other two and of course the ones that stayed in the water would be in the longest. There was no way they all could swim because of Don and at least they had the boat to hang on to. Michel should have kept the life jacket on but he was worried about his brother. It was the cold that got to Michel. I am not sure what happens to a person when they are swimming in water that is so cold. I know a person who freezes to death outside just goes to sleep. Victor never heard his brother call out so it is assumed he just went to sleep sort of. It was just too cold.
      A brother’s love for his brother, it was a tragic accident.


      1. Carrie, I really appreciate you filling me in because it was just so hard to imagine – but yes, now I can imagine. It is truly truly tragic. I am very sorry, Carrie, and to be honest, it sounds awful to have someone ‘slip away’ just like that.

        I’m sorry you had to type it twice … but I do appreciate now being able to understand! N.


  4. Michael, you read my post to your mom? Awwww gee I am really touched !! Give her a big hug for me and tell her I think she has an awesome son!! I have a post in mind and your family is part of it. I will have to get busy and write it especially if you are reading them to her.

    Hugs to the whole family from me and:)


  5. It has been a very rough year, even without the N.

    I am thankful for the family members who stepped up and helped me during a very embarrassing and trying time earlier this year.

    I am thankful for life in itself. There must be a reason I am here.

    I am thankful that I have learned not to let people push my buttons (as much). Things I would have flipped tables over are only worth an eyeroll now (growing up helps lol).

    I am thankful that I live in a beautiful state with beautiful weather and I’m not shoveling snow!

    I am thankful for all of the good food I will be able to eat on Thursday!

    I am thankful for online Black Friday shopping!

    I am thankful that more women are starting to wake up, say, “wait a minute, this relationship isn’t right” and desire to learn more about narcissism/abusive relationships.


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