I wrote my post “some facts and figures on domestic abuse” yesterday and then last night I read an article in my local paper about the new women’s prison that had its grand opening recently. Here are some excerpts from that article; it was titled “Get beyond ‘lock em up!’”
“People are starting to realize that prisoners should be treated with compassion and dignity.” “Terms like “reducing recidivism” and rehabilitation” were used over and over at the opening of the new maximum security area of the Alouette Correctional Centre for Women in Maple Ridge”
”Many women who come to the prison are in very poor health, often undernourished and with serious addiction problems. Programs in place at the prison help them manage their emotions and work on relationship skills.”
“There is talk of getting more educational programs at the prison”
“The ACCW inmates also have access to health care professionals,-nurses, doctors, dentists- looking after them and addiction programs to help them on the road to recovery”
“Women are especially vulnerable when they get on the wrong side of the law and having these services in place to help them prepare for their eventual release just makes sense.”
“Each woman in prison is someone’s daughter, sister, or niece, and sometimes someone’s mother.”
They “often have families waiting at the prison gates for them when they leave – and seeing and treating them with humanity will help them on their road to recovery and away from a life of crime.”
That is a wonderful attitude, very progressive, an “in the well being of society” attitude. The women going to this prison have committed a crime that got them a sentence longer than 2 years which means it had to be something fairly serious.
I did 10 years of hard time for a crime I never committed and there was no family waiting for me when I got out with nothing but my clothes.
All over the world women are treated worse than prisoners in their own homes for the simple crime of loving the wrong person and when they are released into society they often don’t have family waiting at the gate.
There is some thing iniquitous about women who have committed a crime being given more understanding, respect and compassion than a woman who was in an abusive relationship. Why is that? Because as a general rule society looks down on weakness, committing a crime is not viewed as weak, but being beaten, verbally assaulted and not leaving is viewed as weak.
If you read the comments of women who have come to this site you will see the many injustices committed against them by their partner and then the criminal justice system, society and often times their own families because of judgments that come from a lack of education about domestic abuse. Because these women aren’t criminals and don’t think like a criminal they don’t know how to manipulate the system, they expect to tell the truth and to be treated with respect and compassion.
Instead it is very common with narcissists that when the police get there they are calm, rational, and totally in control where as the victim is near hysterical, shaking, crying and finding it difficult to collect her thoughts. After years of abuse the victim’s emotions are raw, she is afraid, confused, distraught.
The police have been told by the narcissist that she is a psycho bitch that he has tried to tolerate, he will even say nice things like it isn’t her fault she had a lousy childhood, or he might even cry and say how much he loves her but just can’t take the abuse, he doesn’t know what she is capable of and he is at his wits end.
Nine times out of ten the police are men who of course respond better to the calm rational male than the hysterical woman. Once they are done talking to him anything she says has been tainted by his twisted version of the events and the woman is left trying to defend herself once again; this time against the very people who are supposed to be there to protect and help her.
The victim being the person that they are; caring honest individuals; only want what is fair and are often blindsided by the narcissist’s cruelty. The narcissist will resort to any underhanded maneuvers he can think of, slander the victim, harass her, turn her own family against her, make her lose her job, he will purger himself in court and the “system” plays right into his evil plot to destroy the victim. If he can’t have her (doesn’t want her or appreciate her) then he will make sure she has nothing any one else will want and nothing to live for. He doesn’t care what the laws say about equal division of property; what’s his is his and what’s hers is his and if he can’t have it then he will destroy it just so she can’t have it. The narcissist wants the pets, the children, and the money and property; and he won’t fight fair to get them.
Women have come in here and told horror stories about him charging her with abuse, not being allowed in the house to get personal belongings, being charged with theft for taking their belongings, losing custody of her children and the narcissist turning the children against their mother so that they won’t even talk to her. Women who were physically attacked by the new woman while he held the victim, women who if they are lucky have family who will take them in and the others end up in shelters or like me couch surfing or homeless.
On top of that he fully expects her to be as vindictive as he is, has anticipated any moves she might make and is very seldom caught off guard.
It is for certain a woman leaving a narcissist will never leave with more than she came into the relationship with and I would estimate that 90% of victims who leave their abusive partner live in poverty.
It is a proven fact that if a criminal leaves prison and receives no support from society in the form of medical, dental, counseling, compassion, respect and an education so they can find work they will go back to a life of crime. So why is it so hard for people to fathom that without those same resources the abused woman goes back to her abuser when he comes to her promising he’s changed?