I Can’t Say It Enough-They Don’t Change

The last time JC commented he said he wouldn’t be back and not to contact him again which was moving fine by me
This time he really spewed venom and told outrageous lies that sent me spiraling down into that same pit of self doubt and hopelessness I got so used to during the years I was with him. My stomach was sick, my hands were shaking, my mind racing unable to focus, panic, a feeling of impending doom gnawing at my gut. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten until my girlfriend insisted I eat some sheppard’s pie for supper. I had night mares of him and her laughing at me last night.

I have gotten good at self counseling but JC’s attack this time was especially volatile so it took a bit more talking to myself.

I know what I lived with, I have recounted it here in various posts; it was all the truth; his son, my son and his sister lived with us at various times so I have witnesses. I have police reports of abuse, I have neighbors who witnessed it, he got fired from every job he had, he was unfaithful, he begged me back numerous times and admitted everything he did wrong and I stupidly took him back and I paid dearly for it. I have letters in his own hand writing admitting fault and saying how much he loved me and promising to change. But now, according to him I always made his life hell and he had to tolerate my abusive behaviour. It is so hard to not defend yourself from accusations like that but as usual he spouted a bunch of lies and left without allowing me to respond.

I have put in the time recovering from the total devastation he caused in my life. He can say anything he wants, it doesn’t change facts or define me. The past predicts the future, every ex he has would have the same story I do. I have talked to two of them; (remember the one who died and he thought it was so funny that our relationship had bothered her so much because we were so happy and stayed together so long?) I don’t have any ex’s who would agree with his description of me and I doubt they would have much bad to say.

On here all we have is our word, he said, she said, he said, she said, it could go on for ever and we would never get anything accomplished because he has totally fabricated a different relationship; there is nothing I can do to change that. To continue on with this back and forth is juvenile and counter productive

I keep having to remind myself that I am not dealing with a normal individual who you can talk to and after some give and take come to some agreement or compromise.

JC made a threat in his comment saying that my business should ‘flourish” now that he has put information out on the net for everyone to see.

To me it is obvious he is being vindictive and this is not simply him trying to defend his name or get facts straight. Whenever two people are in a relationship there are two versions to the same event but when a relationship is based on lies and the other party continues to lie about every detail of the relationship it is impossible to resolve anything and the other person has to just walk away. I am just walking away.

I found his blog where he is spewing his venom, it is the same blog he has had since 2007 and the one that I found after we split that aided me in putting all the puzzle pieces together about the women he was seeing etc. He has erased all the posts previous to when he met his new victim because “Life didn’t start until he met her and anything prior to that doesn’t matter”. He goes on to describe the wonderful relationship they have and how wonderful she is and then goes on a tirade about all the ways I made his life hell. He is telling down right lies, saying my mom kicked me out of the house I was living in and I moved in with him two weeks after we met which is absolute bull shit. I moved in 6 months after we met and my mom did not kick me out, she sold the cottage after I moved out.

No…………, I am not going there. He is not pulling me back into his pit of despair and deception. I don’t want to know what he is doing or what he has to say, I had said I would send his comments to anyone who wanted to read them and I am reneging on that. I have met some people on here who I trust and consider to be a friend and I would send it to them but I have had requests from people I don’t know and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with strangers.

I chose to not moderate the comments made on here because when people comment they are looking for support and don’t want to have to wait for me to approve each comment; it would be rather counter productive when I want this to be a place where people can share without judgment and where they can go for support and get it.

I won’t be surprised if he spews again. Next time I will delete his comment immediately and ignore it.  After reading his blog I went to comment and he has his comments moderated so he is obviously not interested in any kind of resolution he is strictly out to destroy my reputation. He used my name and my company name. I have been very careful to not give any information that would bring people to my site if they Google his name because I was not being vindictive.

I was trying to help others involved in abusive relationships. Right from the start I have said JC would have his own version of events. I have used my experiences as a way of relating with people who come here, to show the various tactics narcissists use, and as examples of typical behavior for a narcissist, and it helped me deal with all the pain I was packing and release it, to feel strong again, to find hope again.

Once again I am to blame for every thing, I made him abusive, the reason he was always broke, the reason he cheated, he said he took me back over and over because I would have been homeless yet it was I who always took him in, I have the rent receipts to prove it, any one that knows us knows the truth. That is why now he says he won’t have anything to do with anyone who talks to me, how convenient; then there is no fear M will hear the truth from them and he doesn’t have to pay his step dad back.

Well I am ending contact with his step dad and mother so he can resume contact and live up to his obligations. He is a director for the North American Truckers Guild and another trucking association; I never emailed them to tell them what a scum bag he is, I have known where he works and never contacted his employer.

He has tried everything else and it didn’t work so now that he can see that he didn’t succeed in destroying me, he is resorting to slandering me on the internet using my company name in hopes it will come up when people Google it.

I think that says all anyone needs to know about his character.

He is also obviously jealous of my blog; on his blog he said it is obvious why I am not making much money I spend all my time blogging and I think I am the “Guru of Narcissism” because I get comments like “you saved my life” and “thank God I found your site” and he laughed.

He says in his blog and in his comment that he quit methamphetamine since being with M. He was quiting crack when I met him. He had told me he had quit. They drug test truckers so I believed him; but it certainly explains how he was able to stay up all night and why he was always so broke and I did find out about it close to when I was moving out
(my son walked in on him) but didn’t feel it was appropriate of me to mention it. And it wasn’t relevant information, it didn’t make any difference to how he treated me. He accused me of being a habitual user and that all my lemmings would now become users also. Once again projecting what he is doing onto me and making himself look foolish. I noticed he sent his comment at 4 am, rather a strange time for a normal person to be up on a Sunday morning, I was in bed. If he had come to me and said he had quit and was sorry for his treatment of me I would have understood but this is “confessing enough to make his lie seem real”. There are many things he has done that I haven’t mentioned on here because I didn’t feel it was right.

The ironic thing is, in the 5 years that he has had his blog he has had 207 views. I have had over 60,000 in less than a year. He has named my blog, I don’t know who would visit his blog but a normal person would visit my site to see what I am saying so he might actually be doing me a favor.
I am putting this to rest and carrying on with my life as usual. I refuse to feed his ego any further by responding or allowing him to get to me; I have come too far to turn back now. So my next post will be about my trailer and how that is progressing. Positive, no more negative, no more lies, no more manipulation, no more guilt or trying to defend myself. No more time wasted on some one who didn’t deserve the time he or love he got. I will not allow him to poison my life any more, he can rot in hell for all I care and I hope Karma bites his dick off.
ENOUGH!!!!!!

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16 thoughts on “I Can’t Say It Enough-They Don’t Change

  1. You have created a great website with great support and information on learning about narcissism; please dont allow JC to ruin it for you. Im glad you have decided you have spent enough of your precious time on what he has written about you. You do know thats a narcissist deploy. You fell a little, but you must carry on.

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  2. Carrie,
    ” But now, according to him I always made his life hell and he had to tolerate my abusive behavior.” -this is so familiar.
    Everyone on here is very familiar with this treatment. The reality of our relationships with all of these NPD’s have been twisted and turned on us until we don’t know which way is up. But here- we do know. Here- we know that the things we experienced where not made up in our heads…they were the sick actions of some very disturbed people. You know what really happened..and you know what?- We do too. We are not your lemmings. We are your support. You are ours. We are each others. I applaud you and support you. Don’t let him ruin and belittle all the progress you’ve made. You have made some really positive steps forward, so please continue to focus on that. Don’t let him bring you down. You know I am still in the beginning of this whole process, but without you and the others here that understand…I don’t know what I would do.
    I believe in you. We all do:)

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  3. Just curious, has he ever seen a lemming? Would he be able to pick out a lemming from a potato, tuna casserole, a rat, a mole, a vagina, a cauliflower, a dildo, a badger, a toad, a can of vacuum, muffler bearing, turn signal fluid, and a jar of Vick’s Vapor Rub in a police lineup? Does he think by saying it that we will magically become users of some kind? Did he manage to specify what we will be using? A toilet? A plunger? A cricket bat? A croquet mallet? A squeegee? Rubber gloves? What?

    You know! Because of that fast wit and DIZZYING intellect I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to turn into a user of? Will I be using a pogo stick?

    I use the internet that is one thing I use. I use a television, a car, a music stand, a microphone, a computer, a bed, a chair. I feel like such an addict…oh wait! Sorry, that’s the chocoholic in me. Oh gee! Could he possibly mean that? Could I OD on a couple of bars of chocolate? I mean I have been on a two chocolate bar a day habit. OH SHIT! I might have to check myself in to a Hershey’s Rehab and then a Cadbury Rehab. Oh man! Who knew how bad chocolate has become for you! I am such an addict do they have C.A. yet? How do I break it to my family in a gentile way so as to not crush their dreams of me becoming a gas station attendant in outer space? Their fragile hearts won’t be able to take it! Am I going to appear on that show intervention? I didn’t even know they covered chocoholics!

    Don’t let him and his bullshit get to you. Focus on the happy, stick to your guns and what you are doing to make life for you happy. He’s just mad because leper end up either falling asleep or tearing off their own limbs so they don’t have to read the boring drivel he probably writes.

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  4. You are better off without him carrie, and thats what his massive ego does,nt like. I thought I was going mad, until I came across your wonderful site, and then I found out that others have gone through just the same. So a big thank you for starting this site, Have faith in yourself and god,, focus on your wonderful trailer, it will be beautiful. God Bless You, Keep strong!!

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  5. The single *best* way {yes, I’m a broken record :lol:} to deal with people like this is to ignore them completely. We only respond to people we care about; who matter to us. To do anything else is to sink to their level and honestly, it’s not worth the trip down.

    The only other thing I want to add is that no one can make someone do or behave a certain way. We- each of us– are in control of ourselves; what we say; what we do or not do; how we behave. Yes, we react to others’ actions- as in, if someone hits us, pushes, etc, it’s a natural reaction to protect ourselves.

    If someone feels someone else is “making” them do something, they need to remove themselves from the situation- period. I know it’s easier said than done, but really- the only way to end the situation is to remove oneself completely from it.

    😀

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  6. Poor guy. He obviously NEEDS you if he keeps leaving comments on your blog. He needs you to feel as worthless and alone as he feels. That’s what they do, remember? They project. They have zero identity and are miserable and try to convince us that we are, too, so they aren’t so alone in their misery. I have been seeing this trend the past few weeks: narcissists are commenting and accusing everyone who is onto them of being lemmings or being miserable or being incapable of getting over what they erroneously describe as our sad, sad broken hearts. Haha! All they are doing is validating EVERYTHING we have come to learn and discover about their characters. They have unknowingly become our guinea pigs, and it’s a wonderful thing! And they can’t control themselves. They really can’t. 🙂

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  7. Carrie, I am glad you are done with him and won’t respond to him anymore. You won the battle. That’s all you need to know. He is nothing. He is pond scum. Lower than pond scum. Leave it be at the bottom of the pond. Karma’s a bitch. I have found that out with my ex, and my ex-boss. Let Karma and God take over now! Stay strong dear lady.

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  8. I hope your business does flourish. Wouldn’t it just get his goat. Your business is a testament to your survival. So is this blog, and so is your constant determination to let the lonely know they are not alone.

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  9. All of you are wonderful!!!!! Thank you so much for the support!! It amazes me that he still can get to me, I can be so no nonsense when talking to someone going through it but when it came to myself I crumbled again. BUT not for long.

    I am too busy with much more important things, I don’t have time to go into it right now but exciting news on all fronts. I get my teeth finished Friday”!”” picture to follow. I have 3 options for pads for my trailer and heard of another trailer that is in better shape and i can probably rent to own; will know more later today. I found my dream lot at Everglades though.and will post pics later. I talk to strata morrow because they don’t allow year round rentals in there any more nut if I was to rent-to-own then I would be an owner and could live year round

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  10. I have some new irons in the fire work wise and did up a new flyer for work
    I have started my letter to the premier of BC about the lack of resources and information on domestic abuse and have decided on a new career that i can start as so as I am settled and have the internet etc.

    My son will be here in less than 2 weeks.

    I will post later with pics but I wanted to take a minute to say thank you I appreciate you all so much and let you know I got back up swinging 🙂
    Hugs to you all you little lemmings! 😉

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    • Joe, I’m afraid not because they just don’t care. If you do something in revenge they use it to justify why they hurt you to begin with. “See?! That’s what I had to live with!” If you cry and tell them you hurt me, they see it as weakness and want to hurt you again just to prove they can. The best way to “get even” is to live a good life without them, because they hate to be ignored or to think anyone can be happy without them.

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  11. Again, I have just started reading your blog so I am not “in the know”, but how did he even find your blog? And once he did, why would he even respond to you since you have made him anonymous and if you ARE lying, why would he care?!

    Shouldn’t he be off with his new woman doing whatever it is perfect couples do on a daily basis? What type of person (HAPPY person) finds the time to belittle a “worthless” ex?

    Oh and God forbid you have friends or people that like you and your writing style. Oh noes. We can’t have that. Carrie might think she’s actually smart. Or witty. Or worth something.

    JC is a crackhead idiot and an abusive douche who is not happy with the new woman because he isn’t happy with himself.

    Keep going Carrie. He is trying to hold you back because he can see you are getting your strength back and he cannot stand it!

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