The last time JC commented he said he wouldn’t be back and not to contact him again which was moving fine by me
This time he really spewed venom and told outrageous lies that sent me spiraling down into that same pit of self doubt and hopelessness I got so used to during the years I was with him. My stomach was sick, my hands were shaking, my mind racing unable to focus, panic, a feeling of impending doom gnawing at my gut. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten until my girlfriend insisted I eat some sheppard’s pie for supper. I had night mares of him and her laughing at me last night.
I have gotten good at self counseling but JC’s attack this time was especially volatile so it took a bit more talking to myself.
I know what I lived with, I have recounted it here in various posts; it was all the truth; his son, my son and his sister lived with us at various times so I have witnesses. I have police reports of abuse, I have neighbors who witnessed it, he got fired from every job he had, he was unfaithful, he begged me back numerous times and admitted everything he did wrong and I stupidly took him back and I paid dearly for it. I have letters in his own hand writing admitting fault and saying how much he loved me and promising to change. But now, according to him I always made his life hell and he had to tolerate my abusive behaviour. It is so hard to not defend yourself from accusations like that but as usual he spouted a bunch of lies and left without allowing me to respond.
I have put in the time recovering from the total devastation he caused in my life. He can say anything he wants, it doesn’t change facts or define me. The past predicts the future, every ex he has would have the same story I do. I have talked to two of them; (remember the one who died and he thought it was so funny that our relationship had bothered her so much because we were so happy and stayed together so long?) I don’t have any ex’s who would agree with his description of me and I doubt they would have much bad to say.
On here all we have is our word, he said, she said, he said, she said, it could go on for ever and we would never get anything accomplished because he has totally fabricated a different relationship; there is nothing I can do to change that. To continue on with this back and forth is juvenile and counter productive
I keep having to remind myself that I am not dealing with a normal individual who you can talk to and after some give and take come to some agreement or compromise.
JC made a threat in his comment saying that my business should ‘flourish” now that he has put information out on the net for everyone to see.
To me it is obvious he is being vindictive and this is not simply him trying to defend his name or get facts straight. Whenever two people are in a relationship there are two versions to the same event but when a relationship is based on lies and the other party continues to lie about every detail of the relationship it is impossible to resolve anything and the other person has to just walk away. I am just walking away.
I found his blog where he is spewing his venom, it is the same blog he has had since 2007 and the one that I found after we split that aided me in putting all the puzzle pieces together about the women he was seeing etc. He has erased all the posts previous to when he met his new victim because “Life didn’t start until he met her and anything prior to that doesn’t matter”. He goes on to describe the wonderful relationship they have and how wonderful she is and then goes on a tirade about all the ways I made his life hell. He is telling down right lies, saying my mom kicked me out of the house I was living in and I moved in with him two weeks after we met which is absolute bull shit. I moved in 6 months after we met and my mom did not kick me out, she sold the cottage after I moved out.
No…………, I am not going there. He is not pulling me back into his pit of despair and deception. I don’t want to know what he is doing or what he has to say, I had said I would send his comments to anyone who wanted to read them and I am reneging on that. I have met some people on here who I trust and consider to be a friend and I would send it to them but I have had requests from people I don’t know and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with strangers.
I chose to not moderate the comments made on here because when people comment they are looking for support and don’t want to have to wait for me to approve each comment; it would be rather counter productive when I want this to be a place where people can share without judgment and where they can go for support and get it.
I won’t be surprised if he spews again. Next time I will delete his comment immediately and ignore it. After reading his blog I went to comment and he has his comments moderated so he is obviously not interested in any kind of resolution he is strictly out to destroy my reputation. He used my name and my company name. I have been very careful to not give any information that would bring people to my site if they Google his name because I was not being vindictive.
I was trying to help others involved in abusive relationships. Right from the start I have said JC would have his own version of events. I have used my experiences as a way of relating with people who come here, to show the various tactics narcissists use, and as examples of typical behavior for a narcissist, and it helped me deal with all the pain I was packing and release it, to feel strong again, to find hope again.
Once again I am to blame for every thing, I made him abusive, the reason he was always broke, the reason he cheated, he said he took me back over and over because I would have been homeless yet it was I who always took him in, I have the rent receipts to prove it, any one that knows us knows the truth. That is why now he says he won’t have anything to do with anyone who talks to me, how convenient; then there is no fear M will hear the truth from them and he doesn’t have to pay his step dad back.
Well I am ending contact with his step dad and mother so he can resume contact and live up to his obligations. He is a director for the North American Truckers Guild and another trucking association; I never emailed them to tell them what a scum bag he is, I have known where he works and never contacted his employer.
He has tried everything else and it didn’t work so now that he can see that he didn’t succeed in destroying me, he is resorting to slandering me on the internet using my company name in hopes it will come up when people Google it.
I think that says all anyone needs to know about his character.
He is also obviously jealous of my blog; on his blog he said it is obvious why I am not making much money I spend all my time blogging and I think I am the “Guru of Narcissism” because I get comments like “you saved my life” and “thank God I found your site” and he laughed.
He says in his blog and in his comment that he quit methamphetamine since being with M. He was quiting crack when I met him. He had told me he had quit. They drug test truckers so I believed him; but it certainly explains how he was able to stay up all night and why he was always so broke and I did find out about it close to when I was moving out
(my son walked in on him) but didn’t feel it was appropriate of me to mention it. And it wasn’t relevant information, it didn’t make any difference to how he treated me. He accused me of being a habitual user and that all my lemmings would now become users also. Once again projecting what he is doing onto me and making himself look foolish. I noticed he sent his comment at 4 am, rather a strange time for a normal person to be up on a Sunday morning, I was in bed. If he had come to me and said he had quit and was sorry for his treatment of me I would have understood but this is “confessing enough to make his lie seem real”. There are many things he has done that I haven’t mentioned on here because I didn’t feel it was right.
The ironic thing is, in the 5 years that he has had his blog he has had 207 views. I have had over 60,000 in less than a year. He has named my blog, I don’t know who would visit his blog but a normal person would visit my site to see what I am saying so he might actually be doing me a favor.
I am putting this to rest and carrying on with my life as usual. I refuse to feed his ego any further by responding or allowing him to get to me; I have come too far to turn back now. So my next post will be about my trailer and how that is progressing. Positive, no more negative, no more lies, no more manipulation, no more guilt or trying to defend myself. No more time wasted on some one who didn’t deserve the time he or love he got. I will not allow him to poison my life any more, he can rot in hell for all I care and I hope Karma bites his dick off.