A Reason To Smile

I have had practically no sleep but I tried going to bed several times and was woken up by nightmares 2 times and then Laila decided she wanted to play and started pulling the covers off me; little bugger! You can’t help but love her though.

What do I have to smile about??
Well for one thing I think I solved the problem with JC commenting thanks to Melanie.

#2. I went to go unto his blog to copy his post where he used my name as evidence to take to the police. It appears it has been removed. I am cautious about getting too happy about it because I’ve never seen him back down that quickly or back down at all to be honest; not with me anyway.

I did send him an email the same day he had commented, before I even found his blog again. All I said was to think long and hard before he starts slandering me and my business. That I had been respectful enough to not put his name or affect his ability to make an income and the law would not take him trying to destroy my business lightly. I told him to have no doubt that he will not bully me into silence again and I would seek restitution in court. I said if we go to court you can be assured EVERYTHING will come out and I WILL have witnesses.

Recounted a couple of events and I reminded him of his professions of undying love and lying to me about him dying, the girl in Africa who he got pregnant and told him he really doesn’t want to go there.

I told him I have gone on with my life, he probably has found the perfect woman for him and that I could have never been that for him. He should get on with his life and not put himself back in mine.

I don’t know if it had any effect but the blog is gone; for now.

I get my teeth finished today!!! I am so excited and nervous. I got my hair cut (I have cut my own hair for 12 years) and dyed it last night at my girlfriend’s house and had a nice shower and did laundry.

I had a good day yesterday all in all, made $350 which is great seeing as I owed $125 on my phone and $100 for hydro. I bought some groceries also.

In my town they recently passed a new law that says all business now have to recycle anything recyclable. I took it upon myself to do up a brochure I am going to hand out to all the businesses in town saying to support their local small businesses and that I deal with CCon Steel; a local small scrap yard. I showed it to the owners at CCon yesterday and they were very pleased. They gave me a Tim Horton’s gift card when I walked in as a little appreciation for my business gift so it was perfect timing that I had the flyer to show them. I wanted to make sure they didn’t mind my name associated with theirs, but they were thrilled so this could be profitable for all concerned. The owner is a really nice hard working young guy who really is trying hard to make it honestly in a cut throat industry where breaking the law is common place.

While I was at the scrap yard I got my usual “Hey Lady Witha Truck!” from the guys. One of them I asked, “how are you today?” and he replied, “great now that I’ve seen you”. You know people get you through the tough times. Like on here, all the support, genuine caring and concern overwhelms me some times. I really feel blessed to have stumbled upon this blogging thing; I have been helped way more than I have helped others. I am blessed.

Everyone is so happy for me that I am finally going to be able to smile without feeling self conscious. Its been so long.

I am throwing some offers out there to see where they land and then play the cards I am dealt. I guess you could say I shuffled the deck. I wrote up an offer to purchase my dream lot at Everglades. I figured it out using a mortgage calculator at 5% interest, for $40,000 paid bi-weekly over 5 years. I forget right now what the exact payment amount was but around $700 a month. Banks won’t give loans on property in there because it is zoned strictly recreational and its in a flood plain, so he is going to have a hard time finding a buyer. He doesn’t really need the money; who knows, he just might bite. That’s how I got mtg first truck. $100 and a promise to pay it out in a year. You never know.

Also I am doing up my resume and handing it in to CCon in case they are looking to hire an outside sales person. There is an area north west of Vancouver, Squamish; a small town on the way to Whistler that I love!! JC worked up there years ago and I fell in love with it then. There was a lot of scrap up there then and recently I talked to a young guy who told me I should be going up there. He goes up and comes back with a full load every time. He said he thought I’d do really well. I lost my big truck and my small one doesn’t haul enough weight to make the trip worth while. BUT if CCon wanted to get into that area before any of the big scrap yards do I have a home on wheels and would be willing to go up there and get things started; all they have to do is rent a small yard and a big bin.
Who knows something might come of that.

Also I am almost finished my letter to the premier of BC where I present my ideas on helping women get back on their feet after an abusive relationship. The provincial government recently announced they are prepared to invest a substantial amount of money into resources for abused women. Some thing might come of that!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot; my latent painting talent? As soon as I move and have room for a small painting studio I am going to start selling my artwork on here and give 20% to my own charity for abused women.

Now that gets me excited!!

Well I best get dressed. Have a great day all!”

Love ya!!
Hugs
Carrie

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17 Replies to “A Reason To Smile”

  1. i understand the sleep thing, i have to face my ex in court soon, and my subconcious keeps running on with all the lies hes told and gonna tell. waking me up.i have to stop it running and have faith things will turn out for my good. nobody understands the stress unless they have had a dysfunctional ahole mess with their lives like we have. I wish you warmth soon. cant you make a campfire and enjoy it with your dogs.

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    1. Dee, you’re right no one can understand the stress of dealing with one of these assholes. They are far more conniving and sneaky than any normal person so you have to be super vigilant and think of things he might do to undermine you, what lies he might come up with and prepare yourself. Remain calm and in control faced with someone straight faced lying to you or about you. Its enough To drive a sane person crazy.

      Good luck with that, my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

      I used to not be able to sleep if I was stressed then with JC after a while I started willing myself to sleep because if I was awake he would keep needling at me and wouldn’t let it drop until I absolutely lost it. So I would sleep to avoid dealing with him. I slept a lot!!! Haha
      But now that I am away from him I tend to stay awake, more because I will fall asleep and then have a dream/nightmare with him in it and wake up crying. Its been months since I had those kind of dreams but just those few comments from him, his viciousness, his cold callous blatant lies bring back the old familiar feelings of helplessness because I know there is no arguing with him, he will never admit to any thing. It brought it all back. God he is evil.

      Thank God it doesn’t have the lasting effect it used to and I bounce back much quicker the longer I am away from him.

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    2. I forgot to say building a campfire with the puppies is not doable. It has been pissing, torrential rain for a couple of weeks plus we have coyotes that come out at night and I don’t like the dogs outside after dark. Coyotes are tricky buggers and one will entice a dog out into the woods and the pack will be waiting and attack the dog. Kato’s siblings kill coyotes all the time but a few of them haven’t come back either. Kato would fight to the death to protect me and Laila and laila just wants to kill everything that even remotely resembles a dog I have to be very vigilant and when they both want to go it takes all the strength I have to hold them back. Both of them have at one time or another broken their choker chain and gone after a dog. Laila broke her choker chain when I had her tied to a tree on the upper level of a customers yard. She saw their dog and ran, I was laughing to myself thinking, “You are in for a shock when you hit the end of that rope”. Well it was me that got the shock when she hit the end of the rope and kept going! She never even slowed down, her chain broke and she ran right off the end of a 7- 8 ft drop straight down to the lower level and kept going. Luckily the guy had his wits about him and grabbed his dog. Laila was like a snapping turtle jumping trying to grab his dog out of his arms. She is scary! Her momma was like that and her momma put the run on dogs 5 x’s her size. I don’t want the coyotes to get hurt. Haha just kidding!

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    1. Thank you Lexi, it is very symbolic actually. Taking things other people have discarded as useless and of no value, broken things and giving them new life as a beautiful piece of art to be treasured. Much like the women who come here after being discarded by a narcissist, feeling worthless and broken. All they need is a little TLC and their beauty will shine through again; maybe not exactly they way they were before but different and perhaps even more beautiful and valuable than before. 🙂
      Thanks for stopping by Lexi, its always good to “see” you.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  2. I can relate to the dreams. Had one about my N ex last night. I thought we were still together, woke up, realized we weren’t and couldn’t go back to sleep.

    I have just started reading your posts, but may I ask why you still speak to him? I understand that he is saying/doing nasty things, but are you not implementing No Contact?

    Then again if an ex of mine was saying or doing nasty things, I would react as well, but isn’t that what the N wants, a reaction?

    And thank you for welcoming all of the women (and men) who have been D&D. I think it is hitting me today that this is what occured in my “relationship”, 48 hours later. 😦

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    1. I don’t talk to him. After we were split a year he showed up where I cashed my cheques and started showing up where I lived unannounced. I asked him not to and said I couldn’t be his friend. He said the let things play out I didn’t know where things were going. I thought oh yeah I do and I’m not going there again. So I emailed his new woman the same letter I sent him telling him to leave me alone and then I stopped going to the same place I always did to sell my scrap. It was so much easier knowing he wasn’t going to show up unannounced. Then he dumped me again LOL I had just told him to leave me alone and he wrote me a nasty letter saying he had found the woman for him and I should get on with my life and not contact him again. I think that was the first thing we agreed on in years!!

      Then about 8 months later he shows up here and started telling a bunch of lies and was spouting off on his blog using my name and company name so I emailed him and told him I would charge him and see him in court. Then his blog disappeared and he started coming in under different names. Yes he’s healthy, it was all my fault! I was the psycho! I didn’t know you could block someone on here but you can kinda, I blocked his name and his email addresses and his IP number but he started using different names, emails and would drive around using other people’s IP numbers from his laptop. So I switched my settings so that the first time someone comments it goes to moderation, once a person has had a comment approved then their comments aren’t moderated any more so now I can at least catch them. I am keeping track of all of it just in case I need it for a harassment charge or whatever.

      If he’s so happy why doesn’t he go to bed with his amazing woman and leave me alone!! Because he is a psycho narcissist that’s why. LOL

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      1. Thanks for taking the time to explain.

        Of course he only sent the nasty letter because his new woman wanted to know what the hell was going on, why you were sending her letters and why was he talking to you. He had to make it seem as though YOU were the crazy one.

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        1. Of course! Just like he always told me his ex’s were crazy and he tolerated so much from all of them. And I felt sorry for him and he was telling me how I was so different from all the others making me want to prove how different I was just like she is now proving how different from me she is. Not causing conflict or accusing him of screwing around, giving him money because all the other’s bled him dry.

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      2. haha.. i feel the same way. if my N thinks that i made his life hell and made him suicidal (which is b.s. of course), why does he contact me? i never contact him. i have, as you know, responded…but never initiated. even after telling me to get off his property last week and calling me a lunatic and the worst person ever…he again initiated contact. even after ive told him today i have no feelings at all where he is concerned, he still asked me to meet him. gee, think something doesn’t add up? they know we aren’t the people they make us out to be. Sick.

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        1. Ok Carrie. I broke NC. Wait wait wait. Before you get angry. Lol. I broke NC and I am GLAD I did.

          This idiot. This fool told me that he didn’t love me anymore. That he thought he did but now he doesn’t. I was speechless of course. And yes he said allll of this in a text. He was colder than he was last week. But this time I said f*ck it! Lol

          I blocked his number, his ability to text me (I had to turn of iMessages which sucks, but in a month or two I will turn them back on) and now I have to figure out how to block his email. I am back on Twitter and when I talked to all of my old “tweeps” I felt free Carrie. I no longer felt that pain in my chest, in my stomach. I felt free.

          Will I still be sad about what could have been? Sure. But talking to him was my reality check. He was NEVER the man that I knew months ago. He spoke to me as if I killed a family member. His reaction didn’t match the situation.

          I am not saying that others should break NC, but for me it gave me clarity. It’s over and he is a sick twisted sadistic man. Fat ass. Sorry. Lol.

          Anyway, I am not even counting the days as NC. I am counting them as Freedom. Because I am free and I can finally breathe.

          Like

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