I Can NOT Believe This!!

I can NOT believe this, it is simply beyond comprehension and I am about to lose it completely!! That is why I am blogging right now, to try and calm down and breath!

As you all know I live in a VERY small trailer, if the dogs need to go pee and we are all at the door there wouldn’t be room for another person to stand. I always sit at the table with the heater beside me. The table is where I do everything. I eat, blog, do my makeup, remove my makeup, take out my contact lens and put in my contact lens.

There is no where to lose anything. Its impossible because there is only one place it would be, on the table and IF it isn’t on the table it will be on the floor under the table. Granted the place is a pig sty because I don’t have enough room to store everything, especially since its winter and I have boots and heavy coats, sweaters etc. This trailer was made for a 2 week vacation when you are wearing T-shirts and shorts. So I spend most of my time at the trailer frustrated and tripping over things or bumping into things.

This morning I was taking Dee’s comment to heart and trying to research on the net how to get published in certain magazines; which is an exercise in frustration in itself. I don’t have consistent internet or cell service and lost my connection for the ump teenth time and decided to forget it and received a messaged saying Home Depot called 2 hours ago, I have a voice to text feature on my plan because that way I can read my voice messages and they needed a pick up asap!!! Damn!!! Two hours ago!!

I jump into high gear and go to put my contact lens in and I can’t find them. I have torn the trailer apart! Where could they be? I pulled everything out from under the table, everything off the table, removed the seat cushion, swept the floor, nothing!! It is F’n ridiculous!!! I know I had them when I got home!! I know I took them out!! I know I took them out while sitting at the table. I also know that Laila has stolen a pop tart off the table in the middle of the night and she loves to chew anything and every thing!!

I know I am blind without them, I can’t even phone Home Depot to say why I am not there, I don’t have the money to replace them and couldn’t drive down the hill without contacts even if I did have money!

You all must get sick of my bitching, I know I do!! But good grief!! Give me an flippin’ break God!! This is too much! I fail to see the humor.

To top it all off we are into like day 10 of constant rain.

Well, I am going to rip the bed apart now and hope I find the contact lens case intact in there. If not Laila is going to be having an uncomfortable pooh later on!!


15 thoughts on “I Can NOT Believe This!!

  1. ahh hope you find it! dont you have a public library near you to be on the internet where its warm, and you can do research? ask a neighbour to do you a huge favor, and drive you. sometimes we need to cry out to people. ask everyone around you now. cry out in frustration ask for help you need it.


    1. Dee, I don’t have any neighbours to ask! The few I do have work all day and are gone. Yes there is a library in town but I don’t need it. I have a laptop and my phone to get the internet on and can park anywhere down the hill and get the net. But first thing in the morning while I have my morning coffee, I like to check emails and such. I am working when I am down the hill and I do go over to my friends and use her internet once in a while and shower too but when I do I have to leave the dogs in the truck. Having food in the truck so I could feed them started my rat problem besides now it is too frickin cold to leave them out in the truck for too long, the poor guys are just shivering after an hour and it isn’t fair. Not that they have room to move much at the trailer but they are in the truck all day. If I drive them home to the trailer it is an hour up and an hour back down and then I have to go back again. That’s 3 hours of driving on top of my daily driving. Plus the fuel, I just don’t have the money to put out $20 to go use the internet. PLUS by the time I get back down the hill it is like 8 or 9 and my g/f has to go to bed by 11 on a week night so it just isn’t doable a lot of the time.

      If I lived in town none of this would be a problem. It is asking a lot to ask someone to drive an hour to come get me, drive me to the next town to get my contacts and then drive me back. I have to get my contacts from where I got my prescription or pay for a whole new eye exam. And I used to live in Abbotsford which is an hour from where I am now.

      It is a huge f’ed up mess living here.
      Its put extra miles on my truck, cost me a fortune in fuel, cost me customers and the mice have destroyed my new living room furniture which is stored in the barn and the barn roof leaked right over my couch, that I worked to hard to save for. The occasional chair was sat on once!
      Well I am going to try to drive down and get my contacts. Wish me luck!!


  2. BItch away! Let it out! I know how it feels when you think you just can’t take anymore and yet life keeps dumping on you.
    I am in this neighborhood with my ex and its awkward…oh and I saw “her”…pretty sure going to his house…but those things I expected to be difficult. I thought that was all I would have to deal with and I would otherwise get to relax and have a furry buddy for a month. Nope. Since I have been here: my computer has crashed, I cracked a rib, and found out the hard way that a friend of mine has a drug problem (and the responsibility to keep her honest has somehow fallen on me…this is not someone that I know all that well). Im just telling you all that to illustrate my point which is: I understand and it sucks. But we are strong and we can take it and things will get better. They have to.
    I hope your day and week improve immensely. ):


    1. Twistedheart, you have done extremely well being there! I am proud of you, I doubt I could have done as well.

      Why is it your job to keep her honest? You can’t do that for someone any way, she has to do it herself (with support of course) but you can’t keep her honest! If she is going to use she is going to use. She needs to be in NA or some other addiction support group with people who have been there and know what she is going through.

      You have enough on your plate and you have to learn that it is not your job to single-handedly save all the lost souls in the world. *cough cough* did I just say that? That’s the pot calling the kettle black!!

      But honestly, why you? Doesn’t she have a friend who is closer to her than you?

      AND how did you crack a rib?

      Did you get your computer fixed?

      You’ve had a tough week!

      Hope this one is better!


  3. Breathe grasshopper…..’Hail Mary full of grace lead me to their hiding place’. I have had a similar thing lately….tear the house apart looking for something, then after I have blamed the dog, imaginary stalkers, my ex S sneaking in and everyone else I haven’t even met yet for moving/taking my stuff …….what I am looking for turns up in the exact place I thought it was…Venting is fine…it’s healthy and we are all here to listen…..
    They will turn up (fingers crossed that Laila does not have them)…..sending hugs…xoxo


    1. Jenn, thank you, you made me smile! I drove down the hill and I’m at the optometrist right now. Aside from almost hitting a guy/girl (blur) on a bike, and almost hitting the bridge railing I think I did ok, even went through road construction. I should probably listen to the news or check Google traffic and make sure there was no major hit and run accidents recently.

      What made it even more frustrating is I couldn’t see!! How do you find contacts when you aren’t wearing them!? I used to have spare glasses but those broke a couple of years ago and I really am quite blind without them.

      I could only think of Laila to blame but she had a poo and no contact lens case. Then I thought, “Oh NO what if she swallowed the case whole and it’s stuck?!”

      If I go home and they are sitting right out in plain sight I am going to be pissed at myself. Just the other day I was thinking I was down to my last pair and I should buy another packet but it was raining and I didn’t want to get out of the truck.

      Should have listened to my instincts.


    1. Michael, I have thought about an ebook because that’s what most people do now isn’t it? I know they still print books but whenever you go to a web site they have books you buy and download. That’s what you mean, right? I am not tech savy in the least! So excuse my ignorance on the subject. I was reading about how you approach Oprah magazine, NOW if Oprah publishes something you’ve written then you on your way!

      And I think domestic violence is right up Oprah’s alley. Well not really, I am sure Oprah doesn’t even have an alley, alley’s are too low class. But sheesh, I thought it would be worth a try. I’ve got nothing to lose.

      I was going to see about Adsense too; like to make money off my blog. I see they have ads on my site anyway. But you have to register your domain name or something. Not too sure what that’s about, I thought they said it was only $18 a year. That’s not much.


    1. Mountainmae, no I never found them. I was kinda expecting I would once I could see but nope! I am sure Laila must have cHewed them up. It was a hard plastic case, but she chews everything she can fit in her mouth.
      My door handles, shifter knob, and turn signal in the truck and they are hard plastic and totally gone now. She even chewed the door lock buttons off. I am surprised she would go up on the table though, but they might have fallen on the floor without me noticing. I have been checking her poohs and I can’t see any little pieces of plastic. Who knows maybe they’ll show up some day! Sure had me upset for a while but laughing about it now. Such is life! Mine anyway.
      Thanks for stopping by!


    1. Ray’s Mom, it’s just one of those things that I am already laughing about. I was crying yesterday but I made it down the hill; which was a miracle! I had a friend meet there with $20 she owed me for gravel I picked up and delivered for her because – was $20 short for my lens and I could take back roads for a lot of the way but to go to her house would have meant driving right through town. I was sitting there waiting and she called me and asked where I was. I said sitting in my truck outside the office. She said, “I am in the office and my truck is parked right in front”. I couldn’t tell for crumb sake! I’m blind without my lens! Kinda scarey when you drive by feel!
      Now I can honestly say I can drive that road with my eyes closed. Ha ha
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting 🙂



  4. Good luck with that. That is the kind of thing which might happen to me as I am rather absent minded. I read some of the comments so I have now got the impression you have some replacements. I hope that is the case. As for the publishing. Not an easy goal, but someone must have managed to do it, else there would be nothing to read expept Blogs. I read your now, and I’m really glad I found it


  5. Im new to the blog, but i keep coming back because I completely can relate. I have never participated in a blog but I mainly just want to say even through what seems like resistance in every direction to better the situation, try not to overwhelm, overload and stress your self more than needed. Things consistently worked against the bettering of my self I accidentally fell on the answer, to just trust that things will get better and not to kill my self with anxiety and stress. Granted, you never stop making positive moment to potentially receive results. My heart goes out to you and anyone else going to this type of treatment, it really messes you up and i was losing my family; because they just did not understand. They were basing there judgement on their experiences, I know how lonely, sad and a confusing time it was and can be. I thought recovery from betrayal and discard would never end by my babies mother. It got to the point that I would beg her to please not hurt me anymore. Thats sad. Wow soooo much, the dicharge lasted eight very eventful hurtful months and almost six years of the relationship. Thank you for your blogs


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