The Curtain Call

There has been a lot of talk about no contact lately and about how the narcissist always finds a way of blaming you even when he is apologizing, and that every time you are in contact with him he sees it as an opportunity to twist the knife deeper in your heart.

I have written about the “Curtain Call” before but it bares repeating because it is so deadly and almost all of them do it. This is different than all the other times he has asked you back 1/2 heartedly and apologized but still blamed you.

It happened to me twice so I can give you a heads up as what to expect.

After the N totally discards you, you have been nc for probably a couple of months maybe even a year or more; he will make a “curtain call”.

You are feeling like you ARE going to survive, life is getting better, you feel more like your old self and even the abuse is becoming a faded memory. He is still in your thoughts but the battle with the phone has ended and you no longer jump when the phone rings, in fact you might not even remember his phone number.

The second last time it happened we had been nc for a couple of months, I had been so hurt by his discard (we had made love and he had gone out and didn’t come back, sent me an email from Red Deer saying he thought it was better to end it this way, I checked history on my computer and found all the correspondence he’d been having with woman in Red Deer setting up his next victim. I sent all the women each other’s emails)I was so sick of his bs I had sent one scathing email and he hadn’t responded, I wasn’t surprised.

I did my crying but I was really done with him. I had just bought my double wide, I had just been written up in the newspaper and life was good, I was making good money and I had a handsome younger man chasing my ass.

Then the economy collapsed and my step dad wanted to sell my trailer.

One morning my house phone rang (which was strange because no one called my house phone but it didn’t have call display) just as I was about to walk out the door, thinking it was my step dad and really not wanting to start my day talking to him I was going to let the machine get it. The answering machine came on and at first I didn’t even recognized his voice but, after a second it all came back, he was using his sweet “I love you voice and sounding like he was unsure if he should have called. My gut told me to just keep walking out the door but my feet ran to get the phone. He was just calling to say he was doing really well and making good money and wanted to help me out. I was friendly but cool. Then an email came saying how he always loved me and he was sorry for the way he treated me. I again was pleasant. But cool. I thought I was in control.

Another phone call and we talked a little longer, another loving email. I felt myself weakening. Then he pulled out the big guns.

I felt like the proverbial salmon on the fishing line, he had thrown out the bait, I had nibbled it, I was leary and cautious so he let me get used to the bait. I had taken little bites and nothing bad happened so I was relaxing. I am sure he could hear it in my voice, happy he called, not so guarded about what I said. A whispered “I love you too”. We had talked like we did when we first started dating, easy banter, sharing our exciting news, always something to say, easy laughter but I never called him.

And then he yanked to line to bury the hook and told me he had just been given 6 months to live. He was crying, apologizing that he had called me it was just that I was the only one he could think of to call.

I can hear the commentators now;
– Wow! did you see that Dan? I didn’t even see that one coming, this guys a pro!

– You got that right Bob, a lot of guys rush into it and scare the prey off.

– You’re right Dan, but those guys are amateurs, you can tell this guy has done this before.

– It’s exciting when you watch a pro at work Bob.

– You got that right! You know I think that is worth a slow motion reply. This could very well get him the “Narcissist of the Year Award”. Let’s rewind that tape and see it again.

– Notice his approach people, see how he’s acting all insecure, apologetic, humble, and just letting his victim relax.

– yeah, smart move on his part, patience is a virtue here for sure. He doesn’t give her too much, she still isn’t sure why he’s calling, she defensive, not the time to strike. Cunning Dan, the man is a true master at manipulation.

– There!, right there! Did you catch that? He barely whispered “I love you” beeeauuUutiful!!! She wasn’t sure she heard him right and she’ll be thinking about him now. Oh man this guy is good.

– Yep, see there, she got off the phone and she’s smiling. He’s got her but does he make his move? No!! He sends the email, (laughing and slaps the other guys shoulder) this guy should write a book!!

– Ok this is the part where he sets the hook in her good, wait for it……. here it comes…… BAM!!! 6 months to live!!! (High 5’s his buddy) I love this guy!!, he is such a master at it she doesn’t even know what hit her.

– But the 6 months to live thing is controversial, they have been talking about not allowing it in competition because its such a powerful tool it’s almost unfair to the victim. She doesn’t even have a fighting chance with that one.

– Who ever said life was fair Bob, come on now, you are losing site of the whole objective here. To get what he wants no matter what, since when has fairness ever been factored in. Start being fair and you ruin the whole game!!

– I can’t help it Dan, I feel bad for them, they think they got away, they are getting stronger, and before they know what hit them they are on the line, gutted and just another trophy on the wall. He takes a picture to show his buddies and moves on to the next one.

– Its a game Bob, if he didn’t toss the one aside and go for another one he’d be out of the game. God, Bob, you are getting soft in your old age.

Well that’s it for this week folks, tune in next week for the exciting finale and watch the master at work as he reels his sucker in. You don’t want to miss this one, it could be set to music, its awe inspiring, well trust me on this one; you gotta see it!!

We talked on the phone a lot, I was still hesitant but damn it I was in love, BUT cautious still, I still thought I had control of my emotions. He came out to talk and he didn’t pull any punches. Well, here listen to the commentary.

– Hey folks welcome back! We’ve got Chuck here taking Bob’s place, Bob left the show, said he just couldn’t watch this next episode. So if any of you have a weak stomach or a conscience or if there are kids in the room you might want to leave and take the kids. Except the boys, they might learn something haha eh Chuck? (Nudging Chuck in the ribs)

– That’s right Dan. So where are we picking this up Dan?

– well, as we ended last week the N had just set the hook in the victim and now after talking for a few weeks on the phone he has asked to come out to talk to her. He has primed her by saying he is coming out for a job interview back in BC and is going to be trucking again.

– Smart move, the trucking scam, gives him plenty of time for extracurricular activities.

– You got that right Chuck. Now let’s get to our program. We are picking it up as she waits for him to arrive from Alberta. He’s been calling every hour or so giving her his progress, the tension is building, she’s made him a nice supper and oh look at what she’s wearing. He has her so hooked.

– I can see the writing on the wall Dan, she is so pitiful, so willing she almost takes the fun out of it.

– Now Chuck don’t discredit all the work our N has put in here, he put all he had into getting her this docile and willing.

– well its paying off in spades, I wish I could get a woman to greet me wearing nothing but a garter, nylons, a man’s shirt and a trench coat and high heels.

– watch and learn how my friend.

– OK there’s the call, he’s here, she’s walking up to meet him.

– Perfect!! He cries and pulls her into him the minute he sees her.

– If I didn’t know better Dan looking at them I’d say they are in love. Both crying, him not wanting to let her go, kissing, laughing, crying. Aww I think I’m tearing up.

– (rolling his eyes) What is wrong with you men?? Where do we find these guys? Will someone find me a co-host WITHOUT a heart PLEASE!!!

– Let’s fast forward through this part, he apologizes, takes full blame, he doesn’t blame her for anything. He really lays it on thick, he’s using his full arsenal, he’s not leaving anything for later!! He’s taking a real chance here.

– Just wait, this is perfect, he won’t need to use anything later because he’s got his ace in the hole coming up here.

He promised totally honesty, to say what needed to be said even if it might hurt me, he said it was wrong to have personal ads, and it was wrong to ever hit me or even act like he was going to hit me. He asked me to marry him and said I was all the woman he’d ever need. He said every thing I had longed to hear for 8 years.

– ok Chuck here it “comes” the part I was telling you about. He’s been really intent on pleasing her and not worried about himself at all, hard to do when she’s sitting there practically naked. Now watch, see how he’s got her right at the brink and won’t let her go over the edge. See how he’s making her repeat over and over that she knows he loves her and won’t let her go.

Finally he let me go over the edge and my God I have never been made love to like that before in my life. I was totally drained. And totally hooked.

The rest is history, the next two years was nothing but lies, deceit, infidelity, physical and emotional abuse worse than anything I had experienced from him in the past. It was then that he started to systematically destroy every aspect of my life. It was him that told me about the house in Sask and asked me to move out there with him. I never met the man selling the house and wouldn’t be surprised if JC had something to do with that too.

The last time he curtain called me was a year ago, almost a year after we had split. He showed up at my work in tears, he had heard I’d had a heart attack and had to tell me how sorry he was, it had been all his fault, he had always loved me, he hadn’t wanted me to move out. M was nothing like me, not as adaptable or easy going like me.

This time I wasn’t such as easy target. I had heard it all before. He had used every weapon he had the last time so there was nothing he could say or do that I hadn’t already heard.

So that’s the end of story time. Just be prepared, he will say every thing you ever wanted to hear and it will be a dream come true for you until you bite the bait. He will do and say anything and if you take him back you will know pain that will make what you are going through now look like child’s play!!

There will be no reruns of this performance, the woman playing the role of victim refused to play the part again. Apparently someone new has been cast in the role of victim, we are positive the sequel is being worked on as we speak but haven’t be told when it will premier. When asked if she was sorry she wasn’t cast as the victim in the sequel Carrie burst into laughter and said “They couldn’t pay me enough to do that again”.

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31 Replies to “The Curtain Call”

  1. That is interesting that they do this. I have noticed the more I have contact with him, we have a child together, the more he plays the “no contact” on me! This past summer I was in such emotional distress over everything that had happened (not being able to see my child, he moved in with his new girlfriend, all of it) I rarely called my child because it just hurt too bad. One day I called her and he picked up the phone and started say “if you were nice to me I would let you see your child”. I didn’t even talk to him in months to even be mean!

    Another example, I have court next week for child custody so there has been some communication between us and here are some things that stood out. When I asked him his intentions in court because I wasn’t giving up or going away and if he wants to fight, I will fight. His response “I don’t have it in me”. He has told me “I just want you to be a good mom for our daughter”…yet he kept her from me for 9 months! “I am happy for you that you have changed, I wish you could just prove it”….he was just calling me a crack head a month earlier! “You have done nothing but smear my name and lied this whole time”…That is what he has been doing to me! He also said, “I wish I could move but I can’t”…that one makes him sound like he is not happy where he is and maybe not happy with his new woman.

    I told him I forgive him for everything that has happened and he has done but I will not forget…his response “See, I knew you couldn’t be civil”. When I asked him if he even cared that I have not seen my child in 9 months..his response “I’m not in love with you anymore, that is long gone”. Where did that come from?!?!?!? Also, “my daughter is in a stable environment and we (him and his new girl) never argue and never raise voices”. How is my home not stable?

    He brings up people he knows that I have dated and sounds mad about it, is always bringing up that I go out to eat and concerts….is he jealous and where is he getting this information from? I am the single person and he jumped head first into a relationship right after we split with a woman who has 3 kids by two men.

    Sounds like he is miserable but of course he won’t let me see it!

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    1. I don’t think mine will make a curtain call. I don’t think we will ever speak again. I will miss my puppies every day. I know it’s for the best that I never have to talk to him again. But dammit ive said it before: i still wanted him to try if only so I could tell him to go to hell. They are crafty devils though, who knows how convincing he would be, so no matter how disgusting I think he is now, I know it’s better he doesn’t try.

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    2. Rstsrtluv,
      I just wanted to add that I am so sorry you have been going through the hell that you are. I know the kind of hell these people put us through, but I cannot imagine what it must be like for all of you that have children with them. I wish you strength and happiness.

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    3. im in the same boat. hes got my daughter due to blackmail. he is so predictable, probably gonna move this girl in sooner or later with her 3 kids……im stuck at my parents and they are old and scream and fight constantly. my narc knows this, but as much as i hate him, he is a decent father, just the worst husband ev er

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  2. I guess it would have been a pretty large red flag about 6 months passed…he only has 6 months to live…and he was still alive. He’s just a liar, user, piece of s**t. You’re stuck with him because of your daughter. That’s a real shame. Stay strong and don’t let him take anything more from you.

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        1. I had to read the entire blog again, since I wondered…the line written,

          “And then he yanked to line to bury the hook and told me he had just been given 6 months to live.”

          I may have misunderstood but did he live after those 6 months? If so, that would have been a pretty big red flag, unless he was getting treatment for whatever he was diagnosed for that gave him only 6 months…

          I’ve had narcistic people in my life, they are the most confusing and manipulative type of people to deal with I get a hint of that sort of behavior I bolt. They make me think I’m crazy. ugh

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          1. Rose, he is still alive and well. I feel like saying, “Hey! I thought we had a deal, you’d be gone in 6 months” but that would be nasty and I don’t wish him dead. Although that is about all that would save future victims. At the time I was very concerned and was researching Malaria (that is what he was supposed to be dying of, he did “missionary” work in Africa for a few months and ended up getting run out of the country; long story I told in a post called “out of africa”) he would have these attacks where he would sweat profusely and be like delirious, I have no idea how he managed to do that, I’ve thought maybe withdrawal from some sort of drug. I found a naturalist and had him come to the house etc and JC never seemed too interested. I suggested he have his medical records sent from Alberta so when he had attacks we could give the doctors the info and speed up his treatment. But he would say he’d send for them and never do it. When I said, “You don’t seem too concerned about dying” He said,” You know me I’ve survived lots of things I shouldn’t have” or “we are all going to die, we just don’t know when”. What confused me was his very Christian mother who apparently went to the doctor with him in Edmonton was backing his story. But then she wanted him to go back to Africa, kept saying he had commitments there. I said to her, “why would you want him to go back, if he gets Malaria again it will for sure kill him?” She didn’t answer me. Since we split I found out he got a very young girl pregnant there. So I assume his mother knew and was in on the whole scheme, which disgusts me.

            He kept up the charade until we split and then his new woman made him go for a complete physical when they got together, tests for STD’s and blood work and it was a miracle!! He no longer had Malaria!! Nor the high blood pressure or diabetes he had when he was with me. She is an amazing woman!!!

            So it was a miracle that cured him don’t you know. *rolling eyes*

            It was a great little alibi for him for awhile though. He was trucking and it seemed every time he went back to Alberta he had another Malaria attack. He would end up in the hospital and unable to call me. God I feel so stupid!! Because after we split I found out he was living with a woman in Alberta, so he would just pretend he was in the hospital and I would be trying to call him and worried sick and he’d just be leading his double life. When I think about it my blood runs cold, I can’t believe he could do that. The woman he was with out there has MS, and a little girl and she is a widow. She is the wife of his cousin so when he was talking about her or she would call I told myself it was family and nothing was going on, I even mentioned it to him that I was feeling insecure but I knew it was just family and he said that was right. He used to mention her big house all the time. Now I know he had his eye on that house, the son of a bitch. When he was trucking he would call three of us every night. On his blog he would compare us and who was the most loving and understanding. He even mentioned I was putting a wedge between us with my suspicions and if I thought he had other women that it should make me want to try harder not drive him away.

            Another strange thing he used to do was keep track of what time we all went to bed. He never came to bed with me after we started living together and I guess it was the same with the other women. With each of us he would keep track what time the woman went to bed and then how much later he would be up. I don’t know if he thought the women should stay awake with him or if he felt it made him better some how to be able to stay awake.

            Apparently the other women were smarter than me and dumped his ass. The one with MS and I both called him on the same day to ask if he’d had sex with anyone else because we both had a bladder infection. THAT made me ill! And yes I have been tested for STD’s!!

            Who in their right mind has unprotected sex in Africa??!!!

            Anyway what confused me about your comment was the part about a daughter. I don’t have a little girl, my son is a grown man.

            Sorry you had to go back through the whole blog again!! And you are right they drive a person crazy, they don’t care what lies they tell to get what they want, if the truth comes out they just come up with another lie or deny ever saying the first lie. I was crazy to go back to him, I hadn’t been away from him long enough to be thinking clearly and that’s another reason no contact is so crucial. If they catch you at a vulnerable time and they are being their sweet manipulative self they can suck you back in before you know it. The whole time we were making love that night and talking, he was crying and professing his love, admitting to every thing he did wrong, he even apologized to my son with tears in his eyes and shaking hands. My son hated him and after the apology he made a real effort to accept JC into the family, made sure JC knew he was welcome over to my son’s apartment, called jc to go for a beer with him. He sucked us both in and he knew that if he could get my son to forgive him that it would seal the deal and it did!! I didn’t trust my own instincts so when my son came over and told me JC had apologized and took all the blame and asked for his forgiveness and he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off him I felt more at ease with trying again. And the 3 of us had probably the best 3 months of my life, we really had fun together, it was a dream come true for me. My son was back living close by so we got to spend a lot of time together and JC and him got along famously; I had the two men I loved.
            But throughout the whole time my gut was telling me something wasn’t right. Deep down I knew it and ignored it.

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            1. OMG!!! That’s my first and second maybe third reaction to this follow up. His mom in on it too? Well she made him didn’t she? Maybe she’s narcisstic too. For reasons too boring to go into I researched narcisim extensively a few years ago. Seems narcistic women produce narcistic men. I know that to be at least somewhat accurate given the reason I was looking into it. That behavior starts very young and just grows and grows into a “thing” like your JC. They are like monsters preying on innocent trusting souls. I believe its incurable! They just keep moving along to fresh blood.

              One thing that is curious–to me anyway–is that narcism is listed in the DSM, the “bible” that medical professionals use to diagnose mental problems. However they are revising the DSM and the panel is seriously considering removing the narcism as a disorder or syndrom. Why? Because SO many people are narcistic now that its no long abnormal so it will be removed. Isn’t that just utterly astounding? Narcistic people are the “norm” now? wow!

              The thing about these types of people that you must always remember..ALWAYS…if their lips are moving they are lying! That’s the first step to protecting yourself. It hurts to be emotionally involved with these types because they use guilt, shame, pity, anger, every emotion against you to manipulate you into helping them perpetuate their story that they’ve made up to suit the particular circumstance.

              You want to believe them so badly and when you find out its yet another lie I think its normal to beat up on yourself. How can I continue to be sucked in? How do I forget that he’s lied 1000 times before? Why does he lie to me? What have I don’t that causes him to lie to me? That sort of thinking is pretty typical when you’re the victim of someone like JC.

              I understand you love(d) JC but did you ever wonder which JC you love? The one who is dying in 6 months? or the one who has malaria and suddenly cured? The one who cries and says he loves you and he’s sorry? Like I said before, its crazy making! Its highly likely JC doesn’t have a clue who he really is because he’s too busy making up stories of who he wants to be somewhat.

              I think you’re right, stay away from him with NO contact whatsoever. You’ve got a weird addiction (not a criticism ok? Really! I’ve been there!) to JC that seems to go beyond just love. Maybe its a need for him to just knock it all off, to be just level, honest and consistent with you. Validate your impressions? Reactions? I don’t know, I’m not a therapist but I play one on TV..lol..j/k.

              JC is just simply toxic to you and to everyone else he happens across and gets involved with. You see that now don’t you? Of course knowing it and feeling it are two different things entirely. We can know something 100% but our irrational emotions override our head all too often and that’s where we get into a mess.

              BTW no one in their right mind has unprotected sex—EVER–and certainly not in Africa. That’s just russian roulette.

              You know, those that believe in karma would warn JC about his claim of dying in 6 months…careful buddy you just might bring that upon yourself if you believe it strong enough.

              WTF is he doing with a woman with MS? She doesn’t have enough on her plate already? That’s just evil.

              That sleeping thing of his, keeping track when everyone went to bed is utterly bizarre don’t you think? My first thought is if he knows when you sleep and when some other woman sleeps that he’s involved in he can somehow schedule contact with one while the other is sleeping and neither knows. Or something manipulative and sneaking like that.

              Stick by your guns and keep him far far away. Pretend he’s dead to you or something. That’s pretty final isn’t it?

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              1. .ALWAYS…if their lips are moving they are lying!
                That is my favorite line, I say it all the time. It’s true, even when they don’t have to lie, they lie; I don’t think they can tell the truth anymore they’ve lied so much.
                I think his mom was just so snow balled by him and so hopeful he would get his shit together she used to always say he was so sensitive. People had to accept him the way he was, nothing was ever his fault, he always got taken advantage of because he was so sensitive and trusting. He always was a handful even as a baby and always hurting himself. I think he learned at an early age that if he hurt himself he got attention and wouldn’t get in trouble. Because whenever we fought and I’d had enough he would injure himself. While his dad was alive he was pretty good, he’d talk to his dad and get off the phone and be nice for awhile but once his dad died he really changed for the worst. That’s when he started getting violent. His mom was at a loss as what to do. She was talking to one woman in Africa that he was telling he was going to marry and had bought a ring and everything. She was calling me and telling me that she had been talking to JC and he really missed me and looks at my picture all the time and sends his love and then he got the other young girl pregnant and she must have known about that too. I don’t care what anyone says if that was my son I would make him tell all these women the truth or I would. She knew how much I loved him and to let me carry on for 2-3 years not knowing is appalling.

                I heard that they were taking narcissism out of the DSM and lumping them all under the heading of psychopath because they are so similar and the only disorders that there is absolutely no help for.

                Don’t worry I have learned my lesson!! – am no contact and I would not believe a word he said to me ever. We’ve been apart 2 years and I can see everything very clearly. I do not love him any more. He was the greatest love of my life at one time, but I don’t even hate him. I am done wasting any more emotion on him. He is nothing to me. If I saw him I would keep walking, there is nothing he could say that I would want to hear and I have said every thing I had to say a long time ago.

                he isn’t even dead to me because that would mean he was human and i don’t think he is, I think he sold his soul to the devil in a previous life or something because no human could be that cold and calculated.

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                1. mom…he’s sensitive…! grrrr….I apologize but I’m having a reaction to that….that’s just BS! I’ll have to reflect on this for a minute or two and get back to you. After all, as I think I told you, been there done that and am having a reaction….lo…..little frikken thieves, that’s what they are you know. The narcistic people, they steal life from others and make it their own. brb….

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  3. So much so real for me, too. Unreal. Surreal. And sadly, so real. Wow. It’s so great you are sharing this so openly, Carrie. Admirable, really, having the guts to share your life so candidly. xo

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    1. Admirable? Gutsy? Or just self serving? I don’t know if everyone feels like I do, in fact I know everyone doesn’t worry about the mark they leave in the world when they go. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 30’s that I started to concern myself with what my purpose was on this earth. Why was I here? To be Kris’s mom, for a while I thought it was to provide a great daycare for children, but I have had this nagging at me for 20’s years. I want the world to be a better place because I was here, I want to make a difference.

      After JC I was stripped of everything, I am ashamed of how I had been an accomplice to my own abuse by not stopping it, not leaving, and by lying to myself as much as JC lied to me. And what is a bigger sin, him lying to me or me lying to myself?

      I can’t believe the lies I told myself in order to give myself permission to stay. I stopped believing him long before I left, I didn’t even expect honesty from him any more, just give me a lie any lie so that I can lie to myself and pretend I am the crazy one. Because if I admitted he was crazy I would have no choice but to leave.

      Praying to God had turned into bartering with the devil. I was so far out of touch with everything I believed in, so far away from everything I wanted in a relationship and coming to the horrifying realization that I had willingly, eagerly, blindly walked back into unimaginable hell and had no idea how to get out in one piece.

      If I let my shame and embarrassment keep me silent then others will be silent because they feel they are the only one. By opening up more people feel safe to admit what they experienced and then we find out we aren’t alone and with that we can let go of our shame and start to heal. The reason they continue to hurt people is the victim is bullied and shamed into silence; either by the abuser or by society that says ” that is too bizarre to have happened, what is wrong with you for staying, get over it and move on, stop talking about it. It makes me uncomfortable”. So the victim goes off to lick their wounds and try to get their life back feeling all alone, misunderstood, blamed, crazy, and confused.

      My purpose in life is not to go into a corner somewhere, happy to have any roof over my head, destroyed by the man I loved, broken, hoping to meet a man who will take care of me because JC stole my self confidence and my livelihood. I am not here to spend the rest of my life a failure.

      The symbol of what happens when you love the wrong person, living in poverty and silent so as to not look foolish or not draw attention to myself and how I screwed up my life and lost every thing. I know lots of people wish I would just get on with life, go work at WalMart or Tim Horton’s (not that there is anything wrong with working at either place) , accept your lot in life and just get by like every one else. But I can’t, maybe being with JC was my chance to make my mark in this world, maybe it is my chance to leave the world a better place for me being here. Maybe I can take the worst 10 years of my life, the thing that broke me and turn it into something positive. I can live with that. So you could say it is selfish of me. I need to make something good of the whole experience. The only way I can think of to do that is to share it in hopes of giving someone else hope and everyday someone thanks me for the things I share here, and it feels good to know I am making a difference in people’s lives; people who have lost hope. Maybe just maybe my words will make enough of a difference in the world that no one ever silently suffers alone again.

      Even saying it sounds so self centered. But its the truth.

      I don’t even feel like I have a choice, sometimes I write something and hit the publish button and think, ” OMG what have I done?” Those are usually the posts I get the best response from.

      Thanks for always being so supportive and encouraging
      Hugs
      Carrie

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      1. You are admirable and gutsy Carrie. You give all of us a place to share, to be understood, to help us make sense of everything. You help us all. You sure are making a difference. I, for one, am grateful for you and I know that there are so many others that are as well 🙂

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      2. Floored. You could just sign my name to what you have written because I walk it, too. Daily. Incredible that we are so determined to make something positive out of so many years of negativity. Rock on, sister xo

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  4. You are doing such a service for people trapped in these relationships. If you give strength to just one – you have done an outstanding job. You are so special. Your writing is salvation for the unaware who still believe these slimy snakes will change.

    Grateful.

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  5. Thru you I have come to realize . I just don’t want to hurt almost every man I have had a “relationship” with has been a “N” to some degree or other. Sad but true. And knowing it now makes it all no easier 😦 I admire your courage, your spirit and your determination to survive. To make a “mark”. To leave something behind. To try and stay positive. I read and read over the stories here with tears in my eyes, Feeling sorry for them, feeling sorry for me 😦 I do believe you have found your purpose,god willing I will find mine. I just don’t want to hurt anymore.

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    1. Oh Elaine! I wish I could give you a hug. I understand. How much hurt can one person take? It’s so unfair that they go off blaming the victim right into the arms of the next victim and we are left picking up the pieces of our shattered life. Some times I get very angry about that, that I have to struggle so hard now, it just is so unfair. I only hope that karma gets him.

      If all your relationships were with N’s I have to ask what was your childhood like? Not that I think it is your fault but I did read that if a woman’s father was a narc or had a lot of the traits it’s not that we are attracted to the narc (in fact I thought JC was the farthest thing from being like my dad) but we have been trained since childhood how to walk on egg shells, been told our whole lives that what we feel is wrong. JC was the first abusive relationship I ever had and I had always been very strong with the men I was with, I didn’t take crap from anyone but I had never been with a narcissist either. So many times in the beginning when he first started being abusive, I felt like a little girl again; wanting to apologize and get his approval. I used to think ,”where is this coming from?” But some how the way he talked and ridiculed me immediately made me feel inferior and needing his approval. I can only assume it is from my childhood.

      I hope you find happiness and peace also!

      We all have earned it and you sound so tired.
      Hugs Carrie

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      1. It’s funny. Looking back, I can see that a lot of the people I dated had narc traits too. Not to the degree that my npd ex had, but they definitely had narcissistic tendencies. Kind of scary to think about.

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  6. Wonderfully written! Many women will identify … I can in some ways in that I’ve believed in fantasy that could have destroyed me. This is why it’s so important to always take a “Schlongerator” with you at all times … this guy could use a good whacking … better yet it’s probably best to whack his tongue that way he can’t sweet talk his way into another curtain call. I’m glad that this “tragedy” is over for you and as one of my Crazy Chicks once said–living well is the best revenge. Get your revenge everyday my dear. Be well, stay strong, and be happy!

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    1. Schlongerator!! Haha I gotta get me one of those!! It is kinda like Michael saying he wanted to glue dildo’s to his steering wheel so they would smack him in the head. Or something like that anyway!
      Yes the best revenge is living well and being happy and happy is all in your mind. Like the saying goes, “pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice” or something like that! Haha I think you catch my drift.

      Thanks Lafemmeroar, you rock!
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  7. carrie you are like my therapist. you really care and if i wasn’t broke from being discarded i would pay you for your free therapy,. your insight and understanding means so much. thanks for helping. and you are helping me alot!

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    1. Julie, I am glad to be of help! Knowing I helped is payment enough. That sounds corny but its the truth, if I can help anyone to get through the mass confusion and self doubt that comes along with being involved with an N then I feel I have made something good out of the whole painful experience. No experience can be considered bad if you learn something and can help others because of it.

      If I just went in a corner and quietly licked my wounds I would feel it was a total waste of 10 years. This way I can live with it.

      And you are a sweet loving person who deserves to be treated with respect and you need to know that! With all certainty, no doubt, no compromise, no leeway. From now on, respect or nothing at all, right?

      Its so simple really, isn’t it.

      Hugs thanks Julie, so glad you found my site, its great having you along for the ride.

      Like

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