There has been a lot of talk about no contact lately and about how the narcissist always finds a way of blaming you even when he is apologizing, and that every time you are in contact with him he sees it as an opportunity to twist the knife deeper in your heart.
I have written about the “Curtain Call” before but it bares repeating because it is so deadly and almost all of them do it. This is different than all the other times he has asked you back 1/2 heartedly and apologized but still blamed you.
It happened to me twice so I can give you a heads up as what to expect.
After the N totally discards you, you have been nc for probably a couple of months maybe even a year or more; he will make a “curtain call”.
You are feeling like you ARE going to survive, life is getting better, you feel more like your old self and even the abuse is becoming a faded memory. He is still in your thoughts but the battle with the phone has ended and you no longer jump when the phone rings, in fact you might not even remember his phone number.
The second last time it happened we had been nc for a couple of months, I had been so hurt by his discard (we had made love and he had gone out and didn’t come back, sent me an email from Red Deer saying he thought it was better to end it this way, I checked history on my computer and found all the correspondence he’d been having with woman in Red Deer setting up his next victim. I sent all the women each other’s emails)I was so sick of his bs I had sent one scathing email and he hadn’t responded, I wasn’t surprised.
I did my crying but I was really done with him. I had just bought my double wide, I had just been written up in the newspaper and life was good, I was making good money and I had a handsome younger man chasing my ass.
Then the economy collapsed and my step dad wanted to sell my trailer.
One morning my house phone rang (which was strange because no one called my house phone but it didn’t have call display) just as I was about to walk out the door, thinking it was my step dad and really not wanting to start my day talking to him I was going to let the machine get it. The answering machine came on and at first I didn’t even recognized his voice but, after a second it all came back, he was using his sweet “I love you voice and sounding like he was unsure if he should have called. My gut told me to just keep walking out the door but my feet ran to get the phone. He was just calling to say he was doing really well and making good money and wanted to help me out. I was friendly but cool. Then an email came saying how he always loved me and he was sorry for the way he treated me. I again was pleasant. But cool. I thought I was in control.
Another phone call and we talked a little longer, another loving email. I felt myself weakening. Then he pulled out the big guns.
I felt like the proverbial salmon on the fishing line, he had thrown out the bait, I had nibbled it, I was leary and cautious so he let me get used to the bait. I had taken little bites and nothing bad happened so I was relaxing. I am sure he could hear it in my voice, happy he called, not so guarded about what I said. A whispered “I love you too”. We had talked like we did when we first started dating, easy banter, sharing our exciting news, always something to say, easy laughter but I never called him.
And then he yanked to line to bury the hook and told me he had just been given 6 months to live. He was crying, apologizing that he had called me it was just that I was the only one he could think of to call.
I can hear the commentators now;
– Wow! did you see that Dan? I didn’t even see that one coming, this guys a pro!
– You got that right Bob, a lot of guys rush into it and scare the prey off.
– You’re right Dan, but those guys are amateurs, you can tell this guy has done this before.
– It’s exciting when you watch a pro at work Bob.
– You got that right! You know I think that is worth a slow motion reply. This could very well get him the “Narcissist of the Year Award”. Let’s rewind that tape and see it again.
– Notice his approach people, see how he’s acting all insecure, apologetic, humble, and just letting his victim relax.
– yeah, smart move on his part, patience is a virtue here for sure. He doesn’t give her too much, she still isn’t sure why he’s calling, she defensive, not the time to strike. Cunning Dan, the man is a true master at manipulation.
– There!, right there! Did you catch that? He barely whispered “I love you” beeeauuUutiful!!! She wasn’t sure she heard him right and she’ll be thinking about him now. Oh man this guy is good.
– Yep, see there, she got off the phone and she’s smiling. He’s got her but does he make his move? No!! He sends the email, (laughing and slaps the other guys shoulder) this guy should write a book!!
– Ok this is the part where he sets the hook in her good, wait for it……. here it comes…… BAM!!! 6 months to live!!! (High 5’s his buddy) I love this guy!!, he is such a master at it she doesn’t even know what hit her.
– But the 6 months to live thing is controversial, they have been talking about not allowing it in competition because its such a powerful tool it’s almost unfair to the victim. She doesn’t even have a fighting chance with that one.
– Who ever said life was fair Bob, come on now, you are losing site of the whole objective here. To get what he wants no matter what, since when has fairness ever been factored in. Start being fair and you ruin the whole game!!
– I can’t help it Dan, I feel bad for them, they think they got away, they are getting stronger, and before they know what hit them they are on the line, gutted and just another trophy on the wall. He takes a picture to show his buddies and moves on to the next one.
– Its a game Bob, if he didn’t toss the one aside and go for another one he’d be out of the game. God, Bob, you are getting soft in your old age.
Well that’s it for this week folks, tune in next week for the exciting finale and watch the master at work as he reels his sucker in. You don’t want to miss this one, it could be set to music, its awe inspiring, well trust me on this one; you gotta see it!!
We talked on the phone a lot, I was still hesitant but damn it I was in love, BUT cautious still, I still thought I had control of my emotions. He came out to talk and he didn’t pull any punches. Well, here listen to the commentary.
– Hey folks welcome back! We’ve got Chuck here taking Bob’s place, Bob left the show, said he just couldn’t watch this next episode. So if any of you have a weak stomach or a conscience or if there are kids in the room you might want to leave and take the kids. Except the boys, they might learn something haha eh Chuck? (Nudging Chuck in the ribs)
– That’s right Dan. So where are we picking this up Dan?
– well, as we ended last week the N had just set the hook in the victim and now after talking for a few weeks on the phone he has asked to come out to talk to her. He has primed her by saying he is coming out for a job interview back in BC and is going to be trucking again.
– Smart move, the trucking scam, gives him plenty of time for extracurricular activities.
– You got that right Chuck. Now let’s get to our program. We are picking it up as she waits for him to arrive from Alberta. He’s been calling every hour or so giving her his progress, the tension is building, she’s made him a nice supper and oh look at what she’s wearing. He has her so hooked.
– I can see the writing on the wall Dan, she is so pitiful, so willing she almost takes the fun out of it.
– Now Chuck don’t discredit all the work our N has put in here, he put all he had into getting her this docile and willing.
– well its paying off in spades, I wish I could get a woman to greet me wearing nothing but a garter, nylons, a man’s shirt and a trench coat and high heels.
– watch and learn how my friend.
– OK there’s the call, he’s here, she’s walking up to meet him.
– Perfect!! He cries and pulls her into him the minute he sees her.
– If I didn’t know better Dan looking at them I’d say they are in love. Both crying, him not wanting to let her go, kissing, laughing, crying. Aww I think I’m tearing up.
– (rolling his eyes) What is wrong with you men?? Where do we find these guys? Will someone find me a co-host WITHOUT a heart PLEASE!!!
– Let’s fast forward through this part, he apologizes, takes full blame, he doesn’t blame her for anything. He really lays it on thick, he’s using his full arsenal, he’s not leaving anything for later!! He’s taking a real chance here.
– Just wait, this is perfect, he won’t need to use anything later because he’s got his ace in the hole coming up here.
He promised totally honesty, to say what needed to be said even if it might hurt me, he said it was wrong to have personal ads, and it was wrong to ever hit me or even act like he was going to hit me. He asked me to marry him and said I was all the woman he’d ever need. He said every thing I had longed to hear for 8 years.
– ok Chuck here it “comes” the part I was telling you about. He’s been really intent on pleasing her and not worried about himself at all, hard to do when she’s sitting there practically naked. Now watch, see how he’s got her right at the brink and won’t let her go over the edge. See how he’s making her repeat over and over that she knows he loves her and won’t let her go.
Finally he let me go over the edge and my God I have never been made love to like that before in my life. I was totally drained. And totally hooked.
The rest is history, the next two years was nothing but lies, deceit, infidelity, physical and emotional abuse worse than anything I had experienced from him in the past. It was then that he started to systematically destroy every aspect of my life. It was him that told me about the house in Sask and asked me to move out there with him. I never met the man selling the house and wouldn’t be surprised if JC had something to do with that too.
The last time he curtain called me was a year ago, almost a year after we had split. He showed up at my work in tears, he had heard I’d had a heart attack and had to tell me how sorry he was, it had been all his fault, he had always loved me, he hadn’t wanted me to move out. M was nothing like me, not as adaptable or easy going like me.
This time I wasn’t such as easy target. I had heard it all before. He had used every weapon he had the last time so there was nothing he could say or do that I hadn’t already heard.
So that’s the end of story time. Just be prepared, he will say every thing you ever wanted to hear and it will be a dream come true for you until you bite the bait. He will do and say anything and if you take him back you will know pain that will make what you are going through now look like child’s play!!
There will be no reruns of this performance, the woman playing the role of victim refused to play the part again. Apparently someone new has been cast in the role of victim, we are positive the sequel is being worked on as we speak but haven’t be told when it will premier. When asked if she was sorry she wasn’t cast as the victim in the sequel Carrie burst into laughter and said “They couldn’t pay me enough to do that again”.