Yes, I Deserve Every Blessing I Get

Whew!!!! What a week, two weeks……month………just goes to show that you never know where life’s road is going to lead you.

I have been noticing something different about myself; I am not as short tempered as I had become, and way less stressed which would go hand in hand. but more than that I am not only grateful for my new job, extremely grateful!! I am handling the good fortune differently than I ever have in the  . In the past when something good happened to me I was almost apologetic for it. I didn’t want people to think I was bragging and didn’t want to jinx it by being too cocky about it. Lately, I tell people about my new job and I can barely contain myself, I truly feel blessed; but more now when people say “I am so happy for you”. I say, “Thank you, I earned it”.

For the first time in my life I really believe I deserve every good thing that comes my way. I did my time, paid my dues and it is MY time. Oh my God did I earn my right to be happy!! I believe it with all my heart; with all my heart I believe I am a good person.

Some how between, wanting to die because a psycho bastard said my life wasn’t worth living and no man would ever want me and today; I realized I am not defined by any man’s opinion of me. I am not defined by anyone’s opinion of me, not my mother’s, my friends, my son’s no body has the right to say I am not good enough, pretty enough, or whatever enough.

I have met a man who I am becoming friends with; he has cooked for me, he text messages me almost everyday to say hi how is your day going? I like him, I feel comfortable with him but we haven’t kissed or anything physical. He calls me babe, which I am not sure how I feel about, but I am letting time define our relationship. I don’t feel I want a relationship with a man yet but this is giving me time to get comfortable being in the company of a man alone.
It feels good to spend time with a male friend, it reminds me that men can be a nice addition to my life. If he compliments me it feels good, but I am not waiting for that compliment to make me feel good. I already know who I am and don’t need a man to replace JC, or to tell me I am valued. I am valued for who I am by many people.

The other day I was telling my boss that since I started with the company my life has done a complete 180, I have been so blessed, meeting my grand daughter and buying a house; a year ago; hell a month ago I didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to ever be a home owner again.  His reply was, “Good, because we are blessed to have you it’s only right you should be blessed also.” What boss says something like that? I can not believe how blessed I am!! and I am owning it, savoring it, protecting it and rubbing it all over my body!!

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12 Replies to “Yes, I Deserve Every Blessing I Get”

  1. Wow. Good for you. !!! What an encouraging post. You go girl !!! This blog helps me so much. Funny, I have revently realized the road I have been on with my Narc was not paved with unconditional love ( except on my part ). It was filled with drama and stress..and I too became abrupt and shut down emotionally, even with my kids…..which was just plain unhealthy,.. physically, mentally and emotionally. I have taken the higher road to getting back to ME and have enouragement that I am on the right path. My 21 year old son called me out of the blue just tell me he noticed the recent change in me and the way I handle things .. and he is proud I am his mother. He feels closer to me then he ever did, realizes I am deeply saddened by the past 10+ year relationship ..but I am moving forward wirh grace and honor .. and can see wat a strong woman I am,… He finally realized I was trying to keep the peace, lessen the household drama, and make everyone happy ..to the sacrifice of myself. I told him I am not fixing anyone else, just working on me.. getting better one day at a time., and although it will take time to heal, I finally feel optimistic that the future holds great things for me and my family. I am a good, kind, compassionate person .. and Yes, I do deserve it .!!!

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  2. Carrie, this is the type of positive movement we all hope to achieve. I am most happy for all of the good things that age coming your way. Remember this only the beginning of all the good things ahead for you and all the members of your blog that believe there is life, a good one, after an N. Hugs to all

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  3. So good to hear from you and read all the positive things that are happening in your life. You are earning you own way and doing a supurb job of it. Congratulations for all the accomplishments and it is like a ray of sunlight in your writing, shinning through the clouds of dispair of a few months ago.

    God bless you and I send hugs and my best wishes. Be sure to let me know if the Valentine cupid zings you with an arrow…

    🙂

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    1. Ray’s Mom,
      Thank you so much!! You have been such a great support! I wish I could give you a great big hug!!
      As for cupids arrow, I wouldn’t call it a romance, and I have told him I don’t want a relationship right now but I am accepting the attention of a man who so far treats me with respect and appreciation. I am comfortable with it because I am staying true to myself and taking it really slow.
      So good to see you.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  4. Well it’s about time! You have worked SO hard! I’ve known for quite some time that you deserved more than what you had and certainly more than what some people were willing to give. I think it’s fabulous that you finally believe it for yourself. I’ve always thought you were a strong, more than capable woman and you are such an inspiration for me. I hope to draw strength from your experience and someday believe it for myself.

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    1. Denise, you are such a good person, if not for you God knows where I would be. You baby sat me through some of the worst times and you spoke the truth that I didn’t want to hear or face. You are such a strong person for everyone else I wish you could find that strength for yourself!!

      It has been far too long since we spent a weekend together. We’ll talk. Thanks for stopping by and all your support.

      Hugs and love to you!!
      Talk to you soon.
      Carrie

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  5. Eyesopen, I am so glad my blog has helped you and so happy you are realizing your worth and right to be treated with respect and ve happy.

    My son has said he is so relieved to have his “old” mom back. He had always known me to be a strong independent woman who would never allow a man to control her. I became someone he didn’t even know and he worried about me. We think we project our kids but they pick up on more than we give them credit for. You and your son will become closer and more bonded the more he sees the real you come out. He will respect you more and what you sacrificed.

    Keep your face to the sun and the wind at your back. The destination is well worth the journey!!

    Hugs
    Carrie

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    1. Lance, thank you so much! It feels really good to know I deserve positive things and to be treated fairly and repectfully. I always thought I felt that way but deep down I didn’t believe it. Now I do.

      Like

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