Whew!!!! What a week, two weeks……month………just goes to show that you never know where life’s road is going to lead you.
I have been noticing something different about myself; I am not as short tempered as I had become, and way less stressed which would go hand in hand. but more than that I am not only grateful for my new job, extremely grateful!! I am handling the good fortune differently than I ever have in the . In the past when something good happened to me I was almost apologetic for it. I didn’t want people to think I was bragging and didn’t want to jinx it by being too cocky about it. Lately, I tell people about my new job and I can barely contain myself, I truly feel blessed; but more now when people say “I am so happy for you”. I say, “Thank you, I earned it”.
For the first time in my life I really believe I deserve every good thing that comes my way. I did my time, paid my dues and it is MY time. Oh my God did I earn my right to be happy!! I believe it with all my heart; with all my heart I believe I am a good person.
Some how between, wanting to die because a psycho bastard said my life wasn’t worth living and no man would ever want me and today; I realized I am not defined by any man’s opinion of me. I am not defined by anyone’s opinion of me, not my mother’s, my friends, my son’s no body has the right to say I am not good enough, pretty enough, or whatever enough.
I have met a man who I am becoming friends with; he has cooked for me, he text messages me almost everyday to say hi how is your day going? I like him, I feel comfortable with him but we haven’t kissed or anything physical. He calls me babe, which I am not sure how I feel about, but I am letting time define our relationship. I don’t feel I want a relationship with a man yet but this is giving me time to get comfortable being in the company of a man alone.
It feels good to spend time with a male friend, it reminds me that men can be a nice addition to my life. If he compliments me it feels good, but I am not waiting for that compliment to make me feel good. I already know who I am and don’t need a man to replace JC, or to tell me I am valued. I am valued for who I am by many people.
The other day I was telling my boss that since I started with the company my life has done a complete 180, I have been so blessed, meeting my grand daughter and buying a house; a year ago; hell a month ago I didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to ever be a home owner again. His reply was, “Good, because we are blessed to have you it’s only right you should be blessed also.” What boss says something like that? I can not believe how blessed I am!! and I am owning it, savoring it, protecting it and rubbing it all over my body!!