Narcissists -Nurture or Nature?

I made this comment on another blog very”Narcraiders” If you haven’t been there you should check it out. The post was about how narcissists/psychopaths are made. I typed it all on my phone so excuse any typos, but I said alot and didn’t want to type it all. Here it is-
Betty, This is a very good article and I agree on 99% of it but in my opinion (and I have no formal education on the topic only my own experiences after 10 years with a psychopath/narcissist and research that I have done in my quest for answers to “What the hell happened to me”) I believe narcissists/psychopaths are born disabled. Just like a baby can be born without eye sight, missing a limb or deaf; a N is born with out a soul and will never feel guilt, compassion or remorse.

Through research etc they have invented ways to help people born with disabilities through prosthesis and surgery; thus for there has been no way to give an N a soul and no yellow brick road that leads to a wizard who can give him one.

The reason I believe they are born this way is because not all people with this disorder had a traumatic upbringing yet it doesn’t seem to matter what they upbringing was like they all have almost exactly the some traits and behaviour.

often we hear of a family where there are several children all raised by the same two parents in the same home yet one of them, no matter what the parents did was born trouble. The other children all go on to be normal members of society but the one sibling continues on a course of leaving destruction every where they go. I think upbringing does factor in and that with the right upbringing the N will learn the skills necessary to function in mainstream society. They are probably the scariest of all because they have learned to hide their true selves. The ones raised in abusive homes wouldn’t have been taught how “normal” people live and would have a harder time fitting in.

My ex was raised in a very loving, yet strict home where they tried to accommodate his special needs, from what I’ve heard from all involved in his life, he was trouble from the day he was born almost. Always in trouble with the law, lying, drugs, alcohol, petty crime, yet highly intelligent.

I know of another N who was raised in an extremely abusive home where he was beaten on a regular basis, he has had more incidents with the police and is a little more rough around the edges but the behaviour is almost identical to the one who was raised in a loving home.

Yet, you can find many examples of people raised in horrific circumstances who go on to lead productive normal lives and maintain loving relationships.

In my mind it only makes sense that if a person is the way they are because of some traumatic event, then through counselling and/or meds the damage should be reversible. From the research I’d done there is no evidence showing narcissism has ever successfully been reversed. If a person has a soul, no matter what happens they will always have a soul and experience guilt, and empathy to some degree even if they try to shut off their feelings. But if a person in born without a soul they will never feel as normal people do and there is no hope of recovery or lasting change.

There could be change if they wanted to change because they could learn right from wrong even if they don’t feel it they could fake it; IF they thought there was a need for change. (but they don’t because they don’t care about anyone but themselves and their immediate gratification.) A person born blind can learn brail, they can build a prosthesis limb for a child born without arms or legs, but there is no help for a child born without a soul. That is sad, but for me it is easier to walk away knowing that there is no hope of change.

In my situation I believed I could “fix” my ex, I had read that narcissism was caused by some catAstrophic event in the persons past and they put up this defense. There is always the danger then of thinking if you love them well enough, prove you won’t leave them or hurt them some day they will miraculously see the light and appreciate your efforts. I have heard it said many times and I had the same train of thought, “he’s really just afraid of being hurt again, he is pushing me away before I hurt him, I can’t desert him now”. They are so good at “showing their sweet loving side” at just the right moment so as to keep their victim off balance and believing there really is a sweet hurt little boy deep inside that women stay for decades. But I have not heard of one case where a woman was able to love a narcissist enough that change occurred. You would think that if an N ever had a soul someone, at some time would have been able to heal a narcissists soul; but I certainly have not found any evidence of it occurring.

Thank you for letting me voice my opinion; and that is exactly what it is, MY opinion.

I enjoy your blog very much, as I do Paula’s, and I believe we all have the same goal in mind with each of or blogs and that is to help those who find themselves involved with someone with this disorder, heal and go on to live a life worth living.

My goal is to prove to every victim, every narcissist, and myself that it is possible to survive and thrive after a relationship with a narcissist.

hugs and much love to you and your readers.
Carrie

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6 Replies to “Narcissists -Nurture or Nature?”

  1. I have bookmarked this page and am going to read it everyday. I too believe it to be true but regardless of the how and why… It is the fact they have no soul (yet talk about being soul mates lol). I too hope you you can show us that we can all eventually recover. Thanks for taking the time to re-type it, I needed this reminder.

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    1. Nadine, thank you I am glad you found something useful in this post
      I had a very good friend call last night and he was over joyed about the good fortune thst’s has come my way lately. He asked if I am free, as in free of JC’s control of my life, free of his control over my heart, my self esteem, free to enjoy the good fortune God has brought my way and I said, “Yes, I am free, and I am protecting my singleness abduction savoring the blessings in my life. Once you get through all the muck the narcissist leaves behind, once you wade through the quagmire and dArkness; and you get to the light the simplest blessings are so much sweeter. You survived hell on earth and its exhilarating and empowering

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  2. Great opinion to consider Carrie. Another aspect to Ns behavior published by Harvard relative to a Narc and religion. It states that people living in the US that attend church regularly are more empathtic toward their fellow man kind. But, those people suffering from NPD were not influenced by attending church regularly contrary to the normal population. No surprise to anyone participating on this blog, right? Mine use to attend Mass every week and of course never miss a required Holy Day. What a sham he is and a mockery to the church.

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  3. Thank you for the shout out Carrie! I finally got around to responding…I really appreciated your thoughtful commentary, please don’t ever hesitate to offer your views on my blog. While opinionated, I enjoy dialogue, but even in the spirit of debate (which is not how I would define our discussion) it allows for ‘thought’ and that is even more helpful I think for those who are new as they’re trying to process it all. One size does not fit all, and I really believe we all learn from one another…hugs!

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