Life has its twists and turns that’s for sure, MY life anyway has always been a series of detours. It seems I never have long before there is a “change in direction” . Yesterday was one of those days, a “detour” day, I am still digesting everything.
I have mentioned before that I have been asking for a meeting with management, I have been making a list of areas that I thought they could improve productivity, I had some questions and most importantly I wanted a job description.
It was my belief I was hired as PR, someone who was out in the public representing the company and getting the company name out there, work with charities, and do pick ups when necessary. I was told that they didn’t care who brought the scrap through the gate as long as it came through their gate, so I gave people the option; I can haul it in for you or you can haul your own and get more money.
I was told I could take the truck home and I was told I could have the dogs with me and I was told to just carry on doing what I had always done, only I was not the Lady Witha Truck any more.
As it turns out since I started there has been a huge rearranging of duties and downsizing. They have closed three of their locations and combined two locations into one. The person that hired me is not the person now in charge. I was told the dogs could no longer ride with me so C built me a dog kennel at the house which has worked out really well but I have been plagued with guilt and indecision about Laila. Laila is a “special needs” dog, she is extremely attached to me, very hyper and needs a lot of exercise and she is aggressive to other dogs. My new place has 3 pugs next door that torment my dogs every time they go outside. In fact any time I am out in the yard they bark incessantly at me and even chased me and my dogs back into my house one day because they were loose and of course my dogs would win the battle but I didn’t want their blood on my hands. Kato by himself isn’t as aggressive but even he hates those dogs next door. Anyway I was considering getting rid of Laila because I felt it was unfair that I was gone all day and she wasn’t getting any exercise, but then I was afraid she wouldn’t get a new home that would appreciate her good traits and she might end up being a guard dog at some yard, left alone all the time and just getting more aggressive or beaten for her strong will. I contemplated putting her down because it would be kinder than her living a horrible life somewhere else but the thought of that was more than I could bare. I was feeling I had totally dropped the ball and let her down. I hate not living up to my commitments and responsibilities. It was tearing me apart. And poor Kato, he’s ridden with me his whole life and would lay across the door way in the mornings in hopes I wouldn’t leave him behind. I know they are “just dogs” and I complied with the new rules, my job was more important and I understood that other people didn’t think it was fair I brought mine to work and they couldn’t bring theirs.
So long story short, I got laid off yesterday. They want to put a young guy on the truck, someone who can really chuck steel. They were really good about it and are going to buy me my own truck and any small jobs they get they will pass along to me. They won’t be doing small jobs any more.
They just bought me $500 in Carhardts and spent another $200 on safety boots which I get to keep and I can pay back the truck over time when I bring steel in. It is very fair of them and they paid me a weeks severance plus my full wages for this pay period. I can’t say anything wrong except there was a huge lack of communication but I suppose that is as much my fault for not pushing harder for a meeting.
At the time I was hired I was not making it with the little truck I had and I was living in a hell hole. Working for them got me into this place which probably wouldn’t have happened if |I had been self employed and I will have a better truck for the job. I guess I am meant to be the Lady Witha Truck and this is all a blessing in disguise. but it is hard on the ego to admit I am too old to compete with the young bucks.
Right now it is hard because I am getting calls from customers and I don’t have a truck and all \I want to do is get out there and work. That old panicky feeling wells up inside me.
I am trying to force myself to see the bright side and use the time to do the much needed yard work but so far the most I have done is give Laila a bath. btw she didn’t like her first bath much. lol
I think what bothers me more than anything is letting people down.