Sometimes 55 is Just Too Old

Life has its twists and turns that’s for sure, MY life anyway has always been a series of detours. It seems I never have long before there is a “change in direction” . Yesterday was one of those days, a “detour” day, I am still digesting everything.

I have mentioned before that I have been asking for a meeting with management, I have been making a list of areas that I thought they could improve productivity, I had some questions and most importantly I wanted a job description.

It was my belief I was hired as PR, someone who was out in the public representing the company and getting the company name out there, work with charities, and do pick ups when necessary. I was told that they didn’t care who brought the scrap through the gate as long as it came through their gate, so I gave people the option; I can haul it in for you or you can haul your own and get more money.

I was told I could take the truck home and I was told I could have the dogs with me and I was told to just carry on doing what I had always done, only I was not the Lady Witha Truck any more.

As it turns out since I started there has been a huge rearranging of duties and downsizing. They have closed three of their locations and combined two locations into one. The person that hired me is not the person now in charge. I was told the dogs could no longer ride with me so C built me a dog kennel at the house which has worked out really well but I have been plagued with guilt and indecision about Laila.  Laila is a “special needs” dog, she is extremely attached to me, very hyper and needs a lot of exercise and she is aggressive to other dogs. My new place has 3 pugs next door that torment my dogs every time they go outside. In fact any time I am out in the yard they bark incessantly at me and even chased me and my dogs back into my house one day because they were loose and of course my dogs would win the battle but I didn’t want their blood on my hands. Kato by himself isn’t as aggressive but even he hates those dogs next door. Anyway I was considering getting rid of Laila because I felt it was unfair that I was gone all day and she wasn’t getting any exercise, but then I was afraid she wouldn’t get a new home that would appreciate her good traits and she might end up being a guard dog at some yard, left alone all the time and just getting more aggressive or beaten for her strong will. I contemplated putting her down because it would be kinder than her living a horrible life somewhere else but the thought of that was more than I could bare. I was feeling I had totally dropped the ball and let her down. I hate not living up to my commitments and responsibilities. It was tearing me apart. And poor Kato, he’s ridden with me his whole life and would lay across the door way in the mornings in hopes I wouldn’t leave him behind. I know they are “just dogs” and I complied with the new rules, my job was more important and I understood that other people didn’t think it was fair I brought mine to work and they couldn’t bring theirs.

So long story short, I got laid off yesterday. They want to put a young guy on the truck, someone who can really chuck steel. They were really good about it and are going to buy me my own truck and any small jobs they get they will pass along to me. They won’t be doing small jobs any more.

They just bought me $500 in Carhardts and spent another $200 on safety boots which I get to keep and I can pay back the truck over time when I bring steel in. It is very fair of them and they paid me a weeks severance plus my full wages for this pay period. I can’t say anything wrong except there was a huge lack of communication but I suppose that is as much my fault for not pushing harder for a meeting.

At the time I was hired I was not making it with the little truck I had and I was living in a hell hole. Working for them got me into this place which probably wouldn’t have happened if |I had been self employed and I will have a better truck for the job. I guess I am meant to be the Lady Witha Truck and this is all a blessing in disguise. but it is hard on the ego to admit I am too old to compete with the young bucks.

Right now it is hard because I am getting calls from customers and I don’t have a truck and all \I want to do is get out there and work. That old panicky feeling wells up inside me.

I am trying to force myself to see the bright side and use the time to do the much needed yard work but so far the most I have done is give Laila a bath. btw she didn’t like her first bath much. lol

I think what bothers me more than anything is letting people down.

Advertisements

13 Replies to “Sometimes 55 is Just Too Old”

  1. When are you ever going to give yourself a break? You obviously a a great person and anyone who reads this site knows. You have been through tough times and have survived. You will get through this one also. Remember you are God’s child and when one door closes another is opened. You have gone through this tough time to prepare you for what he has planned for you next. I shall be praying for you and all the people who participate in this blog. God has something good planned for you Carrie girl. May God bless you and let his face shine upon you.

    Like

    1. Morgan, Thankyou so much for your beautiful and kind words. I will make it through this too, especially with the support of all the wonderful people I’ve met here.
      God bless you.
      Hugs Carrie

      Like

  2. I’m so sorry Carrie. I do feel your pain! My heart goes out to you and what you are going through! Yes, at 64 myself, I find myself needing to go out and find work. I’m sure the job market is even tougher now than it was!

    Retirement benefits just aren’t doing it for me. I have learned to work the system and get pretty much what I need, but I have a car that needs work and no money to get it done!

    I understand about the animals…my two cats have almost become like my babies. I find myself doing all kinds of little things for them. Expensive, gourmet cat food, a litter pan that cleans up after them, letting them sack out with me the bed, and talking to them as if they could actually understand me.

    Yes, we do grow older. Competition surrounds us on every level. Even now I can feel my body growing a little bit stiffer and aching a little more each day. One thing I’m sure of though, is that we we’re tough and resilient. We’ve survived trial by fire, and tough situations before. We’re not quitters, and we will never give up as long as we have any choice in the matter!

    Big hugs Carrie. You hang in there and give your “babies” a big hug for me.

    Like

    1. Linda, that is one of my biggest concerns; retirement that is looming closer and closer.
      I can’t allow myself to worry about it too much because it does no good and I am sure this has happened for a reason that isn’t clear to me right now.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  3. You are such a conscious human being, never worry about letting others down, it is something that happens to them as well and those who don’t understand the speed bumps life hurls at us are not worthy of your worry. Those who do, will still be there when you are, just keep doing what you do, stay true, stay you and try not to be blue until the sun shines through. Because it will, you have proven that time and again in your writings, bright heart xo

    Like

  4. Carrie,

    The “job” served it’s purpose. God got you out of the “other” place and into your new home! HE knew what he was doing! Mission accomplished! I can’t wait for his next step in your journey. Keep trusting in him, there are absolutely wonderful things down the road for you! Don’t let a little thing like age get you down, YOU can do anything…….. with HIS help! Believe it!! Embrace it!!!! And IF you get to feeling a little ” down” while you are waiting on HIM we are here for you, like you have been here for us.

    Lots of hugs,
    Ellie

    Like

    1. Ellie, you are right and that is the attitude I am trying to maintain. They told me not to take it personally but it is still hard. To be totally honest I am not sorry to lose the job, I wasn’t enjoying it; but it was paying the bills and I thought could lead to something more. In retrospect it did enable me to get into this house and I wasn’t making it with the small old truck I had so now I will have a better truck. I am getting too old to be chucking steel but who knows what is down the road. For the first time in many years I am not dreading the future but instead I am curious as to what is coming. I used to always approach life that way, when one thing ended I was anxious to find out what came next and it feels good to have that feeling back.
      Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, I am sure that part of the reason the future is not so scary any more is because of the wonderful support I receive here.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  5. Carrie, this is awful. I came by to hear how you are and hear this. I’m horrified, particularly as my own job is looking a bit tenuous of late. A fair bit to explain on that, but suffice to say I feel unnerved and thinking ‘will Daniel & me be secure this winter?’ (winter starts June).

    You seem to be taking it okay, but really, it would REALLY throw me. God, I hope things work out. Things happen for a reason, people say, & you can only hope.

    They seem to have been really, really good about it, yes, but don’t you think it sexist they openly say they ‘want a young male out there’? This is off to me.

    I truly, truly wish you the best.

    Like

    1. Noeleen, I know I replied to your comment already, Sheesh I don’t know where they disappear to!!
      I am lucky because I only have me to worry about; I can remember going to work in tears because I hated my job but I had to go because I had Kris to take care of. I wasn’t with this company long before I realized they were not what I had thought they were and thought maybe I had made a mistake but it was enabling me to buy my dream cabin and I forced myself to look at it as a means to the end. Too many managers and no communication, promises made without follow through, and everyone afraid of losing their jobs and busy protecting their own asses. I hate working in that kind of environment but felt I had little choice. But I do have a choice and as long as they keep ybeir promise to get me a truck I will find a way to get by until something better comes awing.

      In reality, if I hadn’t had the job I would never have gotten my cabin or a bigger truck so for that I am thankful.

      Thank you so much for your concern and support!

      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  6. Dear Carrie,
    You have not let any one down at all! You are amazing! It just doesn’t seem fair! You have contributed so much to the company, and now this! If anyone has what it takes to pull things together, you do Carrie. I pray for you and that there will be many joyful blessings in your life.
    God bless you Carrie!
    Lora

    Like

    1. Lora, thank you so much! You made me cry! You are always so supportive and encouraging, I will figure it out God must have a plan, I am just not the most patient person and I panic at the thought of losing my little cabin. I can’t go there, something will work out; it has to.
      Thank you so much Lora!!!
      Big hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  7. Carrie, there are lots of companies that would hire you because of your personal drive and experience. In the time you have been with this company you have made contact with many possible employers – there is no doubt that many of the customers you established for them would hire you. Just ask – keep an update resume on the seat of the truck beside the dogs and go for it…..God bless you dear one and please keep on blogging, making those recycle decorations and in no time you will have another enterprise. I can see it now – metal art by Carrie.

    Like

Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s