Broken Heart Syndrome


The picture at the top of my truck is the load I had loaded the day before my heart attack, I wasn’t able to insert it where I wanted and it showed up at the top. Oh well, bigger things to concern myself with.

When commenting on my post yesterday “I Am Not Dealing Well” Donna mentioned I should Google ” Broken Heart Syndrome” so I Googled it this morning and was hit with an epiphany! That is what I have!! So many things make sense now.


Broken Heart Syndrome is a condition caused by severe stress and is 7-9 times more likely to affect women than men. A report done by the Mayo Clinic says it can be brought on by surge of stress hormones such as adrenaline, which temporarily enlarges part of the heart and it doesn’t pump well while the rest of the heart pumps normally or even more forcefully. It was originally called takotsubo cardiomyopathy. The symptoms are treatable and usually reverse themselves with a few weeks.

A typical stressful event that may bring on Broken Heart Syndrome are, a sudden death of a loved one, a big financial loss, domestic abuse, sudden job loss etc


The systems of Broken Heart Syndrome are:

– Chest pain

– Shortness of breath

– An irregular heart beat

– A generalized weakness

– Back up of fluid in the lungs

They say that it is reversible in most cases, but it does damage the heart and it makes sense then that prolonged stress can do permanent damage and in some cases can be fatal.

Interestingly enough I had a heart attack in November 2011, almost a year after leaving JC. I had been working very hard that day and loaded a big load on my truck.

That night I was very tired and had pain between my shoulder blades, I assumed I had just pulled a muscle or was coming down with something. I sat down on the couch and promptly fell asleep. I woke up 12 hours later with my coat still on. It was Saturday and I had to get the load off my truck so I forced myself to get up. I unloaded my truck, feeling worse as the day wore on and by 2 I decided to just go home to rest. I had indigestion all day and I still had this pain between my shoulders so I thought maybe a soak in a hot tub would help, but the hot bath only intensified the pain. I was sitting on the couch, when my right arm went numb and then felt like dead weight. I knew then that I was in trouble, so I Googled heart attack and found out I was right. I took the dogs for a pee and fed them, then got dressed and drove myself to the hospital, still thinking it was probably nothing and they would send me home. But I called my son just in case, to tell him I loved him. He in turn called a good friend, Isaac who is a trucker and just happened to be in town at the time; Isaac rushed to the hospital.

When I got to the hospital they immediately hooked me up to machines and admitted me, I was having a heart attack. I insisted I had to go home to my dogs and they laughed at me, I wasn’t allowed out of bed to go pee for 5 days. I was taken by ambulance to New Westminster for a special dye test, where they pump dye into your veins to detect any blockages.

There were no blockages, my cholesterol levels were normal, I had none of the usual reasons for having a heart attack, I am not over weight, no high cholesterol, no blockages, I am not a drinker, I lead an active relatively healthy life but they could see obvious damage done to my heart and asked me if I had been severely ill lately and I couldn’t think of anything.

I was released from the hospital and told to take 6 weeks off, and was back working in 2 days. Who was going to pay the bills?

I have noticed I get out of breath easier since but basically haven’t had any problems since; except, the last couple of weeks. The first time Colin and I had sex I couldn’t breath, I was fighting for breath the whole time and by the time we finished I was gasping for air and had to ask him to get off me. The slightest weight on my chest made me feel like I was suffocating.

The next time wasn’t as bad, but I have developed fluid on my lungs the last few weeks, waking up in the night to cough. I can feel the fluid in my lungs like when you’ve had a bad chest cold and you have to cough up the phlegm. It has concerned me because although I am a smoker I have never had a cough, but now it makes sense.

The trouble breathing while having sex had gone away and I was able to relax and really enjoy making love.

Since I walked in to Colin’s the other night I have had terrible shortness of breath, shaking, and have felt I could have another heart attack. Yesterday, I was having such a hard time with my truck and he had such an attitude, I literally thought I would pass out and there was no compassion or concern from him just distain and anger, so reminiscent of JC I even called him James by mistake once.

I know my reaction to Colin is not strictly from what Colin has done but it is more to do with JC, its just that Colin is another narcissist and it only makes sense that dealing with him would cause me to think of JC.

Very interesting stuff. The doctors did tell me I have permanent damage to my heart now which is kinda scary that the bastards can physically break your heart. And you can die from a broken heart. It makes what Colin did even more vile and incomprehensible.

Hugs to you all




23 thoughts on “Broken Heart Syndrome

    1. I knew stress could cause heart attacks but for whatever reason didn’t connect the stess of being involved in an abusive relationship to actually having a heart attack. The thing with 90% of relationships with narcissists is they not only break your heart they try to destroy you financially, ruin your reputation, turn the kids, family and friends against you and then blame you for it. That’s a hell if a lot of stress!!


  1. My heart goes out to you Carrie. You are truly such a kind and loving person. You deserve so much better than a self-centered, self-serving narcissist or psychopath! Much love GF.


  2. I too knew about that Broken Heart Syndrome; it happened to me after my ex of 38 yrs left me. I was a mess for a long time and was sure that I was having a heart attack. At the time though I had no insurance and just sucked it up and stayed in bed. A couple years later when I qualified for Medicare I got checked out by a cardiologist. Luckily he was the kind of doctor who would take time to listen. He did a series of tests to be sure but found nothing wrong. Instead of telling me that “it was all in my head” he explained how that affects your heart. He too encouraged me to do more relaxing things, de-stress a bit. It has taken me awhile but I think I am getting there.
    Hopefully you can get past this latest set-back soon.


    1. Wow! I had no idea you’d had a heart attack. I knew my chest ached so deeply that I really thought I was going to die but at the time I didn’t know about BHS either. Take care, dear. Lots of good things await. XOXO


      1. Oh no, Donna! I didn’t actually have a heart attack. But it mimics one. I was sure that’s what I had but the doctor assured me that as yet no permanent damage. But he was kind enough to take the time to explain that if I didn’t take care of myself – and that included leaving the past alone until I could deal with it- then I was at risk. Stress is often ignored because people feel it is not relevant but it most definitely is!


    2. Kathy, I am moving on through it quite easily seeing as I have to see him daily but I stay clear of him and its not so hard. If I hadn’t been through it with JC I might feel differently but now I know “no contact” is the only way to heal.
      I’m glad you made it through, you must have been scared 1/2 to death. You poor thing!
      What those bastards do to people is unbelievable.


      1. I have come to feel that they guys (and there are some women too) that do this are broken in some way and just unable to understand that aspect of life. My ex and I get along now and call each other once in awhile but it was a hard way for awhile. I think what made him see was to be thrown suddenly into caring for his elderly parent and step parent. They are the ones who raised him and are totally selfish, so the tables are now turned on him. I do feel bad for him but no longer try to “fix” things like I did before.


        1. I think that is the secret: we are “Fixers” we want to make it better for everyone, especially the ones we love. We have to let people fix their own lives, suffer the consequences of their actions, and learn to be responsible. If we are always saving them; we are in essence saying to them; I don’t think you are capable of taking care of yourself.


  3. I am a firm believer that my yoga practice is reversing the adverse effects of my toxic relationship. There are studies in brain plasticity and our minds ability to transform
    itself. I just tweeted a link to a story on Elephant Journal about it. I’ll find it and share with you. 🙂


    1. Positivegirl, they are heartless; it is so hard for those with a heart to believe that these people exist even when we live in the same house, sleep with them in our beds.
      If my ex knew he was responsible for me having a heart attack he would get huge ns from it, not feel guilty or sorry. In fact these bastards would find a way of using it to hurt a person further.
      Sick, self absorbed scum.


  4. I totally believe and understand this syndrome. I feel sure I have it. My heart is broken in so many ways, but today, the sun is shining and there are no narcissists in my life. My son is well today. My dog is happy. And, my heart feels stronger than usual!

    I wish you well sweetie. I hope you find love from a person who is caring, loving, kind and most interested in you and your well being. (I wish the same for me, but I’ve sort of quit the dating game. I’m too tired, but hopefully, if I ever meet another person who I might like a lot, God I hope he isn’t a narcissist)! Please take good care.

    With love,


    1. Michelle, the kicker is; I was perfectly happy all alone living in my little cabin. I really wasn’t looking for a man, and I wasn’t attracted to Colin in that way. He really worked at getting me, wormed his way into my life.
      It blows me away that they put so much effort in just to hurt a person.
      Oh well I came away intact, that’s that counts.
      I will be find, my puppies and me.
      Thanks Michelle!


  5. I’m glad that you’re feeling more at ease with everything that’s been going on. It’s laughable that he’s willing to forgive YOU! What a wonderful world these delusional bastards must live in. Maybe we could visit it someday. Then again I would rather be hurt but realistic than fine but stupid. You should hold your head high knowing that your intentions were nothing but good. Too bad everyone didn’t have your morals. The world would be a much happier place. Love ya


    1. Thanks Denise!! I love you too! I should have known better; you met him; you know. But dang he was so supportive and helpful; suckered again. This time though is the last time. He can piss up a rope for all I care.

      How are you doing?
      Miss you
      Love and hugs


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