God- Please Let Me Stay


I have always loved living near water; it can be the ocean; a river, or a lake but there is something about water that soothes the soul.

When I lived at Cultus Lake it didn’t matter what kind of day I had once I got on that Cultus Lake road I felt the tension leave my body. I didn’t live right on the water but Kris and I would take supper and go eat on the dock. We spent day and night down on the dock weather permitting.
I have always regretted selling my place there until I got this place.

May long weekend is the same in all resort communities I am sure. The people who don’t live there year round arrive to open up their summer cabins, many of them have been doing this their whole lives and now are bring their kids.

The resort comes alive and its impossible to feel lonely even if you are alone. Vehicles started pulling in Thursday night but Friday evening was the busiest with trucks pulling in with boats in tow, a truckload of squealing kids, the family dog, enough beer to drown an army platoon, guitars, frizbees, and fishing poles.

The saws and hammers start about 8 am as people do repairs to their cabins, Canadian flags go up, and barbeques are pulled out of storage, the sounds of kids playing and adults laughing fill the air with inaudible happy noise that puts a smile on your face.

Waterfront gardens

I spent the weekend working in the yard. It is amazing how many weeds were in this tiny yard; a whole truckload that I have to take for composting this week. But I got all the weeding done and flower beds dug up. As I was working I’d stop to watch a party barge loaded with revelers loaded with booze cruise by with the music blasting waving to the people on shore. Then a canoe or row boat would go past loaded with kids, a ski doo, the odd kayak, and speed boats of every description full of partiers cruised the shoreline looking to reunite with friends they haven’t seen since they locked up the cabin last fall.
Every once in a while a shrill scream would pierce the air as another brave child hit the ice cold water either by choice on a dare or because someone pushed them

Golf carts hauling drunks people from site to site clog the roadways.
As night falls the bonfires dot the darkness and the smells of barbequed burgers and steaks fill the air and the sounds of guitars and stereos replace the laughter of the children as they are tucked into bed exhausted from a day of playing in the sun and water.

Sunday the resort had their annual May long weekend pancake breakfast, the hammering started a bit later but the day unfolded much like the day before. Except for me.

The resort put a blurb in the newsletter saying I haul scrap metal and Sunday the calls started coming in. I headed out to do some pick ups and didn’t get to the top of my road before my clutch went on the truck.

I tried everything I could think of but could not get the truck to go into any gear, I was dead in the water. A few of the guys offered their assistance to no avail. I finally called Colin who was not thrilled to hear from me seeing as he was with “Miss Just for Sex”.

I even called my ex husband who was as helpful as he could be seeing as he was camping in Vernon at the time.

Eventually I had to leave it parked half in the road and hope they didn’t tow it. I text messaged Colin and told him the situation and THEN he got right back to me to give me shit about “shitting on him” after all he’s done to help me. I couldn’t help it; I bit the bait and retaliated. You see I have tried to let by gones be by gones and be “friends” because I needed the work done on my truck. He had text messaged me on Wed to come down to the shop and he would work on my truck. He had arranged for miss POF to arrive which I dealt with fine. That night he messaged me saying sorry for the uncomfortable situation. I had responded, ” Not a problem at all, just thankful for the help with my truck.”
The next day he said if I came that night there wouldn’t be any surprises and he would finish the work on my truck. I went and no work got done on my truck at all; he cooked me supper and tried to get me into bed.

I went back Friday and he did work on my truck, in the pouring rain, he was very sweet but once again couldn’t keep his hands to himself. I tried ignoring him but it was very uncomfortable. When I left my clutch wasn’t working and I had to double clutch to change gears.

Saturday I dropped by because I had practically no clutch and he didn’t have the time of day for me. Turns out Miss POF was on her way. Whatever, I left and got on with my weekend and then Sunday it broke down completely.

Now I know everyone is saying don’t let him work on your truck. But you see, I have no choice, I am totally broke with $60 to my name with no one who can help me.

I got the truck because Colin promised to get it in good running order and had no idea that the day after I got the truck I would go to his place and find Miss POF there.

The only other choice I have is to hand the truck over to Ccon and then I don’t have a vehicle, a job, and will be homeless in less than a month.

The excavator at the resort tows me off the road

Monday morning the president of the strata council towed me out of the way with the excavator. My truck now sits at the entrance to the park and I don’t have a clue what is going to happen next. In 9 days I have to come up with $1000 for my mortgage and power bill.

I wasn’t going to let it ruin my weekend; surely God would not answer my prayers, give me my dream home and then let me lose it and be homeless again. Surely!!

I got the gazebo free in scrap
Little area beside the house

So I finished my yard work, enjoyed the partiers all around me and prayed for a miracle.

Nothing so far.

Keep me in your prayers please.
I hope every one had a great weekend.

Love and hugs


20 thoughts on “God- Please Let Me Stay

  1. I can’nt belive how you have “Come-so-far” in your dreams and job, this is threatening to take this all away from you again?
    It seems to me that there is no justice in the world today!
    Just the bastards that have destroyed our lives………
    With God’s help and a heap of praying for U from people who “know” – Your Family on the Web….U will overcome this once again.
    I will pray for you……..
    Karma will reign.


    1. Sue, thank you so much!! Prayers are what I need. I am trying to not stress about it too much, it doesn’t help and makes a personal do stupid things and makes you sick. I am giving up hope yet, God has come through at the last minute before for me.

      Thanks so much for your support and well wishes and prayers.


  2. Dear lady, because that is what you are. Im sorry you are having a rough time again. Your writing has carried (Carries) me through one of the darkest times recovering from the heartbreak of a narcisist. Your home comes thru with warmth and life. I hope that your neighbors would be of some comfort and maybe even help? If they are breaking out their tools to fix their homes, maybe they can help with the truck? With love from California


    1. Rosa, thankyou so much for your kind words. My neighbours are great and are willing to help any way they can but this needs a mechanic and unfortunately a mechanic that knows how to work on these type of trucks. They are really reliable trucks but made by Isuzu for GMC. So are a little different to work on and parts are expensive.

      I am praying for a miracle. Your prayers will help for sure.


  3. I hope something picks up and you are able to pass over this hurdle.

    You know, Colin can kiss my…you know what? No! Punch him in the dick!


    1. Michael, you never let me down! You always put a smile on my face!!
      You still have to start your online course in “Dick punching 101” I think we could fill your first class no problem!! Either that or you could start a business, Michael PD. (dick puncher) at your service madam.
      Thanks Michael!!


  4. I am sorry Carrie, I will say a prayer for you that you can keep the pretty little cabin. Doesn’t seem fair does it? I really think it has to do with the N’s myself. Don’t want to blame C entirely BUT seems to me he wants you at his mercy and wants you to accept MS POF and still carry on with him. NOT a nice person. Actually a real dick, as Michael inferred. I know you feel like you need to be “nice” to him because of the circumstances BUT he can keep you dependent on him with that vehicle. And has already started doing it. It’s a catch 22. Gonna prat real hard for you tonight, K?


    1. Thank you Ellie, I think you are spot on about Colin. I hate to spend too much time trying to figure out why they do what they do because of c howourse it makes no sense to any normal person. They have so many paranoias, and hidden agendas a person can’t possibly figurw them out. I have had my feelings he was working against me behind the scenes but didn’t want to make false allegations or look paranoid myself. It was a tougj situation I wasn’t really sure how to handle. When it is work, he has the idea he is going to maje you his and he is in the position of power a person really can’t win. I tried distancing mtsrlf from him but he would just come up with something else that made it impossible. I knew there was no way it was going to turn out good if I stayed there. But what do you do eithout sounding crazy yourself? I thought, keep your friends close and your enemies closer and hope I was wrong.
      I have spent the last two days formulating an email to the owner of the company because at this point I have nothing to lose and I laid the whole situation out and asked for hrlp getting the truck running so I can work and keep my home.
      I can only pray he is a compassionate man and sees the truth in my words. If not, at least I tried and have lost nothing. I still have two weeks before he can take the truck back for nonpayment and maybe something will come up by then. My main concern is I lose customers every time something like this happens and a person never really recoups when they go weeks without making any money. You just get further behind.

      *sigh* it is what it is. No one could have foreseen the truck needing these repairs, I only pray that once I do this repair a bunch more don’t follow.
      I appreciate your prayers!! Please don’t stop!


  5. MY god. Hard lives can get harder. You are in my thoughts and I really pray something or someone comes along to help you. You never know what’s round the corner but living with constant anxiety is very wearying. Sadly I know


    1. Countingducks, yes the constant stress wears a person down for sure. I barely had time to take a breath and I back to struggling to keep my head above water. I am trying to not do anything out of panic and give God time to come up with a solution and weighing my options. I refuse to waste a moment of being here in my dream home worrying about losing it. Its impossible to remain depressed when you are watching 10 baby ducks swimming with their momma. ๐Ÿ™‚
      I will pray your life becomes less stressful. Life is too short to spend it stressed out.
      God bless you my friend


  6. Carrie,
    My heart goes out to you. Take a step back and enjoy the weekend. Not easy when bills are due, but maybe this is a sign to take a small breather.

    Get out enjoy the people and the parties that are there fir weekend. Sometimes we have to really force ourselves to let go before a new solution arrives. Take a new approach.

    If it helps to let go write on a piece of paper “My truck will be fixed” don’t worry about time line and put it under your pillow and let go. If start thinking about it again write it down again. Your solution will eventually come to you and in the mean time enjoy the water and people.



    1. Kelly, that is exactly what I did all week. I worked on my place, enjoyed where I am today and just prayed for a miracle.
      No miracle yet.
      To be honest, I am just sick and tired of fighting for everything.
      For years I was a single mom struggling to work full time, buy a house, be mom and dad to my son. Then I was with JC for over 10 years and the last two years trying to get back on my feet. I just have to let some of it go. I don’t know what is going to happen. I won’t be homeless again and I can’t be without a vehicle. SOMETHING has to give, it just HAS to.
      Thanks for your support and encouragement.


  7. Carrie, it sounds heavenly beautiful, it does. Oh beautiful. I hope and hope and hope for you AGAIN. My gosh, just to SETTLE would be nice.

    Love how they put an ad for you in the newsletter & calls came in – so glad, things like that.


    1. Noeleen, it is MY heaven! It is everything I prayed for. I could live out the rest of my life here quite happily.
      I deserve it Noeleen, I believe that. I have to admit I am scared to death, and I am tired and I can’t believe this is happening. I need a miracle.
      I am putting one foot in front of the other but I have no resources and no options. The last few years my greatest resource was being a hard worker and my truck. I can’t work without a truck.
      It is funny (not really) but since my truck broke down neither my mother or brother has contacted me.
      If not for my friends here I would feel quite alone.
      Thanks for stopping by Noeleen.


  8. Carrie, I so admire your inspirational spirit and strength. Sending prayers and healing energies your way that all works out well for you keeping your sweet little home. Much love and hugs going your way xo


    1. Janice,
      Thank you so much. I am scared to death. It is time I had a break, it really is!
      Hanging on by my finger nails. I know you can relate to that feeling. ๐Ÿ™‚


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