I swear my fairy godmother needs to start using her hearing aid!
I have been having a really bad run the last week or so; just not feeling myself and I apologize for not being around the site much.
I think PTSD has hit me full force and I don’t like it! Learn this lesson from me and try to avoid going through it first hand. You. ARE. NOT. INVINCIBLE.
Although I don’t know how I could have handled things much differently as I am only human and only had limited resources. I had to keep going or roll over and die, I didn’t have help, I had to keep working; yes my pride played a role also, I must admit.
It’s been 6 weeks since my truck broke down, a month ago I put the problem in the hands of the owner of Ccon thinking if anyone cpuld see the logic of getting my truck up and running it would be him. If anyone had the power to make it happen it was him. But I have found that there are people out there who don’t operate with the same ethics as I do and can sleep at night even though they are contributing to another person’s stress. I have learned that what I consider to be the obvious choice is not the obvious choice to others.
If I am presented with a problem and given two choices; with both choices the impact to me is minimal but one choice could destroy another person I would choose to not destroy the other person.
What I really love and what always makes me leary is when a person feels it necessary to keep telling you that they have your back, they are trying to help you out, they have your best interests at heart. Yet their actions are not saying that, they are saying they care about you but that is not what you are feeling or seeing.
If you have been with a narcissist you know what I am talking about; they are saying one thing but working behind the scenes against you.
If you have been with a narcissist you also are very aware that most people don’t believe half the stuff you say the narcissist did so you are hesitant to say anything when you see it happening again because you don’t want to appear paranoid.
I mentioned last week that they hadn’t even ordered the parts yet. Colin had called me a week after the truck was towed to the other shop to get the number to call to order the parts. I was surprised he was responsible for ordering the parts but what can I say? Its ultimately the bosses decision. Well last Monday I called Colin to see if he had any idea when my truck would be done. He said Carlo was picking up the parts that day. So Tuesday I called Carlo to make sure he did pick up the parts. He didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. He was obviously just as confused as me, he said he hadn’t been involved in my truck repairs at all but he would ask around and get back to me.
Wednesday I hear back from him that they have the parts but there is one part they are having trouble tracking down and that is holding the whole thing up. I knew and had told Colin that the fork had to be ordered from California when the truck first broke down and he had said he could fabricate one. Even if he decided to not make one he knew where to get one and it would take 5 days to get here, or for an extra $25 it could be rushed and be here in 2 days. That was 3 weeks ago and now they were still looking for a part?? It didn’t make sense so I called Isuzu parts department and asked about it.
Interestingly enough the parts were just ordered the day before. They were all coming from California and no one put a rush on them so they would be here early this week. Lovely!!!
Then on Friday I get a call from the owner of Ccon to tell me that he has changed his mind and now he is repairing the truck so he can sell it. Sorry, he tried to do the “right thing” but he didn’t want the head ache and could I drop my laptop off at the office next time I was by there or he’d send someone to get it. (it is the company’s laptop I had just hoped to use it until I got something else happening)
I am not super upset about losing the truck, I could see more repairs down the road and I had already decided to get out of scrap; or been forced out of scrap. It was the whole dragged out ordeal!! For 6 weeks I have watched my customers drop off, not knowing what to do about it. I didn’t apply for welfare because I thought I’d be back to work before the benefits kicked in, now I have to wait 3 weeks.
I went to the sports clinic and got my neck adjusted thank God!! The therapist walked in and said it was good to see me, it had been 7 years. I said I was surprised he remembered me and he said, I don’t remember you; I remember your neck!
I have been feeling very strange all week, light headed, almost stoned!, upset stomach, edgy, unable to concentrate, and unable to sleep!! For a solid week I will feel tired, go to bed, fall asleep for about an hour and then wake up feeling like I can’t breath. I have tried sleeping on the couch and the same thing happens, I fall asleep for a few minutes and wake up gasping for air.
I am going to go to the doctor for a complete physical; it’s time but I think I have pushed myself to my limit (with some help)
I remembered I have some money locked in to retirement funds. I know it wasn’t much but forgot to give a change of address the many times I moved. The economy crashed in 2008 and some of my investnents dropped so low they disappeared. But I call the investment company and she was able to bring my file up. She couldn’t tell me how much money I had because we were on the phone but I have an appointment to see her tomorrow. Apparently I have so little money they will let me withdraw it before I retire. I am only hoping it is enough to pay the fees to transfer the cabin into my name and buy a small car that will be cheap to insure, on fuel and easy to repair.
That is the big update!!
Posted by Carrie Reimer the Lady WithaTruck