My Lap is No Longer My Own

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But that’s ok. My little girl hasn’t left my side since I got home 2 days ago. My big boy Kato is not as able to glue his chubby body to my side; besides Laila is a titch possessive of her momma and I have to make time and room for Kato to get his lovin’s. My poor babies.

Like I said,” I AM HOME!!”

THANKYOU !! To Cindy, Ellie and everyone who sent prayers and Cindy and Ellie for tracking down my number and calling. I was terribly disorientated when Cindy called and I’m not even sure what I said. I stopped answering my phone except for my son and mother because I was so tired. I do appreciate the calls and concern though! Immensely!! I cried when Cindy called, it meant so much to me that I meant that much to people here.

I haven’t posted or responded even though I have read everyone’s comments since I have been home. I’d start a comment or post and just get too tired to finish it. To be perfectly honest this took alot out of me; far more than when I had my heart attack.

After my heart attack I was back at work within 2 days of being released from the hospital but not this time I’m afraid.

Just to bring you all up to date; this time it was heart failure and I was told by the cardiac specialist that to put it in terms I might be able to understand it was equivelant to breast cancer that had matastisized; in other words I was really sick and it was affecting my other organs.

When you hear heart failure or heart attack, and you are still walking and breathing it is hard to fathom how serious it really is and I think people are so used to me bouncing back against all odds that this is going to surprise not only me but alot of people who know me.

Briefly, I drove myself to the hospital a week ago at 5 am after being unable to sleep for a week. Every time I laid down to sleep I woke up gasping for air, finally after a week I knew I wasn’t going to last until my Dr appointment 5 days away. I was very lucky; about 1/2 way to the hospital I blacked out and came to inches from the cement imbutment and was able to avoid crashing the car. I should not have been driving!!

When I got to the hospital and parked the car I sat in the car for a long time and almost left because I couldn’t remember why I drove myself to the hospital. I wandered in to emerg and sat at the receptionist’s desk. When she asked me why I was there I told her I was retaining water, was disorientated and oh yeah I had a heart attack last year.

They whipped me in and before I knew it I was in durectics, a heart monitor and IV’s. I lost over 10 lbs of water in the first 24 hours. I was drowning. Not all people need or should drink 8 + glasses of water a day!! With my heart condition I am to limit ALL fluid intake to less than 8 cups and that includes things like watermelon etc.

Here I was trying to flush the toxins from my system with water and cranberry juice and killing myself.

I am home with a bunch of meds; my mom has been a God send, taking my laundry, buying me groceries and making sure I take my meds.

I am home in my little cabin, the house deal didn’t go through but will go through next Saturday.

I have alot to catch up on here and thankful Cindy has been here to help anyone needing encouragement and support. I guess its time to take the moderation setting off.

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What my feet are supposed to look like!

I just want to say I am so grateful to be alive and for everyone who sent prayers and were concerned. It’s comforting to know your presense on this earth would be missed.  I have an even greater appreciation of life and what is truly important in life. Too bad it takes almost dying to realize what you have to live for.

Embrace life, don’t let the N steal one more minute of your precious life, not one more minute of your joy. You could die tomorrow and he would think nothing more of it than what he can milk it for. We all deserve to be loved for the caring people we are and not used and tossed aside like garbage.

Hugs and love to you all!!
Carrie

Posted by Carrie Reimer the Lady WithaTruck

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19 Replies to “My Lap is No Longer My Own”

  1. I’m so glad to know you are alright now Carrie. I was so terribly worried about you as well as the other girls. I quickly realized your heart was weakening, and not able to do things like pump enough blood to your kidneys (to excrete the excess fluids!) and lungs. I have such a feeling of relief! It’s like…okay, I can breathe now! Welcome home dear, sweet Carrie! Take care yourself as well as those sweet dogs. I’m so happy you are okay now!!!!

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    1. Linda, thank you!! You nailed my condition for sure and actually it is because of you and a couple other people who commented that I even went to the hospital. I cringe to think of what would have happened had I not gone in when I did.
      I am feeling better than I have in years. Its like I washed away the remaining toxins from the N when they flushed the fluid from my body.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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      1. I’m so glad you are doing much better now! I am hoping you are applying for all the available social services in your area. I think it will greatly ease your life and there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it! Because of it, I was recently able to renovate my home which desperately needed it, get energy assistance, food from the food pantry (I also coupon heavily to get lots of freebies! Just recently found out, I may be eligible to receive extensive dental care at no charge! (I do have dental insurance, but it’s not enough!). I’m delighted to hear how much better you are feeling. You have friends out there, who truly love and care about you! We were so worried. The swollen ankles triggered my memory that it was a serious medical condition you were facing (but you didn’t yet realize), but I couldn’t quite place exactly what it was until you mentioned the breathing problems when at rest! Then I knew! Heart problems! Convestive heart failure to be exact! I’m so happy you got the necessary medical attention which probably saved your life! Big hugs and best wishes, Linda Tremaine

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  2. glad to know you are okay, carrie. please try and get disability if you can.the idea of you hauling scrap with your condition scares me!thank goodness you are in canada and have socialized medicine there!so hopefully no major medical bills for you.

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    1. Julie, thank you!! No more scrap hauling for me!!.I am done, it served its purpose and now it is time to close that chapter of my life.
      Yes we are lucky up here, as far as our medical goes, no hospital bills and I had a huge private room with a private bathroom.
      The care was excellent!! The food excellent, the nursing staff were so kind and accomodating, the doctors so concerned and took time to explain everything. I had the best of care without any concern for how I would pay for it.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  3. So glad your ok Carrie… Must be a shock to the system to not bounce back like you used to… Hope you get to recuperate at home without too much worry and without the N’s using this opportunity to ‘wish u well’… Take it easy… So glad the girls tracked you down to show everyone’s care and concern. xxx

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    1. Nadine,
      Thank you!! No “N’s” allowed to ruin my recovery!! I sat under the weeping willow today, a cool breeze blowing off the lake, and I was at peace. No job, no vehicle, but in paradise, with my puppies and feeling loved and cared for. Even heard from an ex who isn’t an N and was concerned.

      I am not bouncing back physically as fast as I have in the past but emotionally and spiritually I am doing great!!

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  4. Carrie~ So nice to hear your voice! LOL. Recovery will take some time, so be easy on yourself.

    Thank you Lord for taking care of our dear friend Carrie !!!

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    1. Cindy, thank you…….for everything!!
      You have a very safe trip across the country as you start your new journey in life!!
      God bless Cindy and keep her safe, lead her in the direction she needs to go to find peace and happiness. Let her feel our love embracing her as she starts this exciting new path in her life.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  5. So Glad to hear you are on the mend Carrie. YEA, we were worried! Did you doubt that survivors of N relationships would lack the skills needed to track you down to make sure you were at least in a place you
    were getting the help you needed. 🙂 We had good training unfortunately and also just KNEW something was very wrong. Once you were located the rest was is GOD’S hands. HE is taking care of you, trust in HIM, HE has a plan for you, isn’t done with you yet! 🙂

    Let’s keep Cindy in our prayers, also, today. She is beginning her journey , across country , to hopefully a place were she can heal and find herself, again. She too, is one amazing lady with more courage than I even think she realizes she has. A survivor like you, like us ALL.

    Dear Lord, please take care of Carrie and Cindy as they follow YOU on the path you have set for them May they find the peace , love and contentment you want them to have. Get them safely to where YOU want them to be. And PLEASE watch over us ALL.

    Amen

    Hugs,

    Ellie

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    1. Ellie; a beautiful prayer thank you. Yes Cindy is a strong woman heading out on her new journey in life. We are all alot stronger than we realize, we’ve had to be and we should remember where we came from; not to stay buried in the past and the pain it held but to know we are capable of great things and overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Look at what we were able to survive, all the while with the N doing all he could to keep us down; now imagine what we all can achieve on our own without someone putting stumbling blocks in front of us.

      I sat on my lounger in my back yard today with a tall icey drink, under the big weeping willow and counted ducks and blessings.

      Life is good; if only for today; today I am at peace and so very grateful. Thank you God!

      God please keep Cindy safe as she travels and starts her new life.
      Amen
      Love and hugs
      Carrie

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  6. Kim, thank you from way over here! I am very lucky; to be alive and to live where I live. I sat out in my back yard under my weeping willow, counting ducks and my blessings today.
    Love and hugs
    Carrie

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  7. Oh Carrie – I’m so sorry you have been poorly.
    So glad you are home now and will be able to recuparate with your lovely dogs.
    Why does this happen to the wonderful people of this World and usually not to the people that caused it?
    Beyond me…..I too have suffered ill-health since the narc left and my doctor explained that this can be brought-on with abuse…..just dealing with it day bye day, and keeping it all inside you……….It’s akin to poisoning the body and the soul. and the stress of dealing with the problems and sxxit they have left behind.
    I too have suffered from swollen ankles and have not been able to walk for the past 8 weeks.
    These are the awful things that the predator can leave you with.
    Hope you concentrate now on your wonderful artwork – which is inspiring.
    Enjoy the peace of your weeping-tree, ducks, and pups and get -well soon.
    We miss your inspiration

    I pray for you each evening and All the Ladies on this wonderful website.
    Karma to you Carrie – you are in my thought’s from England.
    God Bless
    xxxxxxxxxx

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