Repost-Healing Crisis

I wrote this post last year and I think it bares repeating for some of the ladies right now.

Please, be kind to yourselves, be patient, there is no “right” way to griev e. We can’t compare ourselves to anyone else. We all  suffered be ause of the cold heartedness of a narcissist/psychopath and they all follow almost the same exact m.o. But we are not empty like the narcissist who copies other people’s reactions and emotions. We are all individuals with our own history, baggage, scars, insecurities and personalities so how we heal is as individual as each of us is.
As a rule of thumb I would give anyone 2 years to feel healed enough to want to date again, not dream about the N or cry any more. I am not saying totally healed at 2 years but certainly well on the way. Prior to 2 years I would not be concerned unless there was NO progress being made.
I temd to be more concerned when a victim of “heals” too quickly. The worst thing a person can do; in my opinion is to start dating prior to 2 years. To start dating too quickly because you think it will help you recover or to tbink you can bury your feelings and move on (like so many people encourage the victim to do) only increases the victims chances of repeating history and compounding the problems. You have to deal with the feelings and emotions in order to heal.
Just like a broken leg, if you remove the cast too soon, jog when you should be walking with a cane you are only going to do more damage and take longer to heal, and probably injuring yourself worse.
Hugs
Carriehttps://ladywithatruck.com/2012/09/26/healing-crisis/

Posted by Carrie Reimer the Lady WithaTruck

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4 Replies to “Repost-Healing Crisis”

  1. There is no-way I would even consider having a man in my life again even from the great age of 62. I haven’nt healed my wounds from 11 years of emotional and cheating abuse from a liar, cheat, robbing, abuser of the soul and mind f..ck.
    I am however learning a very hard lesson – for myself – allowing to have empathy and love with no boundries for the Devil to enter my life.
    Normal loving people are “normal” – helping, and considering other people’s needs.
    They don’nt – just use, abuse, pretend, sulk, lie, play-act out their sad sorry lie of a so called life? and you are trying to make sense of it?
    The phone calls to your family, saying you are disturbed? lol, the phone call’s to the police to your house, the awful messages to your friends……
    Because you have caught them with the OW. and ripped the MASK OFF.,
    They want to cause harm to you for actually loving them?
    and blame it on YOU.
    Their life is about scheming, to hurt others – abuse and planning their next move, usually that involes CONTROL, MONEY, WEIRD SEX – moving on quickly to the next target,already involved with them before they D/D.
    He want’s the house that I paid for in the divorce settlement. I will fight tooth and nail to make sure that he doesn’nt get it.
    I have got a lot of healing to do in myself to allow “EVIL” to enter my Soul.
    Please friends take heed of this – do not make my mistake.
    I enjoy the peace, without drama, in my life, Every day was a drama – with people owing his money (his God) never gave me any – used to stash it and brag to other women how much he had.
    I am broke but do not live with a person who wanted to destroy me, my soul, my heart after I gave and gave and wouldn’nt support me or help.
    They are not human – just a robot, just take on any features of the person they are with at the moment ……….

    Good Karma

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    1. Susan, I pray you win the battle over your house, you have had to battle long enough. Even if you are “no contact” having any ties to the N casts a dark shadoe over a person’s life. They are pure evil, I am actually at the point I am afraid to see him because he is so dark and evil he brings evil with him. With him out of my life I don’t have the black cloud hanging over me; my life is better in so many areas because that kund of evil permeates all aspects of a person’s life.

      I don’t know if I will ever love again, not because of JC, not because I hate men or fear meeting another narcissist. I don’t know if I will get involved again because I like my life as a single woman and I don’t want to have to accomodate anyone else’s needs. I don’t think I want to share my space with someone long term.
      I also know that I will never again be as forgiving. I take responsibility for that part, there was no acceptable excuse for having personal ads and I should have dumped his ass with the very first ad. I would have saved myself 9 1/2 years of heartache. But then who knows where my life would have gone; I like where I ended yp and the past is the past. I want to focus on the future now, I hope you get to that piint; being excited about the future and leave the N in your dust.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  2. Hi Carrie, whoever wrote this song for Ella Fitzgerald must know what it’s like to have a relationship with a narcissist. Here it is:

    Oh you won’t be satisfied until you break my heart
    You’re never satisfied until the teardrops start
    I tried to shower you with love and kisses
    But all I ever get from you is naggin and braggin
    My poor heart is saggin

    The way you toss my heart around’s a cryin shame
    I’ll bet you wouldn’t like it if I did the same
    You’re only happy tearin my dreams apart
    Oh you won’t be satisfied until you break my heart.

    Hugs to you Carrie! Love, Ianne G.

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    1. Yep, your right, sounds like a narcissist to me! Thanks for sharing that. Whoever writes for Adele, or Adele herself has been involved with a narcissist also. For over a year after I left JC I couldn’t listen to music, I used to love music but I only listened to AM talk radio. It feels so good to enjoy music again.
      Thanks again
      Hugs and love to you.

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