Catching Up

I want to apologize to any one I have not replied to, I am having a hard time catching up after being sick and I am going to have to just start fresh today because it has gotten so busy here (not complaining) I can’t answer all the comments in a day let alone try to reply to past comments.

So if you are new to the site and I haven’t said it yet, Welcome!! You have stumbled upon a group of very supportive caring people who will give you a cyber hug and shoulder to cry on any time you need it, they will also tell you in a nice way to get your head out of your ass if you need it. 🙂

I want to thank everyone that has held the place together in my absence, especially, Cindy, Connie, Nadine, Morgan, KJ, Ellie and many more. I have read every ones comments and I am so impressed with the compassion and wisdom every one shows to each other. Everyone here deserves to be treated well and loved for who they are and who better to recognize that; it takes one to know one.

heartSome times the truth hurts, but it hurts because we know it is the truth and it doesn’t do us any good to be fed lies because that is what we want to hear, that is what got us here to begin with; the narcissist telling us what we wanted to hear and not the truth.

It is time society as a whole accept the fact that evil people live among us, it could be your neighbor, the cop who comes to your rescue, your child’s teacher, the guy at the corner gas station. They are politicians, lawyers, doctors, and are probably highly intelligent and personable. They are charismatic. They don’t have a scarlet N on their forehead to warn you they are a narcissist, they subtly take control of your life and heart and rape your soul, only to leave you bleeding without a backwards glance, They are the executive who can fire someone without a second thought about how they will feel their family. The preacher who will preach hell fire and brimstone and then go in the back and screw the choir leader and beat his wife.


How can they be so heartless? Why do they do it? Does it really matter? They do it, that is all we need to know, because we are the victims, we are the ones hurt and left picking up the pieces; what matters most is how do we carry on and avoid getting sucked in again. Too much time is spent focusing on the N, that is what got us here, worrying about the N, thinking about the N, snooping on the N, trying to figure out what he was doing, trying to please him, trying to decipher his lies, our whole life became the N at any cost. We lost family, friends, jobs, homes, and our pride and self-esteem to one of these soulless bastards, don’t you think he has taken enough from you? isn’t it time to think about yourself and what part of you was so needy for love that you put up with being treated like dirt, how did he get that much control over you and identify it so it doesn’t happen again.

choose  to becomeIf we wallow in self-pity and cry, “He lied, he sucked me in!” “There was nothing I could do, I was victimized, I am a victim and my life is over.” we will remain victims. We will be victimized again. We have to admit we had the power to leave, we had the power to not be victims but we didn’t know what we were dealing with, we were naive, we believed that there is good in everyone and we believed in fairy tale happy endings. How do we go on, how do we put our lives back together?

I am not pointing fingers, I lost everything for love, I jeopardized my life for love.  If I don’t take responsibility for that then I have learned nothing and have no hope of ensuring it never happens again. I have cried for my lost innocence, I didn’t need to learn the things I learned the 10 years I was with him. I saw the devil, I danced the dance with him, I slept with him, I gave him control, so he would love me, so he would think I was perfect again and love me again.

They say the truth will set you free, usually there is a lot of truth behind these sayings. I have always thought I can deal with anything as long as I know what I am dealing with, don’t bullshit me. Nothing makes me feel less in control than knowing something is wrong but not knowing what it is. Nothing makes me crazier than knowing a fact and being told I am wrong. Give me the truth and then I have the power to make a decision based on the truth.

I will give you the truth, the narcissist was born disabled, he can’t love, he will never be able to love, he does not care about you. You are just another woman that he used to get something he wanted. He is a pathological liar and an academy award winning actor, but he has no loyalty, he would screw his own grand mother in a deal. Does it really matter why he does it or how he lives with himself? He does it. he does it because he can and he gets something out of it.

We can ruminate over every detail of our relationships with a narcissist, we can compare notes and cry and rant, scream about how it is so unfair but the truth remains. There are evil people in the world not just in the movies and they hurt innocent caring people every day; I feel it is up to us who have been there, to warn others, make society aware these soul suckers exist and support those who have experienced it and are going through the pain.

When I was going through it, there weren’t as many sites dedicated to narcissists and psychopaths, I didn’t even know what a narcissist was, aside from the fable we all heard when we were kids about the guy who fell in love with his own reflection, a harmless egocentric. I went in a few forums and read the comments of people, every one went on and on about the horrible treatment they suffered at the hands of the narcissist, there were lists of traits and red flags to help identify the narcissist. Women and men compared horror stories and support each other in No Contact but no where did I find someone who had survived a relationship and went on to live a happy fulfilled life. I told myself because if they were happy they had left that behind them and gone on with their lives so of course they were not on the internet.

I saw woman who were making money off of books or programs on how to heal and there is a need for them, no doubt. I am that example I was looking for;survive

A woman who survived a narcissist, got her feet back under her against all odds, and I am happy and at peace, without a man in my life, without bitterness holding me back from ever loving again, but complete without a man

I copied and pasted this from my “About page. Playing With The Cards I Am Dealt”

If by sharing my experiences;
– I empower even one woman to leave an abusive relationship by demonstrating you don’t have to stay just because you have no money or support,

– If one person is given insight into how to help a woman caught in the web of deceit and manipulation of narcissism

– If one life is saved

I will feel there was a purpose for what I went through.

I want to prove:

-(to myself and others)there is life after loving a narcissist.

– A person can not only survive a relationship with a narcissist but thrive and come away from it stronger, more confident, and complete.

I feel I have accomplished all of the above and will continue, but now that I am on the other side and looking back, and the world is so much kinder and life is so much sweeter I want to be prove you don’t have to just survive a relationship with a narcissist; you can thrive!!!

I can’t believe how my life has improved since I truly cut JC out of my life and I want to give everyone some thing more than surviving their pain I want to be a glowing example of how good life can be if you just work through the pain.

I am on the other side of a huge chasm, a huge black abyss that looks and feels  impossible to navigate, I am basking in the warm sunlight looking back at the people c

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8 thoughts on “Catching Up

  1. Excellent post Carrie. I feel the same way. The other night, I was thinking, and I decided there’s no need for a man in my life int he romantic sense. I was a valuable person before, during and after! There is a happy ending here for both of us! We learned not only to survive but to thrive! Once I gave myself person to not struggle to have a man in my life – I suddenly felt a new sense of freedom – I was soaring with the eagles! Nothing anymore to hold me back or weigh me down! We really did win! We’ve learned to love, trust, and forgive ourselves for nothing being perfect! Yes, we are healthier now and we are free!

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  2. Beautiful Carrie. Just so you know, I am becoming one of those women that you helped to see the other side. My good days are beginning to far outweigh my bad days and its because of my faith, my strength and this blog. I forced myself to be with friends and family and laugh again. I don’t long for him any longer. I feel I am in control of my life and I miss what I thought I had but would not give up this feeling for even that. He can’t get to me like before. I’m starting to wake up without that dreaded feeling of him. I still have a long way to go but there is a huge light at the end of this tunnel and its getting brighter by the day. All of you ladies have helped me and I am thankful to have had a place to vent, learn, share and relate to every story. Whenever I get the slightest doubt, someone writes on here and reinforces all my beliefs. It keeps me strong. I respect every one of you. Thank you.

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  3. Awesome Carrie… That was a small kick up the ass that I needed… Accept it!!!! Gggrrrrrrrrr…
    I love hearing how good you feel now… It gives me hope and reminds me that it really is possible… Thanks heaps for all your time and for creating this caring sharing environment… xxx

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    • Nadine, you know even though we have never met I care about you and only want happiness for you, I have been worried about you. I don’t feel I have the right to tell anyone what to do and I certainly can’t get angry if someone decides to go back because I did it myself, many times. That is why I started this blog, so I could hopefully save other women from making the same mistakes I made and to be here when no one else is, to not give up on a person so they never feel totally alone.
      I am glad my post gave you a kick in the ass……you needed it. haha but only because I care.
      You can do this!! and the view from the other side is so F’in awesome!!!
      Hugs
      Carrie

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      • Mmmmwwwwaaahhhh Carrie… I know… And I know as much as we haven’t met, all of us haven’t, it still just makes it so much easier, and makes you feel cared about… I woulda been in the loony bin… Or even worse as I’m sure you catch on, if it weren’t for you and a lot of the ladies here… I wonder how Fee is doin these days… Thinkin of you Fee… x

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  4. Wonderful post Carrie….and all the other ladies who commented above. Yes, there is hope and thank you for continuing to emphasize that. Everyone is at a different place here. Some are just coming out of the crazy fog of the N and need to process what the hell happened to them. They need to feel the anger and rage. And we still need to try to understand what made us stay and what helped us leave. It’s all good…. The good thing about your blog, as you pointed out, is that you also focus on what is possible after all of that hard work. The tools here are vital to our very survival especially understanding the need for No Contact. Relapses are part of the deal and we all have done it and we all need to feel safe to bring it here. So wow, thanks for the update…

    I have also been gone a week and I just counted the posts I missed during that time….almost 200! I started this morning trying to catch up and read the posts from the new ladies here so I can understand their stories from the beginning. It’s very hard to catch up! And now I’m getting all of us mixed up! lol…. my weary brain and all. Maybe I need to take notes….hahahahahhaaa

    I just decided to do what you did. Start fresh. So welcome to all of the new folks and I’m so happy to be back where I have access again. If I repeat something someone else has already said, I apologize…I just didn’t get to all of the posts. But again, it’s all good stuff and I am learning new things every day. I hope I can add something to someone’s day as well. You all mean so much to me. Let us carry on girls!!

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  5. Your words of wisdom are invalubale..My Ex Girlfriend has all the traits of a Narcassist and dare i say it a Sadist..its taken me 4 years and around id say 10 men (that i know of..??!!) to realise and this website honestly has sealed the deal on my fate.

    thankyou

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