The Truth About Why

We have all asked why! We have all struggled with trying to grasp the fact that we loved someone enough to give up everything and it all was a sham.
We are raised to believe the fairytale, our prince will ride up and save us. Even if we grew up and know deep down it is just a fairytale we wanted to believe someone could love us that much and just when we had given up all hope in walks our prince sweeping us off our feet. We are accepted and loved, we are perfect in his eyes and we feel freer than ever before, more beautiful than ever before because he says we are. We want to preserve that, cherish his love and we vow to love him as unconditionally as he loves us. We accept his little flaws like he accepts ours, but out of no where all of a sudden we can’t do anything right. We cling to the fairytale because we want it so bad; the truth is far too painful, it is easier to think we can fix it somehow.
When a person falls in love our bodies produce certain chemicals that give us a “high” and like any other drug addict we need our “fix”, we want to feel that high. The N gives us just enough to keep us hooked and after a while we will do anything, accept anything, just to get our “fix”; just like prostitutes and their pimp. We prostitute our selves for his love.
The N does not have a soul, he is born disabled, he can’t love, he doesn’t know what love feels like, he can only imitate what he sees other people do when they are in love.
To him life is a game of strategy where you do whatever you have to to get what you want. He has no feelings so although he knows he can manipulate people through their emotions he can not relate. He thinks they operate with the same mindset as him and if he doesn’t get them first they will win. Tears to him is weakness or an attempt by you to manipulate him. They know deep down they are empty, they long to fill that emptiness inside them but never can because they don’t have a soul or there is a disconnect between their soul and their heart. They try everything, stealing, adultery, money, women, porn, it all gives him temporary highs but he never feels complete.
He gets angry with you because you are NOT perfect, no one is; AND you are not stupid and start picking up on his deception
The narcissist lives a fragile orchestrated life. He likes to present a certain image to the public and thats where the wife and kids fit in but it is not enough he still has this insatiable need to fill the emptiness inside with women, drugs, alcohol, porn, whatever he craves. That is when it all starts to fall apart. He can’t function in a normal committed relationship, starts to lead a double life and invariably gets caught. He is angry with the woman for no being able to fulfill his every whim, which isn’t humanly possible nor can the woman accept his double life. He thinks if you would just believe his lies everything would be ok but a person with feelings can’t live on lies and how things “look” like a narcissist can.
He gets a high every time he hurts you because it is visual proof that he controls you, it becomes a game with him, how far can he push you before you break. Every time he gets high off the control but eventually he needs more and more. If porn gives him a high, he craves more. He hates weakness in others because he is controlled by his own weaknesses so he ends up loathing you for being weak, for expecting substance and not smoke and mirrors.
Your love was real his love was just a strategy to get what he wanted and part of the image he wanted to present to the outside world. He doesn’t even understand why you are so upset, in his mind you could go out and get someone else like he did.
But we are still hanging onto our fantasy. Also, we all want to be accepted and loved, the best way to get someone to want you is to reject them. It is in all dating manuals. Women have played hard to get for generations. JC downloaded a how to book off of the internet and I found it. It was “How to Get Any Woman in Bed”, one of the first things it said was keep her off balance, if she is with 3 other women, hit on the other  women and she will pursue you because she wants to be accepted too.
I know I would be so angry at JC, so hurt and sick and tired of his lies and cheating I would be ready to walk away and then he would dump me and right away all I could think about was he rejected me! How could he reject me??!! It wasn’t fair when I put up with so much bullshit from him?
Women are the worst for wanting the man at any cost, we are taught we are nothing without a man. Many women are not loyal to their gender and will step right over another woman to get the man and then they are shocked when it happens to them.
We have to learn that we aren’t complete without a man.
We have to learn to be happy without a man and build other relationships, love our kids unconditionally do they never feel incomplete, love our neighbors so they never feel alone. Find joy in the simple things in life and be grateful for everything we have.
This is your chance to grow and be a better person. It took me getting to the point of trying to kill myself because I thought I was nothing without him and he told me to kill myself because no man would want a psycho bitch like me, to decide i was going to live! And I decide to recreate myself from the ground up, keeping the traits I liked and changing the ones I didn’t like and accepting myself flaws and all. We are all unique with traits that make us who we are. Not every one is going to like us, and there will be times we don’t like ourselves. At those times we have to be kind to ourselves and love ourselves as unconditionally as we loved the N.

Re(Creations) by Carrie Reimer 778-344-4974

8 thoughts on “The Truth About Why

  1. Donna Mastropool

    Thank you Carrie. Your words are so uplifting and hit home for all of us ladies here, I’m sure. As I said before, and I truly believe, that God found this group for ME!! Since I started reading and adding comments I have made a lot of positive changes in my thinking. Sincerely this group along with my growing faith have literally saved my sanity and even perhaps my life. I was always a strong Christian in my heart, and always talked to the Lord and prayed; but my relationship with the N was even taking away from me being a better person. Always in a battle with such a negative, nasty soul. Like fighting with the devil and his league constantly. I am starting my life all over at 55, but I am looking forward to all the beauty I have missed. Bless you All


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Donna, my faith grew very strong in the beginning of my relationship with JC, I prayed to him all the time, about JC and I but also my son and brother who were going through some shit. And I witnessed a lot of things that were nothing short of miracles. It seemed there was always some Christian trying to save JC, like there really was a battle between the devil and God. But as time went on my faith grew weak because I blamed God for allowing JC to hurt me, because I felt he didn’t answer my prayers.

      By the time we split I was really struggling with my faith but you know? once I was truly done with him my prayers were answered. Prayers I had prayed 3 years prior came to pass, exactly what I prayed for. Then I realized, God did answer my prayers a lot of times but I refused to listen because it wasn’t the answer I wanted. So many time God would put evidence of JC’s infidelity right under my nose and I would keep forgiving JC.

      Like they say, God doesn’t give you what you want he gives you what you need.

      Since the black cloud of the narcissist has been gone my life has been so much better in all areas! they destroy a person on so many levels, even my heart problems can be blamed on the stress of being with JC.

      I am so glad you have found this blog helpful. There are so many wonderful people who have hang out here, even though I don’t always reply to comments, someone does and they make me cry sometimes; they are so caring and supportive. I love every one of these women (and men) and I worry about everyone, cry for the broken hearts, it is very rewarding to know I have made a difference by starting this blog.


  2. missouriflower

    I love seeing how healthy you’ve become Carrie. I feel like we are both soaring with the eagles now! Nothing will ever take us that low in the depths of despair ever again! It is so healthy we are now so whole and healthy, we know that will will never need a man again.

    I refuse to teach that crap to my daughters that we are nothing without a man (any man!) although I am afraid in years past, that wasn’t quite the image I presented to them.

    Yes, I single-handedly raised and supported three children by myself, and even for a time dragged a worthless abusive man along in my wake along with me thinking I had to have a husband at any cost! Where did this sickness come from?

    I don’t think I/we were born with it. I can only think it must be society’s programming, the fairy tales etc, we grew up on, and reinforcement from other women. We are like Amazons now! We are strong, and will stay that way! We are whole, valuable and healthy, just as we are!

    Never again will we allow anyone to take this knowledge away from us! Let OW have our “sloppy seconds”. ;>D LOL. I’m sorry its them now being used, abused and taken advantage of, but I’m glad that’s not us being harmed and never will be again!

    Without a man, I live a life of bountiful life of simpleness. A lovely home, loving family, looking forward to a long, healthy life (if my doctors are correct – and I once had cancer when I was with my ex psycho.

    Never again will I allow a man to use and hurt me just to make himself feel good! nor will I ever believe I “need” to have a man to be whole and complete! It’s clear you’re going to be just fine too girlfriend! Best wishes, Linda



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