Empathy

I haven’t watched the whole video because I just haven’t had time. Sam Vaknin discusses empathy. I found it very interesting and could explain why we find it so easy to fall for the narcissist. I have said it before but of course Sam Vaknin is an expert and says it scientifically.
What is empathy? We say it is because we can relate to what a person is feeling; or we know how a person feels. But that is impossible; we can only know how WE feel and so we, as empathetic people, assign our feelings to the narcissist.
He doesn’t have to have feelings because we assign him feelings. JC’S adoptive mother always talked about how sensitive he was and when his father died they were afraid to tell him because he was so sensitive. But he never cried, get didn’t even talk about it and he didn’t spend much time with his father. I tried to be sympathetic with him but I didn’t feel he was sad, he was empty. Yet his mother took his distance as being so sensitive he couldn’t stand it and had to with draw. Two totally different views of the same behavior. Which one of us was right? I am sure we both feel we were right but then she always finds a way of putting him in a good light and believes him. How I don’t know in light of some of the stuff he has done. But she is assigning him her reactions and she is a very empathetic person and very sensitive so that is how she sees him.
I hope I explained that right but you can watch it for yourself.

Topsy-turvy: Paul Bloom Against, Vaknin for Empathy (Vaknin and Rutsch)
Www.YouTube.com

Re(Creations) by Carrie Reimer 778-344-4974

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7 Replies to “Empathy”

  1. It’s a relief to find sites like this as when it was happening to me I felt so alone in ‘my’ madness, I’d only really known narcissism from parents too so was groomed into the experience. I also couldn’t really see anything wrong, so entrenched was I in blaming myself and I’d always seen things through the eyes of the perpetrator, as with Stockholm Syndrome. My family had a weird take on life. I’m glad there’s more information around now than there was when I was a teenager and since – though I do suspect people find the information only when they’re ready. Unfortunately because it’s a system which distorts reality, often the target (don’t like the word victim) JUST. CAN’T. SEE. IT. In my book Toxic…No More (Amazon) I used my own life as a framework to combine my writing skills (the humor and learning are what helped bring film interest) with my years of research into toxic relationships. It may not always be the case, but for me it started in childhood. So I ask, how can you have a decent middle and end if you’ve had a toxic beginning? I hope the book which seeks first to entertain, reaches people who wouldn’t otherwise look for this information yet at the same time may be able to identify with what goes on.
    Eventually, after years of these ‘attacks’ and being drained, I made a serious suicide attempt. The fact I survived is a miracle and made me realise I need and want to be passing on what I’ve learnt about toxic relationships, which can lead to substance addiction.
    I recognise the ’empty’ person described above, lived with it for so long. The problem is if it’s become normalised how can we even know it’s a problem outside of ourselves especially when we’ve been discounted for so long? I agree it’s the crazy-making that’s the worse thing, the way the target is destabilized so they don’t feel they’ve got the resources to save themselves – Patricia Evans in The Verbally Abusive Relationship looks at this and it’s one of the several books I recommend in the Toxic…No More reading list. I’d love to talk more about this, information is power which is why it’s so important to have blogs like this. And for that I thank you. Amanda

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  2. Carrie,

    Could you contact me via my email address at theabilitytolove49@gmail.com? I have what I think may be an imposter on my blog, who is using the name of your blog, along with your email address. I want to know if this is really you, because the question this person asked, does not seem right to me, or something that would be coming from you. Thank you! ~ Kelli

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  3. I kind of understand how his mother feels. But what she’s experiencing is denial. I understand this having a psychopathic son. You know this person is going to hurt people, you know he has a history. So your perceptions are different from his mother because yours comes from a place of reality. Hers does not. It isn’t about empathy for her, it’s about guilt unspoken. It’s horrifying to see your child causing such destruction to others. It’s often why we see the parents of murderers sitting there in court supporting their children’s innocence: Denial.

    I pray that my son does not kill someone as he is a violent psychopath. But even if not, he is predisposed to destroy on an emotional level. Given the destruction that JC caused in your life, I can’t imagine how unbearable this must be for his mother. You have the right perspective.

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    1. Kelli, I was quite close to his mother, she is a very Christian woman and over 80 years old, I saw no point in forcing her to face the truth I am sure she must no deep down what he is but like you said, she is in denial. What really hurt me was she was talking to this woman in Africa that he was telling he was going to marry and his mother lied to me about it and she knew for a full two years, we went for a visit and she could barely look me in the eye. It was two years later I found out why. I don’t blame her, but I am pretty sure if my son was going along leaving a trail of destruction behind him I would tell the woman. I know it would end the relationship with my son but I could not let him just continue. I know I can’t say for sure what I would do, but I like to think I would do the right thing. Mind you if I didn’t know about narcissists or psychopaths, I suppose I would believe him. His father knew something but the secret died with his dad.
      It really makes me sad sometimes, not angry, not hurt, just sad for humanity.

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