Growing up no one ever called me Carrie unless I was in trouble. I was always called by my middle name Sue, more specifically I was called SuzzyQ. If any one in my family called me Carrie I automatically thought I was in trouble. No one called me by my name!
Even as adults, my brother was with a woman who’s name was Susan, of course people called her Sue. At family functions when my brother would say Sue her and I would both respond. It almost got my brother in hot water when I mailed him a birthday card. He was dating another woman and she saw the card signed “With love Sue xxxxooooo” and demanded to know “Who the hell is Sue”. He told her it was from his sister and she called him a liar because knew his sister’s name is Carrie. She checked with me. Lol
Anyway, the point I am getting to is this; it doesn’t take long to get conditioned by being called a pet name. Very early in the relationship the narcissist starts calling the target by a pet name. An unofficial survey I took shows that 75% of the time the narcissist uses “Babe or Baby”.
There are several reasons he does this.
1. He never has to worry about calling a woman by the wrong name.
2. (JC called me “Babe” at the end of our second date. I couldn’t believe my ears and thought “get over yourself; how cheesy!!” but as much as I told myself it was sleazy, it gave me goose bumps and I liked it, I felt special. I didn’t know at the time he called every woman babe) Calling the woman by a pet name automatically moves the relationship up a level and makes it more intimate.
3. The woman gets used to being called Babe, it gives her the warm fuzzies because every time he says it she is hearing she is special and loved.
4. Later when he starts his gas lighting and she is on his emotional roller coaster all he has to do is call her by her name and whether she realizes it or not; she immediately feels she has done something wrong.
5. He can later withhold calling her endearing names and when he calls her by her real name it is like a knife in her gut. JC used to withhold calling me Babe and then when he “forgave” me he would say it very softly.
6. When he discards the woman he stops calling her Baby but when he is toying with her he can “let it slip” she feels the warm fuzzies and he can always say it was just out of habit. He can let her assign whatever meaning she wants to assign to it.
It’s all these subtle little things he uses to suck the woman in, control her and hurt her.
Both Colin and JC used the “Baby” technique.
They also both used the routine technique where they purposely set up a routine for the woman to miss later such as JC left me a little love note every morning. He also called all the time just to see how my day was or to say he was late or on his way home. Colin sent me a text message every night before he went to bed and every morning when he got up. Even though I was not in love with him I got used to those messages and couldn’t help missing them when they stopped.
The control and abuse is so subtle and nothing a person can really put their figure on. How do you explain that you are upset because he called you by your name?
Just remember when the narcissist starts calling you a pet name early in the relationship it is not because he is so in love with you. Or when he calls you all the time, it isn’t that he can’t stand being away from you. He is already planning the emotional roller coaster he is going to put you on.
Re(Creations) by Carrie Reimer 778-344-4974