I Have Gotten Legal Advice On Slander

I have gotten legal advice and thought I would share what I know thus far in case any one else has to deal with a narcissist slandering you. As many of you have discovered starting a smear campaign against their victim is typical narcissistic behavior.

If I was really lying and trying to cause him grief he could have gone to court and sued me but he doesn’t have any grounds to do so. I have not named him, and I have not lied. You have to be able to prove that the person said the things they did, whether they are lies or the truth; with the intention of causing damage to your reputation. There is no way he could prove that I did anything with the intent of causing him harm in anyway. It is very typical behavior of someone coming out of a traumatic situation to want to help people going through a similar experience, it is a way they can turn a bad experience into something positive, which I have. 

Believe me I have questioned my motives before I started the blog and since JC has been accusing me of lying and having the blog just to slander him but now, especially after talking to a lawyer I am confident I am acting responsibly and have no problem going forward defending myself.

This is the advice given me:

You would need to sue in court to get a judgment after trial. 

You can sue in court for libel and defamation of character. You would need to prove he has knowingly made false statements about you or made the statements and was reckless as to whether they were true or not. (no problem there, his lies are so out there and I have witnesses, he has tried to discredit my witnesses by slandering them also but he has gone too far this time)

If you decide to proceed in civil court, the remedy that you will seek from the court is an injunction that would prevent further comments. The court can also order that you receive monetary compensation for any damage that is already done to the reputation, or to cover any actual loss or expense suffered as a result of the false comments. There can also be a formal declaration that the comments made were false.

If the behavior of the other party is seen as particularly offensive or outrageous, the court can also order that he pay punitive damages, which is not an amount to compensate any loss suffered, but an amount above and beyond that intended to act as punishment towards the other person for such behavior. These damages are not routinely ordered and are limited for truly egregious behaviour, but you can claim them as well if you are inclined to sue.

The court can also order that you receive compensation towards court costs and legal fees. This is usually ordered payable by the losing party to the winning party, but is based on a tariff, and this is not likely to cover actual costs. The court in rare cases can order the a party to pay the actual legal bill of the other side, but that is limited again to where the conduct of the party during the litigation has been irresponsible, such as deliberately misleading the court.

An alternative to a defamation action could be to try to negotiate some compensation, or getting the comments to cease, to you using the threat of such an action. Usually a lawyer would wish to send a demand letter prior to suing, giving the other party one final chance to stop making any further false or defamatory comments, and/or apologize formally, or face a law suit. A copy of that letter can later be shown to a court as justification for payment of court costs, as it shows an attempt to resolve the matter without litigation.

JC has never see me truly angry or defend myself against him; he has always been able to bully me into submission, He fully expected me to roll over and play dead, because I always have. I would have hurt feelings, cry and plead with him to be reasonable. He was one of the people I loved and I tend to be a lioness when someone attacks someone I love. I faced off with many people who accused JC of things like theft and lying defending him to the bitter end.. Of course he was never thankful.

He is accustomed to being the calm collected victim, while I was an emotional wreck. But I will defend myself, have in the past and will do it again. I have been away from him long enough to have my old self back and I have witnesses, even if they have to be hostile witnesses I will supena his family, previous bosses, and ex girlfriends if I have to.but this time I have money for a lawyer and I will not allow him to ruin the rest of my life.

The thing that makes him so dangerous is that he isn’t man enough to deal with things face to face and is passive aggressive, preferring to lie behind a person’s back or destroying property. 

I was afraid he had put some sort of tracking device on my phone after he said any techie could and in light of some of the events I am pretty sure he must have so I decided to test it out. I copied everything he put on his blog (and printed it out so I have a hard copy) including the statement about me getting fired from Ccon because a “concerned citizen” called my boss about seeing me at the Husky doing crack in the  truck. For one thing, how does he know? So I text messaged a friend saying I had proof that JC was the one to call Ccon. I waited an hour or so and went back into his blog and the offending statement has been removed. kinda makes you go hmmmm.

I am still pursuing charges against him because his blog is full of lies and I am sick of these assholes abusing women and then intimidating them to shut up about it and remain his loyal supporter. They are so delusional!!!!

He keeps saying he is DONE with me, well I want him to keep his word for once in his life. Go!! be happy with M, he is dead to me, an unfortunate part of my past and I have recouped and moved on. I strongly recommend he does the same, he is only making things worse for himself. Another dangerous thing about narcissist’s is that they get so focused on revenge that they don’t realize they are cutting off their own nose to spite their face.

His closing comments had me confused for a while but while in the shower just now a light went on, here is the comment:

…”.I can go back to the awesome life I am starting with MP, and drive another stake into the heart of that vile demon from Chilliwack that keeps trying to cause us harm. SHe has her blog, and her minions, and they feed off one another. I have MP….and yes….we eat each other once and a while too. She is delicious….but thats another story”

I am not living in Chilliwack and he must know that. For one thing, he mentioned that I was asking for donations, he knows I was working for Ccon and they are in Abbotsford AND the only way he could know about the donations is if he checked out my FB or blog, either way he would also know where I am living. So why would he say Chilliwack? He is setting up his defense, he is trying to make it look like he couldn’t possibly have anything to do with me getting kicked out because he doesn’t even know where I live.

I have had over 300,000 views of my blog and over 550 followers, I have testimonials from people that I have helped, my blog is informative and I am educated and well spoken on the topic I cover. Whereas his blog is new, he has no followers and the only friends he has are ones he has made with M so anyone going to his blog is either going to know me and know he is lying or they will go to my blog to see for themselves what I am saying. I am sure any intelligent normal person who read his blog would want to read my blog for themselves which would drive up my viewer stats and reveal the truth, that he is the vindictive ex.

So far everything he has done to destroy me has actually worked in my favor and I can’t help but think God has his hands in things now and will protect me.

the course of events so far.

I got the job at Ccon but was struggling with my health and not happy in the job.

I was able to get into my dream cabin because I had the job at Ccon, the owners of the cabin knew JC and didn’t like him from things he did in the past and knew me to be an honest hard working individual with neighbors in there who knew me and supported me.

He called CCon and I got let go.

I discovered I had money sitting in the bank and was a able to complete the deal even though I had lost my job and had a heart attack.

Had I been self employed I might not have gotten in the cabin and I most definitely would have been hooped for income if I had been self employed. I didn’t have enough hours to get unemployment insurance but I did have enough hours for disability benefits.

My benefits have been delayed because Ccon screwed around about my truck and I didn’t apply right away and then there has been delays just because I am dealing with the government but now I am getting a large sum of money because they will be paying me retroactive. With the lump sum I am able to get the brakes on my car fixed, pay my mortgage up to date, pay all my bills up to date and still have a retaining fee for a lawyer. Funny how these things work out.

This morning I got a text message from the owners of the cabin saying they have been notified by the strata counsel that there has been an anonymous complaint made against me because I have been keeping the neighbors awake at night fighting with my new boyfriend. Which is hilarious considering I am alone at home every night and no one has even seen a man enter or leave my house for months. But immediately strata would be concerned because the police had to be called numerous times when JC and I lived here and he would know that would be the one issue that could get me kicked out of here. The people that own and are carrying the mortgage on the cabin are intelligent, logical and compassionate people who know JC and are behind me 110% and when we got off the phone today they were immediately calling strata and clearing things up and advised me to inform the strata counsel in writing what is going on, which I am going to do today, right before I go to the police station to file a complaint against JC.

I have tried to give him a break, I have not talked to his family about him, not contacted him, or his girlfriend or his numerous employers. If he has drama in his life it is due to his own doing and I am not his door mat any more. 

I can’t expect the women in here to be strong if I am going to cave in to the narcissist the minute he tries to intimidate me. Enough is enough, 2 1/2 years is long enough for him to move on and this blog is one of the things that protects me from any physical attack from him because he would be the first suspect.

At first when I read his blog I felt defeated, I felt like giving up, I thought, “Why bother trying to have a good life, he will never allow it and will make my life hell forever more.” he was controlling me again and he doesn’t control me any more, I have to remind myself I am not helpless any more, I do have the support of my family again and people do support me and respect me for being me. Sure people were hesitant when I moved back to Everglades but I have just been myself and let them see me for the person I am. JC used to always go in gang busters doing everything he could to win people over but after 3-6 months people always figured him out to be a pathological liar and scam artist. After 6 months people have grown to like me on my own merits and because I am a good person and people can see that.

You see a narcissist doesn’t understand that because they are just an act, they don’t understand people liking you just because you are a genuinely nice person. 

Wish me luck and say a prayer, God is good and will protect me but a little extra praying never hurt.

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9 Replies to “I Have Gotten Legal Advice On Slander”

  1. Stay strong Carrie, you have a lot of people cheering for your AND depending on you. If you wanted to put a donation button on your site – what frickin’ business is it of HIS?! If you did I would donate! Everyone’s story is different but we all take something away from this blog, whether it is advice or hope; keep on truckin’ babe!

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    1. Lol thanks!! KL, I actually just took my donation button down a few weeks ago. I didn’t feel it was right to keep t up if the crisis was over. I have a Gofundme acct. Maybe i will put it back up. I just hate to ask for money.
      But I guess if it is there then people have the option.
      Thanks!!
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  2. I have filed a complaint at work for his slandering behavior and even got 5 witness statements from co-workers. the rest is hear-say. Ya, know. I’m a whore who cheated on him with a co-worker. This, of course, is a running joke in the office as no-one believes it.
    I even joke and call this poor man my boyfriend, lol. If you don’t laugh you will cry right?

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    1. Lol thanks!! KL, I actually just took my donation button down a few weeks ago. I didn’t feel it was right to keep t up if the crisis was over. I have a Gofundme acct. Maybe i will put it back up. I just hate to ask for money.
      But I guess if it is there then people have the option.
      Thanks!!
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  3. I can not believe how much your situation is much like my life with my now ex. But the law In williamson County Texas always seemed to be on his side. Jailing me on false abuse to get me out of the house with no evidence just him stating this happened shocked me to death. I never touched him. It was all planned out. He took the cash which was in my office in the house that my father left for each of his kids. 30k he took from my vault which he had full knowledge I was trustee of my fathers trust. He had already given small amounts of early inheritance to the kids while still with us but this was the remaining funds to be paid out under his terms to his kids during their life. He knew I was setting up separate trusts after his one year death for each child that following Monday at the bank. He embezzled this cash on a Sunday which was my fathers one year death anniversary. I was shocked to find it missing and he had all autos loaded on a trailer with boxes of marital property. He told me laughing he hated me for some time. Now he was leaving taking all and I would not see a dime of the money. He said, f me. Sell the house and whatever I can in it to recoup the money. He is gone.
    He left. He constantly left the marriage came back only to have a demand list that I must do or he isn’t making this marriage work. He would say he placed divorce on hold. But with this cash he had what he wanted all along cash. I hadn’t seen and income of his or had access to any of it for 6 years. This is our second marriage. So many issues but with his death threats to me and family and filing cruelity for all things, I had no money to fight him. He gained exclusive use of home. I was forced out. He moved in all the club people he partied with for the whole month when he left. He kept threating if I fought him for his retirement or a dime I would regret and he knew where my mother lived! He had threatened if I didn’t tell him where a car was that I took and hid when he said he was taking all, that his dream he had that he hit me in the head with a hammer and cut my body up in pieces and hiding me under the pool would come true. He said, he would kill me and the dogs if I didn’t return. He called my family names calling them and telling them if they didn’t tell him where car was or marital property he would make them regret it. I went to police, da, and the judge reporting and trying to get protective order. Denied. Judge didn’t even look in file. I heard him make a phone call which i truly feel was to my husbands lawyer.
    His lawyers is know for trickery, lying and cut throat tactics. Sure enough I was starved out of home. I had to borrow money to pay the utilities. I chose to care for my father and always had his help to pay for food gas car parts, cell phone. My husband paid nothing for me. It was like he was single. This is our second marriage. He did the same thing in that marriage. Threatened gave a false financial statement. He never paid the credit card debt he was told to pay in that marriage.
    He forced me to do his consolidation efforts. I did our taxes for over 16 years and he kept every dime locked away in a vault. He bought and sold autos and bought hisself his family and strangers gifts. Nothing for me. He got all new things for the cars trucks but not my car.
    I was never notified of when the next hearing was after being put out of my home. I lived with friend and in my car with our dogs. He claims we are divorced and he won all. He never took my name off mortgage or deed since first marriage. I got to have some rights. his income was considered when I tried for low income lawyer when I don’t even have access. I tried for continuance for legal help with lawyer. Denied. I had no help. He came to the home prior to having me put out saying he would let me take over payments on house and keep truck. Then he tried to touch me and have sex like he always did. I said no. I filed on him for sexual abuse. He has forced me at times brutally to have sex. He tells me to get money for gas I had to suck his d**k! He beat me up black eyes, punching in the head, kicking out of moving truck, hitting me in the head with a water pitcher, leaving the house never checking on me for days. I filed for abuse first time in 2008. He forced me to drop or me and dogs would be in the streets. Called me cunt whore stupid bitch…no one loves me slit my wrists and get it over with. my family hates me. the only man that will want me is a nigger. his words…I am a low life. I can’t suck dick. He left the house on Dec 26 2012 just as he did the first marriage. which is one day prior to our anniversary. On our anniversary he took woman to hotel and had sex with her. He partied in the bars and spent money that he stole like crazy. He spent over 23k in 6 months and here he had 5 credit cards totallyt 40k. He bought autos and fixed them up. pocketed all the money for hisself. He kept all funds locked in vault and had combo. Never gave it to me.
    After he forced me out gaining exclusive use of the home he moved in all the club friends and this woman. He to this date tells me he got all in divorce. I never got the last notice that we are divorced or a notice stating default hearing. Nothing. I have gotten email before from his lawyer why couldn’t they at least send word there. They knew I lived in car or streets!

    Legal aide lawyer I called when he left the home in Dec. they didn’t call back …I called again had to apply for lawyer again. Noone called and I was forced out. I got call after I was in car! My husband when he left turned my phone to text only but kept his phone full access. He long ago had the phone bill changed to his work address over 3 years back. His bank statements that income, retirement, va, bonsuses all one account and he had it sent to his work. I never had any access. He is retired military for 20 years. Because of his death threats on me and family I didn’t go. He frauded and lied to the courts never claiming all the assets he took from the home the first marriage when he left. Listed debt twice which I only seen recently. I never got a copy of the first divorce.
    He had all my fathers property and families in my fathers storage building at the house. There was my fathers car on the property that he had towed. He would say you better come get then he would say if you step foot in the yard I am calling police. He trashed my personal property and dads. He destroyed property. He tells me the truck was awarded to him and the house is his. He says he reported truck stolen.
    I am at a lose for what to do without money you can’t do anything to fight for fairness that you supposely should have in Texas. HELP
    When I tried to file charges on him for the inheritance he stole they said thats a divorce issue. Since we are divorced how can I charge him. He stated on recording he took it. He said I can’t prove anything.
    I feel I have no help or life left.

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  4. My story is so like “ct on’s” story above.

    I of course married to “man of my dreams” and ended up with “the devil”. He cheated, lied, embezzled, kicked me out of our houses at least 8 times over the past 10 or 12 years. He displayed nearly all of the behaviors I have seen described on here. He turned a reasonably pretty, outgoing, happy, and intelligent, accomplished woman into a shell of her former self. He controlled the money, how the house was decorated, my time, my car, and my mind. He acts like an “angel” in public, but a few people have seen the real him and they were totally disgusted.

    The next to last time he kicked me out, he said, “I have PTSD and I can never love you the way you want, so you need to leave.” I did leave, although I was in a fog. You see, the day before he asked me to leave he had been telling me how happy he was. I found an apartment, and moved out with nothing. I bought my own furniture, which wasn’t much as the apt was small. He says after 10 yrs of marriage, he owns everything because he makes 3x what I do. I am on SSDI due to a congenital spinal disorder that my nursing career made even worse. I got him his money. He was so mean and cruel to his employees in his old restaurant that they all stole money from him. Heh,heh! Consequently he lost his restaurant, and then couldn’t keep a job because of his “rages and mental instability”. I convinced him to get help at the VA, and I did all the paperwork to get his VA disability. He also gets extra money for being married to me.

    OK, so I am now in my apartment, kicked out. I re-begin my life. A year later, he starts coming around, uninvited. He left cruel letters, threatening me, and then would leave love letters. He sent me flowers 3 x a week. I gave them away to the elderly neighbor woman. He said he was starting a divorce since I was living away from him. Wait, he asked me to leave? So I prepared for a divorce, but then he came around, saying “I stopped the divorce. My lawyer says don’t worry, and don’t need to accept any summons or go to court”. HE continued to tell me he was not divorcing me.

    Although, I was casually dating, he showered so much affection on me, that I went back. About 1 year later, he says, “I did get that divorce a year ago”. I was shocked and dreadfully hurt. Now he really began to control me. I was scared to find out if he really got a divorce as he still had me on his insurance, and was getting VA benefits for me. I know they can come back on me for this even though I did not know. He threatened me if I tell the VA. Then, he kicked me out again (the last time). I now have nothing. He waited to kick me out because he wanted me to think I had some help in him, and I had put my car up to get a small business loan. Now I am in such debt, I will never get out. I have nothing but a car. I have a love seat and a bed in storage, but live in my car, or stay with a friend once in a while.

    Do I have any legal discourse about the sneaky divorce? Help, I am 54, scared, incredibly lonely, and even though I am NC with him, he still leaves me frightening messages along with claims of love. Talk about Bipolar! Does anyone have any suggestions? I hope I made some sense on here. It makes me so upset to talk about him that my normally sharp mind goes to much.

    Thanks again to each and everyone of you, for your help and support! You rock, Carrie!

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    1. Last sentence in 2nd to last paragraph should say, “…sharp mind goes to mush”, not “much”. Thanks! 😉 Told you I get too upset to type/talk. 😉

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      1. I also forgot to mention that I never did have the money for a lawyer, and where I live, Legal Aid does not take divorce cases nor civil matters.

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