I have gotten legal advice and thought I would share what I know thus far in case any one else has to deal with a narcissist slandering you. As many of you have discovered starting a smear campaign against their victim is typical narcissistic behavior.
If I was really lying and trying to cause him grief he could have gone to court and sued me but he doesn’t have any grounds to do so. I have not named him, and I have not lied. You have to be able to prove that the person said the things they did, whether they are lies or the truth; with the intention of causing damage to your reputation. There is no way he could prove that I did anything with the intent of causing him harm in anyway. It is very typical behavior of someone coming out of a traumatic situation to want to help people going through a similar experience, it is a way they can turn a bad experience into something positive, which I have.
Believe me I have questioned my motives before I started the blog and since JC has been accusing me of lying and having the blog just to slander him but now, especially after talking to a lawyer I am confident I am acting responsibly and have no problem going forward defending myself.
This is the advice given me:
You would need to sue in court to get a judgment after trial.
You can sue in court for libel and defamation of character. You would need to prove he has knowingly made false statements about you or made the statements and was reckless as to whether they were true or not. (no problem there, his lies are so out there and I have witnesses, he has tried to discredit my witnesses by slandering them also but he has gone too far this time)
If you decide to proceed in civil court, the remedy that you will seek from the court is an injunction that would prevent further comments. The court can also order that you receive monetary compensation for any damage that is already done to the reputation, or to cover any actual loss or expense suffered as a result of the false comments. There can also be a formal declaration that the comments made were false.
If the behavior of the other party is seen as particularly offensive or outrageous, the court can also order that he pay punitive damages, which is not an amount to compensate any loss suffered, but an amount above and beyond that intended to act as punishment towards the other person for such behavior. These damages are not routinely ordered and are limited for truly egregious behaviour, but you can claim them as well if you are inclined to sue.
The court can also order that you receive compensation towards court costs and legal fees. This is usually ordered payable by the losing party to the winning party, but is based on a tariff, and this is not likely to cover actual costs. The court in rare cases can order the a party to pay the actual legal bill of the other side, but that is limited again to where the conduct of the party during the litigation has been irresponsible, such as deliberately misleading the court.
An alternative to a defamation action could be to try to negotiate some compensation, or getting the comments to cease, to you using the threat of such an action. Usually a lawyer would wish to send a demand letter prior to suing, giving the other party one final chance to stop making any further false or defamatory comments, and/or apologize formally, or face a law suit. A copy of that letter can later be shown to a court as justification for payment of court costs, as it shows an attempt to resolve the matter without litigation.
JC has never see me truly angry or defend myself against him; he has always been able to bully me into submission, He fully expected me to roll over and play dead, because I always have. I would have hurt feelings, cry and plead with him to be reasonable. He was one of the people I loved and I tend to be a lioness when someone attacks someone I love. I faced off with many people who accused JC of things like theft and lying defending him to the bitter end.. Of course he was never thankful.
He is accustomed to being the calm collected victim, while I was an emotional wreck. But I will defend myself, have in the past and will do it again. I have been away from him long enough to have my old self back and I have witnesses, even if they have to be hostile witnesses I will supena his family, previous bosses, and ex girlfriends if I have to.but this time I have money for a lawyer and I will not allow him to ruin the rest of my life.
The thing that makes him so dangerous is that he isn’t man enough to deal with things face to face and is passive aggressive, preferring to lie behind a person’s back or destroying property.
I was afraid he had put some sort of tracking device on my phone after he said any techie could and in light of some of the events I am pretty sure he must have so I decided to test it out. I copied everything he put on his blog (and printed it out so I have a hard copy) including the statement about me getting fired from Ccon because a “concerned citizen” called my boss about seeing me at the Husky doing crack in the truck. For one thing, how does he know? So I text messaged a friend saying I had proof that JC was the one to call Ccon. I waited an hour or so and went back into his blog and the offending statement has been removed. kinda makes you go hmmmm.
I am still pursuing charges against him because his blog is full of lies and I am sick of these assholes abusing women and then intimidating them to shut up about it and remain his loyal supporter. They are so delusional!!!!
He keeps saying he is DONE with me, well I want him to keep his word for once in his life. Go!! be happy with M, he is dead to me, an unfortunate part of my past and I have recouped and moved on. I strongly recommend he does the same, he is only making things worse for himself. Another dangerous thing about narcissist’s is that they get so focused on revenge that they don’t realize they are cutting off their own nose to spite their face.
His closing comments had me confused for a while but while in the shower just now a light went on, here is the comment:
…”.I can go back to the awesome life I am starting with MP, and drive another stake into the heart of that vile demon from Chilliwack that keeps trying to cause us harm. SHe has her blog, and her minions, and they feed off one another. I have MP….and yes….we eat each other once and a while too. She is delicious….but thats another story”
I am not living in Chilliwack and he must know that. For one thing, he mentioned that I was asking for donations, he knows I was working for Ccon and they are in Abbotsford AND the only way he could know about the donations is if he checked out my FB or blog, either way he would also know where I am living. So why would he say Chilliwack? He is setting up his defense, he is trying to make it look like he couldn’t possibly have anything to do with me getting kicked out because he doesn’t even know where I live.
I have had over 300,000 views of my blog and over 550 followers, I have testimonials from people that I have helped, my blog is informative and I am educated and well spoken on the topic I cover. Whereas his blog is new, he has no followers and the only friends he has are ones he has made with M so anyone going to his blog is either going to know me and know he is lying or they will go to my blog to see for themselves what I am saying. I am sure any intelligent normal person who read his blog would want to read my blog for themselves which would drive up my viewer stats and reveal the truth, that he is the vindictive ex.
So far everything he has done to destroy me has actually worked in my favor and I can’t help but think God has his hands in things now and will protect me.
the course of events so far.
I got the job at Ccon but was struggling with my health and not happy in the job.
I was able to get into my dream cabin because I had the job at Ccon, the owners of the cabin knew JC and didn’t like him from things he did in the past and knew me to be an honest hard working individual with neighbors in there who knew me and supported me.
He called CCon and I got let go.
I discovered I had money sitting in the bank and was a able to complete the deal even though I had lost my job and had a heart attack.
Had I been self employed I might not have gotten in the cabin and I most definitely would have been hooped for income if I had been self employed. I didn’t have enough hours to get unemployment insurance but I did have enough hours for disability benefits.
My benefits have been delayed because Ccon screwed around about my truck and I didn’t apply right away and then there has been delays just because I am dealing with the government but now I am getting a large sum of money because they will be paying me retroactive. With the lump sum I am able to get the brakes on my car fixed, pay my mortgage up to date, pay all my bills up to date and still have a retaining fee for a lawyer. Funny how these things work out.
This morning I got a text message from the owners of the cabin saying they have been notified by the strata counsel that there has been an anonymous complaint made against me because I have been keeping the neighbors awake at night fighting with my new boyfriend. Which is hilarious considering I am alone at home every night and no one has even seen a man enter or leave my house for months. But immediately strata would be concerned because the police had to be called numerous times when JC and I lived here and he would know that would be the one issue that could get me kicked out of here. The people that own and are carrying the mortgage on the cabin are intelligent, logical and compassionate people who know JC and are behind me 110% and when we got off the phone today they were immediately calling strata and clearing things up and advised me to inform the strata counsel in writing what is going on, which I am going to do today, right before I go to the police station to file a complaint against JC.
I have tried to give him a break, I have not talked to his family about him, not contacted him, or his girlfriend or his numerous employers. If he has drama in his life it is due to his own doing and I am not his door mat any more.
I can’t expect the women in here to be strong if I am going to cave in to the narcissist the minute he tries to intimidate me. Enough is enough, 2 1/2 years is long enough for him to move on and this blog is one of the things that protects me from any physical attack from him because he would be the first suspect.
At first when I read his blog I felt defeated, I felt like giving up, I thought, “Why bother trying to have a good life, he will never allow it and will make my life hell forever more.” he was controlling me again and he doesn’t control me any more, I have to remind myself I am not helpless any more, I do have the support of my family again and people do support me and respect me for being me. Sure people were hesitant when I moved back to Everglades but I have just been myself and let them see me for the person I am. JC used to always go in gang busters doing everything he could to win people over but after 3-6 months people always figured him out to be a pathological liar and scam artist. After 6 months people have grown to like me on my own merits and because I am a good person and people can see that.
You see a narcissist doesn’t understand that because they are just an act, they don’t understand people liking you just because you are a genuinely nice person.
Wish me luck and say a prayer, God is good and will protect me but a little extra praying never hurt.