Below is an actual message left on my computer by JC in 2008.
A little background info on what led to him writing me this letter:
He had gone to Africa and come back; supposedly with Malaria. I had discovered he had gotten engaged to a young woman in Uganda while he was there and was continuing to keep in contact with her, promising to marry her and bring her to Canada. I had told him it was over but in true JC fashion he was always in my driveway when I got home. I never let him stay in my place if I was going out and he wasn’t allowed to bring anything into my place. I knew he would somehow weasel his way back in and I was determined this time.
He was broke so I was paying him to work for me and I got a job taking down a big metal framework and asked him to come with me to help. He was very knowledgeable and when we worked together we really “clicked” it was some of our best times. We had a good day and were finishing up when he went out to the truck. I went out and he told me that a guy he used to know just gave him a trailer and pointed to an empty lot behind him. There were two trailers there, a utility trailer with garbage in it and a really nice car hauler. I asked which trailer and he said the one with the garbage in it, that made sense to me because who would give away a perfectly good car hauler? I had a trailer hitch on my truck and asked if he wanted to take it with us when we left. He said no he would come back the next day; Sunday, to get it.
On Sunday my mom and I went looking at mobile homes for me to buy and I forgot my cell phone. When I got home one of my flower pots was broken in the driveway, I went inside and my answering machine was flashing and my cell phone had messages, I checked messages and both my land line and cell phone were flooded with angry messages that got more volatile with each message. Apparently, the guy calling had a shop across the street from the trailers, he had my business card and did a reverse search on my phone number and got my address and that was who broke my flower pot. My landlady lived on the same property and he had gone to her house first and as soon as I got home she was at my door screaming about these guys looking for me and JC and they had said he had stolen their trailer. I didn’t know what to say and said it must a big misunderstanding.
The final message said something about blood flowing if he didn’t get his trailer back immediately. I called JC and asked him what the hell was going on. I told him about the messages and to take the trailer back NOW! then I called the guy, apologized and said I had talked to JC and he was going to return the trailer immediately and gave him JC’s number.
The guy was obviously drunk and angry but seemed appeased, hours went by and JC never showed up with the trailer. Every 1/2 hour, at first and then every few minutes the guy called me getting angrier and angrier with every call. I tried calling JC and he had stopped answering his phone. Finally the guy said him and his buddies were coming over to wait for JC. I told him they could be waiting a long time because he didn’t live with me but they didn’t believe me. I called the guy I knew was with JC and told him what was happening and asked to speak to JC. I told JC the guys were on their way to my place and I was scared. He got angry and said he had to put lights on the trailer and I said, “If you would have returned it when I first called you wouldn’t need lights!” (the first call I made at around 6pm and it was now after 10 pm. I had to put Kato in the truck and drive around in order to avoid being held captive by these guys. Eventually JC showed up at the guys yard and they took a baseball bat to his truck and broke all his lights and windows in his truck and gave him a few good hits I guess. When he finally showed up at my place I lost it on him. This is the letter I got two days later.
I am still pretty shaken by the other day, I don’t know if you could ever appreciate the events as they unfolded, from my perspective. I think not. Regardless, my main source of consternation, and lingering bad taste, is that you were the one who was their contact, and you were the one who they were going to lean on, to get to me. I don’t like that, it really bothers me, and the only way I can see to change that, is to not be associated with you. Even that will take a long time to have any effect, some people just always associate people together, or think you are lying if you say you haven’t seen the one they are looking for.
I am really, horribly sorry about it all. ALL of it. The Bridget thing, the trailer, Theresa,(Theresa was my landlady, who kicked me out because of the incident) the not being physical with you, ( he had been staying up all night on the internet and withholding sex to punish me) (and I wanted to be, every single day, but I kind of knew, ultimately, that it would come to this.)
And I guess, deep down, I know I have changed. I kept waiting to see how I really felt. I feel a lot of love for you, I want to screw your brains out 3 times a day, I am protective of you, I feel bad for you when you are worried or hurt. I DO love you! A lot!
I am comfortable with you, and we have a lot in common. We get along better than most people do, considering the circumstances, and we know each other pretty well.
But there is nothing but opposition from your family, all of them, and nothing I have done has changed that. And when I left for sudan, I was under no illusions as to the state of affairs here, regardless of my feelings. It was in word, and letters, months before I left. My grieving, and hurting had been going on for a long time before that!. In fact, it all took place when I was still alone at the shack. You think it was such a bad deal for you…then that just shows how narrow minded and self centered you are. I haven’t been welcome, or really loved, since that time. ( he had told me it was over when we were at the “shack”, but he wouldn’t kick me out on the street so I could stay but he treated me like crap. One evening I went to him in tears and said, “This time if you end it I am not coming back” He shrugged. I went on, “What if, like last time, after I am gone you realize you made a mistake?” He had said, “I guess I’ll have to live with it like all the other mistakes I’ve made”. So when my brother said I could come and stay with him and his buddy I took him up on the offer. Then JC was saying I left him broke and all alone and how heartless I was.but he flooded me with love letters and overwhelmed me with guilt trips, my brother was heavy into drugs at the time and I thought JC was the lesser of the two evils and went back. and of course in short order JC was being abusive again and telling me to get out again. He loaded a camper I had onto my truck with a bobcat and drove over all my stuff with the bobcat. I eventually got a good income tax return and was able to move into a basement suite. and yes, you guessed it, he ended up moving in there with me. Then I was told that I could stay but he had to go but he wouldn’t leave so I moved to the place I was when he went to Sudan and when he took the trailer. I had moved out and 3 weeks later he was still in my old basement suite and they had to get a bunch of guys together and move him out. Same thing that happened at the cabin at Hatzic)
Yeah, I have a lot of problems, and I have made lots of mistakes. I realize that I should keep people at arms length, because not too many folks understand me, and they get pissed off when they misread my motives, or disagree with my actions. (which are not always the greatest) Maybe its me, them, or the environment. Maybe its something in the water…but I have never had such a hard run as I have since I came here. Maybe it’s partly my family. Maybe it is being with you. Maybe its doing scrap, and all the people that introduces us to.
Whatever. I can understand where you are at. I am sorry for all the trouble I caused. I REALLY owe you for saving me when I was sick, all the times. Thanks for losing days work cause you are sitting in waiting rooms with me. I apologize for all the hollering and screaming, over stuff I am responsible for. I really do love you, and I really do care. I guess I could accept everything you have said, but there is no way I have been able to grasp the fact that you weren’t going to be in my life. That is the one thing I will always have trouble with. My mind refuses to even hear it, let alone think, or believe it. I haven’t a clue how I will deal with that.
Notice how he mentions how self absorbed I am and I couldn’t relate to how horrible things were for him!! He has to blame everyone but take blame for his behavior, poor misunderstood JC :(. the generic apologies, and at the end the poor tortured soul, doesn’t know how he will deal with me not being in his life. And I stayed strong for a long time, I wasn’t no contact though, but I didn’t live with him again or let him even stay the night and that is when he went to Red Deer to work and we were no contact until he came back saying he had been given 6 months to live.
Nadine, do you see any resemblance here?