I have a confession to make! I stayed up until 3 am going through old emails and journals, building my “defense”, against each of JC’s accusations. I slept like crap, my eyes are burning today and I hate feeling like this.
I don’t have to feel like this!
Something happens when you are stripped of all dignity, self respect, joy, hope and material possessions, you have to make a choice to wither up and die or find the strength to survive.
When the person you loved more than anything is responsible for your despair it is almost more than you can bare. I literally screamed at God,”What the fuck do you want?” my faith shattered at my feet. There is no describing that kind of pain, but those who have been there know what I mean.
When going through my old emails I realized I have sent no less than 6 emails since Feb 2011 begging JC to just leave me alone. I answered to the same set of fabrications in fall of 2012 and it did no good obviously. Throughout our relationship I tried to get him to see the facts but he’d just rewrite history to make himself look like the victim. To address his accusations again is a waste of my time and to put any more thought into why he won’t just go away is futile.
To allow him to bring his black cloud into my life again is craziness.
He credits M for his new life. Then he should be so flipping thankful he has her and leave me alone. I don’t credit anyone but God and me, I am proud to say, no one “fixed” me; I put myself back together, there was no one there to help me I had to do it all alone ( that is why I started this blog). In his blog he tries to bring my brother and son into his quagmire but they also have put themselves back together and we are all living good lives. He can’t pull us down any more. None of us care what he has to say. It is all so yesterday.
Him bragging about M and him eating each other and she is delicious I suppose was meant to make me jealous but it just made him look like a jealous school boy.
In his post right above it he makes himself out to be the victim of her wrath during their move and he is the epitome of patience. I feel sorry for her, but I did try to warn her. In her defense we all know how convincing the N can be, crying about his horrible psycho ex that made his life hell and she is so rational, calm, the love of his life.
JC is part of my past, he is trying to be part of my present and I will not let him taint the peace and serenity I have found.
So far anything he has done in an attempt to destroy me has worked out in my favor.
I did not go through all I have to have him pull me back into his toxic world of deceit and control.
So I am climbing in the shower now, going to clean my little cabin, take my puppies for a walk along the lake, go to my doctor appointment and then I am going for dinner on my brother’s yacht with him and my nephew to watch the sun set.
Aaahhh life is good! Thank you God.
No one can take my peace away its God given.
Hugs to you all and welcome to all the new followers. There is life after the N and we are here for you because we all know what you are going through.
Have a great day!!