The vet phoned me yesterday morning and said I could pick up some sedation meds to give Laila before I brought her in for her appointment. I was planning to go down and pay in advance any way so I picked up the meds at that time.
Ever since the fight she had become frantic; I didn’t dare take her out for a pee, she was sniffing the whole house looking for the dog she attacked. I am sure she could smell the blood. Kato was his old relaxed self but Laila jumped out of bed several times in the night barking. She would check the doors and come back to bed but she was restless. Maybe all these months of having the dogs next door barking at her and not being able to get to them finally got to her. I was sure I had to put her down. If that would have been a child or a little old lady walking a dog it could have been deadly and accidents happen. Both her and Kato have broken their choker chains at one time or another.
I was kidding myself thinking I could break her of her aggression. I had with Kato but he had been sick as a puppy and I only had him so was able to control him and eventually we could walk past another dog without incident. He digressed when we got Roxy and then Laila because I am sure he felt he had to protect the females. Then I had two dogs pulling on the leash; it was a disaster waiting to happen, but I was so attached to her by then and selfishly I kept her.
Maybe if I had found her a different home with the right person she might have been trainable I don’t know, even the Dog Whisperer says some dogs are too mean to even get out of a kennel.
She was such a love with people though, as if she compensated for her aggression to other dogs with her immense capability to love people.
She was a fighter from the day she was born and she died a fighter.
She was the only one of 9 puppies to survive, it was horrible, these little puppies dying one after the other but she was strong. Then the mom didn’t want to feed her so I bottle fed her, tears streaming down my face so afraid she would die like the others.
Her short life was not easy, we lived in cramped shitty quarters, she was stuck in the truck all day and then since moving here it has been so hard to walk her, impossible to throw a ball and I often thought I should find her a home with someone who could provide her with a better life. But I was selfish, I loved her so much and she loved me.
Where ever I went she was right by my side, if I went to the bathroom she followed, if I had a bath she sat beside the tub (until I bathed her a few weeks ago and then she refused to come in the bathroom and sat outside the door). Every time I came home she would come bounding down the back stairs into the kennel, see it was me and I’d hear her nails clawing at the floor as she spun out trying to beat Kato to the door.
I would open the door and her whole body would wag. I ‘d sit down on a stool and we would say, “Hello, I missed you so much!! Where have you been?”
At night she sat right beside me on the couch, pressing her little body tight against me, often putting her head on my lap. Kato would go to bed but she would stay beside me and go to bed when I did. Then we had our bedtime ritual where she would pull at the covers, jump all over me and then she would rub her head back and forth on the pillow. I called it her Steve Wonder impersonation. Next she would bath herself and when her bath was done she would press up against my stomach and go to sleep. I would stroke her head and say “seepy seep time; Laila go seepy seeps”.
When JC and I split I couldn’t sleep in bed and always just slept on the couch but when Laila came along I enjoyed going to bed; last night I didn’t sleep very well.
The events of the day kept replaying in my mind and the bed was so empty, no little body pressed against mine.
They had said to give her one sedation pill about an hour before and if she needed the other one give it to her after 1/2 an hour. I gave her the one and she fell asleep beside me on the couch, but when I got her leash she perked right up and got so excited because she was going out. (break my heart; if she only knew what was waiting for her, I felt like such traitor) Kato wanted to come and I told him, “You really don’t want to come buddy”.
I gave her the other pill and drove to the vet; she wasn’t the least bit sleepy. They had a room ready for us and made sure there were no dogs in the waiting room and we scooted right into the room. She was wild sniffing every inch of the room. They took her and gave her a shot and brought her back saying it should take 5-10 minutes before she got really groggy, that was at 3:30. She continued sniffing and checking out the room, stopping to listen when there was a noise or claw at the door if she heard a dog. Every time the nurse or doctor came in she greeted them. They gave her another shot and finally her legs started to weaken but she would not lay with me. I had her blanket on the floor and laid down, she laid with me for awhile, almost dozed off and then got up again. She was leaning against the wall to keep herself upright and still sniffing.
They gave her another shot while I held her, she still struggled to walk. My God it was 4:30 and she was still fighting sedation. They took her and gave her another shot. This time she laid on my lap and she was shivering so U wrapped her blanket around us and held her. She dozed off and I kept thinking I should just run out the door with her.
The doctor came and got her at 4:45 to put the IV in and when they brought her back and put her on the table she struggled to get up. I wrapped my body around her and rubbed her head and told her to go seepy seep, I told her over and over she was a good girl and that I loved her and the doctor put the drugs in the IV. He was so kind and gentle and he said that he had given her enough to bring a horse down; she just didn’t want to give up control. He said she would have been the Alpha dog out in the wild. Such a strong will to survive.
But it was only seconds once the drugs in the IV got to her blood stream. I kept saying “you’re a good girl Lailai just go seepy seeps”.
The doctor checked her heart and she was gone. Her little wrinkly face looked so peaceful, just the way she looked when she slept beside me on the couch.
I gave her one last kiss and said “I am so sorry Lailai” Her head was wet from my tears, she was wrapped in her blanket. And I left.
I got home and there was no Laila at the back door, no nails scratching on the floor. U opened the door and Kato was there to greet me. I closed the door behind me and Kato looked at the door and then me. I said,” She isn’t coming back buddy”. He looked at the door, sniffed at the door jam and looked at me again.
I gave him hugs hello and he looked into my eyes, his big brown eyes asking “where is she?”
I told him she isn’t coming back buddy. He laid on his bed and I heard a whimper; then he went out the back and looked in the yard, when he realized she wasn’t out there he sat down and cried.
Its 1:30 pm and he hadn’t gotten out of bed yet except to go pee and I have been up since 6 and I’m still not dressed.
I thank God I didn’t have to put Kato down too, I don’t know how I would deal with that.
Dear God, take care of my baby Laila til I get there please.
Re(Creations) by Carrie Reimer 778-344-4974