My Handsome Man


I haven’t given an update on the dog situation lately.
This is a pic I took of my buddy today, we walked a block or two and he was already out of breath and pulled me over to the shade and laid down. Poor old guy, the mind is willing but his body just can’t do it any more.

I take him down to the lake almost every night. I purpose a long rope on him and let his sniff, piss and hunt for frogs for 1/2 hour or so; he loves that.

A few nights ago the guy who owns the dogs that my dogs attacked came and sat beside me on the grass. Kato looked at him briefly and kept doing his thing. The guy said,”He doesn’t seem too concerned I am here”.
Then the neighbors dogs, all 3 of them came running out of the house and started barking at the fence. Kato looked their way but I said, “Don’t even think about it”.
My heart was racing and I was praying he won’t go running up to the fence ready to kill. But he didn’t let me down; when I said not to think about it he went back to digging in the mud.

The owner of the dogs asked what I was going to do with Kato and I told him I’d been told I had two weeks to find him another home but I couldn’t let him think I’d deserted him so I was going to put him down.

He said he didn’t think Kato would have attacked if not for Laila and I agreed. Kato was his sweet polite self the whole time and when the guy was leaving he said that if the board asked him if he thought Kato should have to leave he would tell them that he didn’t think Kato was a threat and to give him another chance.

So, a few people had already written letters vouching Kato isn’t vicious and I am going to write a letter pleading for a second chance. I hope it works. Say a prayer.

Kato isn’t long for this world but I would like him to go when he is ready. It will be hard enough but to put him down now would be so unfair.

He sleeps until mid afternoon and can only walk a few blocks, but I keep him comfy and love him to death.

I still cry every day for Laila, I miss her so much. I miss her snuggled up beside me on the couch, I miss the welcome home I used to get from her but I miss her most at bedtime. 

Every time JC and I split I would sleep on the couch I just hated sleeping alone in bed, mind you he hardly ever came to bed when we were together. But when Laila came along for whatever reason we all slept together in bed, we had quite a night time ritual. I put off going to bed, staying up way later than I used to. Last night I went to bed and I said to no one particular, ” Sleepy seep time”. Then I remembered Laila isn’t with us any more. That’s what I always said to her if she wanted to play in the bed and she’d curl up against my tummy and rub her head against me. I went to bed and couldn’t sleep so after an hour I got back up and ended up staying up until 4 am before I went to bed and got a few hours sleep.

The house is easier to keep clean, walks are more pleasurable but God there’s a big empty space where she used to be; in the house AND in my heart.



There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie


15 thoughts on “My Handsome Man

  1. OMG Carrie, I read your first post when you had to put your baby down….and it broke my heart. My little dog Trixie is one of the only things that has gotten me through the brutal D&D by my Ex Npd. The unconditional love when you look into their eyes…they are truly a gift. It’s funny, Trixie was always sick when he was here and her hair was falling out leaving bald patches on her she is eating everyday and her bald spots have all grown back..she is acting like a puppy again. They feel the stress of the NPD abuse too. Another reason to know these guys are truly evil…put that on your long list…


  2. Carrie, you can def count on me for a prayer on Kato’s behalf. I feel for you on Laila, they really are like our children. Do you think you’ll be getting another pup, or rescue dog anytime soon? I know you probably addressed that, i just can’t remember what your thoughts on it were. Hang in there!


  3. Ok, so I am crying for u and ur pups again. I can’t imagine coming home and my pup not being there . I do pray that kato gets to live out the rest if his years with u… Exactly where he should be. Seeing as the neighbor is on your side, I have a goid feeling. Give kato lots of cuddles and let him know he is loved ( as I am sure u always do). I am thinking of u and kato…..


  4. I’m so sorry Carrie. I’m not a “dog person” per se but I love my cats like you love your dogs so I cannot imagine what you’ve had to go through. I just believe you’ve done the best you could and that’s all you can do. Blessings to you and we all want Kato to have another chance.


    1. T, thank you so much, it has been very hard, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, including leaving JC. Having her and Kato got me through a lot of the toughest times after JC and I split, I don’t think I really realized how much I had relied on her love. I really feel the emptiness.
      Thank you for your kind words.


  5. Oh Carrie…. I’ve been out of town for a week….I’m still trying to catch up. But I wanted to check on you and Kato… Wow, is there really a chance he can stay with you awhile longer?! Please let us know how that’s going. I understand that he is an old fella and his days are numbered. But as you said, it would mean so much if he could stay with you until his time really does come. It just isn’t fair that he would have to be put down for something he would never do. And I know your heart aches for Laila….so much loss. Thinking of you.


    1. Thank you Connie, in a way Laila having to be put down is a blessing for Kato, hard, terribly hard for me in many ways but easier to keep the house clean, easier because I am not stressed every time we go for a walk etc. But for Kato he has my undivided attention. I have bought him a couple of Fuzzy squeaky dog toys. Laila always stole his toys from him and wrecked them. kato has always really loved his toys and takes care of them, he never chews them and is always so happy and excited to get a new one. He packs it around with him and wants me to try to take it away from him, he thinks he is so tricky. He tosses it around squeaking it until I take it away from him, then I throw it and try to get it away from him, we run around the centre wall of the cabin and some times I will stop and hide so he doesn’t know which way I am coming, He will put the toy down and look around the corner to see where I am and then go back and get the toy and go the other way. He thinks he is running so far but he is so stiff he can barely move and I pretend he is so fast I can’t catch him. He runs past me and goes and lays on his bed and that means the game is over. A couple of hours later he will start squeaking it again wanting me to grab it. I laugh so hard. I will find out next week what the park board wants me to do but I don’t have the money either so we will see but I will always be thankful I got to spend some alone time with him before he left me for good.
      I always had a bit of guilt over keeping Laila and making him have to put up with her.
      Thanks for asking Connie. hugs Carrie


      1. I love those images of Kato running around the hallways dodging you and thinking he’s being so stealthy! Makes me smile….well and kind of sad too. You love that boy a lot it is so clear in how you write about him (and Laila too). I hope you can share more of those stories here. I love dogs. They are the antithesis of narcs. Dogs are total empaths…. with souls as big as the sky. I found this quote the other day and it reminds me of you and Kato romping about in your cabin…chasing that damn squeaky toy…lol….

        “The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” ~Samuel Butler


        1. Thank you Connie, what a wonderful quote!! I love it and it is so true!! I slept most of the day yesterday, it was raining and I was just tired. Poor Kato tried everything to get me to play with him and I would but then he would run straight to his bed (home plate, safe if you will) and not let me get the toy. I got sick of that fast and told him so. then he put it down right in front of me. He is no dummy,
          I remember once I threw an old T-towel over laila so she couldn’t see and she was playing with it so I kept throwing it and she would shake it and then bring it back to me. Kato was watching the whole time. Then I through it and it landed on a chair and she couldn’t find it. Kato got up and stood by the chair looking at it, I thought he was going to steal it but he went and sat down again. She still didn’t see it so he got up again and pulled the T-towel out between the arm and the seat of the chair and left it. I was amazed, he obviously was helping her find it. What a sweet soul he has. She did find it then. It was such a “daddy” thing to do. and they say dogs don’t have the power reason. HA!! He has amazing reasoning power.


          1. LOLOL!! Carrie I love the way you describe your antics with Kato! It just makes me laugh. I can see the whole scene so clearly. Dogs are just such a gift. Tell us more stories when you get a chance. It’s very refreshing to hear. Give him a big hug from me. I wish I could meet that big teddy bear of a fella. Enjoy your romps with him. He sounds so special.


  6. Hi Carrie,

    Do you have any new Kato adventures to tell? I keep thinking about him and wondering how you are doing. I love dogs. I wish I could meet Kato. Give him a biscuit for me! {{{woof}}}


  7. Connie as a matter of fact, seeing as you asked I happen to have a “Kato story”. I was laying on the couch last night and he was on his bed on the floor as usual. All of a sudden he “jumped” up (as quickly as he is able) and started hunting around on the floor (sometimes when he puts his head down his big nose and extra skin block his vision) he wanted to get under the stool so I moved it and a HUGE spider ran out. OMG! It was coming right for me!! He got it in his mouth and spit it back out it was kinda curled up playing dead and then it moved so he put his paw on it and then ate it!! Gross!! He uses a lot of lip action and his tongue; I imagine it was still moving when he put it in his mouth. *shivers* but he ate it all up. I praised him for 10 minutes and he got lots of doggy treats to wash the spider down.
    He was very proud!! I love it! He sees them long before I do and doesn’t give up until he gets it AND he cleans up all the remains!! Better than any man I’ve ever known.
    Him and I were walking in a field of high grass the other day and there were spider webs every where. He was going deeper into the brush and wouldn’t come when I called then I felt something and looked down to see a HUGE spider hanging from my jacket. I screamed and started flailing around screaming spider!!!! Kato came running and started looking all over for the spider. I probably trampled it during my panic attack but I got Kato to come!! .


    1. LMAO Carrie! You’ve got me laughing so hard with those images of Kato and his big nose and putting his paw on the damn spider! Omg that is hilarious! You need to keep your phone handy and get some of these antics on video! Even as an “elderly” dog, his hunting skills are still sharp. And yeah, those big spiders are hideous…they are the only ones that really freak me out. I’ll kill those but usually leave the rest be. My cat Eleanor likes to toy with them, but never seems to eat them. Damn. But those giant ones…oh they are FAST! If I don’t get them the first try, they’ are long gone which always creeps me out because I’m sure they are lurking and waiting to punish me for trying to kill them. Lol. Where do they come from!? Anyway, Kato sounds like he’s continuing to protect his beloved person and that just warms my heart. What a loyal friend. Keep those stories coming….and if you ever get a video of him please post it!! Thanks for the laugh. Needed a good one today! ((((((HUGS)))))) and [[[[[[[woof]]]]]]


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