The Paradox of Being With A Narcissist

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11 Replies to “The Paradox of Being With A Narcissist”

  1. This is so true! N’s (the onesI know) are extremely judgemental towards others and they are perfect….unless they are currently trying to lure you into their web.

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  2. I don’t get this Carrie… I wanted him to accept me how I am… But I wanted to fix/change him for the better and for his own good… Because he could be soooo much better…. But he CHOOSES to be a fuckhead…

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    1. Nadine, that is what it is saying. The N wants to be accepted for who he is without having to change but he expects you to change and he always finds fault and thinks you should fix yourself. He is perfect and should be accepted just the way he is.

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  3. The thing that bugs me about myself is that I kept trying to get him to see what a hypocrite he was or would always be asking, Don’t you think it’s kinda messed up you expect me to look only down at my shoes when we go out, but you run up to any woman, right in front of me, and greet and assist her! I used to wonder if he would’ve preferred random men in passing would’ve spit on me then greet and have a kind word for me. Of course, I was always the one who caught h3ll because a male passer-by greeted me. Like I controlled everyone & what they did. If I ever fussed over some inappropriate comment from him, he would say i was making a scene. I told him that him & I were NOT that important that the population of the store, restaurant were focusing on us and our conversation. I think he actually thought he was. It just goes on & on with the left field delusions, at least in my experience.

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    1. OMG this is totally my husband. this past weekend we were at my primas (cousins) and he was all about “oh let me help you with that” every time we go to another persons home, he ends up looking like a great guy. that is what they tell me..” oh your husband is such a great man! What a terrible life he has had. He is so lucky to be with you. He tells us he loves you so very much and How lucky he is to have you.” WHAT THE FUCK??? excuse me??? Who is this man they are talking about??
      You know, I asked my husband why he never helps me with the things he likes to offer help for at MY or HIS relatives homes? his answer? “BECAUSE YOU ASKED.”
      Right now he has been in bed for 2 days….won’t talk to me , moaning in his sleep and as soon as he gets up to eat( that is all hea has done today-looks at me with contempt.
      Wish I could just OD on something sometimes…I am dealing with PTSD and other things from my military experiences..he is no help. My family think I am nutz and that I am a liar. They offer him the world and look at me like they feel sorry for me. Everyone in my family talkes so easily with him, and with me…..not a goddamn thing to say to me. Or if they do, it’s not even close to a normal convo..Poor Tasha , they say. Her mommie dropped her off on so many relatives in her life as a child no wonder she is depressed. Seriously? OMG I am about to get a car of my own (he refuses to pay any bills like registering our car he brought from CA) , we almost lost the phones( had to borrow from my mother) and our dog is WAY overdue for shots. I took on a job from Home on ODESK -thank god I have something of my own. He hates it…too BAD!!
      Tasha

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      1. It’s those exact things that just leave me jaw-dropped! For some reason, the answer, ‘because you asked’ makes perfect sense to them! I don’t get where they come from. If you can or able, maybe try and get a therapist to help deal with the PTSD. I don’t know how you feel about that type of thing, just a suggestion. I know, for me, one day sitting on the bed fussing with him, I had this complete moment of clarity, ‘This guy just doesn’t get me’, from that day on something in my heart changed, a door closed, or maybe I realized he wasn’t even my friend. I realized I couldn’t share my intimate thoughts or feelings with him anymore, they were just ammunition for him anyway, and I was on my own. I felt so alone and unsupported. I guess that was the start of the end.

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        1. This site is the only reason I have for making it thru my day.
          I am a veteran of the US Navy. I know I should be getting help for PTSD…I know better.
          HE just takes up space
          HE talks to me like trash
          I just dont understand why he wont leave…
          WHY DONT THEY LEAVE????
          We are staying at my parents home so really we can leave at any time. But the fact is….the car is his, the phones are under his name…so he could show me he wsnt cheating…he hates our dog…he hates me…and is very disrespectful of my parents. BUT they just love him. I just got my award letter for dissability. Im going to get a car and leave this all behind me. If i dont I will die or worse go back to drug use and lose it all. God damnit…why are we all subjected to this crap. Im starting to hate my family…and thats what he wants isnt it? To alienate me from everyone…God help us all…
          Tasha

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          1. Amen to that Tasha, and God will help us all! That was my position, I was stuck due to him due to financial struggles, and being a single mother made me tolerate a lot. My mother was no help at all, but that’s a whole different bag of dysfunction. I, too, found my mind stuck on why, in a karma sense, like what did I do, what did sow that caused me to reap this? Still have no answers, but in time, hopefully I’ll see something gained from all the pain, humiliation, degradation, and just plain cruelty at times. Im not sure how, but I think we’re gonna make it & maybe even be happy some day!

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          2. Tasha, yes they love to strip you of everything even your own family. They are evil. If you can take off and go somewhere else I would say that is your best bet for awhile. Once you are gone his true colours will probably show because you won’t be there to hurt. As soon as he thinks he has your family totally on his side he will let his mask slip and they will hopefully see him for what he is. But none the less you don’t need to have them all ganging up on you.
            Good luck and please keep in touch. We care
            Hugs
            Carrie

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    2. Cheryl I used to do that too. I used to think, “If I could just explain it to him in a way he could understand he would stop hurting me.” and found myself explaining the craziest things; like why him being on dating sites bothered me, why him not coming to bed and staying up all night looking at porn bothered me, not coming home after work until the next day after work. If they are that ignorant at their age there is no amount of explaining that is going to make any difference.

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