The minute you settle for less then you deserve
You will get less than you settled for.
I don’t know where I heard that but it came to me today and it is so true.
Hugs to you all…….never Settle, ever.

There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie

4 thoughts on “Settling

  1. Kathy

    Carrie, Maureen Dowd wrote that.. She has a book “Are Men Nececessary.. When the Sexes Collide”. I have it. The statement is so true..


  2. Bev

    I can’t believe I am back here reading this blog after two years. I left two years ago and got a divorce. We were married 36 years and I thought I could just move on, but the contact at the grandchildren’s birthday parties and holidays has proven to be too much for my heart. I am 60 and it is so hard to move on at my age. I wish I had left when the children were younger and I was younger. I would like companionship, but the men my age want someone young looking with a nice body. I am working on the body. I am within 38 pounds of my goal weight and look so much better. My self-esteem is rocketing, but again I am in the ditch after seeing him again. I actually have considered going back because he did mellow out over the years. But again he showed his true colors and he has latched on to someone else. His washing machine is broke so she is doing his laundry. Sucker. Also supposedly she LOVES sex as much as she does. Whoopee!!! She didn’t put up with his shenanigans for 36 years. I know deep down that I should look the other way and I am struggling hard to do that. Pray for me to have the strength to stay away and let him stay gone. He is my addiction, but hopefully there is someone out there that would be good for me, and I pray that I will recognize an N and not get caught up with another one. Happy New Year to all. Love,


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Bev, grrrr I just typed a huge response to you and hit the wrong button and lost the whole thing!! First, congratulations on losing weight and feeling better about yourself! That is awesome!! have you simply been dieting or have you been exercising also? I find that taking a long walk clears my head, is good exercise AND it gets me out with other people even if only to smile and say hi as we pass on the street. It is a win win win. Anytime you spend time with the n is guaranteed to be a lose lose lose for you. He will make sure of it. He looks forward to any time he can get a dig in and hurt you. We read about it in here all the time, of course he wants you to think he is happy and met a wonderful woman who treats him wonderfully, THEY ALL DO IT!! every single one of them. That is what N’s do, they get off on our pain. Why are you discussing his sex life with him????????? Is that your usual family get together topic of conversation?
      I know many couples who are split and very few, in fact none of them, spend holidays and birthdays together, even if they had a relatively peaceful separation, it causes hurt feelings in normal breakups let alone a break up with an N. I have said it before and I will say it again, NO CONTACT! I would not be healed if I was still seeing my ex, he would have made sure of it. I know you are thinking, but I don’t want to miss the grandkids birthdays etc, you can talk to your children and say you can not handle being in the company of their father, it hurts too much to hear about his new woman etc and you will celebrate with them on a different day or maybe you can alternate birthdays and such with your ex. When you are no longer there for him to feed off of he probably will stop showing up even.
      As for being old and unattractive, for every woman our age there is a man our age. Personally I am not interested in dating yet so I am not looking but I will say this, you are thinking that if you met a nice guy it would be easier to get over your ex. That is backwards thinking, get healthy and happy within yourself first and the men will just appear. You are not going to attract a healthy loving man if you are still pining away for your ex, you will be too needy. And it is almost a guarantee that you will get involved with another N if you start dating now. You will be looking for a man to make you feel attractive and wanted, exactly what an N presents when you first meet him. Get to the point of not needing a man to feel desirable and know you are a catch and any man would be lucky to have you and you will meet a man who agrees with you.
      I am sorry of this sounds harsh but it is the facts. It has been two years and it is time you stopped being the victim and took control of your emotions and your life and stop handing it over to a man who has proved time and time again over the course of 36 years that he doesn’t give a flying F about how you feel and in fact takes great pleasure in your pain.
      I am sorry you are hurting again



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