RIP Little Buddy.


Taken just before we went in to the vets.

I have expounded about my little buddy’s atributes many times. Anyone who has visited my blog for any amount of time knows Kato was my life line at times, my confidant, when I had no one else he was there.

Day and night, living in hell holes, even sleeping in the truck for over a month, in that freezing trailer last year.

Everyday he rode with me while I worked and would know at the end of the day we would go either on a walk or to the river.

But he knew until we dumped the load he had to wait and when we headed towards the river he would look at me with a look that said, “You’re not teasing me are you? We’re going to the RIVER?”

If I said, “Yeah, little buddy, we’re going to the river he would start doing the “river dance”. Once to the left then a couple steps to the right then a 360 circle, 2 steps to the left, two to the right and a 360, two to the left, two to the right and another 360 all the way there.

And then he would run down to the rivers edge and look up and down the RIVER for tug boats. He would chase the white caps created by the tugs, trying to swallow them, the waves crashing over his head. He would run up and down the beach for hours, until he could barely walk back to the truck.

One of the first times I took him to the RIVER I had put a long rope on him, maybe 20 ft long. I was on the phone with the fellow who gave Kato to me , walking along behind Kato. I saw Kato put his two front legs up on a light boom resting on the shore line. Before I could yell “Kato NO!!” He was up and running the full length of the log straight out and slip off the wet log when he reached the end.
I threw my cell phone and went into the river steel toed boots and all. Kato was panicked and trying to get back on the log, the current was going to pack him away. If you know the Fraser River you know he would drown if the current caught him.

I was out to my arm pits and was able to stretch just enough that my finger tips could touch the rope. Two fingers, then 3 and then I had a grip on it and was able to pull him in. Oh my heart! I thought I had lost him. Once I calmed down I realized how stupid I had been to go in with my boots on, I might as well have been wearing cement shoes.

I was never afraid when I had him; I knew he would die protecting me from intruders, mice, rats, spiders, wasps, any dog that got to close and one very shocked real estate agent one day.

He never ever licked a face, he would lick your hand. Because James was a mechanic his hands were always black with grease and Kato would lick them until they were clean; he did a better job than most hand cleaners.

Of course there was his upside down look that he only used when we were driving which meant he wanted loving.

I could go on and on, but I won’t because no matter how much I write or what words I use it will never be an adequate eulogy for my little buddy.

Kato was in a class all his own, I was blessed to have had him in my life and everyone who ever met him fell in love with him. He was an old soul, who would console me when I cried, and took great pleasure in making me laugh.

Anyway, Kato suddenly got very sick last week. He ate supper and almost immediately threw it all up.
And again and again. I gave him a gravol and we both fell asleep. I woke up and I couldn’t believe I had slept through him puking that much.

My whole living room floor was a lake of puke. I don’t do puke well, luckily I was working from home that day because it took me 1/2 the day to clean up the mess. And Kato looked so sorry, I told him it was ok; he couldn’t help it but I knew he was mortified to make a mess.

Kato stayed in bed all day but he didn’t puke anymore and was drinking water so I was hopeful. At supper time I made him mashed potatoes and tuna but he wouldn’t touch it and pushed his dish away with his nose.

I tried giving him one of his favorite doggie treats, I could tell he really wanted to eat it but he would take it in his mouth, roll it around and spit it out again. Finally he walked away from it and went to my bed again.

If I went in there his tail would wag but he had no interest in his squeaky toys or balls. He loved it when I stroked his head but that was the extent of it. That night I curled up beside him and he was shivering so I covered us both with a blanket and we cuddled. Ordinarily he didn’t like a blanket on him but that night he stayed under the covers all night.

Friday I had to work at the office so took him with me because I was worried to leave him home alone.

He was happy to come with me and we took 4 walks that day. He had lots of pees and a couple of poohs, he drank lots of water and seemed to be perking up. I was hopeful he was on the mend and then Saturday morning he got up and didn’t make it to the door before he puked. It looked and smelled like diarrhea and I knew he was in big trouble.

I still hadn’t heard from the park management board about whether I could keep him or not and in the past couple of weeks his rear legs had given out on him several times.

I knew if I kept him alive he would be in pain and the kindest thing to do would be to put him to sleep.

I called my brother and he agreed, he made an appointment for us to go to his vet and told them to charge it to him (I will pay it back later).

The vet had a separate entrance right into an examination room so we didn’t have to see anyone else.

Even walking into the vets someone stopped us to say what a handsome fellow he was.

It was much better than with Laila. The vet came in and asked if I wanted him to have a sedative and I said yes.

He was such a good boy, she took his leash to lead him to another room and he looked back at me with those questioning brown eyes and I said,”its ok little buddy, you’ll be ok. I’ll be here waiting for you.” so he went and I choked back the tears.

He had the IV in his leg when he got back and was a little dopey. They had a blanket there for him ( I had thrown his bed out because he had puked all over it) but he laid on the floor beside me and put his big head against my arm.

The vet asked if I was ready and I nodded. I told Kato I loved him and thanked him and he took a couple of deep breaths and laid his head on my lap and went to sleep while I stroked his head and my tears fell on his face.

The vet said to take all the time I needed so I held him until his body started to get cold. I went to leave but had to go back for one more kiss and hug. But he was getting cold and I didn’t want to feel the life draining from his body so I left him laying on the floor. My little buddy.

I went to my brothers for supper and kept it together pretty good but I had to go home and let it out.

I only slept a couple of hours and got back up. I found myself trying to be quiet so as not to wake Kato and would have to remind myself that him not being here was the reason I couldn’t sleep.

I have done a whole lot of crying ever since.

Also my laptop crashed on Friday so I am doing all my blogging on my phone which hasn’t been working because I wrote this post 2 days ago and just now realized it never posted.

I am getting his ashes back and plan on taking him to the river and waiting for a tug boat to go by and let him chase the waves one last time.

Rest in peace little buddy; thank you for all the love for all those years.



There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie

18 thoughts on “RIP Little Buddy.

  1. Connie

    Carrie, that was an amazing tribute to your best friend and companion. I’m still crying…..

    I was struck by the look on Kato’s face in your pictures. He looks strong, dignified, loyal, brave. But it also looked as if he were thinking “I’m ready for the next stage…this life has been good.. time to go now”… like he knew it was time and he was grateful to you for acknowledging it. He went on his own time… not anyone else’s. What a gift he was.

    I can see the utter grief in your eyes….trying to be cheerful for Kato, but knowing you were taking him on his last ride… so so sad Carrie. I am so sorry for your loss. I will never forget Kato. And he is always with you.



  2. NoNarcToday

    Words can not even express how I feel for you right now. I am still crying. I am soooooo very sorry for your loss. Kato has been like our Mascot. We will never forget him. You are in my thoughts and prayers. As always you did the right thing for Kato. Your tribute to him was absolutely beautiful and touching. He came into your life, when you needed him. Just as you came into our lives. Thinking of you lots my Friend.. NNT xoxoxoxo


  3. safirefalcon

    (((((((Carrie))))))), I am so sorry about your loss and Kato’s sudden illness. I cried as I read. I am still tearing up thinking about his feelings of confusion while sick and the fear you must’ve felt about and for him. Absolutely heart wrenching.

    I loved the eulogy you wrote. It is beautiful and your words keep him alive. I could see him so clearly when I read. “The River Dance.” 🙂 So precious!

    Hugs for your Carrie.
    Please take good care of yourself.
    And RIP Kato.



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