Sunset From My Back Door

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I do believe I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.
Unfortunately, it is looking like I might not be able to stay.

On top of everything else going on in my life, it appears I am not going to be able to keep up with the payments on the house and I will eventually have to move.

It breaks my heart and maybe God will find a way for me to keep it but as it looks now I will have to walk away.

Originally I got the place because I had just gotten the job at Ccon and could afford the payments. Then JC got me fired and the stress of losing my job, then the truck I bought with Ccon’s financing broke down and shortly after I had heart failure. I was still able to close the deal and buy a car but that cleaned out all of my reserves and left me without any kind of safety net.

With my disability benefits ending 3 months earlier than I had anticipated I was unprepared and fell behind on my monthly payments.

My brother has hired me but he was not ready for me to start right away and I haven’t been getting full time hours.

I have reached the point now that I owe $350 for the vet bills for the dog Laila attacked, I owe my brother about $700 for money he lent me for living expenses like food, and the $250 it cost to put Kato down, my cable, hydro and mortgage are behind and I won’t make enough the catch up AND pay my monthly bills. In the new year we have to pay our maintenance fees and taxes in 3 equal payments which comes to approximately $400 a month for 3 months. And my car still needs the brakes done and a wheel bearing. There is no way I can pay all that I, plus my payments are supposed to go up to $900 a month at the end of February.

I simply won’t be able to afford it all so I am trying to deal with the thought of having to move.

I really love it here, it was the answer to my prayers. And I was especially pleased that even though JC tried his damnest to take it away from me by lying to where I worked and the management board where I live; I managed to thwart his attempts.

Ultimately he would think he wins again and managed to destroy something I loved.

I envision him reading this and getting his rocks off because he thinks he is so almighty and powerful. He is thinking; that will teach me for turning him down when he offered to make me a success like him; when the reality is that him living off of a widow does not make him a success.

Like I said this morning; to him its all about image and now that they have moved to a new town where no one knows them maybe he can fool some people into believing he is a success but the truth is;

He redefines “loser”, he has taken being a weasel to a whole new level. (fyi JC if you fail to realize it; that is not an admirable thing). It doesn’t make him a man by any stretch of the imagination.

And it doesn’t ruin me, because even if I have to leave here I will not give him credit for being able to take my peace of mind or happiness ever again.

Even if I lose my little dream cottage, and even though the last few weeks have been very sad for me with losing my little buddy and Laila before him; I would never go back to him or be sorry some other sucker is with him because I think of him as a complete and utter failure and have no respect for him at all. He could keep ruining everything good that comes into my life and I will never respect him or fear him again because he is a spineless weasel.

Just my thoughts on this rainy Friday.

There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie

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5 Replies to “Sunset From My Back Door”

  1. It is beautiful Carrie 😦 Remember, a house is just four wooden walls. HOME is where your heart is. And that can be anywhere. I am so sorry you are going thru all this. It never seems to stop, does it? Perhaps you can move in with your brother ( even temp ) to get some funds put back. You said you were cleaning his house and he was going thru a divorce? Perhaps you can both help each other now? There is no way to know what Gods plan is for us, we must just have faith and follow his lead………… know that HE has your best interest at heart and HE will never forsake you. The hell with JC, who cares what he may or may not think. YOU can at least lay your head down at night and sleep knowing you have always done the best you could with the cards you were dealt.

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    1. Ellie, thank you. Living with my brother isn’t an option as he just has a two bedroom apartment and his son comes often and is in the spare room. It really isn’t that big.

      I will be ok. Its just more change and struggling and I just get tired of it. Once work kicks in I will be in a much better frame of mind. There has been an awful lot of sadness in my life lately; I miss Kato so much!! Through everything with JC I had Kato there. Now the house is so empty, the bed is empty and I just feel very lonely sitting at home.

      It seems everything went south all at once, I bred Kato in order to have a bit of him when he passed and then I had to put Laila down only not even two months before he dies. And I am stuck at home waiting for the job to start and I am painting trying to keep busy but wouldn’t you know my cable got suspended because I couldn’t pay my bill. TV is not important to me ordinarily but a distraction would be nice right now. And then my laptop packed it in so even blogging has been almost impossible.
      I am going to be ok. I am just having a pity party lately.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  2. Well, Ms. Carrie, I think you should set up a Paypal account and see if a few people on this site that you have helped can give you a little help.
    Hugs Morgan

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    1. Morgan, thanks for the suggestion, I think you suggested it once before and now I do have a PayPal account and a donate button at the top of my blog page.
      Wordpress doesn’t allow donate buttons right on the blog page it has to be “hidden” in a post or page so I did up a page and its up at the top with other pages like my awards page, support forum etc

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  3. I’m so sorry to hear of your latest problems! I know you’re between a rock and hard place now. I will say that the philosophy I believe in and practice is to make every effort to keep your home. That way, no matter what, you always have a roof over your head! You have to make a list of priorities about what’s most important to you!

    I think first in line for me is my living expenses – mortgage, utilities, food. After those items, come bills. My thought is to try to pay something on everything if you can to show “good faith” even if the amounts are paltry and seem not worth it. This is what I would do and have done in the past! If I can’t see them in person or call to talk with them, I’d write a note explaining and ask for their forbearance (patience. to bear with you) while you work things out. You’d be surprised to see how often works once people understand! I also give back when I can!

    I learned a long time ago, it’s best to get right in your creditor’s faces, and tell them like it is, that you can’t pay right now as you’d like, but you will pay them at first opportunity and offer what you can while asking them to wait or maybe even consider forgiving the debt. I say show up in person because it shows you are serious and a “force to be reckoned with”.

    As I’ve said before, I don’t know what kind of assistance is available to you in Canada, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to ask/look around and check with local sources first. I find myself these days having to feed several people on my limited income. I hit the local “food pantry” yesterday, and now I have a kitchen full of safe, healthy food. Of course, I also “coupon” heavily, and often get food free or at minimum cost. I’m talking high-quality food too!

    It’s also about this time of year, plenty of people line up at the local utilities & places that can offer utility assistance to apply. Sure, I believe in helping myself and standing on my own two feet whenever possible! But like the old saying “When the times get tough, the tough get going!” and “Tough times don’t last, but tough people too!”. I guess you could say those are my personal mottoes.

    I’m retired now, and I feel the squeeze on my limited budget, but I am resourceful, and I know you are too! Best of luck Carrie! I will be praying and hoping for you that things work out! Hang in there kid! You’ll make it! Big hugs, Linda

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