I have missed this place so much the past few weeks, I have read comments but not having a laptop made it far too frustrating to reply most of the time and posts on my phone were an exercise in futility.
I am very lucky that Colin, the mechanic where I used to work fixed his mother’s old laptop and gave it to me, fingers crossed so far so good.
Nothing much has changed on my end. I am working for my brother but things didn’t come together as quickly as any of us had thought so money has been really tight, I have only made enough to keep myself fed and not to pay any bills. I haven’t been able to sell anything on Etsy because I didn’t have a laptop; you know that vicious circle thing that happens. I have managed to sell some pieces privately which helps.
I have been extremely proud of my boy lately. My brother took on a big project with a very tight budget and deadline and then his workers just weren’t producing and the project was looking like a major fail. My brother arrived at the job site one morning and there were no workers that at all. I called my son in Regina Sask and he talked to his boss and two days later he was on a plane with his best worker to help my brother. My brother was so relieved he sent me a text message saying, “Kris just called and he might be able to come out, Fuck, That would be a God send!” It does my heart good to see my boy so highly thought of and it does my heart good to have my brother trying to help me, me helping him and my son trying to help him. It feels like what a family is supposed to feel and our family hasn’t always been that way.
In my family no one appreciated Kris for the kid he was and I wasn’t accepted for who I was either and some where along the line the playing field leveled out and it feels good.
I still miss my puppies more than I can express, I had a dream two nights ago that I saw them; Kato and Laila playing. Laila jumping all over Kato like she used to and Kato tolerating her but they were jumping off a bridge into a river below. I couldn’t believe my eyes because for one thing Laila was afraid of water and wouldn’t even walk through a puddle and Kato was a chicken by nature and even though he loved water he would have never jumped from anything; but there they were frolicking in the water. Jumping off the bridge landing in the river and then running up the bank to do it again. When they saw me they were so excited and I was crying, I was thinking, “It was some bad dream, they aren’t dead, their right here and we rolled around on the ground Laila was so happy to see me and Kato stood back like he always did waiting for his hugs and all three of us hugged and laughed and then they ran off and jumped off the bridge again. I ran down the bank to see them at the bottom but they were gone. I looked every where, ran back up the bank and they weren’t there. I asked around if anyone knew where they went and then I realized they had never really been there, they weren’t alive. Kato hadn’t been limping and was acting like a puppy and Laila was around other dogs and not fighting and wasn’t afraid of the water. I realized then that they had come back to say good bye and to show me they were happy and I started to cry and woke up crying,.
Then I went back to sleep and dreamed it again only this time JC was in my dream, and I was looking for him and found him with another woman and then I saw my son and just as I walked towards him he disappeared.
I woke up sobbing, it was horrible. I was telling my mom and she said that the other night she dreamed about my dad after 18 years, I guess they are always lurking in our subconscious.
Well I must get ready and head off to work, just wanted to say hello to everyone and wish you all a great “hump day”