December 20th 2013.
I would like to be able to buy you something to commemorate a big birthday like turning 30, but as you know that isn’t possible, but I wanted to let you know what I think of the man you have become.
I tell you often that I am proud of you but I don’t know that there are words to adequately describe how proud I am, it is a heart thing, a feeling that is impossible to put words to. I pray you feel this way about Kaila some day. I know you love her and I am sure you can’t imagine loving her more than you do right now, but there is another level of admiration and love for your child when they grow into an adult that you not only love and are proud of, you respect and genuinely like them as a person.
I think you know how much I have always loved you and how hard I tried to be a good mom, I screwed up at times and I have had to deal with a lot of guilt over it but I had to let it go because it was keeping us from growing forward in the future. If there is anything I have not been accountable for to you I apologize now, The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you but I know I did things that did. I was screwed up with my own baggage, that as hard as I tried to not let it show, did. So when I say I am proud of you, I am not taking credit for the man you have become, It’s just easier to say than: I am amazed in the man you have become in spite of the parents you had.
You didn’t have it easy growing up, especially as a teenager, but somehow you have managed to develop a refreshing, positive and honest approach to life; there are times I am simply in awe of how you handle things. You have become my “go-to” guy when I need an honest, level headed opinion on what I should do. You have such a clear vision of right and wrong and have the rare ability to stay true to your convictions yet not be judgmental of others. You can be hurt or angry over something someone did but are able to forgive and not hold a grudge. Like with xxxxxx just recently, you don’t take shit from him, you defended me to him, you have decided it is best to not work with him full time yet you carry on with him like nothing ever happened. I don’t know if you know how rare that is, how healthy that is.
If more men had your attitude the world would be a much better place, you know how to treat a woman, you are respectful without allowing anyone to walk all over you, you are kind, generous and giving but you always maintain your independence with friendships and by making sure you have your time to do the things you love to do. I guess the best way to describe it is; you are incredibly well rounded, especially for someone who does everything 110%. You keep an open mind; you appreciate all types of music, you appreciate art, fine dining (and actually use utensils in a restaurant and don’t eat with your hands LOL) (private joke), good wine and you know how to dress up and look nice.
No matter what job you have done, you have excelled, everything you have set your mind to you have achieved, and I believe there is nothing out of your reach. Some people have the brains to attain what they want but not the drive or physical talent, or maybe they have a talent but the mental attitude needed to attain their dream eludes them. If you want to do something you research it if you don’t know how and you listen if someone teaches you, I am often surprised at the varied knowledge you have, it’s like you are a sponge absorbing information. You have learned when to walk away from a fight, but never back down from a challenge. You are tough as nails but call me momma and say I love you in front of the guys without concern.
You enjoy life, and keep yourself balanced, all though I have always been concerned about addictions because your dad and I both have had issues with it and you have at an early age, you seem to manage to keep it under control by keeping many diverse activities in your life. You don’t just party, you hike, snowboard, dance, read, play guitar, work, cook, are a guy’s guy, tattooed, 4x4ing, hunting and cursing, yet still a woman’s guy who will clean the house, light candles, do laundry and have dinner ready when she gets home. You make mistakes but take responsibility for them and live up to your obligations as with Kaela. You put family first and have flown out in a heartbeat to be there for your uncle, numerous times, most recently when he needed you for work, for your dad’s family also. You are the most knowledgeable person I know when it comes to the Bible and it is through you my faith grew.
It takes strength of character and confidence to be successful in life, especially for a man, not many men ever figure out how to be successful in all areas of their life. You have far exceeded any other man I know in strength of character and maturity. I don’t know if you realize that, because if you do you don’t let it show. I can’t even think of another man to compare you to; I am sure there are a few men out there with their shit together! I just don’t know them.
Anyway, Kiddo, I just wanted to let you know that I think the world of you and not just because you are my son. I only hope some of the good things came from me and on the rare occasion that you still need your momma I am happy to be here. You have taught me so much about life and loving. I feel truly blessed to have been your mom and have you in my life the past 30 years. Thirty years!! It is unbelievable to me what you and I have been through in 30 years, where did they go?